gamt Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 I'm new to this site, but please hear my story! To make a long story short, my ex and I were in a long-distance relationship (I live overseas at the moment)for 8 months, in a relationship of one and a half years. We started to fight a lot because I wanted her to come see me but something kept her from coming. She broke up with me, and wanted to stay friends. But it is very hard for me to be friends after a break-up, because I'm still emotionally attached. She told me she loves me but is not in love with me, and she's found someone else and mentions him constantly in emails. For a while, we were writing almost every day... but sometimes if I don't write for a few days she will write another email. I'd been thinking of taking a break from contacting her because it's hard to deal with her talking of this other person all the time. Finally I decided to do it. But during not writing to her, she got on chat for the first time in months to talk to me. It didn't amount to much, though. Then I sent her an email the next day saying that I was taking a break... and she responded to the email saying "sorry", but then got on chat to ask me why. I told her it was because she always mentions the other guy, and she seemed unphased by it, but I wonder why she is so eager to contact me like that when I withdrawal... does she have feelings for me still? Link to post Share on other sites
jalexy Posted August 6, 2003 Share Posted August 6, 2003 i think you should cut contact with her, for yourself. you dont really need to know if she has feelings for you or not, what she is doing is somewhat unfair. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gamt Posted August 7, 2003 Author Share Posted August 7, 2003 I would like to get back with her someday... although it's not possible now. When I told her about her talking about her new guy, she told me she would stop if it bothered me... but I still wanted to take a break because I'm still not over the relationship ending. I suppose if I had someone here with me now, it would be easier for me to get over her like she's gotten over me Link to post Share on other sites
Confused&Scared Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 I really don't think that you should get together with someone else in order to get over your ex.... This would not be fair to either you or the new girl. It is important to get over her in your own time; make sure that you can be happy being by yourself before embarking on another relationship. If you aren't truly happy yourself, you can't expect the new person to be happy with you either. Take time out for yourself, and try not to worry what your ex is up to. Link to post Share on other sites
my_mother's_daughter Posted August 7, 2003 Share Posted August 7, 2003 Yes, exactly, *using* someone else (for that is what you will be doing, be honest) to help you get over your ex will result in the *used* partner feeling very much like you feel now when you decide it's time to reconcil with your ex. Don't hurt someone. It's not worth it. Give yourself time and you know what? Que sera, sera... Link to post Share on other sites
Author gamt Posted August 7, 2003 Author Share Posted August 7, 2003 yeah, I know you both are right. Sometimes I wish I could stop feeling the pain is all. Thanks for the advice... I will do my best to get along with myself! Link to post Share on other sites
greeneyes Posted August 13, 2003 Share Posted August 13, 2003 I agree that getting involved with someone to get over your ex is a bad idea. I was in the same type of situation as you but we were not married. After he ended things with me he still wanted to be friends like we were before we dated. I tried but it did not help me at all. It made things worse. Finally I had to tell him at this time I could not have any contact with him at all unless necessary. ( We work at the same company) Maybe one day but, right now for me I needed to have the "out of sight out of mind" theory. And I think you would be smart to do the same especially if there is no reason for you to be in contact with each other. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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