Author babes23 Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 Well spoke yesterday and he said he wants to settle but not yet, i said well you'll have to find her first won't you. He said he loved me, still does but to put it honest he doesn't know what he wants. I said it's best now if we leave it and not get in contact ever again, he said he wants good things for me, meaning for me to do well, i wished him well and said bye. That's the closure i needed, i wasn't going to keep fighting for someone who simply didn't want to be with me. No contact will be the way forward. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 thats good babes! todays day 1 for you... Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 Yep, he put his profile to private too so all contact is severed, that's what i wanted as not tempted to look at it, i've blocked it now too. Time to move on with things. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Well i'm back once again. Think i've reached the acceptance stage now, feel soooooooo drained and lacking in energy. Really can't believe he as done this to me yet again , definitely not having anything to do with him anymore, i gave him his chance and he blew it. So exhausted with it all. Wish i could forget that the whole relationship ever happened. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 We spoke and i told him that i'm not going to wait around anymore, i'm going to date other guys and not mope around. He said he wants me to be happy, then he said he misses me and will always miss me, he said i don't think he loves me but he does and he does care. He said he wishes we could sort things out and he means that too. He said perhaps we should talk as obviously we're not going to clear things up via text, so the weekend will be the next time he's free. What do you think? Billie, Hope? Anyone . Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 I'd be very wary if I were you - I can see that you're going to be sucked into hoping you and he can get it back together. I personally think he was right to end it. And you still have to clear things up. Such as did he hit on that girl while he was with you? If you feel there is no closure then yes you might need to speak to him - text isn't the way forward. But you'd be better talking to him on the phone - meeting with him? Maybe not good. You'll get yourself all worked up, obsess over what you'll wear, and part of you will want him to fall in love with you all over again. And it will hurt so much when that does not happen. Quite honestly - let him come to you. Do not initiate any more calls, texts, emails, nothing. If it's him calling you then at least you know he's serious - but do bear in mind he may just want you as a FB while he's in between dates. Harsh but true Babes. Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Babes i would proceed with caution. i mean, you have no idea what his intentions are. Like Billie said, let HIM do it all. DO NOT put effort in. and i guess see what happens....i wish i could tell you to just ignore him, but i couldnt do it. i mean i guess its a possibility that he's had a change of heart, but again.....you didnt want this. you were trying in the relationship before the break, you wanted to keep it going...so now its HIS job to work to get it back or where it needs to be. i'm jealous. i havent heard a damn thing from my ex Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 babes.. go talk with him.. just be careful and be honest.. you need to keep it slow, get what answers you need.. this may be the closure you can accept or it may make things better.. its a scary place i tell you that much.. been doing this myself for months Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 Hiya, thank you all for your replies. He hasn't been dating anyone, i know someone close to him and that part is true, he's been working lots recently on ot, more so than before. Not defending him but that is true. I don't know about the other girls, he was perhaps flirting with them whilst out as i have done too, but nothing more, we were both single then of course. Don't worry girls, i'm only doing it to talk, nothing more and nothing else, can't do it via phone as i'm not very good talking whilst on the phone, i feel i wouldn't be able to put my point across. It was me who suggested the split too, he just agreed. He knows for certain i wouldn't agree to being a fb, he knows that. I think he genuinely does love me, we just had our troubles, hence what the talk is going to be about. Shall wait now for him to get in touch. I'm not getting my hopes up, all i'm in it for is to make sense of the situation and hopefully then leave everything to rest and whatever will be will be. Hope i'm sorry to hear that but you still have your answer as he didn't even have the decency to reply!!. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 He initiated the meet up, i didn't. All it is, is a talk. Even when we finished he always spoke to me, responded back to my messages, answered my questions etc, so at least he did that for me. Anyway, just going to wait till he gets in touch now. Link to post Share on other sites
confused11 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 So..I have been reading the posts from everyone here and I am in a similar situation with a guy; not as serious or as long but he still couldn't commit (I fell hard for this one too) Babes....proceed with caution when speaking to him...easier said than done. I know if it were me I would be wanting to meet up with him too but do you want to do that to yourself? I think a guy can sense when you are really starting to let go so whether they are confused or not, they DON'T like the option of you not being there if they want to come back. This could be why he wants to meet up and talk. To keep the door open so that you can still be an option. It happened with me and the guy I was talking/dating. (exactly only talking/dating forever, we were everything but the title when it was convenient for him...but I did not sleep with him. I told him if this wasn't something more serious then I wasn't going to just be his fb) I'm not exactly sure what happened to end it (can you explain?) but you're too damn good to be anyone's option or second. As girls, I think we want a guy who will "fight" for us. Not some guy who is going to let us go because they are confused. But then they let us go, and we get hurt. We can't understand or grasp the notion that they would rather us/them be with someone else. Especially because for us it is the opposite. Well I say let them figure it out...they want time, oblige them but don't wait around in the process. They will realize something....sometimes it's that they messed up and they want another chance or just that you didn't deserve to be jerked around the way you were but I don't think enough time has passed by for them to make an actual change. I think it's their panick mode that you will truly be gone so they have to work to keep you around. A "good" guy (and I use that term loosely because they are all selfish and commitment phobic) won't make false promises, he will say that maybe you should still be friends blah blah blah but doing that doesn't help you or them. It let's them still be in your life but gives them the freedom to still be selfish and put themselves first (yes that inculded