kivabeach Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Two things: Why does it bother me that my ex boyfriend is seeing someone with fake breasts, fake nose, and a handful of other cosmetic surgeries? Its so strange because we have reconnected after about 5 years of no contact after his wife told him she wanted a divorce. I'm happily involved with someone else (for four years now), but still i get all irked about the fact that he is dating again...and someone who is fullof plastic. Why? Second thing that has been bothering me is the fact that this ex of mine only reconnected with me AFTER his ex left him. I knew he wanted to clean up his past with me, and be friends, but I know he also needed a distraction and I was there for him. His reconnecting has really given me some needed closure of this relationship. now we are friends, and I'm okay with that. THEN, another sort of ex (we'll call it a serendipitous fling, as he is from israel and we met while travelling in costa Rica back in 2000) recently split from his girlfriend of 3 years and although we have done well keeping in touch via email and Skype, he has been emailing me daily, and Skyping me, asking me to visit him out in Israel now that his GF is gone. I guess i'm sort of bothered that both of these men have only come to me when their relationships fall apart. What is it that they want from me? And why do they think they can just come around all needy and I'll be there for them? Neither of them were there for me during my rough times. I'm kind of pissed about it. Link to post Share on other sites
sveltskye Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 That's funny, my ex has now decided to be more friendly to me, and I think its because he saw that *I* went out with someone new. He even was so kind as to tell me all about his **** buddies tonight! Sweet, huh? /sarcasm Honestly, I understand the whole being bothered by the way they're acting/ whom they're dating now thing. I think it reflects less that we're not over them as much as what it says about the fact that they had us and moved on to... who? A lady full of fake parts for your ex and pretty much any woman with a vagina who will have him, for mine. My ex was the one who broke up with me (broke my heart at the time too), and I'm feel like you broke up with me for this? You probably feel like the "plastic woman" is a step down from you because you don't respect someone who has extensive plastic surgery, and you don't like the idea that your ex would be happy moving on from you to someone that you don't respect. Its hard because you're getting validation from people around you all the time, and yes, that includes your exes. I'm struggling with feeling like I'm worth it with all the negative validation I get, but I'm trying to realize that another person's opinion of me is just that- they're opinion. Link to post Share on other sites
luna3 Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 i've had men like this in my life. the only answer i was able to come up with was that they saw me as an easy/acceptably decent lay and a so-so friend, but not someone that they wanted to spend their life with or emotionally invest in. guess i'm a tart! Link to post Share on other sites
Touche Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 So if he wasn't seeing anyone who is "full of plastic" you'd be ok with it? By the way, a person who has had a nose job doesn't have a "fake nose." Not sure what you mean by that. Why does it bother you that that person had cosmetic surgery? I mean I ask again, if they hadn't you'd feel much better about who he was seeing? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kivabeach Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 So if he wasn't seeing anyone who is "full of plastic" you'd be ok with it? By the way, a person who has had a nose job doesn't have a "fake nose." Not sure what you mean by that. Why does it bother you that that person had cosmetic surgery? I mean I ask again, if they hadn't you'd feel much better about who he was seeing? No, It's not so much about the plastic. He left me 5 years ago because he told me he wasn't the marrying kind. 2 years later, he was married to a woman with no cosmetic surgery. I definately wasn't okay with her either. Sorry about the nose comment. I didnt mean to be mean. I'm not sure why it bothers me AT ALL! That is my whole question, really. Like i said, I'm happily involved with another and have been for 4 years now. I just can't believe my ex would date someone who has had surgery. He doesn't even enjoy HUGE breasts, and he too, even makes fun of her and all of the surgery she has had. He calls her the crazy rich girl with fake Tits. I'm guessing she is just a distraction for him, and nothing more. Maybe better her than me right? Maybe I'm just not fully over him. But he is SOOOO not my type anymore, and when I think about getting back together, we just don't fit. He would never mesh well with my friends, and it makes me laugh thinking about all of us getting together for dinner. He's the odd man out. I'm just pissed that he decided to come to me after 5 years of NC only because his wife left him, and then to boast about his new girlfirend. If his wife never left him, I would hav never of heard from him. Link to post Share on other sites
georgejungle Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 not sure why it bothers you. why are you interested? In their time of need they go to you probably because you're in some tiny way welcoming? I mean if my Ex tried to re-conect with me now, i'd want nothing to do with her, so I wouldn't even entertain the notion. She's not a psycho, nor did we really parts on horrible terms, i just don't want her in my life..Why would I? We shared some times and it was nice while it lasted, but I don't need to live in the past, plus i'm married now and happy. If you're happy with your current dude, why worry about what your ex's are doing? Why even let them in when they come calling? Maybe I'm just not fully over him. I don't think you are. Link to post Share on other sites
sveltskye Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. I think you're upset because he's being shallow. I mean, what kind of guy dates someone and then makes fun of her? You may not be over him, true, but you may literally just be upset by his choice of next partner. BTW, for the record, I don't think that completely ignoring your exes means that you're over them any more than someone who is friendly to them. People are so negative about being friendly to exes here. Its not always a waste of time to be friends with someone who you shared your life with, after an appropriate time apart, that is. Link to post Share on other sites
CommitmentPhobe Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Two things: Why does it bother me that my ex boyfriend is seeing someone with fake breasts, fake nose, and a handful of other cosmetic surgeries? Its so strange because we have reconnected after about 5 years of no contact after his wife told him she wanted a divorce. I'm happily involved with someone else (for four years now), but still i get all irked about the fact that he is dating again...and someone who is fullof plastic. Why? Second thing that has been bothering me is the fact that this ex of mine only reconnected with me AFTER his ex left him. I knew he wanted to clean up his past with me, and be friends, but I know he also needed a distraction and I was there for him. His reconnecting has really given me some needed closure of this relationship. now we are friends, and I'm okay with that. THEN, another sort of ex (we'll call it a serendipitous fling, as he is from israel and we met while travelling in costa Rica back in 2000) recently split from his girlfriend of 3 years and although we have done well keeping in touch via email and Skype, he has been emailing me daily, and Skyping me, asking me to visit him out in Israel now that his GF is gone. I guess i'm sort of bothered that both of these men have only come to me when their relationships fall apart. What is it that they want from me? And why do they think they can just come around all needy and I'll be there for them? Neither of them were there for me during my rough times. I'm kind of pissed about it. Why don't you cut them off then? What do you have to gain by keeping in touch? Link to post Share on other sites
Author kivabeach Posted August 1, 2008 Author Share Posted August 1, 2008 Why don't you cut them off then? What do you have to gain by keeping in touch? Good question! Well, I did cut the one guy off (whose dating plastic girl) for about 6 weeks, and my life was fine without him. I guess I was just curious about how he was doing so I contacted him. Its not that i dont want to be friends, but your question of what do i have to gain really makes me wonder....what DO i have to gain? Nothing it seems. It also seems like i just get upset after I speak with him, so cutting him off again might be a good idea. I'm not going to cut of the Israeli though. We've been penpals for about 8 years now, and he came to visit me once a few years ago. His situation doesnt bother me as much. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Because you still have some feelings for him and maybe part of this is ego related..Slight jealously? Link to post Share on other sites
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