vixen Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 I like makeing strange tittles, cant you tell? Anywho, here is my thought, my plan. I am now broken up with jon, i plan on working out my personality more theroughly, but that has nothing to do with jon, i think maybe like once a week, i'll e-mail him, or once every other week, saying hi, how are you. See if he responds, if he feels ok to talk to me. And in like a few months, when the 2 of us have totaly healed, and are ok. i will ask him if he'd like to hang out. and just simply, and totaly plutonicly hang out. no strings, nothing. Just him and i, or who ever and haveing fun. I already know he can keep to himself, and i'm sure if i heal up properly, i'll be fine too, that's my plan to "keep" jon in my life, if we can be friends, like befor, and we can hang and just have fun, though it wont be often at all, he's to busy and i'm about to be, then perhaps things can be right between us. I have doubts on this plan, what if we become friends so easily that it kills any chance to realy get back together, or, what if he finds he realy is nuts about me, or i about him, and we have a go at it again, i woudn't mind that, not at all, i'd love it, but it would be up and down. I'm not sure, i think he and i are the couple who will be on and off again. advice, opinions, please i could use em. After all i'm still hurting here. Vixen Link to post Share on other sites
mslonghorn2003 Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 I completely understand your situation. I'm in a similar situation. I did say SIMILAR. However, if he doesn't want to talk. What should I do? How long is too long to wait for him "see" how big of a change has been made? What if - because of the things you've done - he wants little to do with you, thus not giving the opportunity for me to show him that I've changed. Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 vixen, I think this is a bad idea, at least for the short term. Maybe you are a stronger person than me, but I would find it hard to heal completely while still in contact, even if only once a week. You didn't end things because you didn't love him. You ended things because you weren't getting what you needed. I tend to think that if you are still in contact it will be too easy to slip back into the "what if he can change?" mindset or "wow, he's being so great now!" mindset. This will not help you in getting over him. Right now it's hard for you to let go of him. You still want him in your life. You are used to talking to him, to having him around. Get yourself through that before you worry about being platonic friends. If that's meant to be, it'll happen. But right now, for both of you, I think it's best to cut everything off. I'm not saying you should never speak to him again. I just tend to think that maybe you should go two or three months without contact, and then at that point if you feel ready, contact him. Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 I think this is a bad idea as well. The longer you go without contact with your ex, the more likely it will be that he decides he has to move on in his life without you. IMO, an ex-gf does not contact me for two months I would simply assume the relationship to be dead and pursue trying to find someone else to spend quality time with. Vixen, life is too short. Excuse me if you take this as an insult, but life is too short to be playing this type of a game. If you have any feelings for this guy, let him know don't wait around. You could find yourself feeling sorry if you waited untill that 62nd day and he simply has grown tired of trying to save something special. Good luck, and best wishes with whatever you do! Link to post Share on other sites
Curt Posted August 7, 2003 Moderators Share Posted August 7, 2003 Please ensure that you read vixen's posts though michiganmale27, as they are quite eye-opening. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=96651#post96651 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=98308#post98308 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=98428#post98428 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?postid=96887#post96887 Link to post Share on other sites
Author vixen Posted August 8, 2003 Author Share Posted August 8, 2003 anywho, I'm about to disappoint curt, but it's not curt i must worry about, but myself, and what i want. So Curt, please keep that in mind when you read this ok. I had Jon come over last night so i could talk to him about my plan. I gave this one much thought, and im very certain that i decided right. I can feel it in my heart, and in my head, and since when do they agree? Anywho, here is what i said. I told jon, since we are still quite in love with each other, that i think i was a bit hasty with the break up. I said, what i want from you is time. 2 months to be exact. I told him he could call me on mondays, and we are to see each other on the 20th of this month, (our 6 month ani) and the 22 next month, (by B-day) then befor his birthday in october, which is halloween, i will decide where we stand. NO contact but those once a month spots. I said, given my new job, and my going back to school, and how realy busy he is, i said it would be best that we not interfeer with each other in these important months. That i nead time to think, to come to myself, and to adjust to all that is about to happen. I look at this in many ways. One, since he agreed to this, it shows how big a person he is, how much he realy does love me, and through these comeing 2 months we will be tested, i feel we nead to do this to see if we can be strong. And 2, i was well i was hasty, Jon shows affection in his own subtle way, so what if sunday he wasn't as forth comeing as i would have liked, last night i made him the happiest guy in the world when i said, no lets not break up, just take time off. So technicly we are still dateing, i just want lots of space. He was like a puppy wagging it's tail. He was all smiles, all thoughts, he couldn't keep his hands off me. Not affection like normal people would know, but subtle, he kept pokeing me picking me up, touching me like randome happy kinds. And of coarse lots of kisses, initiated by me but totaly happily recieved by him. and he did initiate some of his own. we wrestled and well were very happy. and the important thing is, i totaly feel like i did the right thing. I love jon, he loves me, i am going through some changes right now, my body, and mind, are going through some stuff, and i think it's just best not to have the added stress of trying to pencil jon in, and wonder if he cares or not, or if he's attracted or not. I'm just going to stick to my plan, and if jon is still nuts about me in 2 months time, and i him, then we'll figure it out then. But it will speek loads for us, if we can cruis through this. I mean the more i think of it, the more it feels right, trial by time. Time will tell, time heals all. 2 months, seems reasonable to me. I also think it's childish to run from a relationship just becouse one or the other person is busy. Half the reason i love jon is becouse his thirst for success, a thirst i too share. I want to be famous someday, my name know, my art everwhere, how would i like it if my bf, was all like, whaaa you dont spend all your wakeing moments with me. I'd be like, um.. we arn't in highschool anymore, we nead to get real lives tuff luck. or how would i feel, if they dumped me just becouse i was working on my self, my succuse, which in the long run would be shared with him. It takes two to tango, get me? So i'm taking it in a more mature thought prosses. I think. Yes, i know, a good deal of you see jon as neglectful. Not meeting my needs, that realy isn't neglect, it's just he's so dang busy. I mean, when we saw each other 2 or 3 times a week he was more affectionate, and now that it's like once a week he's recluse. I think it's becouse it's once a week. like he's totaly shy, like he's trying to convey to me that he loves me for my company, not for sex, or anything like that. He spends his free time with me. takeing me places, places mind you, that i want to go to. All day sunday it was places he knew i wanted to go to. things i wanted to do. He was trying to make me happy. I'm just so self centerd i didn't appreciate it like i should have. So i nead time, time to myself, time to make me the main person in my life. and to simply appreciat that he's there, in the background waiting patiantly for me to say, ok, i'm ready now. Vixen Link to post Share on other sites
michiganmale27 Posted August 8, 2003 Share Posted August 8, 2003 Vixen, Just realize from a guy's perspective...He might not be there at the end of "Two Months" You broke up with him, do you think he is going to want to put himself in position to be hurt again? All I'm saying is that you shouldn't be playing this type of a game with someone. If you REALLY loved someone you would want very little "space" to be between you and the person you care about. That is just something to think about, two months is a very long time when you have all different kinds of thoughts racing through your mind about where a relationship is leading and if you feel as if you are being strung along. Something to think about is all Vixen, again it's your life do as you wish with it. Best of luck Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts