Wife looking for answers: Why is husband doing what he's doing?

[angie2443]

I am moving on with LIFE and doing what I need to do to give my children the best. .

 

I'm glad you're moving on. Now, when things have calmed for you, take the time to analyze what it was in your husband's personality you missed, that would have let you known that he could do this to you. There are certain personality traits in people that make them more likely to cheat and abandon their families. When you learn these traits, you will be able to spot them in potential partners and then avoid these people and pick healthier people to hook up with.

[Angel1111]

Wow, what has happened to mjnv is so sad. I can't imagine this and don't know how I'd get through it.

 

Ok, a dumb question, maybe. I would ask mjnv this but since she's not reading anymore, I thought I'd ask all of you - I just have to wonder why her husband is with a woman who has two STDs. That's just really weird, isn't it? Or is it? Wouldn't it affect him at some point in time? I would personally freak if I knew that I was with someone who had an STD, especially two STDs. And wouldn't the OW have been more careful so as not to pass this on to someone else? I don't understand any of this, really. Are people really this callous....and stupid?

[angie2443]

Wow, what has happened to mjnv is so sad. I can't imagine this and don't know how I'd get through it.

 

Ok, a dumb question, maybe. I would ask mjnv this but since she's not reading anymore, I thought I'd ask all of you - I just have to wonder why her husband is with a woman who has two STDs. That's just really weird, isn't it? Or is it? Wouldn't it affect him at some point in time? I would personally freak if I knew that I was with someone who had an STD, especially two STDs. And wouldn't the OW have been more careful so as not to pass this on to someone else? I don't understand any of this, really. Are people really this callous....and stupid?

 

Yes people can be that callous and/or stupid. Still, the husband might not have had any signs. The scary thing about STDs, is that they don't always produce symptoms. This is why I think it's important to get checked after your with someone new, even if you trust them and are getting serious with them. You never know and it's better to be safe than sorry.

[OWoman]

I don't believe people who are OM and OW are exclusive to their married person. There doesn't even have to be research done on this, let's GET REAL.

 

Believe what you want, but just as people always tell the OW who believes her MM is no longer bonking his BW thta she can't see into the bedroom of the BW, so the BW can't see into the bedroom of the OW and has no idea whether she is sexually exclusive or not. Only we know.

 

And THAT is real.

 

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but you cannot blame your naievete and unfortunate judgment on a third party. If your H went and bought sex from a sex worker, who was plying her trade and putting bread on the table for her kids, the result would have been the same. Fact is, he CHOSE to go outside of the M for sex. He coul have gotten it anywhere. Had your particluar MW turned him down, chances are he'd simply have gone somewhere else. Blaming her may help you feel better, but it will achieve nothing in the long run unless you fix what is broken with your H or with your M. Good luck, and I hope you make a go of it somehow.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

You go girl. Place the blames where they lie. With him, her, and yes your own self. But, you move on knowing you faced yourself, the truth, and that you don't need a dirty dog in your life like him. And before warned about those who think they are untouchable because they calm to be a third party. They are as much accountable for their role in this as you and your soon to be ex-husband.

 

Please let this be a big lesson to you. Find strength. Don't let these whatevers, dictate your future and your possibility of finding the love you deserve. Good luck out there for you and the kids.

 

 

DNR

[Lookingforward]

Believe what you want, but just as people always tell the OW who believes her MM is no longer bonking his BW thta she can't see into the bedroom of the BW, so the BW can't see into the bedroom of the OW and has no idea whether she is sexually exclusive or not. Only we know.

 

And THAT is real.

 

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but you cannot blame your naievete and unfortunate judgment on a third party. If your H went and bought sex from a sex worker, who was plying her trade and putting bread on the table for her kids, the result would have been the same. Fact is, he CHOSE to go outside of the M for sex. He coul have gotten it anywhere. Had your particluar MW turned him down, chances are he'd simply have gone somewhere else. Blaming her may help you feel better, but it will achieve nothing in the long run unless you fix what is broken with your H or with your M. Good luck, and I hope you make a go of it somehow.

 

Why is it so unbelievable to you that there are indeed affairs where the OW or OM are exclusive sexually with the married person they are in love with?

 

Is that any more unbelievable than that you are exclusive to your married partner? I realise your H wasn't sexually exclusive but that doesn't make ALL married men non exclusive does it?

 

and fwiw, it IS possible to have cervical cancer without it being the result of an STD............

[angie2443]

and fwiw, it IS possible to have cervical cancer without it being the result of an STD............

 

Possible, but very, very, very rare.

[Lookingforward]

Possible, but very, very, very rare.

 

Let's not overstate something for which there is no KNOWN definite cause - HPV can increase the likelihood of developing it.........but so can starting sexual relations at an early age, and many other possibilities.

[angie2443]

Let's not overstate something for which there is no KNOWN definite cause - HPV can increase the likelihood of developing it.........but so can starting sexual relations at an early age, and many other possibilities.

 

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/risk/HPV

 

This is major health issue. I don't know understand why anyone would want to debate this.

[Lookingforward]

http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/factsheet/risk/HPV

 

This is major health issue. I don't know understand why anyone would want to debate this.

 

I'm not debating it...I just don't take everything I read as gospel (even from the govt) - sorry if that offends you.

[Mino]

Believe what you want, but just as people always tell the OW who believes her MM is no longer bonking his BW thta she can't see into the bedroom of the BW, so the BW can't see into the bedroom of the OW and has no idea whether she is sexually exclusive or not. Only we know.

 

And THAT is real.

 

I'm sorry for what happened to you, but you cannot blame your naievete and unfortunate judgment on a third party. If your H went and bought sex from a sex worker, who was plying her trade and putting bread on the table for her kids, the result would have been the same. Fact is, he CHOSE to go outside of the M for sex. He coul have gotten it anywhere. Had your particluar MW turned him down, chances are he'd simply have gone somewhere else. Blaming her may help you feel better, but it will achieve nothing in the long run unless you fix what is broken with your H or with your M. Good luck, and I hope you make a go of it somehow.

Hi, Ow, maybe that should be a new thread! How many of the ow/ om are sexually exclusive with their mm/mw...I am here to say I AM! And by the way, great Post ow... do think she should discuss these issues of faithfulness wth her cheating Husband...But again, its easier to blame the ow/om..Did she say she still wanted him back? too funny:lmao:

[GreenEyedLady]

I don't believe people who are OM and OW are exclusive to their married person. There doesn't even have to be research done on this, let's GET REAL.

 

Again, let me say people are going to do what they want to do. But take me for example, what I had and what I've gone through with my daughter during the last 1.5 month of my pregnancy or whenever he started messing around and I contracted the other STD involved BOTH of our LIVES.

 

You hear me? OUR LIVES.

 

I had to get tested for HIV for the very first time in my life and I never had to do that. EVER. I was a virgin when I got married and never cheated on my husband.

 

What you need to "get real" about is that many OP's are exclusive to their MP. I was and still am. (He's not married any longer.)

 

I'm sorry that your H gave you an STD, but that was your H's fault. The OW didn't have sex with you. And apparently your H didn't want to cover up, or he would have. That you were pregnant was not the OW's fault. Again, your H got you pregnant and was aware of your pregnancy.

 

It is not the OW's fault you had to be tested for STD's. It was your H's. He slept with the both of you.

 

It seems like you want to blame the OW for all these things. The fact is that she didn't owe you anything and your husband owed you everything. Put blame where it belongs.

 

GEL

[Dark-N-Romantic]

MJNV,

 

What you have to realize is this... Your not going to get your answers here. At least not the right ones. Those other people who make it a habit to sleep with someone else's spouse don't give a damn about you. They don't give a damn that another person is hurting. They don't understand they are as much a part of the problem as you and that cheating spouse. Yes, I did say you because, you are a part of that triangle and there are certain issues that your husband don't feel like bring to you. Does this mean your a bad person? No. Does it mean your a good person? No. I don't know your husband side of the story. But, in an affair every person involved is a problem for someone else. The cheating spouse is a problem to his household and the other woman. The other spouse is a problem to the cheating spouse and the lover. The lover is a problem to the cheating spouse and the household.

 

You won't get sympathy or understanding from the remorseless other person and from a lot of people for that matter, because they just don't get it. They don't get what I call my five point rule.

 

Point one: Cover the back of the person in front of you for they will guide you to safety.

Point two: Watch out for the person behind you for they will protect you when you are too busy with what is infront of you.

Point Three: Watch the person above you, for they will lift you up when your down.

Point Four: Watch out for the person below you for they should catch you when you fall.

Point Five: Watch out for the person to your right and left, for they will define your blindspots.

 

If we all would follow this rule, then we would issues like this because we all would be looking out for each other's best interests. This is why you should not worry about these two anymore. They are not deserving of any concern or respect or consideration from you. You do what is necessary for you. Look into the laws and see if you could sue your husband and/or his lover. You may even be able to sue him for reckless endangerment if you can prove that you had an STD from your husband.

 

What you need to also do, if you need to talk to other persons, who do acknowledge they owed you respect at least as a person and not did what they did. And the career other person isn't the wisest one to do it with.

 

 

DNR

I tried to send this to you as a private message, but I don't think your settings allow it.

[Lyssa]

From my understanding, OP came on this board to ask the opinions of OW so I believe she is getting the answers that she asked for.