Sad and Confused Girl Posted March 20, 2000 Share Posted March 20, 2000 Please help... It all happened too quickly...we've only known each other a month...we're in our late 20's...I wasn't looking to fall in love...but it felt so right...He's a complete gentleman and the man of my dreams... He told me that first he loved me (he was afraid to tell me because he didn't want to be hurt), and I told that I loved him, too...then he asked me to be his girlfriend and I accepted...he wanted to spend lots of time with me, and I did... one week ago today, he basically ignored me the whole day...then when I asked if he had already lost interest in me, he said 'no', but that he wanted to 'slow things down', that we 'were going too fast' (we were, but he was doing the steering)...that 'he didn't want a 24/7 relationship right now' (although he would beg me to stay the night)...and the calls have started tapering off...and he's been too busy to see me as much...he's less affectionate...it's like he's holding back...it's like it's ending before it started... I know it's been only a week, but it feels like an eternity...I am now feeling very shy, embarassed, and foolish...and alternately want to crawl back into my shell and to ask him what's going on... Should I just go along and act like I am perfectly happy not to see him as much? Should I ask him what's going on, or leave it like it is... I'm very sad and confused... :-( Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 20, 2000 Share Posted March 20, 2000 It happens all the time. It has happened to me. It is very easy to feel a high when you first meet someone where there is an astounding physical attraction and seemingly lots in common. During this initial period, we do a lot of "mirroring", that is, we tend to behave as we feel the object of your affection wants us to behave. While some relationships that begin very quickly endure, others crumble as a building slapped together shoddily without complying with local codes. When things begin this quickly, they are on thin ice. You go with your feelings because it feels so good. But those feelings are created within yourself. The forces that keep two people together are complex and take time. Your relationship is certainly not over. But you now need to be the challenge for him that you were not initially. He didn't need the challenge at first because he was controlled by chemistry. Play it cool, relax, do things with your friends. Don't return his calls promptly. It will be difficult but wait a day or two. Make yourself scarse. I can tell you from experience, this will drive him absolutely crazy. Great entertainers who stay on top for a lifetime all have one philosophy. "You have to leave them wanting more." You played your whole soul out right away. In starting things off again, you have to put some mystery into it. Always end phone conversations before him. Don't accept every date invitation. Don't be so available. Drive him crazy wanting you. In every encounter, leave him wanting more!!! I know this sounds like a game...but you've got to play if you want this man. If for some reason it doesn't work out, don't be so easy and free with dispensing your love next time. Let the guy work for it. Put a great value on the love you have to give and let the relationship earn it, one day at a time. You sound like a great lady with lots of love to give. If this guy isn't the right person, move on...and when you do meet Mr. Right, it will be a magical experience that lasts a lifetime...and tough luck for the dude who is giving you a rough time now. Link to post Share on other sites
Sad and Confused Girl Posted March 20, 2000 Share Posted March 20, 2000 Tony, Thanks so much for your honest reply. It's really difficult, but I will try to follow your advice. It's the only thing left to do at this point, and, deep down in my heart, I know that you are right. Link to post Share on other sites
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