rise and fall Posted July 29, 2008 Share Posted July 29, 2008 I'm so sorry this is so long =o(. I'm new here and I guess I got carried away with my venting haha. I have a lot riding on my mind and I just need advice from anyone who is willing to help .. so please help .. so you can shut me up! Haha. I was actually torn in choosing which subject this letter should go under since my situation is complex. I used to work with this woman whom I connected with really well .. basically like a second mother to me. Well, after a month or so she asked if I was dating and that she wanted to set me up with her son, who was a few years older than me. Before we started dating, however, I was warned by his mom and another coworker that he was a bit of a shy guy and doesn't really date that much. I didn't mind though since we really hit it off the first time, and we've been dating for about four months now. We remain exclusive because of his decision to attend college for two years on the opposite coast from me. We've had our ups and downs over the past couple months, and I've done the occasional "push him away and pull him back" routine because I'm afraid of getting hurt. Whenever I'd push him away though, his mom or his friends would ask what is going on and letme know that he's upset. Don't get me wrong, I have gotten him to open up a little and we've had our share of deep conversations, but whenever I seemed to push him away it was basically the only time I would get emotion from him to see how he feels for me, since he never told me straight up. I feel as if he's trying to not get attatched because he doesn't want the pain and heartache when he moves away, however in my gut I know that he's really starting to like me. We've never had sex yet but have come close to it, and hes told me recently that he really wants to but is nervous because his ex was his only (he still keeps in touch with her, and he tends to bring her up sometimes in our conversations .. they went out for 3 years and broke up two years ago, and they used to live together). Whenever me and him follow through with our plans and get together though, it's amazing. We have a lot in common and we're constantly laughing and having a good time. The last time i saw him, which was about a week ago, we were cuddling and having pillow talk (I was drinking earlier on, which I now regret) and I ended up telling him something that was in my past and is something I like to forget happened. I'm not sure if I should have told him and I feel as if it was too early on to tell him that. He seemed to be fine with it though, and we even had a conversation after I told him, about how he wants me to come out and visit him when hes out in college. I ended up falling asleep and he had to leave early in the morning because he had work. I haven't really heard from him for a day or two after that night. I started thinking maybe he was wierded out now that he's had time to dwell on what I told him, or maybe he was just busy with work, but for the fear of me getting hurt and feeling vulnerable .. I decided to push him away again. He's leaving in less than a month, and I didn't want that to be the last time I saw him. I haven't heard from him since i've told him maybe we should take a break from seeing eachother for awhile, and I'm wondering what do I do now because it's not what I had wanted. I can't get him off my mind and it's been about five days or so without any communication between us. My friends are constantly telling me to give up on him because they think that he will end up meeting someone in college. However, who are they to say that when none of us really know what's in store for us in the future. I understand I have to stop pushing him away and pulling him back, but it's the first time I ever really liked someone so much that I can't just go with the flow. I'm on the edge of my seat and I'm breaking. Should I move on, or did he like me enough that there was potential in us to try and work this out and maybe I should send him a text or call? I feel as if I'm blind in this situation and maybe someone on the outside looking in will know what is going on and what I should do. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Can you send him an email or text that says I'm sorry if it seems I have pushed you away, I'm just feeling vulnerable about what I told you and you're leaving soon. I miss you already and don't want you to go!! See what he comes back with? Link to post Share on other sites
Author rise and fall Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Thankyou for your help <3. I decided to text him before I fell asleep last night, and he hasn't responded yet. I can't eat and I feel sick and nervous. I'm pretty sure he was up when he got my text too cause he usually doesn't fall asleep until the crack of dawn. I'm torn with which way to go with this; if he doesn't text back i'm obviously gunna have to move on, which hurts. Link to post Share on other sites
HisLove Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Don't jump to conclusions. He could have left his phone at work, it's on silent, it's dead. Doesn't mean he's ignoring you. He may even be fast asleep for once!! Breathe. I was so zonked out the other night that I didn't hear a text come in and the phone was about 1 foot away from my head. Didn't register at all. Link to post Share on other sites
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