Suppressed memory

[Staring]

I was wondering if there is any way to recover them on your own( I dont want to pay anyone)

 

I was abused and want to remember so how do you do it?

[Taramere]

Really sorry to hear you were abused.

 

It's understandable that you want to recall what happened as a means to addressing and getting over it. I'm not sure how it would be possible to retrieve an early, foggy memory, bring clarity to it and be absolutely certain that it's a memory of factual events in your life rather than a combination of memories of what happened, influenced by things you've seen, read, heard or dreamed about.

 

Have you ever heard two people comparing memories of the same event, noticed that both of them seem absolutely convinced by the accuracy of their memory - yet they're both saying different things? They'll start to accuse eachother of lying in some cases, but often it really is just down to the human memory being unreliable and open to influence from intervening events and discussions which took place after the event you're attempting to recall.

 

It's a really tricky area. Some psychologists remain convinced that "repressed memory therapy" is a good way to go. I think current thinking is more along the lines of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy - where you focus on the here and now, the more destructive core beliefs people have about themselves and how they can break the patterns of thinking and behaviour that encourage and strengthen those destructive beliefs.

 

Someone else might be familiar with repressed memory therapy - and if anyone's undergone it and found it helpful, they can probably comment far more usefully than I can.

 

Again, I'm sorry that you had this experience in your childhood - and I can understand why you want to clarify and make sense of it. I'd just worry about you exposing yourself to a great deal of trauma. Coming to terms with the past often involves accepting that some things will never be completely clear or make sense to you. If you tried to clarify every memory, you could become embroiled in that task forever I think. And to take a DIY approach to it sounds like a recipe for a lot of unnecessary trauma.

 

Are there any books or articles you've read to help you deal with the feelings you currently have about this?

[KinAZ]

I was wondering if there is any way to recover them on your own( I dont want to pay anyone)

 

I was abused and want to remember so how do you do it?

 

I wouldn't try this outside of therapy. When stuff started coming back to me, and it was difficult, the best way I can describe it as I tried to focus on those areas that my brain was trying to skip over.

 

Beyond that... I know that feeling of wanting to remember, and my first reaction is to tell you that you forgot for a reason. With that said, I wouldn't advise trying to do without professional help.

 

I know what it's like to really really want to know. But consider for a moment the fact that you may not deal with it as well as you think you might.

 

Best wishes.

[Ronni_W]

Staring,

I'm sorry for your past experience. No matter what was going on for your abuser, you did not deserve to be abused.

 

I agree with KinAZ about having the support and safety of a therapist during your recovery. Unexpected facets can emerge, which may trigger debilitating emotional reactions.

 

Graduates of psychotherapy training programs must do internships, and often offer their services free or for low cost. Google "psychotherapy training" in your area, if this route sounds promising.

 

Wishing you the very best.

[KinAZ]

Staring,

I'm sorry for your past experience. No matter what was going on for your abuser, you did not deserve to be abused.

 

I agree with KinAZ about having the support and safety of a therapist during your recovery. Unexpected facets can emerge, which may trigger debilitating emotional reactions.

 

Graduates of psychotherapy training programs must do internships, and often offer their services free or for low cost. Google "psychotherapy training" in your area, if this route sounds promising.

 

Wishing you the very best.

 

It can, and for me it did. Some of it was too much for me to deal with.

 

When a memory has been recovered to me, and over the last few years things have been coming back to me in shifts it would seem... it wasn't the memory of simple facts. I literally felt as I did in the memory of what happened. Meaning, all of those emotions came back, and I do remember wishing I could forget it all, and escape from it. At the time it happened, I was not emotionally able to cope with it, and did not connect all of the dots at that time. I was an adult before I realized that the issues I had then were directly related to something I was trying not to remember or deal with. I remembered inappropriate behavior, and that was all... and did not expect that the details would be so traumatic.

 

That feeling of humiliation, desperation, fear, self-loathing, guilt, hurt, loss, and everything else was probably the most emotional pain I have ever experienced in my adult life. I felt... literally just as I did then, and it just all rushed to me, and I could not rationalize it even though it was "just a memory." Truly, it was much more than that. It's not just "knowing the facts". Those facts triggered, for me, the same emotional response that I had to those very same facts more than a decade ago. Even "family support" for me was not enough support to help me deal with it, as this family support was more a long the lines of... "press charges or put it out of your mind... it's in the past."

 

I could not sleep. And for several nights when I did, I woke myself up because I was shaking so violently. No, not all of the memories were that bad, but some of them were. I had to take some time off to write, and I wrote down everything I could remember.

 

I don't want to scare you out of trying to remember, because as I remembered more and more, I understood myself and my choices more and more. I was able to see how being subjugated, for one, turned me into the person I was then, and how I evolved from all of that into the person I am today. I was able to see where some of my fears, hang-ups, and personality traits came from. It was like a missing piece of a puzzle for me.

 

 

If you're not in therapy already, I suggest you start it now. Once I got to a point where I could not cope, and was highly irritable... very stressed, my mother suggested that I talk to someone. I tried but I could not get it off of my chest because I did not know the women. However, had I been in therapy already, and started to form that relationship, it might have been much easier to discuss, at least in part.

[Staring]

It can, and for me it did. Some of it was too much for me to deal with.

 

When a memory has been recovered to me, and over the last few years things have been coming back to me in shifts it would seem... it wasn't the memory of simple facts. I literally felt as I did in the memory of what happened. Meaning, all of those emotions came back, and I do remember wishing I could forget it all, and escape from it. At the time it happened, I was not emotionally able to cope with it, and did not connect all of the dots at that time. I was an adult before I realized that the issues I had then were directly related to something I was trying not to remember or deal with. I remembered inappropriate behavior, and that was all... and did not expect that the details would be so traumatic.

 

That feeling of humiliation, desperation, fear, self-loathing, guilt, hurt, loss, and everything else was probably the most emotional pain I have ever experienced in my adult life. I felt... literally just as I did then, and it just all rushed to me, and I could not rationalize it even though it was "just a memory." Truly, it was much more than that. It's not just "knowing the facts". Those facts triggered, for me, the same emotional response that I had to those very same facts more than a decade ago. Even "family support" for me was not enough support to help me deal with it, as this family support was more a long the lines of... "press charges or put it out of your mind... it's in the past."

 

I could not sleep. And for several nights when I did, I woke myself up because I was shaking so violently. No, not all of the memories were that bad, but some of them were. I had to take some time off to write, and I wrote down everything I could remember.

 

I don't want to scare you out of trying to remember, because as I remembered more and more, I understood myself and my choices more and more. I was able to see how being subjugated, for one, turned me into the person I was then, and how I evolved from all of that into the person I am today. I was able to see where some of my fears, hang-ups, and personality traits came from. It was like a missing piece of a puzzle for me.

 

 

If you're not in therapy already, I suggest you start it now. Once I got to a point where I could not cope, and was highly irritable... very stressed, my mother suggested that I talk to someone. I tried but I could not get it off of my chest because I did not know the women. However, had I been in therapy already, and started to form that relationship, it might have been much easier to discuss, at least in part.

 

Thanks for the advice