I feel trapped and somewhat depressed

[Cherry Blossom 35]

First of all, I've always struggled with depression. I just always have this low level of unease and unhappiness. I work really hard to get past it, and sometimes it works.

 

Right now, it's not working. I feel somewhat negative about a lot of things right now and not very hopeful about my future. I just think, ok, so I have to go to work every day for how many more years? All so I can save enough money for my retirement so I'm not starving or homeless when I'm old. I feel like that is all it is. Work to save money for retirement. That's it. Wow, fun. My job is kind of boring and I feel like my boss is not treating me well half the time. The other half I think wow, it could be so much worse, I should be satisfied with what I have. I make a good paycheck, but it never seems like enough. How can it be enough? I have $50,000+in student loans to pay off and the rest goes for retirement. How will I ever have enough for that? how will I ever save enough to support myself for many years? Yes, I do understand the concept of compound interest.

 

i can't tell if this is something that could be improved with a low dosage of anti-depressant or if I need to change my life. Changing my life would be very difficult at this point.

 

I'm also really struggling with my age. I'm 35. I look good, I'm active, I feel like I'm pretty young when you think that I could live to be 100. But in the dating world, I feel like I've turned a corner. I feel like there are fewer men than ever and my time is running out. It's an awful feeling. I hate it.

 

It seems stupid that my time should be running out when I do have things still going for me. I can't remember the last time I met someone I really liked. I mean REALLY liked, not a little crush here or there. I fell like it is IMPOSSIBLE to meet and fall in love with someone. I don't know how anyone does it. And no, I do not share my feelings of hopelessness or negativity with men I'm newly dating.

 

I feel like I made a big mistake by moving to this city. I did not know then how hard it is to date here. Now I have friends here, a good job, roots....it would be very difficult to move somewhere else. I hate feeling like I screwed up my life by making a decision to come here 10 years ago. How was I to know?

 

Thanks for listening. Just feeling sad and well...a little hopeless right now.

[Rooster_DAR]

Many people at that age feel the same thing, your not alone. I suppose being a woman in midlife could be worse than a man, but I"m just speculating. Sometimes it helps to sit down and reflect your achievements, during a career it's easy to overlook how much you have achieved.

 

Easier said than done, but take it one day at a time and just remember your not alone, many other people are experiencing the same thing. I myself struggle with these same types of worries here and there, I just call up some friends and make myself get out and do something fun.

 

Hold your head up and learn to be happy with you, if your not comfortable now it's gonna cause problems with anyone you might meet. After I broke up with my ex two years ago, I was also depressed because of that and my getting older as well, sometimes I feel like my options are extremely narrow now. I beat that feeling though, I started going out to places by myself on purpose, so I could fight the lonely feelings.

 

I worked great for me, I started meeting new people and now I have a handful of great friends and acquaintances. Now, once you get to that point you will start to see great changes, especially in meeting a person of interest. There's nothing wrong with feeling like you do here and there, just don't let it get the best of you.

 

Besides, 35 is not old at all and you have plenty of you left to get out there and achieve great things.

 

Cheers and good luck

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Thanks Rooster

[Rooster_DAR]

No problem, positive thinking is the key. Now I'm going to go to my room and be depressed.

 

LOL :laugh:

[oldguy]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Your not alone and depression is something that you don’t have to struggle with by yourself. If fact you shouldn’t try too. I would encourage you to talk to your doctor or make an appointment with a counselor. Most of us see our doctor and dentists for regular check ups as well as emergencies but we try to fight off depression on our own. That’s one of the real issues with depression; we keep waiting for it to pass, or we think; “if I just give it one more day I’ll feel better”. That works if you have the blues, or your just having a down day but depression is real. You may feel like you should be able to handle it. You may have even been told by someone who has never suffered with depression to; “just shake it off”. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I don’t know if you are suffering from depression or not, it certainly sounds like it and the only advice I would have for you right now is to make an appointment with at least a counselor. I know anti-depressants can have some unpleasant side effects for most people but they usually aren’t nearly as bad as what it sounds like your experiencing and in most cases they can be a temporary band-aid. Temporary if you continue to see a counselor to at least try to determine if the reason for your depressed is something other than organic, (chemical imbalance), in many cases it is something else. And if it’s not then sometimes something as simple as the proper combination of natural supplements or even dietary considerations is all it takes. But don’t try to figure that out on your own either, consult a homeopathic or dietary specialist. And if it ultimately comes down to staying on anti-depressants than that is still better than what you may be going through right now. A fair analogy of depression is it’s a little like diabetes; sometimes it can be controlled by diet, sometimes it takes medication, but it never goes completely away on its own, without help. And I don’t want to scare you, or maybe I do just a little, but like diabetes, if it goes untreated, people die as result of depression. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Two more quick points; If you don’t feel comfortable with a doctor, psychiatrist, counselor or the person who cuts your hair, try another one. And last; you probably don’t want to make any major decisions in your life until your feeling better. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]When your depressed you don’t have to share your feeling for them to show. I will bet if you take care of this problem in your life you may just find most of your other concerns will take care of themselves.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Best of luck to you, I hope something I may have said helps. Your not alone with your depression. [/FONT][/COLOR]

[Lovelybird]

Hi, if you see this as a turning point, it seems have some positive elements in it. when people feel content, they won't seek change.

 

Have you ever read Ecclesiastes? the author describe the vanity of life, and the limitation of it. The author had all, many beautiful women, rich, did everything he like, yet he still felt empty. At last, he concluded that life is wonderful when we have God in centre. because He made souls, and he knows how to make a soul happy.

 

It seems stupid that my time should be running out when I do have things still going for me. I can't remember the last time I met someone I really liked. I mean REALLY liked, not a little crush here or there. I fell like it is IMPOSSIBLE to meet and fall in love with someone. I don't know how anyone does it. And no, I do not share my feelings of hopelessness or negativity with men I'm newly dating.

sometimes I felt like what you feel, just look around all negativeness, unfaithfulness, selfishness....love isn't easy

But strangely when I read scriptures, something revived in me, then I can feel I can fall in love with someone, full of love that want to give out. I don't know how it happens, maybe spirit in me reveal some truth. and maybe usually we too focus on outside on negativeness so that we lose our passion as well, that is the curse of that forbidden fruit

[Cherry Blossom 35]

Thank you Oldguy and Lovelybird,

[LovelyStyle]

Hang in there and know that this space is a great way to vent and gain further insight.

 

I share the same anxieties. Have been on anti-depressants for years. I worry that I may end up homeless in my older years. Likewise, I have "turned a corner" agewise in the dating world.

 

Nevertheless, we must trod on. Here's to finding the correct coping methods. Best wishes

[Rooster_DAR]

Thank you Oldguy and Lovelybird,

 

Are you doing okay? Keep us posted.

[daphne]

Well I was feeling pretty good about things until I read your post. jk. I totally get the narrowing pool of truly viable options. Guys 10+ years younger are just a waste of time, although flattering. And the guys that are 15+ older just look like my daddy.

 

I'm considering moving. But I wonder if I do if I won't feel the malaise your'e going through. But I do feel like I need some sort of change. I'm bored. I asked an ex of mine if he ever wonders if doing something else, living somewhere else would make him happier and he said every day. I forgot that about him. He always thought the grass was greener.

 

Do shovel away for retirement. You'll be in the minority, I believe, and you'll be extremely happy you did. Monitor your plan. Rebalance 2ce a year. And if you know anything about stocks, now is a really good time to enter for a long term reward. Just thoughts. And think of the women who some 20 years ago didn't have the options you and I have to take care of ourselves.

 

I'm wondering if you exercise regularly. I'm not a Tom Cruise scientologist fan, but I do prefer exercise to medicating. Natural endorphins keep you up and give you a glow.

[Arise_Serpentor]

Oh, i just think you have to network a little better! if you had one good guy, you wouldn't be posting!

dont lose faith! and you are still young! keep trying!

[D-Lish]

HEY CB...

 

I've been in a similar funk for the past couple years. I went through a period where the depression was so bad I couldn't stop crying. This went on for a couple months when my depression was at it's worst. That led to binge drinking and bad decision making.

 

I think you should talk to your doctor about how you are feeling. Anti-depressants really do help some people.

 

And 35 is not old. Since your job takes up a huge chunk of your time, being happy with your job is pretty important. What obstacles are in the way of you looking for something new? A change may actually be exactly what might help to lift your spirits.

 

There's no harm in beefing up your resume and checking out what's out there!

[oldguy]

CB35; how are you doing?

 

 

There have been a lot of good suggestions posted here; I still support seeing your doctor. Depression is nothing to be taken lightly. However, and in the mean time there are a lot of suggestions that I support; exercise, proper sleep, (although that is difficult if your experiencing depression), and supplements.

 

I suffer from depression and began taking Zoloft when it first became available and it worked wonders. The problem with relying on antidepressants only are; the side effects for most of us suck so as soon as many people start feeling better they come off of them until they begin to feel depressed again and at least in my case they lost much of there effectiveness after many years. I was told by doctors that simply wasn’t possible. These are the same doctors who denied the side effects that I was experiencing in the beginning that are now listed as common side effects however. I finally met a councilor who did at least acknowledge that antidepressants may loose some of their effectiveness when taken for long periods of time and suggested trying supplements. I was a little skeptical because I had done my home work and tried various natural supplements before that didn’t work for me. I finally talked to a specialist in the field who suggested something that does work for me; a good vitamin B-Complex and B-12, (I take it in tablet form). It works quickly and at least takes the edge off. So again, you may want to try supplements, but I would consult a trained specialist in this field. Exercise, because it’s good for you anyway. Try to develop good sleep, and healthy eating habits. But do see a doctor. Antidepressants are a good band-aid but I would also strongly recommend seeing a councilor. Hey; even if you’re not depressed, seeing a councilor regularly doesn’t hurt. I know quite a few people who set up a few sessions every couple of years as part of their overall health regiment; Like seeing your doctor annually and your dentist a couple times a year.

 

As for relocating; Relocating in itself will add additional short term stress and only temporary relief from depression. If you do have issues they will move with you. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t move if you truly aren’t happy, I’m only suggesting that moving to find happiness won’t work if there is something else that’s bothering you. There is an old saying that you have probably heard; “if the grass seems greener on the other side of the fence, it may be time to fertilize your own lawn”. Take care of your issues.

 

As for finding mister right, right now. Feeling lonely is terrible, feeling alone when you’re with the wrong someone is so much worse. If you’re depressed you’re not going to make good choices, mostly because your motivation is in the wrong place. Get better and chances are mister right will find you.

 

More food for thought from the old guy, (I’m actually not that old), LOL