Desperado620 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 Ok guys, I need some advice. My H and I had a fight last night and he won't speak to me today. I need some help as to what to do! Last night I was trying to get my H to be intamate with me. I put out all the signs, we've been together for seven years, you'd think he'd be able to recognize his wife wanting to get romantic. Let my hair down, brushed my teeth, put on an extra little dab of perfume, turned on the blue light in the bedroom, etc. I made it OBVIOUS. He asked me if that was what I was wanting. I was a little put-off and told him yes, unless he was too tired or whatever. He said he was fine and feeling up to it,(no pun intended) but asked if I wouldn't mind rubbing his back first. I said of course, and rubbed his back for 15-20 minutes. The TV was on, and instead of turning any attention to me after the backrub, he went back to watching Celebrity Family Feud and laid out on the couch. I was sitting on the couch with him but he laid out to where he wasn't even touching me. I waited another 15 minutes or so, and when he hadn't said anything, touched me, or even looked at me, I got up off the couch and went and sat in the recliner, my usual spot. He asked me if I was okay and I said I was dissapointed, that he could have just told me he didn't want to be intamate tonight instead of putting me off like he did. He said he thought we'd finish watching the TV show, then he wanted to take a shower, and then we could get horizontal. I told him right then he'd ruined the mood and I wasn't interested anymore, that he could watch his TV show and get his shower and I'd catch him some other time. He said I was being mean, I told him I was being honest. He insisted he wanted to be intamate with me, then got up and, without saying another word, got in the shower. I kind of got excited and went to lay down in bed and wait for him. But when he got out of the shower, he was shouting answers to the game show on TV and it took him about ten minutes to realize I was in bed and not in the living room. He came in and asked me if I was going to sleep! I said it was a little early for bedtime but whatever, and he said okay and went and sat back in front of the TV! At this point I got up out of bed, furious, and got dressed. I walked out into the living room and he was under a blanket on the couch, watching TV. He asked me where I was going, and I said to the store for cigarettes, he asked if I was mad at him and I said yes, I was. He said I didn't need to be mad at him, that I hadn't even given him time to take a shower. I said it wasn't about him getting a shower, and that I'd be back. At that point he stopped speaking to me and refused to even look at me. By the time I got back from the store he was in bed, either asleep or pretending to be I showered, changed and went to bed, but when I got into bed he got up, went and slept on the couch. I called his name a couple times but he wouldn't answer me, and I fell asleep, as it was finally getting late. (10:00 PM.) When I got up this morning he still would not look at me or speak to me. We only have one car and I have to give him a ride, he wouldn't look at me the whole car ride. I stopped a couple blocks from his work to get gas, and he jumped out of the car, I thought saying that he'd pump the gas while I paid. He was mumbling and I must have misheard him because when I came out of the gas station he was walking towards his work and almost out of sight. I yelled for him and he just waved. I pumped my gas and went tearing after him, pulled up next to where he was walking and honked, but he wouldn't turn his head to look at me! I was going to be late for work, so after a few minutes of holding up traffic, honking and yellng for him with no response, I finally drove on to work. Now I don't know what to do. I miss my husband terribly, I feel like crying constantly, and I don't know if this is my fault! Am I wrong to be mad about him putting me off for TV? Should I have done something differently last night or this morning? What would you do if you were me? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 You two need to make time for eachother and not when he's tired and involved in a TV show that he's enjoying. TELL him - Saturday let's go out to dinner, dress up and have some fun later when we get home. Date night! Seems you two are in a routine and things need to be shaken up abit, in a good way of course.. Also, communication!! How you two talk to eachother isn't right. He gets angry and ignores you, and instead of really speaking up, you go passive. Not good because then it turns into a vicious circle where you both feed off of eachothers reactions. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Desperado620 Posted July 30, 2008 Author Share Posted July 30, 2008 Thanks for the reply, Whichway. I did one better. Went by his work spontaneously at lunch today, brought lunch with me. He was out on a delivery, but called me as soon as he got back. He was very apologetic about things, especially what happened this morning. I guess I need to be more specific about things, he thought I was mad about the time frame of our evening, not about the TV. We are usually really good about turning off the TV before we start snuggling, put on music and turn the lights down, etc. He's never really given me mixed signals like that before. Makes me feel silly, saying how he should be able to read me when I can't read him. Well, that's what fighting is all about in a marriage... making up, right?! Link to post Share on other sites
toughchoices Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 As a man I find nothing wrong with what you did. I would say absolutely 100% blame on the hubby. Not your fault no way no how. He was very disrespectful and even after you communicated what you wanted he just brushed it off. Also, as a man I must say that the times I have not been as interested with my wife are when I have had a crush on someone else. Never had a PA or EA but could this be part of the problem. I know that cheating and affairs are not always the root of these problems but I am just giving you a personal perspective. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Desperado620 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 Thanks for the advice, Tough. I know he's not having an affair, he doesn't always have the energy for me! Seriously though, he's not. He's got nothing but male co-workers and when he's not at work he's with me. No strange numbers on caller ID, he doesn't have a cell phone, and all our money goes into a shared account we both access. We also only have one car. Nope, no cheatin' from that man-o-mine. He apologized very sincerely yesterday afternoon, and admitted that he was wrong. Now, tell me that's not an impressive trait: a man who can admit he was wrong! He was very sweet and we made up thoroughly. No worries, but thanks for the advice and info. Link to post Share on other sites
toughchoices Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Glad to hear about the make up;). Anyway, I think that working on communication would be a plus for the two of you. You seem to be unambiguous in your actions and communication but your husband may need some help in expressing his feelings or reason for the occasional lack of desire. Hopefully this will be a great new beginning for both of you. Link to post Share on other sites
bobdole Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I just can't comprehend a guy turning down sex ever from the one he loves. Just looking at poptarts makes me horny, no need for any "signs" from my girl. I'm glad he came around and I hope you and him work it out. Link to post Share on other sites
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