chacha7 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Hi babes...just decided to see what this post was all about since you had so many replies and I'm so glad I did! Our situations are very similar and your posts and replies have really helped me a lot, although I've only read about 7 pages. My ex bf of 2.5 broke up with me and walked out on me crying a week and a half ago and NC ever since between either of us. I feel that it is him who should make contact first bc he walked out, but I guess that's not going to happen. I'm starting student teaching tommorow so if he doesn't at least call to see how that is going, I think it would be really rude. Anyway, I hope you are doing well with NC. Remain strong, we can keep eachother strong! There are a lot of similarities in our situations. My bf was 25 and I am 23, but I was his first relationship and he was my second. I think he was very immature and couldn't cope with what it took to be in a relationship with anyone. He felt controlled by such things as having to call earlier in the night so I could go to sleep or me asking for him to call when he got home after drinking so I knew he was safe. He also would make all of our problems seem like they were my fault, however I knew that that was not true all along, but especially looking back and analyzing our relationship. Remember, it was him, not you! I really hope that he is not out with girls like your ex, but who knows. I have absolutely know way of knowing that. I feel that if I was in your situation and knew what he was doing with other girls, I would of course be upset, but I would know for sure that he wasn't worth it. He sounds like scum and you are so smart and encouraging to everyone and he doesn't know what he's lost! Good luck with everything! Read my posts too, I think they'll help you as yours have helped mine! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 2, 2008 Author Share Posted September 2, 2008 Hello Chacha, thank you for your reply. Please keep on with the no contact, getting in contact will only set you back and you will feel worse, put the space and distance between the two of you. My ex says he hasn't got anyone else, he isn't like that blah blah blah, but boys will always be boys eh? He's off on a lads holiday today too, but it doesn't effect me, he chose this holiday rather than going away with me so that says it all. Today will be my first proper day of no contact and i'm concentrating on that, it hurts like hell but i know i CAN do this. His loss..... Off to read your posts xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Day 3 of no contact today and i feel lost , he's never coming back is he? He's on holiday and he hasn't tried to contact me, not once, even when he knows i haven't been well he still hasn't. I love him so, so much and this is torture, please someone tell me i'm doing the right thing by going no contact??? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Well i've just re-read this thread and have saw a pattern occuring, i mustn't contact him, i know from past experience that me doing that doesn't solve anything, probably gives him an ego boost as he's said to me in the past that me contacting him showed him that i still cared. It's not as if i want to i just feel really unsettled. I'd written that thread a month ago and nothing had changed within that time from him, even now, he never contacted me ONCE!!! I'm letting go, i'm not going to hold onto any hopes of him contacting me anymore, as he isn't going to and that's the truth. The relationship was dead and it was me alone who was doing the impossible job of saving it. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Babes you're doing the right thing. its so hard. i have caved and text him a few times. and all contact has been made my me. he actually answered a couple of times. my question to you is- do you want him to think you dont care? sometimes times i wonder, is it bad to let him know u still care? Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 Well he might come back. You two may be one of those couples who keep splitting and reuniting ad driving everyone around them nuts! Right now, how are you going to deal without him being in your life? What have you got planned this weekend? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Babes you're doing the right thing. its so hard. i have caved and text him a few times. and all contact has been made my me. he actually answered a couple of times. my question to you is- do you want him to think you dont care? sometimes times i wonder, is it bad to let him know u still care? He knows how i feel about him, but yeah right now i do need to go ahead with the no contact and leave him wondering, the ball was in his court, he's the one that ruined things. Well he might come back. You two may be one of those couples who keep splitting and reuniting ad driving everyone around them nuts! Right now, how are you going to deal without him being in your life? What have you got planned this weekend? I think it's different this time, it was always me that instigated the contact wasn't it? Perhaps he never really cared at all. Don't really know how i'm going to deal without him in my life, i never wanted this to happen, i really didn't, but it as hasn't it . Not got much planned this weekend in all honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 i think you will love this blog Not for me thanks, i'm not looking to "win" him back, if anything it should've been the other way around! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 I have the urge to contact him, ask him why he hasn't contacted to see how i am, if there is infact someone else, just have all these questions whirling around arrrggghhh!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 Well i did the stupid thing and text Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 its hard babes....its ok. it happens to us all. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 He hasn't replied, he's on holiday, maybe he's left his phone at home or perhaps he's ignoring me... Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted September 4, 2008 Share Posted September 4, 2008 I think you've really got to think of your dignity now, Babes. If you're saying that you two only got back together because it was you that made the contact, then what does that say about him? Did he feel sorry for you? Is he weak? When you get the urge to call him, tell yourself you'll call him tomorrow. Try to hold off the deed. Because you have nothing to gain from speaking to him. He wants to be single. Let him go. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 4, 2008 Author Share Posted September 4, 2008 I don't think he's taken his phone on holiday as it just goes straight to voicemail. Billie i don't think he felt sorry for me, he's not weak in the slightest (unlike me ) he's one of these people that once he's made his mind up then he'll stick to it and won't let anything alter that. I don't know why he went back with me, he said he loved me, he missed me lots but maybe it was just for the sex, i honestly don't know what goes on in the head of his. I know i'm embarrassing myself now, he's hardly running after me is he. I was doing quite well, then just felt crappy today and thinking he as someone else, when he already told me a few days back that he didn't. It's as if i'm torturing myself with these thoughts. I know he doesn't want me now, otherwise if it is the case of him not taking his phone on holiday then he would have. Link to post Share on other sites
chacha7 Posted September 6, 2008 Share Posted September 6, 2008 Hi babes... Thanks for your reply. I was doing so good with NC for two weeks, and then I emailed him this morning! I kept my dignity in the email I think and we have emailed eachother back and forth twice. It has given me a bit of closure, but it totally sucks. I think maybe I shouldn't have done it bc I've been crying so much, but I guess it's helpful. It's soooo hard to stay positive and say the things that need to be said, like goodbye. Anyway, don't feel bad about your thoughts and texting him. Just don't let him think you are crazy! Read my posts again today...I wrote a lot bc i am stuck inside from the storm and going nuts!!! I posted our email exchanges as well, bc I told him to read my posts and write so everyone can get both sides of the story. I don't think he will write but he says he has read and of course thinks that I am portraying him in a bad light, even though I am being honest about each of us. I hate the weekends now, do you? We are both going to start NC again today! We can do it! Screw them... we can do so much better, I'm sure of it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 7, 2008 Author Share Posted September 7, 2008 This weekend as been the worse ever, it's dragged sooooo much. At least it's almost over eh? I have that empty feeling inside of me, he gets back off holiday in a couple of days and i just feel, well, scared. Scared if he doesn't respond to that last meaningful message i sent him, scared of his reaction, scared that i'm not wanted by him anymore and scared that he doesn't love me anymore. I've never felt like this about anyone ever before and have that anxious feeling built up inside of me. I think deep down i'm expecting a negative reaction from him. It's Day 2 of no contact for me today and when he's back it'll be Day 5, so i'm thinking if it isn't the response that i'm looking for from him then it'll be best for me not to respond and carry on with my no contact, not much more i can do from that point. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Im sorry Babes....i know how u feel. helpless and anxious....its horrible, but you'll get through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted September 10, 2008 Share Posted September 10, 2008 Hi Babes, what exactly happened in that time you two got back together. i know you said he hadn't changed, but what did you learn from that? and who made the decision to break up again? Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 Babes i think Billie is right. My bf just did the same thing...said he thought we were too different, that he wasnt excited anymore and he wasnt sure what he wanted. so he broke it off after 2 yrs. It hurts alot. but my friend told me this- hes 26 (in my case) and if hes feeling pressured at all to committ long term, hes not going to. its a decision hes gotta make on his own. As hard as it is, let him go, DO NOT CALL HIM (im on day 21 and ready to rip my hair out) and let him do what he's gotta do to be happy for now. If in the end he realizes how much he misses you, he'll be back. and if he never does...well then better things will come your way. and this had to happen so you could get to the better things! Now im not saying its easy....it SUCKS. im even going to talk to a therapist to figure out how to get myself through this (we broke up 2 months ago). But stand your ground. you want what you want, and you wont settle for less. Value yourself enough- make him WANT you. You've gotta know he genuinely wants you and will do what it takes to have you. Hes gotta figure out if hes the man for the job without your help. this is off the chain. I love your advice. you are right..dont chase him. let him make his own decision. let him miss you. in the meantime, get your looks together, your hair and self period, money and all. be a strong woman and a better woman. Dont be no weak person looking a wreck. Keep it moving Link to post Share on other sites
9Lives Posted September 20, 2008 Share Posted September 20, 2008 Don't want it to seem as though i'm coming across as cold, far from it. I still love him, miss him, want to hear from him etc, but if he couldn't give me even the most simple things in a relationship then probably it was all for the best. i have been in your shoes and you are definately doing the right thing. my man was not as bad but very similiar. he dont appreciate you and you are going to be miserable trying to be with someone who does not love you like you want to be loved. it is very hard on you as a woman and will effect other areas of your life. You did yourself a huge favor. he may love you but he doesnt appreciate you. he will miss you cause i am sure you was a good woman to him but i cant say you will get back together cause the truth is it may not be the right thing for you. I love my man but he dont really love me as far as im concern. If i have to be gone foryou to realize it...it just seem a little stupid. but that is what i am doing now. I will not be looking him up. Ideserve a real relationsship and more. Link to post Share on other sites
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