iluvpink Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Hi there I have posted here before and always find the advice helps me in too many ways to mention. My husband walked out on me (and our four children) on April 1 this year. We were together for 23 years and married for nearly 21 years. At first I cried and begged him to come home and he hasn't. He is depressed had some sort of breakdown and seems worse every time I see him. He is working with a psychiatrist but isn't improving much, unfortunately. He has threatened to suicide a few times which is very hard to live with. He sees the kids occasionally but not as often as they'd like to. He doesn't communicate with me as much as i'd like him to which makes me angy at him as I like to talk about any problems no matter how big or small. Anyway i've been having counselling and trying to move on with my life as best I can, which has been good for me. I don't think he is ever going to recover and if he does it could take a long time so I've been trying to just go on without him which i hate. I dont think I would ever trust any man ever again after going through this and believe I will be on my own now. I am currently training in a new job and enjoy it. I have been getting along fine and quite happy during the last month or two but this week I seem to have crashed and burned and have been back to crying a lot and for some reason this week am missing him terribly. I don't understand these emotions at all - especially the missing him part. He is now talking about moving away to another state which would be a good 22 hour drive away. He believes that me and the kids would be better off without him. I did mention to him that even if he didn't come back to me that his kids are his responsibility too and that they love him and miss him and he should put their welfare first but he either doesn't get it or is too depressed to get it. So anyway sorry to pratel on but I just don't understand why I miss him so much now especially when I was just starting to feel happy on my own with our kids. I am feeling like I need to cling onto him and I wasnt a clingy or need wife. I'd love to hear your input and opinions because I really don't get it - is it me or what? Thanks Beth Link to post Share on other sites
SingleDad Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 iluvpink - See if your H can get put on meds - he needs it if he is talking suicide and doesn't care to be with his kids. You have been with your H for two decades - of course you are upset and lonely without him - he has been part of your life for so long - a part of you is missing. You need to be strong for yourself and your kids Link to post Share on other sites
TrustInYourself Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Beth, I hope everything works out for you and your children. Best wishes. Link to post Share on other sites
dgiirl Posted August 1, 2008 Share Posted August 1, 2008 Put things into perspective, you've only been separated for 3 months. Naturally there will be times you will miss him and your old life. I dont think there's anything wrong with you. I would think there is something seriously wrong with you if your separation DIDNT bother you at all. Personally, I think I mourned my marriage for a good year or two, and I still think about the asshat now and again. But there will also be times where you will be grateful for your new life too and be happy with the changes. Plus, the more you distance yourself from the day he walked out on you, the easier it'll be to move on. Of course, you will still think about him from time to time. Just like you think of your past friends and family members. You just wont obsessively think about him ALL the time. You need to give yourself more time to replace those memories about him with new happier memories of your NEW life. Link to post Share on other sites
Gunny376 Posted August 2, 2008 Share Posted August 2, 2008 Your grieving ~ the lost of your husband, the father of your children, your life-mate, the man you lived with all these years, the dreams you had, the life you built together, the life you had together, the memories, the good times, the bad times, the hard times, the family that will never be, the life that was, the life that will never be. Goggle "The Five Stages of Grief" and you might want to get some individaual counseling to help you cope ~ you're going through a serious and major "life changing event" This is your own personal "9/11" It also sounds as though he may be going through a "mid-life" crisis and you may want to Goggle that as well. Link to post Share on other sites
Author iluvpink Posted August 3, 2008 Author Share Posted August 3, 2008 Thanks everyone - I have just been feeling alone even though I don't 2 minutes to myself most days. Maybe I'm just having a bad week but your replies are always helpful and I don't feel so alone - that sounds weird but that's how I feel. I will look up the grief process thanks for that - I will never understand how he can just leave me and his kids behind as I know he loves them and will miss them. I think he is trying to run away from himself and his depression but it's going with him. I know things will never be as they were and honestly don't think I would ever live with him again after going through this. I just think he should be here for his children. Even though he hurt me so much by leaving I have promoted his relationship with his kids as they are young and need him and a father. He seems to think that we are all better off without him. He has changed in personality and is completely different to what he was like for the last 23 years which has been really hard to understand. He is so different that I don't know if it is the depression or if it is more of a phsychotic thing? Which is really confusing. He is on big doses of drugs and am not sure if they are really doing him any good. Anyway all I can do is carry on a day at a time which I have been doing its just that some days just suck!! Last time I posted Gunny you suggested that I read Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus and it is a great book. Maybe they should hand out a copy of this book with every marriage certificate. Anyway thanks again I love this website it saved my sanity in the early days of my separation. Don't know what I'd have done without it. I have learnt so much about myself and others since I have been through this and am sure I still have heaps more to learn. Take care and Thanx Link to post Share on other sites
Ladyjane14 Posted August 3, 2008 Share Posted August 3, 2008 Gunny's right. Grief is a process and as Dgiirl has said, from her own experience... it takes time. In the interim, perhaps you might find a support group in your area for family members dealing with mental health issues??? Link to post Share on other sites
zennya Posted August 5, 2008 Share Posted August 5, 2008 i hope your local support group can help you with your rights and what other help is out there for you and your family. Good luck to you and your family. I hope everything works out. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts