Lovehurts69 Posted July 30, 2008 Share Posted July 30, 2008 My problem is my husband. He has this friend, whom he has only known for about 5 months now, anyways, i dont like her and he wont stop talking to her. They started talking becuase me and him were fighting and he needed someone to talk to. well she was his world and he sent some text messages to her that i found, that were pretty racy and i confronted him about it and he said that it was just a joke. I dont think it was and i am still hurt over it. He has slowed way down on the texting but i want him to stop and leave her out of his life. He keeps telling me that she is just a friend and to trust him, but how can i when he sneaks around and lies to me about it. Plus i get phone calls that he is meeting girls at the park which he admitted to but he wont tell me who they are and says i have no right to know since he did nothing wrong. I just dont know what to do? I am working so hard to pay the bills ( he is not working right now) and i do nothing fun anymore. He really doesnt take me anywhere ( he took me to the movies twice this year) no dinners or anything. Our anniversary is coming up next month and i want to be assured that i will be the only one he wants to be with not her. Maybe i am taking this to extreme but to me it is a huge thing. Oh she is married too and having problems with her marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
hotpinklove85 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Wow! you sound like me on so many levels. My boyfriend is friends with one of his sisters friends and she likes to tag along with us everywhere we all go together. On his days off he hangs out with them and doesnt tell me about it, I find it out by snooping on myspace (sad huh....which I have also found racey comments left on her page) I dont think they are doing anything but still I have told him that i dont like her, and I dont like that they talk but it doesnt phase him, I am sure he does it anyway and just tells her I am this big jealous person. I dont know what to tell you sweetie, I wish I did. I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one out there Link to post Share on other sites
troubadour Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Lovehurts69, considering what you said in your post you should start contemplating divorce. Actually the sooner the better because you are not going to have a relationship with him on equal terms. I would say that we can take a safe guess that he has been already cheating on you... there must be a reason why he is meeting these girls at the park? And if these meeting are so inocent why he didn't want to tell you who they are? I am sorry that it sounds so harsh but deep down you know what is going on. Link to post Share on other sites
soda Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 My problem is my husband. He has this friend, whom he has only known for about 5 months now, anyways, i dont like her and he wont stop talking to her. They started talking becuase me and him were fighting and he needed someone to talk to. well she was his world and he sent some text messages to her that i found, that were pretty racy and i confronted him about it and he said that it was just a joke. I dont think it was and i am still hurt over it. He has slowed way down on the texting but i want him to stop and leave her out of his life. He keeps telling me that she is just a friend and to trust him, but how can i when he sneaks around and lies to me about it. . I think you will find this story to be the same as many at LS, including my own. Does your husband know the extent that he is hurting you and the marriage? Emotional cheating (aka emotional affairs) can be just as damaging to a marriage as physical cheating. Your H is investing his emotional energy into this other woman, which greatly strains the marriage. There isn't room for a third person in the marriage. Talk to your husband and set boundaries. Tell him that you know he's behaving unacceptably with this woman and you're very concerned about your marriage. Expect him to deny, deny, deny anything inappropriate. Of course, he's going to tell you she's just a friend. He'll continue to say this right up to the point that his all his worldly possessions end up on the front lawn. He'll convince you that you're crazy, jealous, and controlling. Right now, there are no consequences for his behavior, and he's clearly acting like a child. Explain to him what you've explained here...that you don't think you'll make it if he continues his behavior. Sometimes, a dose of reality is enough to make the cheater stop. Sometimes, it's not. Some people are just selfish, bad people. Have you considered talking to her H? Your marriage clearly has issues, and none of them will get better until your H stops connecting with his "friend." Perhaps, OW's husband is unaware of the texting...which might be what's causing the problems in his own marriage. He deserves to have the facts so he, too, can decide whether he wants to continue working on his marriage. Please keep us updated. Why is it that your H is not working? Link to post Share on other sites
silvergirl Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 Get out now, he is already cheating on you mentally if not physically. I am sorry to hear you are going through this, but I think you need to leave him. You deserve so much better. This can only get worse, he's not even working????? Come on, you don't need this man, he is useless. Link to post Share on other sites
Potatocakes Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 You are not over reacting in the least but if staying with him makes you happy you should try to convince him into MC. Link to post Share on other sites
Amiss Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 I hated the friendship my boyfriend was developing with a female friend. Last December he admitted he had a crush on her and had told her that her constant flirting was confusing him. They are still friends (they worked together until last month) and I have met the woman three times. I still don't like her but if sexual texts etc had been exchanged I would ask him to not speak to her anymore If you have found dodgy texts and he has ignored your pleas to end the friendship , I can only assume that an affair seems likely.You should seperate so you can have space to decide what action to take. Ending a marriage must be a big drcision to make. Good luck Link to post Share on other sites
porter218 Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 That doesn't sound good at all. This is a cheater...I promise you. I really don't have any advice other then get out. Your marriage is ending soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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