HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Thanks Babes, thats exactly what i meant. maybe we can both learn from each other's situations. didnt mean to make u feel like i was taking over! It did sound similar with you and your ex- except that this was round 2 for you guys, correct? Your ex seemed like he had given you the idea that you guys were on the same page about things- but when it came down to it, it was alot of talk and when action needed to happen he bailed on you. I am 25 and my ex is 26. It is the first split, but the issue of his immaturity had come up once before in January. We decided then to keep things together and work on it- i ended up doing most of the work while he continued to be frustrated with me for not wanting to party as much as when we first met. the bottom line is that i grew up and i wanted to move forward and he didnt. Yet he went to a jeweler to get an engagement ring and told his friends about it! WTF?? how does that just change? A friend of mine saw him at a restaurant on what looked like a double date- but not totally sure. What happened when you found out your ex was out girls and you contacted him? You said you felt worse, but was he rude to you? what does divvy mean? lol Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 what does divvy mean? lol Stupid and not the full ticket! Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 haha thanks Billie. And Babes-- you are def. not that. You're just hurt and doing the natural thing we all want to do- trying to figure out where you stand with him. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Sorry Billie that message was for you- I just confused myself completely!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Thanks Babes, thats exactly what i meant. maybe we can both learn from each other's situations. didnt mean to make u feel like i was taking over! It did sound similar with you and your ex- except that this was round 2 for you guys, correct? Your ex seemed like he had given you the idea that you guys were on the same page about things- but when it came down to it, it was alot of talk and when action needed to happen he bailed on you. I am 25 and my ex is 26. It is the first split, but the issue of his immaturity had come up once before in January. We decided then to keep things together and work on it- i ended up doing most of the work while he continued to be frustrated with me for not wanting to party as much as when we first met. the bottom line is that i grew up and i wanted to move forward and he didnt. Yet he went to a jeweler to get an engagement ring and told his friends about it! WTF?? how does that just change? A friend of mine saw him at a restaurant on what looked like a double date- but not totally sure. What happened when you found out your ex was out girls and you contacted him? You said you felt worse, but was he rude to you? what does divvy mean? lol We were together for almost two years and yeah that's exactly what he was, all talk and no action. When i contacted him about the girls he denied it plus said he didn't have to explain to me anyway. That to me just shows what kind of person he is. I hate him for letting me down once again, stringing me along and most of all hurting me like he as done. I know that the split is for the best, he isn't the person i thought he was. This is just the difficult part for me getting over it but i'm sure i'll be fine in the end, if i'm not then it isn't the end is it, i need to think of number one now, me and not him, he's gone. Billie don't be too hard on yourself, just see it as a blip, you've done really well as yet, just move on from it and look forward once again. Come on girls, lets stop being so hard on ourselves, lets just put this down as an experience, ride it out and emerge as a stronger person, we can do this and hopefully in a couple of months time when the pain as lessened start looking back and realising that those people who hurt us wasn't good enough for us. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Ya know Babes- its true what someone else said in another thread. That sometimes its easier to look at someone else's situation and say "wow, they are sooo better off without that jerk." but we always find it hard to apply that to ourselves. and maybe we just need to pretend our own situations were someone else's. and then it will sink in. Because i know that you are probably better off without someone who strings you along and doesn't treat you the way you deserve. You should have someone who loves you and someone you deserve because ur a great person (as far as ive read!). And if i go back up to your original post, he obviously wasn't that. You seem like you've got some serious confidence that you're gonna get through this. Good for you! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Thank you hun . I agree with all that you've said above, these things happen for a reason, we have two choices in all of this, we can either 1) Curl up in a ball, ask never-ending questions and keep on waiting around for someone who simply, lets face it doesn't want to be in a relationship with us, otherwise they'd be here now, or 2) We overcome this, we do our best to move on and to help ourselves, we see the relationship for what it really was, yes of course we're still going to feel, hurt, upset etc but that's unavoidable and is all in the process of moving on. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Those jerk comments just don't apply to me. In my heart I know my ex is not a jerk. He was one of the kindest people I knew. And he treated me like a queen. That man absolutely loved me, was besotted with me - I can truly say I was loved. I don't like his behaviour since we've split and I don't recognise him anymore. I don't want to be around him, I don't even want to hear his voice. But I do remember the man he was and how I was his world. Irrespective of everything that's happened it's hard to let go of that adoration he had for me. Feeling a bit melancholy today. He will be moving out for good today. The flat will stand empty for the next couple of weeks and I will go in and get my stuff. I remember when we moved in to that flat 3 years ago and we just hugged in the living room because it was the first flat either of us had ever bought - we were out of the renting game and on the property ladder. It really is over. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Billie- I was reading your old posts and you said he wasn't happy- any reason given? Babes- i re-read your stuff again (i need some encouragement although today is better than yesterday) and its amazing how similar our ex's are. I feel the same- when you hear about how they're behaving you suddenly go from the denial stage and looking at things hopefully, to the reality of the situation. But again the question arises- if the majority of the relationship was good, but at the end we were all in it on our own, which is the real person? the one you were happy with for so long, or the end person? I'm so confused....how do we bring the focus back on us? BTW- I'm 25, just wondering if we were all similar in age. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Babes- i re-read your stuff again (i need some encouragement although today is better than yesterday) and its amazing how similar our ex's are. I feel the same- when you hear about how they're behaving you suddenly go from the denial stage and looking at things hopefully, to the reality of the situation. But again the question arises- if the majority of the relationship was good, but at the end we were all in it on our own, which is the real person? the one you were happy with for so long, or the end person? I'm so confused....how do we bring the focus back on us? BTW- I'm 25, just wondering if we were all similar in age. Well today i looked at his page yet again, and there's a girl asking how he is, about is job etc, feel crap looking at it and know i need to stop doing that, there's no reason for me to look at it anymore, just making me feel worse isn't it. My ex once said to me that he wanted to settle down but at the same time was too scared to, i think at the end he wanted to just have his freedom and not commit to anyone. I'm 23 and he's 25. I think in my case the end person is the real person, that's when you need them the most, but then again maybe they're doing the right thing by not contacting us etc? Afterall we'd never move on by being in constant contact with them would we?. If he wanted out of the relationship then fine, i'll let him go. I'm not going to fight for anyone who doesn't really want to be with me, i have let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Agreed, Babes. Bottom line is we were the ones who were fighting at the end of the relationship. Why bother fighting for it now that its over? If he wants it, he knows where to find it and what he has to do. sometimes i think its easier for them to just end it rather than TRY. sad, so sad. for them. im glad im not a person like that. Take comfort in knowing you tried. You gave it your best. too bad they will never be able to say the same. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 I'm glad i'm not that person too Hope, we seem similar in character and our situations are freakily similar too, weird isn't it. Least we both know we're not alone in all of this. After my little blip today will be 4 days no contact, how long as yours been now? Do you go out during the day. study? Work? x Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Yay i have access to private messages now . Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Billie- I was reading your old posts and you said he wasn't happy- any reason given? Yes it was sex. I wasn't that interested in it. I was on anti-depressants and that didin't help, but I just stopped fancying him if I'm honest. Plus I was drinking a lot and we had some humdingers when we rowed. I physically attacked him. So I have to take a lot of the blame for why we split - I still believe it was right that we broke up however. I don't believe he is the love of my life - I think that's yet to come - which is pretty exciting! Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 babes, if it were me I couldn't stop myself looking at his facebook to be honest. it's just too tempting. I'm older than you girls and I've been through all this before, and believe me, there will come a time when you simply get BORED of thinking of them. There will come a time when he is not the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing at night. You can bet your life he's looking at your facebook - if I were you I'd wind him up and change your profile to "in a relationship' or 'dating' or something just to get him wondering. I must stress this will not win him back, but you can have a bit of sport with the idiot while you're getting over him. My ex knows what I'm like so he's taken his profile off facebook altogether. he knows I'd be putting all kinds of stuff in there that would hurt him. lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 babes, if it were me I couldn't stop myself looking at his facebook to be honest. it's just too tempting. I'm older than you girls and I've been through all this before, and believe me, there will come a time when you simply get BORED of thinking of them. There will come a time when he is not the first thing you think of in the morning and the last thing at night. You can bet your life he's looking at your facebook - if I were you I'd wind him up and change your profile to "in a relationship' or 'dating' or something just to get him wondering. I must stress this will not win him back, but you can have a bit of sport with the idiot while you're getting over him. My ex knows what I'm like so he's taken his profile off facebook altogether. he knows I'd be putting all kinds of stuff in there that would hurt him. lol Temptation does get the best of me at times, but after he did that with the photo incident i know he's doing it to make me angry, i have a inkling that he thinks i'm going to be calling/texting him for him to take me back, no chance. He can't see my profile as it's private, i don't want him knowing anything about me anymore, he hardly logs on there anyway and i think he only joined the site to please these new friends of his, even his friend from way back said that. I don't want to win him back, i'm exhausted and worn out of all that, if he wanted me then he'd be the one trying to win me back and he's not, he wanted to be free and i've let him go, at least i can say i've left with my dignity and pride intact, that's a little comfort. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 Hi Babes- i havent talked to him since July 12. whats that? like 26 days? and its still a struggle everyday not to just text him and see how he is! i cant quite put my finger on it but something in me (most likely denial) tells me he wil come around- to what extent i dont know. Maybe because all his previous ex's were LDR, maybe cus of what i felt with him, maybe bc on his MYSpace he hasnt changed his status or taken my picture down---me and him kissing no less! He hasnt been on since july 20. and i changed my information, removed his pictures and my firends have left some funny messages "tell me about the new boy!" ha, what boy? Durring the day i work- but im in outside sales so im on my own alot which is hard. i just had lunch with a gf and all i kept saying was, "how can he be satisfied doing what he's doing? how can he not see a good thing staring at him?" i think there getting tired of me. i hope billie's right- i hope i get tired of me too soon! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 You're doing really, really, really well hun you should be proud of yourself . I've just had a little cry, thhinking if he just got into contact with me then that would make everything better , him just saying he misses me or loves me, but he hasn't and won't get in touch because he doesn't miss me, he doesn't love me and he doesn't want me, harsh but true. This is soooooooo hard to deal with and i wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I hope i get bored of myself thinking about him too, i really do hope the hurt fades and everything just disappears and i can be me again. He isn't coming back and that's all there is to it . Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 isnt it a sobering thought? HE ISNT COMING BACK. god it gives me a nauseous feeling just typing it. the sad thing is that im proud i havent called him- but he hasnt called me. or asked about me. or text me. or ANYTHING. i cant believe that. everyday i say i cant believe it. all i want is this glimmer of hope and it hasnt come in a month. im probably focusing on the wrong thing....but it hurts. i mean, sometimes people can change, right? they can realize down the line that they made a mistake and take the steps they need to be the right person......can't they? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 I've done a stupid thing and i've text him, i needed answers, i couldnt move on without that closure, i really couldn't. Know this is gonna pull me back and i'm going to be upset by his answers, i loved him and i needed to do that, he hasn't replied... Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 What did you say???????? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 I asked him why he had been chasing girls so soon after, why he chose these new friends over me after how much we had been through together after the first time, i'm ashamed to say i asked him why he didn't want to be with me.... Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 6, 2008 Share Posted August 6, 2008 You have to tell me what he says...please dont be ashamed! its what i've been wanting to do for weeks. You will know from him now...and you will be able to move on. ITS OKAY!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 Thank you hun, i just want him to give me those answers but i don't think he will, he's too selfish. It's what i need to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 6, 2008 Author Share Posted August 6, 2008 I don't think he ever really loved me at all.... Link to post Share on other sites
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