Question for the women...Does love mean anything to you?

[Angel1111]

I really think women could be accused of putting too much emphasis on love most of the time, if that makes sense. The reason I say that is because I've seen a lot of women stay in impossible relationships because they love them. I've done that, too, because I think love is the end all, be all.

 

I once read that "women think clearly before sex, men think clearly after sex." Once women get emotionally involved and fall in love, it is SO hard to let go. And we're all looking for that happy ever after storybook love.

[Trialbyfire]

Now that is the question, and the answer is yes, but let me explain. I love her as a friend and romantically, but have never and would never cross that line. I swear when I say this, if she were to tell me she was leaving her husband and moving away so she could finally learn to be own her on I would be the happiest person in the world. I mean it is hard as everything for me not to fuss at her every time I see her, because that is what I want to do. Will she ever learn, I doubt it. I just have to lean I have did all I can do, now its just up to a miracle.

Ned, don't get caught into the trap that so many OM/OW have gotten themselves into. When you invest in a previously committed person, expect heartache and a major hit to your self-respect/esteem. If you allow it, you'll end up debasing yourself for nothing but crumbs.

 

Step back and walk away...NOW, before you're too far gone.

[GPFan]

All I know is trying to help her has emotionally destroyed me. It is taking everything I have to remain supportive, but at the same time I want to scream and say are you stupid, wake up and grow up.

 

Now that is the question, and the answer is yes, but let me explain. I love her as a friend and romantically, but have never and would never cross that line. I swear when I say this, if she were to tell me she was leaving her husband and moving away so she could finally learn to be own her on I would be the happiest person in the world. I mean it is hard as everything for me not to fuss at her every time I see her, because that is what I want to do. Will she ever learn, I doubt it. I just have to lean I have did all I can do, now its just up to a miracle.

I have to say that this relationship appears to be toxic to you. You can't change her nor make her come to you.

 

If this is killing you, then no contact as long as she is married to him might be the only solution.

[NedFlanders]

Ned, don't get caught into the trap that so many OM/OW have gotten themselves into. When you invest in a previously committed person, expect heartache and a major hit to your self-respect/esteem. If you allow it, you'll end up debasing yourself for nothing but crumbs.

 

Step back and walk away...NOW, before you're too far gone.

 

 

Too late. I dont expect nothing to happen between us, I am not waiting around for her, but what I do expect is expect she wake up and realize she deserves better and that she is strong enough to make it on her own. It is hard it really is, it is the hardest thing I have went through in my entire life, and I am 34 years old. Thanks for all the input.

[Mary3]

The women does not love herself enough to leave. She has low self esteem and feels that kind of relationship is better than being alone. You can tie Pit Bulls to her back and she will go back UNTIL she learns to LOVE herself and once she DOES she would NEVER tolerate that kind of treatment again.

 

Its not easy to get out. It takes strategy. It takes endurance. It takes a good support system. For those of you that say :" Why doesn't she just leave ? " Read the 4 abovementioned reasons why she hesitates along with her low self love and esteem.

 

Her first step is to REACH OUT. The OP can offer assistance. She goes into therapy. She finds a way to get out and STAY out. The mere thought of being treated bad sickens her...thats where she wants to BE. OUT

[KinAZ]

True love is what two people make it.

 

And yes, there are people out there who are very afraid of responsibility, doing it alone, and so forth. There are people who need that comfort more than anything. I don't think it's so simple as her not having to pay for anything. If that were the case, I'm sure she could just find another man to take care of her cost of living.

 

This is an insecurity, and not necessarily one that started with this man. So, it's not a point of judgment at all, IMO, and it shouldn't be to you either. She's the victim of abuse. There is a REASON she allowed herself to be abused in the first place, and as her friend you need to try to understand that. There is a reason she put up with it initially instead of walking away at the first sign of trouble. Money can come from almost anywhere. Try to understand that this is much deeper than that for her.

[foreverlove06]

Thats really sad, and i've seen similiar situations in my own life. I never want to be in a relationship where i rely on my husband for financial needs... Its really important for my own well being to be self sufficient. I wish your friend happiness & i hope she does get herself out of that situation if at all possible...