dating around). All while giving you false hope which hurts you more. (Actually, that doesn't make them so good lol...but I think you know what I mean. The guys that aren't bad people, they are just really confused) I think a relationship is about loving someone so much that you are willing to make sacrafices of yourself for them, but your partner loving you that much in return that they won't let you. Does this make sense? I hope I have helped a little bit. I am going through something right now and I wish I could apply these words to myself. I too am sad, hurt, angry, and have false hope. I wonder what changed so much in such a short period of time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 Hello confused, thank you for your post. Hmmm i do know what your saying and believe me i will be cautious, i'm not a pushover and he knows that, i also think that he's a honest guy, i doubt he'd lead me under false pretences, think he will be honest with me, especially about this situation. We've known one another for around 5 years now. The break up, well i haven't been a total angel in all of this, i used to always feel a little unsettled perhaps (a little insecure and lacking in trust i guess, nothing major looking back), telling him i wasn't happy if he had to work weekends etc (he works shifts) and normally saying is it best we split. That happened so many times and he used to say no we'll work it out etc, always reassuring. That happened so many times and i think in the end he got sick of it, i mean come on who wouldn't? I probably hurt him by saying that. So i think i am partly to blame in all of this, think it was the both of us if i'm completely honest, think when you split with someone it's easy to direct all the blame towards them but i too can see that i did have my faults too. He did say last night that the time out was to "evaluate" a few things, i think that was best, i can see what i did wrong and he said he could too. We still love one another etc, just think now it's a matter of talking and letting everything out. I can't predict the future so i guess all i can wait is see what happens the weekend , still sooooo long to wait though. Link to post Share on other sites
confused11 Posted August 12, 2008 Share Posted August 12, 2008 Babes....trust me I know....I'm no stranger to waiting. I wouldn't take all the blame though...it sounds like your fears kinda came true. Sometimes we just want to be at ease but it is like we are waiting for the other shoe to drop. It seems there were already things there to make you feel uneasy...did you say you gave him another chance?? (I'm sorry if I am confusing you with someone else there are so many posts and when I start typing, I can't go back to make sure I'm being accurate...I'm new lol) Sometimes being too cautious is destructive. It's like this self-fulfilling prophecy or something. I'm not saying that you should take everything word for word. I'm just saying I think there's a fine line between being careful and trusting ( I still have a long way to go before I figure it out). I have a question, what do you truly want from him? How do you want things to go? I hope that's not an upsetting question, I don't mean to make you sad...I was just curious. If you don't want to think about it or answer I understand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 12, 2008 Author Share Posted August 12, 2008 No definitely not taking all the blame, he too understands it was him, it was both of us. Erm not really sure what i expect from the relationship to be honest, this as kinda changed things i guess. Don't really want to come to conclusions until i speak to him as obviously things can be misinterpreted (sp) via text. Don't know what will happen until we talk things through. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 19, 2008 Author Share Posted August 19, 2008 Hiya everyone, just thought i'd give you a update.... Well we met up, had a really long chat and have both agreed to give things another go. I'm taking a chance, yes, but whatever will be will be. I just want to thank you all for your support, Billie your continuous posts to mine were comforting and gave me strength, thank you and i do really appreciate that. Hope, we were going through something similar so could identify with one another, i really hope things go well for you sweetie, keep your head held high an look forward, you have a lot to give someone. xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Babes- hope you see this before you let LS go- good luck with it all! i wish u all the best! xoxox Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Babes- hope you see this before you let LS go- good luck with it all! i wish u all the best! xoxox Thank you Hope, shall still be checking in to see how you guys are doing. If you ever need to chat etc then please feel free to pm me, i'm always willing to listen xx Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted August 20, 2008 Share Posted August 20, 2008 Babes, lovely to hear from you. I honestly hope it works out for you two. Please please please come back and keep us informed! Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 20, 2008 Author Share Posted August 20, 2008 Thank you Billie, i definitely will xx Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted August 31, 2008 Author Share Posted August 31, 2008 Less than 2 weeks and it didn't work. Least i know for sure now that none of this is meant to be, i'm going no contact now and not looking back, i deserved more. xx Link to post Share on other sites
HopeDiesLast Posted August 31, 2008 Share Posted August 31, 2008 babes- what happened? talk to me girl! i hope you're ok this time. i wanted to hear things worked for u. hang in there xxxx Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 Oh no! What on earth happened? Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 Well i've just came back from the doctors as not well. Hmm i don't know exactly, he just hadn't changed. The final straw came when he wouldnt add me to fb, he said he'd put he's in a relationship on there but not add me as a friend as he couldn't trust me. I asked why and he said about the time when we argue and if i start making comments or messaging people etc. He's on holiday from tomorrow, think he just wants to be one of the lads. I'm so upset and stressed out from it all and worse still i text him today, why oh why do i put myself through this??? Link to post Share on other sites
Billie63 Posted September 1, 2008 Share Posted September 1, 2008 I wonder why he wanted to make another go of it without changing his behaviour? obviously he still cared about you but why put himself through it if he knew he doesn't really want to be in a committed relationship? Well, you know now Babes. You have to go through the whole process of getting over him again - it's not gonna be easy but you'll do it. Look after yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author babes23 Posted September 1, 2008 Author Share Posted September 1, 2008 No idea hun, he obviously didn't know what he really wanted. We've both now agreed not to speak to one another again, that's for the best. I want to move forward now, it's gonna be hard but not harder than being with someone who i wasn't certain really wanted to be with me eh? Thanks Billie x Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts