Fear of losing my mother

[JosephR]

Hello. I am new here. I found this forum while searching for some answers. My father passed away two years and a few months ago, and I have handled it pretty well. The thing I am having difficulty with is worrying about the death of my mother. I am scared... anxious... For about the past two and a half weeks I have gone to bed thinking of it, and woke up thinking of it, and worried myself to tears over it time and time again. I am going to be a senior in high school this September, and I am worried about college and my senior year. I am afraid that I can't accomplish anything without her help and that if she dies too then I will be alone, forced to rely on myself to get through my senior year and get to college. I am just so afraid of losing my mother that I don't know what to do. Is there anything I can do to help myslef?

[Tony T]

YOu failed to say if there was some specific reason why you would be afraid your mother will die soon, such as her being very ill.

 

First, I am very sorry about the death of your father. That had to be extremely difficult on you at such a young age. As a matter of fact, your entire life will be different because of this and your insecurities about death and abandonment may always be present.

 

My own mother died when I was 13. It was the most horrifically traumatic event that could have ever happened. My father was left with three young children to raise (I was the oldest) and I had to quickly learn to cook, clean, wash and iron clothes, and put up with my father's bastardliness. My mother's death was extremely difficult for me to handle and I remember bawling myself to sleep every night for three or four years because I missed her. Nobody can ever know the pain of losing a parent at a young age as you, me and others who have actually experienced it.

 

The loss of a parent is gravely sad and traumatic. However, you have been sensitized to this because of the death of your father. I can certainly understand why you would have this fear but you have to understand that life happens the way it will. If you have no reason to feel your mother may pass on soon....that is, if she is perfectly healthy and not of an age where she could die at any time....then you must move forward with your life looking upon ultimate events in a more positive and logical way.

 

It is possible anytime for any of us to die on any particular day of a number of reasons. And while it would be tragic beyond comprehension if your mother passed on at this time, you would be stronger and with the help of friends, relatives and others you would get through it. But, please, let's not let this happen and go through the worry long before it actually does. You will not experience the joys of having your mother around each day if you are in constant fear of her death.

 

If this fear continues, I urge you to get counselling to help you deal with your understandable fear. Unfortunately, counselling was not available to me to help me handle the death of my mother...or my father was too reoccupied with being a bastard to think about the impact it may have had on us. However, times are different now and help is available.

 

I also suggest that you have probably not yet resolved the death of your father and you may need counselling for that in combination with that for the fear of your mother's death. It is very important for you to get help. You cannot live a quality life in constant fear of being alone in this world.

 

When my father died, it took a few years of feeling very alone before I realized that in the plan of life we are put on this earth to make our own way. When the day is over, we are all pretty much alone in many ways. Some are lucky enough to have one or both parents for a very long time to make the journey all the more easier. Some are not. But I consider myself a much better person for having gone through the agony, heartbreak and pain of the death of my mother...if it had to happen at all.

 

I had to grow up really fast. I know what you're going through now and it's not fun. But there are people out there who care about you. Be sure to get some help and enjoy the company of your mother, ask her questions about her childhood, her life. Get to know her well.

 

I would give my life to have my mom back for just ten minutes. Seize every day to enjoy your mother and celebrate that she is with you and forget this worrying about her death. She wouldn't like that at all and it's not a good tribute to either your mother or your late father.