Love VS Biology

[Rooster_DAR]

Most of us want love at some point, many of us want love forever. In reality, most love affairs (relationships, marriage, friends, etc...) end at some point, no matter how optimistic we try to be. If we take a step back from our feelings and beliefs and look at life objectively, perhaps we can see what really could be happening.

 

Perhaps humans are no different from any other species, we are here to keep our species evolving, and monogamy does not play well with these processes. Perhaps the reason why wife's lose attraction, husbands find mistresses, and friends move on, are simple principles of how life works in general.

 

Of course if you believe in God, then the answer for you seems simple and this thread can be dismissed easily. But critical thinking would deduce that there is something else at work here. What it that force? Why can't we find our significant other and spend a lifetime together with them? Why does it seem that most of us can never find Mr/Mrs right? Well, to me the short answer is that life was not meant to work that way.

 

I"m not a scientist, nor do I have a formal education. However, is that really required for someone to use critical objective thinking to figure things out intelligently? I grew up religious but have always wanted to know everything, I want to know the reasons for everything at the deepest levels. I am most familiar with the "Principle of Parsimony" or otherwise known as "Occam's Razor", therefore I can't help but draw some some of my own theories and conclusions from this principle.

 

Of course, I could be completely wrong here but unless I can find a better answer, I will stick with these ideas. I no longer believe in any religion, and I have not come to the definite conclusion whether a creator exists or not, however I have somewhat concluded that many cultures have used hearsay and superstition to dictate their morals and beliefs.

 

 

Sorry for the long winded thread, I am trying to come up with some coursework for a paper I'm trying to write.

 

Cheers!

[fral945]

But critical thinking would deduce that there is something else at work here. What it that force? Why can't we find our significant other and spend a lifetime together with them? Why does it seem that most of us can never find Mr/Mrs right? Well, to me the short answer is that life was not meant to work that way.

 

I agree that life is probably not meant to be that way. Some people make it work through effort and sacrifice. Looking at the rest of the animal kingdom, it obviously isn't the norm.

 

I think the force you ask is what separates the religious and atheist from the agnostic. The agnostic either doesn't know or accepts the fact that he/she will not know what that force is. The religious and atheist both have an answer, either there is a God (or Gods) that is working behind the scenes or there is nothing.

 

I think it is human nature to want to have an answer for everything. The unknown is scary to people. It is more comforting to believe that something (or someone) is taking care of you. It is simpler if you have an answer to every question.

 

I've come to the conclusion myself that the human mind can only understand the world around us using the senses we have. I focus on the life I know and don't obsess about the death I know nothing about.

[Rooster_DAR]

I think the force you ask is what separates the religious and atheist from the agnostic. The agnostic either doesn't know or accepts the fact that he/she will not know what that force is. The religious and atheist both have an answer, either there is a God (or Gods) that is working behind the scenes or there is nothing.

 

Haven't thought about it that way, makes good sense.

[Tony T]

"...In the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make." -Beatles, Abbey Road Album, 1969.

 

That pretty much sums it up. Everything else really doesn't matter.

[Lovelybird]

Your post is interesting.

 

I think human being is different from other animals. We have souls.

 

As for the love life, my observation is similar with yours, but also I saw some lovely couples who CAN keep that love for a whole life. What is interesting is what made them different from the rest.

 

Why can't we find our significant other and spend a lifetime together with them? Why does it seem that most of us can never find Mr/Mrs right? Well, to me the short answer is that life was not meant to work that way.

you are probably right. Life isn't only about relationships, yes, relationship is very important to us, but it isn't ALL. In my own experience, when I put relationship in the very centre or very first place, I mean mentally, then I lose balance, my whole mind was wrapped up on that person, and his actions were so vital to me, and I found myself upset so often, I don't like this kind of feeling because he could easily manipulate my vulnerability, and he did. sometimes he was motivated by his own sense of power and selfish needs, so I won't let the man define who I am no matter how much I love him (I know many women do). But if I put God in the centre, I most likely have peace and joy, and with this kind of mood, I think it becomes more likely I can have a healthy relationship with a man, if he does something hurt me, then I turn to God for solution, comfort, or a word for peace. the man in my life won't be my god, a best friend, yes. And a good relationship needs lots of self discovery and willingness to change self, like peel a onion layer by layer, peel our pride, selfishness....so maybe only brave people can have genuine good relationships

 

I guess we are made to put God in the centre, otherwise, we are going to lose balance easily. and I think it is not that people cannot find Mr/Ms Right, it is that people don't learn to how to keep them.

 

We cannot find Mr/Ms Right, until we become Mr/Ms Right

[Sks]

Your post is interesting.

 

I think human being is different from other animals. We have souls.

 

We do? Seems animals have just as much soul as any human.

[Lovelybird]

We do? Seems animals have just as much soul as any human.

lol, you are being negative, do you?

[Rooster_DAR]

Is it a soul? Or is it we have just evolved a higher level of being?

 

Hmm....

[Moose]

Of course if you believe in God, then the answer for you seems simple and this thread can be dismissed easily. But critical thinking would deduce that there is something else at work here.

and

However, is that really required for someone to use critical objective thinking to figure things out intelligently?

Are you suggesting that Believers aren't capable of, "Critical Thinking"?

 

In all the years I've help other couples, the dynamics of relationships both on the women's side and men's side demand critical thinking, even critical objective reasoning.

 

How the woman thinks and feels, vs how the man thinks and feels, discovering each other's love language, bending and not breaking, what cause them to bend, what causes them to break, personal history(s), physical attributes that seperate them, even pyschological differences.....

 

We know of many couples that will take their marriages to their grave. Some will never, or have re-married after their spouse passed from this life to the next.

 

And yes, God is in the center of each and every one of those marriages.

 

I personally believe That is what the key difference is in most of the life long relationships that I've had the pleasure of witnessing.

[Rooster_DAR]

Did not suggest that, but since you mention it believers do tend to take the easy answer over the difficult when it comes to matters of complication. IMO, faith leads to the easy answer, not the truth.

[Moose]

Did not suggest that, but since you mention it believers do tend to take the easy answer over the difficult when it comes to matters of complication. IMO, faith leads to the easy answer, not the truth.

That's an interesting observation and I agree.

 

It would better serve the believer to think critically rather than bowing out so easily and say, "God did it", otherwise the whole world will think like you do.

[Sks]

lol, you are being negative, do you?

 

If my dog doesn't then neither do I.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I think human being is different from other animals. We have souls.

That's silly. Where is this "soul" you speak of? Sounds like a fairytale to me and my materialistic philosophy!

 

And on that note, many animals mate for life.

[Sks]

That's silly. Where is this "soul" you speak of? Sounds like a fairytale to me and my materialistic philosophy!

 

And on that note, many animals mate for life.

 

I think souls exist, I just think my dog has one - especially if I do.

[Lovelybird]

How do we understand Christ? We must have the spirit of Christ. Those who share His spirit understand each other

[Trialbyfire]

Rooster, I'm not going to get into the spiritual aspect at all. IMO, people settle for others that aren't necessarily the best fit but since those crazy hormones are working overtime, they ignore the red flags and continue proceeding forwards.

 

If everyone were a little more careful about who they partner with, if the other person isn't a highly selfish individual, you'll probably find that more marriages would work out. When I say careful, it's about real core values that you're both willing to uphold. It also means a lot more mutual interests, goals and direction in life. You have to grow together, not apart.

[I Luv the Chariot OH]

I think souls exist, I just think my dog has one - especially if I do.

If I believed in souls, logic would dictate that dogs (and every other member of the animal kingdom) should have them as well.

[Rooster_DAR]

Rooster, I'm not going to get into the spiritual aspect at all. IMO, people settle for others that aren't necessarily the best fit but since those crazy hormones are working overtime, they ignore the red flags and continue proceeding forwards.

 

If everyone were a little more careful about who they partner with, if the other person isn't a highly selfish individual, you'll probably find that more marriages would work out. When I say careful, it's about real core values that you're both willing to uphold. It also means a lot more mutual interests, goals and direction in life. You have to grow together, not apart.

 

Yes, I agree that being selective is to your advantage. Although you can find a good fit for you, it's still no guarantee. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic.

 

Cheers!

[Trialbyfire]

Yes, I agree that being selective is to your advantage. Although you can find a good fit for you, it's still no guarantee. I'm not trying to be pessimistic, just realistic.

 

Cheers!

I totally agree that there are no guarantees in life beyond death and (rising) taxes.

[Lovelybird]

I like how Fulton J. Sheen put this

 

"There is another tension you will feel and this is very basic to human nature: the tension between wanting to be one with another person and at the same time feeling so alone, almost alone together. There will come moments when your self is lost in another, and then afterwards a terrific sense of being thrown backwards on your own solitary personality. Why is this? The reason is because there is nothing material, fleshy, or carnal in the world that can unite. You just try making two blocks of marble one. Why cannot you unite them? Because they are material! The flesh alone cannot unite. Only the soul, the spirit, can unite. (this is what I felt 'standing in same living water') ....The flesh is the means to unity.....To the extent that love loses its soul, it loses its unity and sense fo oneness. When the spirit is gone, there is only boredome and fatigue"

 

and another passage:

 

"Love too much, there is discontent; love too little, there is emptiness.

There is a reason why you feel this way. You were made for the great Sacred Heart of Love and no one but God can satisfy you. Your heart is right in wanting the infinite, but your heart is wrong in trying to make its finite companion the substitute for the infinite. The solution of this tension is in seeing the disappointments are just reminders that love is God's love on pilgrimage."

[LucreziaBorgia]

I've always seen monogamy as a choice rather than some innate trait. That said...

 

1. Why can't we find our significant other and spend a lifetime together with them?

2. Why does it seem that most of us can never find Mr/Mrs right?

 

1. Because we are ever changing and evolving beings: emotionally, physically, mentally. When we fall in love, we are at a certain point emotionally, physically, and mentally. As time passes, so does that point where we were when we fell in love. If that feeling of love doesn't evolve and change along with the people involved, and not only that but changes and evolves mutually, then the love will fade, and the people involved will go looking for something to recapture that past and gone point with other people.

 

2. Because for most people Mr./Ms. Right is 95% hope and wishful thinking: an imaginary 'ideal' that exists only in our hearts and minds. When we find that 'ideal', a new 'ideal' will form to take its place, and the person involved will either rise to the challenge of fitting their relationship to that ideal, or they will give up and look for the next best thing.

 

I don't think it is in the human nature to stagnate emotionally, physically, or mentally. As much as sometimes we would like to capture that perfect love and crystallize it and keep it for all time, it just doesn't happen that way. Humans change, evolve, grow. So must all of our processes, including love.

[Rooster_DAR]

Yup, I agree here as well.

 

Perhaps it's just so many people don't know how to evolve in relationships, or take their love to higher level. It seems there is a point that has to be crossed, but many of us fail to do the right things at that juncture. I'm not sure what happened with all my past relationships/marriage, but they never seem to make it past the 5 year mark before they fall apart.

 

Just have to keep moving on and trying harder I guess. Or give up too! LOL:p

 

Cheers!

[Trialbyfire]

Y'know Rooster, instead of trying harder, why not take a relationship/dating break and easing off the pressure on yourself.

 

Right now, I'm a tad relationship averse, so I don't have relationships. I guess you could call it situational commitment phobia since I have been dating, just not willing to give up my freedom. Don't knock freedom 'cause you can do what you want, when you want and how you want to do it. It's marvelous!

 

Hopefully one day I'm going to meet someone who can convince me to give up this freedom but if not, that's okay too. Better to be single, than in a miserable relationship.

[Rooster_DAR]

Y'know Rooster, instead of trying harder, why not take a relationship/dating break and easing off the pressure on yourself.

 

Right now, I'm a tad relationship averse, so I don't have relationships. I guess you could call it situational commitment phobia since I have been dating, just not willing to give up my freedom. Don't knock freedom 'cause you can do what you want, when you want and how you want to do it. It's marvelous!

 

Hopefully one day I'm going to meet someone who can convince me to give up this freedom but if not, that's okay too. Better to be single, than in a miserable relationship.

 

That's pretty much what I have done, I don't make any effort anymore, it's requires too much energy and I'm enjoying my freedom too much right now. As a matter of fact, a few of my married friends keep stating they are envious of me, I guess they still long to have freedom once in a while.

 

Laterz!

[Riley Freeman]

Too be honest with you i dont and never have had the feeling of "needing to fall in love" beacuse i just dont care to go out and look for anyone...i dont do the whole realationship thing, and love seems like a fairy tale out of a kids book