What should I do?

[Matt]

In the past two weeks or so, I met this girl online and it has gotten kind of serious. She is a great girl, whom I think I am in love with, but the problem is we are a little more then 1800 miles apart. We have never met, and not more then talking on the phone alot has occured. Things seem very serioius between us, alot of things have been said, and although I've been upfront and honest about my feelings, what it comes down to is that I have doubts. Not of the girl, but rather of the fact that we live so far apart, we keep talking about meeting each other, but it just seems unrealisitc. So I feel caught between a rock and a hard place, I've got a girl I hold very dear and don't want to hurt, but then I don't see the relationship working out for the better.

 

Am I backing out like a coward if I feel I shouldn't go through with this? Is it my right to make this kind of decision on my own without consulting her? Any advice is appreciated.

[Tony T]

Long distance relationships are difficult in the best of circumstances. You can talk on the phone as much as you want, send each other letters and pictures, but an in- person meeting is what will tell if the chemistry is there. From personal observations, I can tell you there have been some very successful meetings...and some have been the worst nightmares of the parties involved. If the initial meeting goes well, then one of you is going to have to move near the other so a reasonable dating situation can occur.

 

Unless you have some incredible feeling that this lady is the love of a lifetime, it will not be practical for you to do all the things necessary to cultivate the relationship. You say you "think" you're in love with her but it is a romance in your mind that you are in love with. Very often, reality can give your mind a real jolt. It is very hard for reality to compete with the romantic visions your mind has conjured up in this instance.

 

The biggest problem you have to deal with RIGHT NOW is this girl you are seeing who you don't want to hurt...but with whom you do not envision a future. Let her down easy but let her go now so she can heal and move on with her life. She doesn't need a boyfriend who thinks he's in love with another girl 1800 miles away (No offense against you intended). Both of you deserve better and your true love is probably within a 15 mile radius of where you are right now.

 

If you have an adventurous spirit, go visit this lady you met online and see how it goes. But remember, even if she is the greatest human on the planet, major work is cut out for you.

 

If you back out, you are NOT being a coward. You are being realistic and rational. If the girl can't handle it, you'll know right off the bat you made the right decision.

[Shirley]

In the past two weeks or so, I met this girl online and it has gotten kind of serious. She is a great girl, whom I think I am in love with, but the problem is we are a little more then 1800 miles apart. We have never met, and not more then talking on the phone alot has occured. Things seem very serioius between us, alot of things have been said, and although I've been upfront and honest about my feelings, what it comes down to is that I have doubts. Not of the girl, but rather of the fact that we live so far apart, we keep talking about meeting each other, but it just seems unrealisitc. So I feel caught between a rock and a hard place, I've got a girl I hold very dear and don't want to hurt, but then I don't see the relationship working out for the better.

 

Am I backing out like a coward if I feel I shouldn't go through with this? Is it my right to make this kind of decision on my own without consulting her? Any advice is appreciated.

 

Hi!

 

If you love someone, you would be able to go to the end of the earth to be with her. Sinse you have not yet even met her, there is no way for you to know whether or not you're in love with her. The two most important things involved with loving someone is friendship and chemistry. If you don't feel the chemical attraction, then it is just friendship. So that's what you feel now. And you have to decide whether your friendship is deep enough to take the risk of traveling that far to find out if there is a chemical attraction. Don't call yourself a coward. If the feelings you have are strong enough, you'll do it, and you won't be afraid.