Tired of being put down

[jalexa0905]

okay so my problem is that about three years ago my dad has suddenly started treating me really bad. i don't know why. i am a good student and an ok daughter . well i would like to think i am. the thing with him is that everytime i say something he either tells me my opinion is worthless or simply tells me to hush. now i have a boyfriend we have been together for 11 months and my dad will barely let us see each other . if it wasn't for my mom we might never see each other. i know the problem is not my boyfriend cause my dad likes him so it must be me. i have tried to be extra nice to my lil sister(3yrs) and to help him out as much as i can. however nothing i do seems to work. He always calls me worthless or tells me i'm not going to do anything with my life . basically that i am a lost cause. i don't understand why. i want to be a doctor and help people . i work at the hospital as a volunteer, take care of my sister, work on a farm, make good grades . yet he treats me like crap. IDK WHAT TO DO. please tell me something i can do. HOW DO I GET HIM TO TREAT ME LIKE A DAUGHTER AND NOT A SERVENT OR A PIECE OF CRAP??? :(

[Shiranna]

Does he have an alcohol problem? Sounds to me like EXACTLY what I have been putting up with for 42 years from my mother - who is an alcoholic. I am only just beginning to realise the dynamics of these 'relationships'.

[suzyq83]

Jalexa, it sounds to me like he is acting this way because you have reached sexual maturity and sometimes fathers act that way as their daughters are getting involved with guys, and it is awful, because it seems an attempt to run you down TO or in front of your bf, as well, at any rate none of it is right. Maybe ask him alone with your Mom there, why he is so down on you these days. And don't take it on, his anger, because, you are a really good girl and pretty, and have a really bright future ahead of you and a good heart. Parents go thru transitions as their kids are growing and sometimes anger masks fear or hurt. It sounds to me too, like there may be alcohol involved, because the dynamics are like that, as was said. But sometimes fathers just lose it when their attractive daughters are coming of age, and they don't know what to do. He may be a man who just fears losing you, and the bashing is a way to bring your self esteem down and perhaps to keep you staying close to home.He probably needs reassurance from you that you still love him and just are growing up, and just maybe you can understand that not all men, particularly, know how to handle these transitions very well. All parents are guilty of some of that, and sometimes being critical is a "worried" way of showing love, too, believe it or not, even tho it is damaging. Alot of parents are just scared and their kids change so fast, that parents react in ways they aren't always proud of. Try a heart to heart with him and your Mom, tho. It may very well help. I hope so, for your sake~

Blessings ~

[Angel1111]

It might also have something to do with you wanting to go to college and he may not have a clue as to how to get you through it so he feels inadequate. If he has never treated you this way before and it has just started, then it probably has something to do with that or one of the things the other posters mentioned above.

 

It could also be that this particular phase of your life is causing him to think about his own life at that age and he may have a lot of regrets. Your father's father probably said those things to him, too, and he may be feeling it more accutely at this point. I've heard it said that when people had a major event happen in their lives at a certain age, they will kind of re-live it when their own child reaches that age.