Run for the hills or Overdoing it?

[Eric807080]

Been with the same girl now for about 8 months, previous to her, I was in 3 very long term relationships which were really great experiences.

We've known each other for about 7 years, very close friends, about 3 years ago, we had a very very short relationship during a break in one of my previous relationships.

 

She has been extremely honest with me about everything in her life and previous relationships. She has mentioned to me this is the first time she has experienced love, and never thought she would have a boyfriend who she actually plans to be with her whole life.

 

I know she is very very loyal and faithful, but she has a real hard time communicating her feelings about anything. It's like pulling teeth, and I know she has always been like this. In this whole time we've been together, she has never once mentioned she is attracted to me physically. But yet, gets sooo upset when other girls speak to me or look at me.

 

On the weekend I noticed that she was looking up people on facebook on my computer, and one of them was a guy who she was with for a few weeks when she was traveling last year, who is a guy who pretty much played her and hurt her, who she told me she considered one of her biggest mistakes ever.

 

This to me was quite shocking that she was looking up this person, what for, I'm not sure, but then when I confronted her about it, she said she was sorry and it was a mistake and got quite upset, and she had something else to tell me. Another one of her old "friends with benefits" contacted her and asked to see her.

 

Then she proceeded to tell me she told him that no, she would not see him, as she is the happiest she has ever been in her life, etc etc. I thought this was rather convient, and found it funny she just told me this now, maybe she thought this would make me happy? Anyways, I suggested that since in the past any girls that even attempted to speak to me, I would stop talking to in person/msn/whateevr, that she should consider doing the same thing with this loser. She has yet to do this.

 

I guess you could call it retroactive jelousy, but I think it's more of a moral issue for me, I have a big issue that I recently was able to get over, that the fact she has never had a real stable relationship and only really short ones (a few weeks) and a bunch of one night stands, maybe too many for me, everyone can have some fun, but to a limit. To me, I had a hard time getting over this, I'm not perfect either, but expected her to be a little more hard to get than that and wonder if she knows really what initimatecy is.

 

Another thing is that one of her ex's secretely taped (apparently, I dont know what to believe) them when they were together, and took photos also. She found this to be ok in her books, but then when I suggested the idea of it said no, maybe down the road. So obviously, "secret taped" means she agreed to it and just doesnt want it to sound bad to me.

 

I can honestly say, I have never had anywhere near the work, problems and emotions I have had with this girl, in all the previous relationships i have had. It might be too much for me, i was over everything until these 2 events happened on the weekend, and then it came all crashing back!

Everyone I talk to is telling me to run as far as I can from this, what do you think? I think there is more she isnt telling me...dont know where to go from here....

[1Heart2Many]

Do I even have to give you advise? If so let's keep it simple.

 

Do not settle for the selfishness of others especailly when your feelings are involved.

That's all:).

[Eric807080]

It's cryptic, but thanks!

[nopainnogain]

run for the hills

[stefspets]

I think you are overreacting. You say she's been honest with you, but from your post, it doesn't sound like you trust her.

 

She looked up someone's profile? Like as in, she just looked at it? I don't see the problem with this as long as she didn't contact him. I look at profiles of my ex occasionally, out of curiosity, but I don't talk to him, and we're not even friends on there. If that's all she's done then what's the big deal?

 

She told you that someone contacted her, but she told him she couldn't see him because she is with you, and happy with you. I think she handled this just as she should have, and not only that, she told you about it and was honest. If you trusted her, her story should be enough.

 

Her past is the past and can't be changed. If you can't accept it, why are you with her?

[rproctor]

Remember man, woman perceive relationships different than we do, and you have to relate to your girl in this. She comes from a line of problematic relationships, maybe some her fault, maybe some not. Dudes can be *******s, and mind game women into thinking things that are not true (promised relationships, feelings, etc) just to get into their pants, or in your case, keep them around.

 

What I mean is, your girl is probably scared to give you 100%, because she has seen from previous relationships that those relationships FAIL! She is probably afraid that if she gave you everything, and then you guys split, she would have nothing left. So, she holds on to these past relationships, maybe not sexually, or intimately, but "in case".

 

I can relate to you, because I went through the same thing, probably even worse! Its killer, and you have to set a line, and put your foot down. You cant let her selfish needs ruin the relationship, but you cant attack her at this either, because chances are she is probably sub-consciously doing this.

 

Explain to her, how this makes you feel as though she is disrespecting your relationship, and how it lessens the bond between you two. She does not need to keep her x's around, the old friends with benefits, etc. These people are not her friends, friends dont **** friends.

[torranceshipman]

As far as I can see she's done nothing wrong. Your jealousy about the videos etc she made with her ex are unreasonable (i mean, I understand simple jealousy but she hasnt done anything wrong here-it was before she met you). Secondly, she looked up some guy on Facebook. So what? I just think you are really jealous of that guy for some reason, though there is no reason to be as she isnt with him anymore. If she wants to look up his profile out of interest, its her life, so let her be. If you start demanding she cant do stuff like that, you'd come off as unreasonable and controlling, which is not good-dont try to control wat she does or doesnt do with her life, just because you are insecure. Are you scared she isn't as in to you as you are to her, or something? Things sound fine - dont trash a good thing because you are insecure.