justasking Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 My husband and I had been married for 25 yrs. Last year I found a ticket stub for a high school dance recital in his pants pocket. I confronted him and he said he lied to me about a business dinner and had escorted a single co worker to her daughters school. He thinks that there really wasn't anything wrong with doing so. I disagree. I blame him and her. She shouldn't have asked a married man and he lied. I am crazy to think what they did was wrong, or is this just a friendly situation I should approve of? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justasking Posted July 29, 2008 Author Share Posted July 29, 2008 We are currently in therapy and this is still a sore subject. Link to post Share on other sites
JustinWolf Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I'm thinking the therapy will help. Also, if he just brought the lady to her daughter's school, I don't see anything bad. Unless, he stayed there. You should follow your head on this one. I believe that after 25 years, there has to be some trust in the relationship and maybe he just thought you would be mad about it so he kept it away from you, for that I do believe you have the right to be mad. I'm not so sure about him accompanying the co-worker. Link to post Share on other sites
soda Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I'm not sure that I would call it a date without more information, but I wouldn't accept this kind of behavior from my spouse. A HS recital is hardly romantic, but the fact that he lied about his whereabouts while he was with this woman isn't good. It suggests that he may have been in some stage of an EA with her. At the very least, he behaved inappropriately. To be honest, I don't know enough from the OP to say anything beyond that. Has the the therapy helped? What is H's background with this woman? Has he done anything since then (you said it happened within the past year)? What is your marriage like otherwise? Usually, if someone is cheating, there are other symptoms in the marriage. In my own, the sex slowed to a crawl, communication suffered, and I had a gnawing feeling in my gut that something wasn't right. Does your H seem out of sorts? Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 You're not crazy. The fact he felt the need to cover this up speaks volumes , it brings up huge mistrust and now you don't know what else he's lied about. I would not call it a date but looks like it's either a favor he owed or he is in the start of some sort of EA. Has he even bothered to explain further in therapy on this incident? Since you are trying to salvage the marriage try not to be too cold on the subject this could push him away for what could just be a lack in better judgement decision. Link to post Share on other sites
Amiss Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 He should not have lied about it , if he has nothing to hide. If you don't even know the co-worker that makes it worse. Don't let anyone tell you that you are silly for being upset Link to post Share on other sites
Mary3 Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 I see a red flag here. He should have said he was going to the HS recital with her. He did not. You have to ask and wonder WHY ? He even lied to you and said he had a business dinner. He could be emotionally involved with her which could eventually lead to an affair. Has he ever mentioned her to you ? Does he miss more time at home than he used to ? Does he have a change in behavior with you ? More sex , less sex , anything different ? Link to post Share on other sites
ArousalMan Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 My husband and I had been married for 25 yrs. Last year I found a ticket stub for a high school dance recital in his pants pocket. I confronted him and he said he lied to me about a business dinner and had escorted a single co worker to her daughters school. He thinks that there really wasn't anything wrong with doing so. I disagree. I blame him and her. She shouldn't have asked a married man and he lied. I am crazy to think what they did was wrong, or is this just a friendly situation I should approve of? At least you should do the 'woman in the mirror test' as part of your assessment. Perhaps he 'lied' to you because he felt you would go ballistic over what he considered (rightly or wrongly) to be an innocent event. As a previous poster said, there are clearly 'trust' issues here...but it works both ways. If he felt compelled to hide this event from you, perhaps it's in part because he knows you well. Link to post Share on other sites
whattothink Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Hmm, I definitely agree to talk this out in therapy. My big concern is that he didn't tell you until you found the ticket. I believe that we all have little secrets that we don't share, but knowing this might cause a strain on a marriage would be important for me to tell my spouse. I might ask to meet her, invite her over for dinner, etc. Do you have children the same age? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts