Your views

[HopeDiesLast]

yes he did. dont say that. he wouldnt have spent that kind of time on you. and didnt you say this was the second try for you guys? He loved you. and he probably still does. The problem lies in the fact that he CANT love you the way you WANT HIM TO. THE WAY HE SHOULD. You should be his number one. You should come before anything else. and he cannot give you that- for whatever reason. and you deserve that. PLEASE dont forget that and dont think he never loved you.

[mscomplex]

Babes12 I am really sorry that you are going through such a rough breakup. Please believe me when I tell you it will get better. THe is expecting you to be upset over losing him. One of my closest guy friends told me it is impossible to be with someone for any length of time and not miss them in some way when they are gone. He also said (and I also read this somewhere) that guys usually busy themselves after a break up so that they will not have time thinking of you. Ladies usually spend time talking with friends and dealing with the break almost from day 1. After some time passes and the guy has time to think, that's when it hits them and they start to miss you. They make contact and you have moved on. The next time you get the urge to text him just say to yourself, how will I feel if he does not reply or what if he says something I do not want to hear. If you get the urge to call him and he does not answer just say: oops! I was trying to call someone else. (and don't do it again ) That helped me. That can also work for the texting as long as the content is generic. No matter what he says about why he does not want you, no answer is good enough. You have lots to offer whether he realizes it or not. I tell myself that everyday and just make sure to keep my self up in case someone see's me or I run into him. I avoid his street totally and when he had stuff left over to my place I took it by when I knew he would not be around by any chance. I was sending him a message that: if you do not want me then so be it, I want no parts of you either. Fortunately, he could not stop with the texts. (he would send one every few days) I told him to stop calling and would not answer when he did. The texts-he continued with. You just keep reading stuff on this site every time you feel down. Like my friend told me, they (men) deal differently but if they have some type of heart, they hurt too. It may not seem like it because of their behavior. Just because they are with someone else doesn't mean they are not thinking of you. Have you ever been out with someone but you were not really into them so your thoughts were else where. On another note: have you ever had a guy who called you alot and you were really not into them and were somewhat annoyed by their calls. When they stopped, didn't you notice and wonder why? Believe me you/we are missed. We are too great not to be. Stay strong and don't beat yourself up about this. Affairs of the heart can be brutal. Believe me I know, I am 41 and never married but I love being in love. You will love again and one day I will have my Prince Charming. I hope this post is of some assistance to you. We MUST encourage one another.

[HopeDiesLast]

mcomplex....it was a help. it really was. the answers i want i cant have. will he realize? will he return? is this something he has to go through? is it something permanent? im terrified.

[mscomplex]

mcomplex....it was a help. it really was. the answers i want i cant have. will he realize? will he return? is this something he has to go through? is it something permanent? im terrified.

Babes23 1st of all sorry for the previous misquote of your user name. Now for HopeDiesLast it is hard but you really cannot think of it in those terms. You kind of just have to gone on as if he will. Once you start to feel good about yourself you will eventually start to say to yourself: who does he think he is. I deserve better. He may realize it and come back, he may realize and never come back and he may realize it and come back and you have moved on. I have had it happen all different ways but never has one not come back. Over my life I have always had a motto that I date in a straight line. I don't go around in a circle. Once I pass you and move on I do not go back. Now I do realize that stubbornness has sometimes worked to my detriment but I have always been that way. I feel that once I give the best of me the first time around and you do not do right by me what can I give you the next time to appreciate me. I know people change but what I usually tell guys when they want to come back and say they have changed is "that's great. The next girl will appreciate you." That is something I have tried to work on over the years but oh well. That's me. It is very hard not to dwell on an ex. We tend to focus on the good things about the person but we have to remember the negative things/things that you broke up over. (if you want to move on) There are no guarantees. I have seen men (and women) sabotage a completely good relationship for whatever reason only to look back sometime later and admit it was a mistake. Sometimes we have to look at the situation and say: it is what it is. If you continue to obsess over the relationship it will consume you and you will develop anxiety at the mere thought. I know I have been there and found myself going there with my most recent breakup. Keep reading the posts on this site. It is a great distraction. Try not to really obsess over your own. Just act as if everyday you may see him or someone who knows him and you want them to go back and say how great you looked and why did he let you get away. I have had many ex's contact me after the friends saw me and how good I looked etc. Think about how powerful it will feel if you are able to stand up for yourself when he returns and you nonchalantly say: no thank you. You left and I am over it. I know easier said than done but just text yourself: one day at a time. Do not listen to love songs, do not look at photo's, read old text messages or emails etc. We all do that but it keeps you stuck. Start by deleting all of that stuff and just hope that others will replace those. Read old post from other people back in like 2005 and see where they are now. I am going to go now. I want to read your story. Is it posted on this site? Bits and pieces of mine are on here on other posts but I did not start my own thread. A guy once told me he wants a strong woman who will not be a doormat. He further said if you cannot stand up for yourself how will he ever trust your to stand up for him when the time comes. To all of us: Hang in there!!!

[babes23]

First of all thanks mscomplex, your post makes a lot of sense and is reassuring, thank you.

 

Right, this is going to be a quick reply as i'm at work at the moment. He text me back saying he thought the world of me and i should know that. He assured me that he hasn't been with any girls at all since and his friends were all just messing around. He said he did this as he thought it was best for me as i always said that i wasn't happy , he said he misses me, as always loved me and does want me. I don't know what to do, i think space is vital at the moment...

[Billie63]

mscomplex is absolutely right.

 

And, not to get your hopes up, sometimes they do come back.

 

But usually when you're over them and you're not interested anyway.

 

It happened to me when I was 30, 6 months later he was ringing me but I'd moved on. Hard to believe I was in pieces over this guy 6 months earlier after he ran off with my so called best mate!

 

Please don't knock yourselves or get self critical over the choices these guys made.

 

With you Babes, the two of you went out together before, split and then got back together. That shows to me he thought you were pretty special.

 

As for contacting him, it's not the end of the world. If your head is spinning from all the unanswered questions, then there's nothing wrong in wanting info from him.

 

It doesn't make you look weak or pathetic, rather like someone who genuinely cared about him - and there's nothing wrong with that.

[HopeDiesLast]

Babes- space is so vital. I think this is where it truly applies the advice: if its supposed to be, if he's going to realize, it has to be on his oww. you want to know its genuinely from him. and men want to feel like they CHOSE you not like someone convinced them this was the right thing to do.

i began a thread yesterday called "so if you want your ex to come back..." and some of the responses people gave me will encourage you. Look at it!

and by the way- dont beat urself up over this. you're ok doing what you did.

[babes23]

Well for him it was just the sex!!

[HopeDiesLast]

what do i mean?

[babes23]

He text me yesterday. It's obvious he just wanted the sex. He said we can still have sex and see where it goes, what the hell? He also said "he knows i'm hurting, an he ain't trying to make it worse, just trying to make it better. A night of great sex may help us baby x x" how pathetic is that? I respect myself far too much to allow him to use me for sex, his true colours are showing now, the contact is going forever, i don't need someone like that in my life. His issues not mine, wouldn't go back and contact him now, i mean come on what for? I know his intentions now!!

[Billie63]

Babes I am shocked and disgusted at his suggestion. How insensitive!

 

Surely you must feel some kind of revulsion at this man?

 

If ever you needed proof that you need to move on from him, this is it.

 

He's shallow. He thinks the sex is so good that you're just gagging for him.

 

My reply would be: "No thanks, you're good, but not that good."

 

Please don't call him again. You don't need this kind of insult. You need to heal.

[HopeDiesLast]

wooooowwwww.....i dont think i even have a response for that!

[babes23]

Babes I am shocked and disgusted at his suggestion. How insensitive!

 

Surely you must feel some kind of revulsion at this man?

 

If ever you needed proof that you need to move on from him, this is it.

 

He's shallow. He thinks the sex is so good that you're just gagging for him.

 

My reply would be: "No thanks, you're good, but not that good."

 

Please don't call him again. You don't need this kind of insult. You need to heal.

 

Thanks for your reply Billie.

 

I do feel revulsion, he disgusts me, saying he cares, loves me etc when really he's only in it for himself and for what he can get, i.e. sex. I sent him a message saying i'd never disrespect myself in that way and the sex wasn't very good anyway. Told him that him saying that had changed everything, i have no need to contact him anymore.

 

Still hurts all the same though .

[Billie63]

Your response to him made me laugh!

 

Sorry to be lighthearted when I know you're in pain.

 

But what he said will do you a big favour in the long run.

 

It's over hun, start taking steps for your new life.

[babes23]

Your response to him made me laugh!

 

Sorry to be lighthearted when I know you're in pain.

 

But what he said will do you a big favour in the long run.

 

It's over hun, start taking steps for your new life.

 

I'm exhausted and worn out from it all, i'm glad i found out what i now know, that way i wasn't walking around oblivious to what he is, a sleaze ball. I'm relieved it's over, don't need someone like that in my life.

[HopeDiesLast]

You're lucky babes. Believe it or not id rather know than be oblivious. now u can let go and move forward. ive been thinking of texting and saying something. just to see what he says. i know hes casually seeing someone. maybe to just say i miss u? maybe to ask why he hasnt even text once in 4 weeks to see how i am?

but i dont want to appear pathetic.

in your case, though, you didnt. u got ur answer, albeit not the best, but an answer so you know which way to go.

[babes23]

I guess so, i mean i'm still hurt etc but at least my future is clearer now and he's isn't a part of it. It's up to you whether you contact him, but what answers do you need? He seems he doesn't want to commit, it's unlikely that that's gonna change in a couple of weeks.

[HopeDiesLast]

yeah i guess you're right. i just can't get over he doesnt even care to see how i am. hes such an *********.

[babes23]

Think of it this way, he doesn't care, would you really want to be with a bf who doesn't care? You're at the anger stage now, that's good, even though it may not seem like it now you are making progress and are moving on.

[HopeDiesLast]

i think im just gonna text him and have him call me after work. and if he doesnt...thats my answer. if he does, then i can say what i need to and even if its that theres 0 chance.....ill be done with it.

[babes23]

Good luck then hun, we'll be here for you. I've had to come home early from work, wasn't well, think all the stress as got on top of me now .

[HopeDiesLast]

i did that yesterday babes! i just couldnt concentrate. i text him asking to call me when hes out of work...no answer yet....

[babes23]

Let us know when he replies!!! Since i sent that message to the ex haven't heard from him since, don't want to either, i can't wait to move on from him now .

[babes23]

After all that he didn't even text to apologise or to see how i were. Soooo upset, glad it's over but can't help hating him for making me like this. I never want to see/hear from him ever again. I hope Karma hits him in the backside, what comes around goes around.....

[mscomplex]

Thanks for your reply Billie.

 

I do feel revulsion, he disgusts me, saying he cares, loves me etc when really he's only in it for himself and for what he can get, i.e. sex. I sent him a message saying i'd never disrespect myself in that way and the sex wasn't very good anyway. Told him that him saying that had changed everything, i have no need to contact him anymore.

 

Still hurts all the same though .

 

Be careful in the future if you decide to deal with him on any level. Since you wrote that text he will most likely contact you to see if you are weak enough to get with him so he can prove to himself that the sex was good or else she would not have come back for some. Part of you will be wondering if he misses you or is he coming back to prove a point. You really got him below the belt. He doesn't want to hear that you won't even come back for the physical. (especially if things were great in that department) It has turned into a bruised ego thing for him now. Way to go!