Andy702 Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 well i have been dating this girl for about 10 months, and after about 2 months of dating, she called me and told me that she kissed her ex boyfriend, i got a little up set. But i just told her not to do it again, if it wasn't her that told me, i would have broken up with here. anyways after about 1-2 everything was fine again and i trusted her. all was good up until last night. she a guy friend that she is really close with. but anyways, i called her and we had this deep conversation. she was telling me that she wants to hook up with other girls, so i can appreciate our relationship better, but im not really up for it seeing how i am against cheating. then she tells me that she had a dream that we were just "friends with benefits". i asked her, well "whats the difference between our relation ship, and your relationship with you friend drew?(close guy friend)" all she had to say was "me and drew don't kiss or have sex". that really bothered me, because i don't understand why she would pick me instead of him to have a committed relationship with. then after than we start talking about random stuff, and she tells me that 8 months ago, when she hook up with her ex, she gave him head. she wasn't sure why she did it, but she didn't tell me it then because she knew i would break up with her. im asking your opinions about what i shoulder do, or what your thoughts are on my situations. thank you for reading this. also, shes coming with my family to vacation on our boat tomorrow, so im hoping everything will be ok. thanks andy ` Link to post Share on other sites
theobserver Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 I .. I don't know where to begin. This girl is toxic Simple as. I can only imagine you're only with her because she is possibly stunningly beautiful and the sex is great but honestly my friend without the trust without the strong emotional bond and shared morals this "relationship" is doomed. She's lied to you. Openly suggested she wants to be with other people (you must excuse me because you wrote "she was telling me that she wants to hook up with other girls, so i can appreciate our relationship better" so I presume she's bisexual, unless you meant type that she wants you to be with other girls ) she just wants an exuse to sleep and fool around I honestly believe this girl just wants an open relationship which is fine for her but it's not for you. Her comments on your concerns with her male friend are down right condescending. Get out while you can you will find someone else believe me. Someone you wont have to keep second guessing. Also don't be surprised if she's fooled around with her mail friend a year later but was too scared to tell you lol. WOW Good Luck Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andy702 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 thanks for your reply, i ment to say that she wants ME to hook up other girls, we are still young tho, in high school, our family's are very close, and i cant imagine not being with her within the next year or two. Link to post Share on other sites
Bryanp Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 If she is telling you to hook up with other girls and lets be friends with benefits, it is because she is hooking up with other guys. I would doubt that this was the only time she was with Drew. She tells you she does not why she does it? The bottom line is that she wants you to screw around because this is what she wants to do. It seems pretty obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andy702 Posted July 31, 2008 Author Share Posted July 31, 2008 you have 2 of them mixed up, her Ex and drew are different people. drew has just been good friends with her for a while, she doesnt talk to her ex any more. Link to post Share on other sites
KinAZ Posted July 31, 2008 Share Posted July 31, 2008 If she wants you to hook up with other girls... I think you should take a break from her. That's TROUBLE. All I hear there is "I want to sleep with other people, so I wouldn't be jealous if you did the same." And then her confessing to performing oral sex on her ex months ago, within this same conversation? That's not right at all. Tell her to kick rocks! She didn't tell you then because she thought you might break up with her, but why tell you now... especially while talking about things of that nature? Don't agree to be friends with benefits, just take your space, and think about how she has been treating you... and how you can do so much better. Link to post Share on other sites
Grrlish Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 If she wants you to hook up with other girls... I think you should take a break from her. That's TROUBLE. All I hear there is "I want to sleep with other people, so I wouldn't be jealous if you did the same." And then her confessing to performing oral sex on her ex months ago, within this same conversation? That's not right at all. Tell her to kick rocks! She didn't tell you then because she thought you might break up with her, but why tell you now... especially while talking about things of that nature? Don't agree to be friends with benefits, just take your space, and think about how she has been treating you... and how you can do so much better. I agree with everything that KinAZ is saying here. She had a dream that you two were FWBs? Sounds like a subtle way of telling you that's what she's looking for. And, frankly, why confess to something she did 8 months ago that is almost certain to have negative repercussions, in the same conversation where she's urging you to see other girls? Sorry but urging you to date other people is most likely a way of saying that she wants to date other people. Andy, my dear, I suggest that you get out before she really hurts you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andy702 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 alright thanks everyone, one problem is that we are going on a trip tomorow Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andy702 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 im not sure what i should say to my girlfirend.. i want it to work out but idk if thats possible Link to post Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Wow, this girl is..unbelievable. She's pulling all of these passive-aggressive maneuvers to end the relationship. I can guarantee you, if I loved a guy or wanted to be with him, I would never have a dream about being "FWB" or suggest you sleep with other girls. She's a real piece of work. I recommend kicking her to the curb now; screw the trip Link to post Share on other sites
KinAZ Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 You seem to be very much in love, because the gravity of what she has said to you, and what she is doing to you, has not even hit you. She's not even being honest about it, or handling it maturely. It could just be because you guys are in high school, so that's typical in our younger years... but she really isn't considering your feelings here. (But in her defense, that understanding may need to come with age.) What to do about the trip? Tell her to find something else to do. Does it sound bogus? Well,... I'd think it was very bogus if my boyfriend told me he wanted me to sleep with other people. You don't have to be mean about it, but just tell her that you're going to give her the space you think she needs. What can you do to fix it? Nothing directly at all. Considering your age group especially, it may take a little time for her to see what she wants. It may take more maturity on her part or maybe more experiences. I don't want to judge her for the way she went about things, so... the best thing to so is... give her space, and see other people. But DON'T put yourself in a sexual relationship with her, with no strings attached! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Andy702 Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 oh no you guys she didnt want me to sleep with other girls, just kiss. she thinks doing anything past kissing would be very rude Link to post Share on other sites
KinAZ Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Even a kiss hun. I would not want my man's lips on anyone's but mine. Regardless, she still brings up oral sex with her ex during all of this, and the dream about being FWB? I say that you take some time off. At best, your GF seems a little confused about what she wants, and maybe a little time will help clear things up for you and her both. Link to post Share on other sites
Amiss Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Please don't date anyone who thinks it is ok to give head to somone else while dating you. You deserve a better girlfriend than this hot mess chick you are currently seeing. Dump her Link to post Share on other sites
cinderAndSmoke Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Lack of communication has come back to bite me in the ass. I'd speak to her honestly about how you feel. FWB is probably a bad idea. It's likely one of you will end up hurt by it. Link to post Share on other sites
verve Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Andy, you are obviously head over heels with this woman and you're being a right PUSHOVER. Now I'm going to take an educated guess and punt that you have low self esteem or this is perhaps your first relationship and you're clinging on to it. Well don't, really, you're young, you've (probably) got a lot going for you and there is no way you should have to settle for her behaviour. Imagine you was on outsider looking in on a situation like this, imagine you are a friend and your gf is the friends gf. What would you, who's emotionally pretty imartial in the situation, say about it? Would you tell your friend to put up with being taken for a fool? Of course not. Emotions can cloud or judgement and you sometimes have to look at a situation taking them out the picture. There is no way you should be with this girl, your emotions may be telling you different but they're wrong, you don't deserve to be cheated on and you'll easily find somebody who will treat you right and won't hurt you like this. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts