Are OW like drug addicts

[Woggle]

This thread is not meant to bash OW but there are many similarities. Like junkies OW experience a high and they are hooked. They spend their time trying to chase this high and it ruines their life. It causes them nothing but pain and heartache yet they still chase after it no matter how much destruction it cause in their lives. If they have families the addiction tears families apart and in general wreak on the life of the OW and those around her. I think we need to start treating this and other bad relationships as genuine addictions.

[OpenBook]

Really, you could say that about anybody who's in love. There's about a gazillion songs out there that describe how it can "make you do wrong." Yup, it's an addiction (or at least something very similar to it). But good luck getting a person in love to do anything about it. It's the stuff life is made of.

[stoopid_guy]

Really, you could say that about anybody who's in love. There's about a gazillion songs out there that describe how it can "make you do wrong." Yup, it's an addiction (or at least something very similar to it). But good luck getting a person in love to do anything about it. It's the stuff life is made of.

Very true. And LS has lots of folks in bad (or at least unsatisfying) relationships. Some have poor or non-existant sex lives. Some have abusive mates. Some can't find anyone.

Some are with a mate they can't or won't trust. OW/OM are no more like addicts than the rest of these.

[Lyssa]

Really, you could say that about anybody who's in love. There's about a gazillion songs out there that describe how it can "make you do wrong." Yup, it's an addiction (or at least something very similar to it). But good luck getting a person in love to do anything about it. It's the stuff life is made of.

 

Yup. Gazillion times a billion. Some songs just make me sick sometimes.

[Ms. Red]

Are OW like drug addicts

insert ?? from me:)

 

Answer: Yes I believe some are like addicts. I base that on the numerous posts from OW I have read here. Some are drawn into the emotional high of a new relationship & all the "excited" emotions that entails.

 

However, just because someone is involved with something (or a situation) that may be addictive, it cannot be assumed that everyone will become addicted.

 

I love to smoke cigarettes which are well known to be addictive. But, I am able to partake in the pleasure of smoking & stop when I desire. I haven't smoked since July '06 when I desired to stop.

 

When I was involved with a MM, I broke it off when he screwed over a mutual friend of ours. My loyalty was with the friend he screwed over. I could have easily continued with the emotional/physical high he gave me. But I didn't

 

So, if you had a question somewhere in there I would answer with, No, you cannot treat every OW like they are addicted. Some of them may be addicted but you should know better Mr. Woggle that we cannot put people into certain groups & assume that they are all the same.

[torranceshipman]

I think you're overanalyzing somewhat...most people on this board seem to have been pulled into a sucky situation that makes them miserable and are trying to get out....doesn't help that a lot of these MM sound supermanipulative and not into lying through their teeth to weaken the resolve of any OW that goes NC, tries to leave, etc...that would test anyone's will if they have strong feelings for that person (imagine you leave someone for your own good and theirs, but you stillfeel you love them, and all the person does is bombard you with 'i love you's, 'cant live without you', blah blah...that'd test anyones resolve! - of course its easy for us, removed from the situation, to see the truth and say he is a class A shmuck!!-but if the OW is in the situation, never has been in the situation before...it makes it harder to see clearly-hence why a lot of the advice on here is mega useful).

 

Of course there are plenty of exOW on this board who cant wait to see current OW out of their crappy situation and use their experience to open these OWs eyes...so those sucky experiences are in some cases being put to good use now, on this board Not justifying anything an MM or OW does here btw, just saying that most women dont wake up one day and think 'oohh how exciting would it be to become an OW so I can embark on an affair with a sad married loser who'll make me miserable and lie to me constantly to get his sad jollies...think of all those great broken promises, nights alone, losing friends as they disapprove of what I'm doing, not to mention that great difficult period of NC I'll have to go thru eventually or hey, even better, getting thrown under abus humiliatingly by the guy..etc!'

 

Lol! Mind you the OWs that have serial affairs, or who are already M and seek As, or refuse to take responsibility for their part in the A (e.g. 'uh, he was a sociopath, so it isnt my fault') might be a different kettle of fish altogether!

[Chinook]

LS has lots of folks in bad (or at least unsatisfying) relationships. Some have poor or non-existant sex lives. Some have abusive mates. Some can't find anyone.

Some are with a mate they can't or won't trust. OW/OM are no more like addicts than the rest of these.

I agree. It's not just affair partners, although I think maybe the affair scenario makes it more likely for an addiction to love to take hold. Within the bounds of a regular couple getting to know each other, they do so intensely and pretty quickly (from what I see around me and here) but within an affair scenario there aren't the same opportunities to do that, so the honeymoon period (NRE - new relationship energy) lasts alot longer I think. When a couple meet and get along and set out on the relationship path (whatever the scenario) the body dumps a load of dopamine into the system. Dopamine is the 'want' hormone. The levels continue to rise until the 'want' is sated, or until such time that the level slowly decreases on it's own (as with the honeymoon period wearing off). That's why in a relationship ending NC works because it allows the dopamine level to drop and in regular relationships, why the honeymoon period lasts for around 12-16 weeks. This doesn't just happen to OW/OM it happens to most people 'in love'.

[Woggle]

I know that people tend to get addicted in all relationships but OW/OM relationships with a very few exceptions are almost bound to fail yet many people still chase after these men or women or tear themselves up emotionally over them. No good can come from shooting heroin or smoking crack yet many people still do it because they chase that high. Getting involved with somebody who is already betraying another person can almost never work yet many people still chase after it.

