Author babes23 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 Well saw a photo of him the girl and his mates, dunno if she works with them or what. Need to block his profle and not look at it. All this is driving me crazy, so sad . Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 Anyone??? Actually, deep down i know what i need to do. So what if he is dating this girl, in a book i read a few weeks back it says imagine they are dating someone else, Heidi Klum. Deal with it then move on.... That's what i need to do, i've deleted absolutely everything possible of him, only got his number from a old online phone bill but shall try and get that completely removed. He was the person i once loved, now he's that person who i can't stand even looking at. Link to post Share on other sites
beautifullove Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 All I have left to do is shred his pics and I'm pretty much done. The thought of him carrying on with his life as if I never existed hurts. Can a man really just wipe you out of their memory? I'm thinking about changing my number, and deleting his, but I don't see why I should have to inconvenience myself because of him. It's tough, but I've got to find a way to move on. I still love him of course, but for the pain and hurt he's caused me, I don't ever want to see him again. The best he can ever get from me again is a vague memory, when and if I finally resurface in his mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 Is that in reply to me beautifullove or do you mean we're going through similar hence why you're telling your story? It sucks, wouldn't wish this on anyone. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 Someone please help me, i can't stop being sick, i can't eat and i can't sleep. Apparently he was trying to "pull" lots of different girls, he makes me sick. Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 You have to eat. Not eating makes the mind weaker. Get some meal replacement shakes, or force yourself to eat even if it's only a little each time. Staying in the pain is said to be a method we use to keep an ex a part of our lives, albeit a negative one. Realise that the pain will not go away right away. You were strung along, for now, consider yourself a victim, it will help you in the short term. At least now your not wondering, and you really are better off being alone rather than feeling alone when it a really sh**** R. N/C is your only option girl. Don't think about making it weeks and months. Just make it through each sixteen or however many hours your awake each day. It will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Narf Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Sorry your feeling this way.. I broke up with my b/f of 8 years a year ago and went through months of being sick/ not eating much.. But it does end... And once you realise they are dating (In my case a friend of ours) For me it got easier...The fact he is being a hoe should toughen you up! Use the anger to stay away... He is not worth it! You are better then this... There is no going back... Nothing he could say will fix the damage caused... So take one day at a time and try not to worry about what he is doing it only hurts you.. focus on you Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Thank you for your replies sid3 and narf, really means a lot. Felt sick to my stomach when i woke this morning, so hurt it's unbelievable, will definitely try and eat more today, it's not worth getting ill over someone as worthless as him. He's on one of the social websites that i use, i deleted him off my friend list, but checked on that day and he must have typed my name in so i can view his photos where he's on there with a girl etc, how sick and spiteful is that? I have now blocked myself from viewing his page (although it's easy to remove but i won't as that's only hurting myself), and he won't be able to view mine, i want to disappear from his life completely, i don't want him to know anything about me anymore, i want to be gone, forever. Today after the relapse will be day 2 with no contact, i'm determined to keep that going, i don't want him in my life, i don't need the lies, the sleazy-ness, the hurt, i want to banish him completely from it, he doesn't deserve being a part of my little world. I'm going to keep posting on here, a progress diary if you like as it really helps me getting my feelings and thoughts down and hearing people's different perspectives. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Hi babes, so now you know he wanted to play the field. I had to face the fact that my ex was seeing someone, in fact, he was setting it up with her while he and I were trying to make a go of our failing relationship (or so I thought). I still think we were right to break up, but I was incredibly angry and jealous of this new woman. However after a few weeks, she really is irrelevant to me - she is welcome to him. I'm sorry that you're going through so much pain - it hurts I know but don't think you're alone in feeling like this - it is the loneliest feeling in the world I know. The idea of the two of them together cuts like a knife, but you will feel differently in a couple of weeks- honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Thanks Billie. Yep, guessed thats what he wanted, either that or to get another girl into a relationship, then after a year and a half, get rid of her, seems a bit of a pattern for him. It does hurt a lot and as you said it's like a knife cutting through, just can't till that pain as eased. One thing i can take away with me is knowing that i'm a better person than he can ever be. Moving on is the best revenge, and i sooooo believe in that quote. How long have you been split from your ex now Billie? x Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 We split up on Monday, June 2. I was still living there when on Friday June 6 I went through his things and realised he was meeting a woman in a hotel that night. I moved out on Monday 9 June. Since then he has moved all of my stuff out of "our" bedroom, packed my stuff away, and treated me like an unwelcome guest when I went over there to sort things out. He has mucked me around about where our two cats should live, and been very evasive about this woman he's seeing. In fact he announced he was taking her to a family christening this weekend - he announced this two weeks ago. Showing zero respect for our six years together. A stupid thing for him to do really. We both own the flat and are renting it out to some of his relatives. In addition we have a 40k loan together for the next 12 years with the flat as security. The loan was to pay off HIS debts, not mine, I co-signed as part owner of the flat. So he has to deal with the fact that that I will be in his life a while. And while I was prepared to be friends, now I am not. And he knows it. The sadness has gone and now he just irritates me. The truth is, he's not that much of a catch - bald, fat, personal debt and a dicky heart. My next one is going to be a more of a looker with a bit more going for him! Like I said, she really is welcome to him - she's welcome to take on his debts as well because I'll be damned if they're going to remain my problem! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Glad to hear that the sadness as now gone for you and i'm sure you're much stronger. Don't blame you for not wanting to be friends with him, who would want a friend who treats you that way? Same for me. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 4, 2008 Share Posted August 4, 2008 Well my ex was spotted last week at "our" restaurant on what looked like a double date. my friend told me she wasnt pretty and that he didnt seem so into it. i really didnt freak as much as i thought i would. he can go date whoever he wants- he wont find someone as wonderful as myself. and if he does find someone he wants to date long term, then good for her. she can deal with his childish ways. another friend of mine saw him in a random bar the other night. hes never gone there in the 3 yrs ive known him. he was just with a friend of his, but its odd hes doing all these things he wasnt when he was with me. i guess he should, since he'd be pretty bored with out me. 24 days nc....it really, really hurts. i wish i knew if this is "something men go through" or not. for now....it seems pretty permanent to me. that makes me sick to think about. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 4, 2008 Author Share Posted August 4, 2008 Maybe them doing this is there way of dealing with things, wanting to move on perhaps? I'm kinda glad i found out about this, that way i wasn't sitting completely oblivious to what was going on with him, i would have thought he wouldn't have done those things so if anything it's made me more determined with the no contact and to move on. You're doing well, 25 days is an achievement, well done you, keep it going and be strong, we all can do this xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Feeling a bit blah today, one step at a time eh? Isn't it strange knowing that you may never see/speak to that person once again? How things can go from so perfect to so wrong in such a short space of time. I know they say time heals all but i hate these feelings in the meantime, especially when i feel as though it was no fault of my own. He's dating other people, like it didn't mean anything at all to him by being able to move on so soon, how can someone do that? I guess i never really knew him at all. The one thing i have control over is the no contact, he probably doesn't want to hear from me anyway, afterall what is there left to say, absolutely nothing. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 There's no point worrying about why they've moved on so quickly. Truth is, they moved on months ago, before they ended the relationship. You/I are playing catch up. I think it helps to ask yourself what would you have done if it was you who wanted out of the relationship? If it was you who had fallen out of love? It's harsh I know to see those words in print but that is what effectively happened in my/yours relationship. I have a problem with my ex because of the way he behaved after the split, because I too had fallen out of love with him, I just wasn't facing up to it. I guess that's where our stories are different. Each of us however (including our exes) have a duty to follow our own happiness, but it's how we treat the people close to us while pursuing that, which is just as important. Taking your new girlfriend to the restaurant that was your ex-girlfriend's is just so blah. As for you Babes, him trying to extend friendship to you is his way of being the nice guy in all of this. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 In the end he wasn't treating me right, he was pulling away so in the end him being the coward he is didn't voice any concerns, it was me who said i think it was best we finished and he agreed. As you said he pulled away months before, i asked him once why he didn't voice his feelings and is answer was "i don't want to get hurt", guess he's a tougher person than i am. Unsure whether he wanted to be my friend as such, just think he wanted to leave the door open incase he wanted to come back after however long, selfish. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Somehow i feel as though i've lost myself, can't describe it fully but it feels as though a part of me as now gone. Perhaps it's because i put a lot of thinking time into the relationship, i don't know, just empty i guess and disappointed that he's putting it out there, going with girls etc. Of course he's perfectly entitled to, he's single now, just that i wasn't the chosen one i guess . Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Somehow i feel as though i've lost myself, can't describe it fully but it feels as though a part of me as now gone. Perhaps it's because i put a lot of thinking time into the relationship, i don't know, just empty i guess and disappointed that he's putting it out there, going with girls etc. Of course he's perfectly entitled to, he's single now, just that i wasn't the chosen one i guess . What you're feeling is quite normal, of course you feel empty - he was a huge part of your life. There are stages to a break up - and maybe you're coming down off that artificial high that occurs in the early days of the split. Now, it's just you, you don't have him to worry about anymore. That may sound like a relief to some, but it was your normality so you are going to feel lost. That's why it's so important to find things to do to help you along. Focus on you - the best thing to do is something you've never done before. I went to Brussels a month after we split and had a brilliant time. I'm now attempting to tile my bathroom - I've never tiled anything in my life, I'm nervous about the challenge but it takes my mind off him!!!!! Embrace your friends and family - you organise something and invite them along - bbq, theatre, car boot sale (I'm doing one the day after I move the rest of my stuff out of "our" flat). Basically be pro-active and be a good friend to yourself - you're not going to get over this break up quickly so you may as well have some fun times in between the misery! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 I think i am coming down to that next stage, at first I think I was in disbelief, looking at it all in rose tinted specs, then when I found out about how he was behaving with the girls etc then that put everything into perspective for me. God that was hard, don’t think anyone is comfortable with the thought of the ex being with someone else, but at least I know that now, I know how he really felt about me, I don’t need to pretend anymore, I can look at things more rationally and use this to make myself stronger knowing I’m doing the right thing by having no contact and moving forward. I realise I’m going to have good and bad days, I am trying to help myself, going out, spending time with friends etc, but as you said time is the only thing that can make me better as well as helping myself along the way. Thank you for replying Billie, you’re really helping me to see the bigger picture. xx Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 I feel this big empty hole in my chest. Like my heart is fluttering- anxiety obviously. Or is it really breaking? But it won't go away! Its been 2 months and i thought by now I would have gotten a little more past this. I thought him not calling me would have it sink in. I thought hearing hes out without me, possibly with girls would have helped. And i've painted this picture of hope in my head that hes just miserbale at those bars with these girls. I want him to see other people and know that its not better than what he had. the grass isnt always greener. What is the matter with me?? why can't i find my former strong, confident self?? I need some words of encouragement today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 Now don't take this the wrong way HopeDiesLast, but it's my thread and you haven't gave me any advice, support etc, you're just posting about your own problems? I find that a bit rude, perhaps it would be best if you started a thread of your own? For all means you can post on here, lend each other support etc, but it seems you haven't responded at all to what i've been saying... Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Sorry Babes....didnt mean it in that way. I was just trying to relate! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 5, 2008 Author Share Posted August 5, 2008 No worries. I've just read through some of your old posts and our situation is quite similar, how your relationship was with your bf, how the split happened etc. How old are you both? Is this the first split with him?. You said previously that your bf as been out with girls, how did you find this out? As for feeling the way you do at the moment, i'm sure it's all down to anxiety hun, i too can suffer from that at times, we just need to learn to control it. Billie as gave me some fab advice, try reading that too. If you want to carry on posting on here than do so, may be good having a support buddy kind of thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 Well I've just gone and done something stupid. I emailed him and said I'd be over to our flat tonight to pick some small stuff up and would prefer it if he wasn't there. I had no intention of going - I just like the idea of him panicking and letting him know it's still my flat - he really is scared of me for some reason. Anyway his out of office reply is on so I just feel so damn divvy!!!!!! So much for me getting over it, eh? Link to post Share on other sites
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