[grogster]

I'd love to learn the neurobiology of an Affair. Let's MRI the brains of Other Women during the first six months of the A and the brains of single women during the first six months of their relationships with single guys.

 

Let's see if the blood flows to the same parts of their brains. Or if different parts of the brain are involved.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

You maybe right in you assumption, on some accounts. Be it drugs, porn, sports, video games, etc. One can be called an addict to an affair because it goes against most people's sense of what is right and wrong. It has no really purpose other than to hurt. But, then again, there are some who do it out of loneliness, some who have poor self-esteem, some who really haven't been taught any better (i.e. parent or guardian was one themselves and taught the other person it was okay), and some don't just give a damn at all.

 

But just like with any addict, some can go cold turkey and quit, some need a gentle guiding hand, some need a little shake and wake up call, and some just need to be left alone and let suffer whatever fate that comes to them.

 

 

DNR

[Dark-N-Romantic]

This is the thing that gets me though. If most other people (which has been stated by the moderator and others) already know they are doing what is wrong. Then, how is it they think a lot of people who refuse to even go there with another person or who have been in their situation are NOT going to give them the kind of support or advice that is going to promote them in the continuance of that wrong? These are the other people that one have to find out if they are the addict, just don't know any better, don't give a damn, or what have you. It would be like people supporting me as a liar or abuser.

 

 

DNR

[Lookingforward]

This thread is not meant to bash OW but there are many similarities. Like junkies OW experience a high and they are hooked. They spend their time trying to chase this high and it ruines their life. It causes them nothing but pain and heartache yet they still chase after it no matter how much destruction it cause in their lives. If they have families the addiction tears families apart and in general wreak on the life of the OW and those around her. I think we need to start treating this and other bad relationships as genuine addictions.

 

Then why didn't you include OM in your post? Just straight out gender bias?

 

and if it IS an addiction...then what about the other party to the Affair?

[Woggle]

Then why didn't you include OM in your post? Just straight out gender bias?

 

and if it IS an addiction...then what about the other party to the Affair?

 

In another post I did include OM but you are right that I should have included them. I do feel that they tend to have a more of a knight in shining armor complex which is just as destructive but a different kind of drug.

 

The MM/MW is the pusher in these affairs and at times can also be an addict.

[taylor]

In another post I did include OM but you are right that I should have included them. I do feel that they tend to have a more of a knight in shining armor complex which is just as destructive but a different kind of drug.

 

The MM/MW is the pusher in these affairs and at times can also be an addict.

 

 

Woggle,

 

I agree with this.

 

But could you sum up the OW complex in simple terms such as this? What is the OW's complex? What is her drug?

 

Just curious about the difference between the OW and the OM going into an affair.

[GreenEyedLady]

I disagree. I don't think it's an addiction at all.

 

An addiction implies that you have no control over the choices you make. That is simply not true. OP's have control over their choices. Just because you make a choice you regret later, doesn't mean you have an addiction.

 

It means you made a bad choice. No one forces anyone to begin or continue an A. Maybe the OP is persuaded by the AP to continue, but the OP still has a choice.

 

GEL

[OWoman]

This thread is not meant to bash OW but

 

Funny how threads that start out like that always then go on to do just that.

 

A bit like the guy who starts out saying, "I'm not a racist, but..."

[Tomcat33]

/

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0U5JfGYx4c

[OWoman]

/

 

 

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F0U5JfGYx4c

 

"this video is not available in your country"...?

[Terminator]

I disagree. I don't think it's an addiction at all.

 

An addiction implies that you have no control over the choices you make. That is simply not true. OP's have control over their choices. Just because you make a choice you regret later, doesn't mean you have an addiction.

 

It means you made a bad choice. No one forces anyone to begin or continue an A. Maybe the OP is persuaded by the AP to continue, but the OP still has a choice.

 

GEL

 

You have to understand that for some people it is preferable to call this an addiction rather than name the unthinkable, that it may after all be LOVE and we all know that true love can only occur between either spouses or those that are single and available morally, ethically and legally.

[Terminator]

"this video is not available in your country"...?

 

LOL - it's Robert Palmer "addicted to Love" just fyi so you don't die of curiosity

[torranceshipman]

Another important thing to consider is that I think a lot of OW would give their right arm to get off the 'dopamine/neurological high/etc' rollercoaster that the A gives them, in favor of a much more settled domestic, stable life with the AP. I think many stay in SPITE OF those 'high's' and 'lows', not because of them. Probably many of them hate those feelings, but make a bad choice to stay because the AP dangles the carrot of that 'getting off the rollercoaster' scenario in front of them so much, even throughout their attempts to go NC, etc.

 

But usually eventually it gets too much and the OW (or OM) leaves of their own accord realising the 'off the rollercoaster' moment will never happen.

[Tomcat33]

"this video is not available in your country"...?

 

oooh nooooo! do you live in Singapore where they have very strict censorship laws? There is nothing offensive in it in terms of Northamerican standards.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjbzKkeIDxY

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C4EJkI3hN0w

[Tomcat33]

LOL - it's Robert Palmer "addicted to Love" just fyi so you don't die of curiosity

 

 

Tomcat --------------->

[Virgo1982]

[COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t117389/[/COLOR]

[GreenEyedLady]

You have to understand that for some people it is preferable to call this an addiction rather than name the unthinkable, that it may after all be LOVE and we all know that true love can only occur between either spouses or those that are single and available morally, ethically and legally.

 

 

Now that's it in a nutshell...

 

LMFAO

 

Lovin' it!