Why does she keep snooping??? Porn and other woman

[porter218]

You don't find me to be a good catch? That's ok. I don't find women who have a vendetta against men to be a good catch either. Besides- I'm married!

:laugh:. I do not have any vendetta against men at all. I am married as well, and I know things are not cut and dry at all. This is not exactly a black and white problem...you have entered a dangerous grey area. I am trying to explain to you that you have highly underestimated your Ws pain. Any woman who has asked her H to leave, even if she changed her mind later, has experienced the feeling that her M was a waste. That is why they have asked you to leave. I am not saying this to mean that she hasn't enjoyed her M up until this point, I am just saying that she is probably beginning to question if those moments of happiness were real and genuine. And I find it very odd that you didn't realize how you were deceiving her before the M about the porn. Omission is a form of deception, you can't get off on technicalities here. Did you honestly...I mean really honestly not know that your use of porn may have bothered her???

[stone22]

I just didn't think of it. It never crossed my mind, and the issue never, ever came up. When we got married, I still didn't think of it. I didn't start covering my tracks until she caught me the first time.

 

Omission- hmm... yeah I did omit a few things. But trickery is just not what it was. Not excusing it (omission) by any means, but I honestly didn't know that it would hurt her or that it would be an issue. It just never crossed my mind.

 

 

Would she wonder if certain moments were genuine or not? Maybe. That might be. I'm sure that you are able to tell when your H is geniuine in his actions or not. I for sure can tell when my wife half heartedly does something and whether or not it is genuine, as can she of my actions.

 

I am sure that I have underestimated my W feelings up until recently. It doesn't mean I totally understand them though. I guess that is what I am trying to do here- gain insight and understanding.

 

But a question to you-- this is obviously a constant issue between men and women-- Porn. Most women do not back down on their stance, and most men stand their ground as well. Could it be that women underestimate men's feelings as well on this issue and down play men's natural tendancies simply because they do not like it?

 

Or is it just a case by case basis?

[redfathom]

I only say you are making excuses, because you seem to want to validate your actions. I mean what are you doing to change them? You want a different outcome (your wife not to snoop) but you are behaving the same. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, well, you will be very dissapointed.

[stone22]

Stone, if you know that she is hurting so badly do you continue to hurt her? Why do you continue to look up the OW? You need to put that energy into you current relationship.

 

 

You make it sound so simple. Yeah-- I should be putting the energy into the current relationship. I know that I shouldn't be looking OW up. I know that I shouldn't continue to hurt her. I know!!!!!

 

I guess I am struggling with the meaning of these feelings. I have decided that I will not act on them (pursue a relationship with OW). If I still have these feelings, should I really supress them? Why do people continue to eat fast-food even though they know it will make them fat? Why do people continue to smoke even though they know it is damaging their body?

 

I wish I had the answer to your question. If it were as simple as it should be- you would have never read a post from me.

[stone22]

I only say you are making excuses, because you seem to want to validate your actions. I mean what are you doing to change them? You want a different outcome (your wife not to snoop) but you are behaving the same. If you keep doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results, well, you will be very dissapointed.

 

 

Good point. Depression was one issues that is now resolved. ADD is another issue that is currently being resolved. Coming to terms with my past is helping. (physically/mentally abusive teacher, physically mentally/abusive mother, wimp of a father). Buildnig my self esteem is another task. Taking the applicable feed back such as yours from this post is another thing I am trying to do.

 

 

Again- its hard to get the whole story from an online forum like this. I can see how it might look that I am just banging my head against a wall and wondering why its hurting. And yeah-- I am looking for validation of my feelings. I just want to be heard, i guess.

[porter218]

But a question to you-- this is obviously a constant issue between men and women-- Porn. Most women do not back down on their stance, and most men stand their ground as well. Could it be that women underestimate men's feelings as well on this issue and down play men's natural tendancies simply because they do not like it?

 

Or is it just a case by case basis?

It really is a case by case issue. there is no right or wrong in this issue. The only wrong is deception and discredit of ones feelings. I am not categorically against porn, but it is something I wouldn't put up with in my relationship. It is only OK when both parties are able to agree that nobody is feeling hurt by it. If one person is the type that can't deal with it then either it needs to stop or the relationship needs to end. I fully understand how important it is to some men, that is why I feel like it is VERY important these things get talked about early in the relationship. If it is that important to them then it is important they make sure to find a gf/W that is OK with it. It is never OK in a relationship to knowingly hurt someone, even if you feel like it shouldn't hurt them. I really wasn't trying to bash you in my other posts, I wanted you to have a chance to hear how she likely is feeling at this time. I made my guesses at her feeling based on the reactions you have explained to us...I am fairly certain that I know how she is feeling. I am not saying she will not recover from this, with enough empathy and understanding on your part you two will survive this. But you really need to make sure that you never again leave yourself open to feeling like this about another woman again.

[redfathom]

You need to go through thr grieving process of losing your OW, let that happen, stop trying to hold on to those feelings. You said yourself they are a symptom of a problem, so you seem to know why you let yourself feel that way. You are obssessed with her, IMHO.

 

We all do things out of carelessness, but what here is intentional. The question is do you think first about your actions and make excuses for them. You said you tried to hid what you were doing, you hid your actions because you knew what your wifes reaction would be. Your actions are thought out. So why, do you carry them out knowing what they will do to you and your wife. There is a difference between someone hurting there own body and hurting someone else (eating fast food).

 

Have you tried empathizing with your wife.

 

By wanting a simple answer, you want this to be easy and it won't be. Marragies are hard work. I know!! I got married at 18, my H was 23, we have been married for over eight years so I know about people changing and getting comfortable. I know sometimes it's easier to do nothing.

 

Love can never be selfish, sometime you have to make sacrafices. Do you think this is very easy for your wife, it's not, but she is trying. I am not saying you are not trying, but you won't find a simple answer. Or maybe you can - Hard work, that's your answer.

[redfathom]

I am sorry you had to put up with that and I am sure at the time you felt helpless so maybe now it's easy to feel once again helpless in this situtation, but you are not a child anymore. Take control!

 

It's very easy for people to take away ones self esteem. But no one can give it back to you, not your wife, the OW, no one. I think going to therapy for your past experiences are good, to understand them and move past them. Don't throw your hands in the air and let yourself feel helpless. Empower yourself.

[redfathom]

I just read your other post where you said you did not love your wife romantically and you were not sure you wanted those feelings back. Has that changed?

 

I am sympathize with you. I have been with my H since I was 15 - the only guy I have ever been with. I know what it feels like to change from that 18 year old to 25 (being 26 currently), it's very different. I know what it is to wonder what's out there. To wonder if you are "in love". To feel hopeless when you think this is all your life will be.

 

So the questions, do you think this is all your life is? Will be? Can your wife give you what you want? Does she even know what you want?

[stone22]

It depends on the day on whether or not I want those feelings back. I often do wonder what else is out there, where my life is going.

 

When I sought help for my depression, it seems as though that is when things started to change dramatically. It was only 6 months prior to starting a new job and falling for the OW that I got the help that was needed. I was projecting myself in a much different way. Women started to notice me more, and started to make passes at me much more frequently. (I am usually oblivious to when women actually do hit on me). I am told that I am relativly attractive and I have done a little (key word- little) modeling here and there for print and runway. (Not a main source of income) So I come to this point in my life when I meet someone (OW) that is seemingly carefree and has her entire life to look forward to. I compare that to my stagnant wife who is afraid to take chances and afraid to see what is beyond her very first job (family owned business). I want to move. I want to be in a big city. I know that I have the potential to make a huge impact and become successfull. It just feels like she (W) doesn't share that vision.

 

So sometimes I find myself hesitent to show her the affection that I know she needs because I may be preventing myself from being hurt. (Whoa-- that just kinda came out).

 

She does know what I want. She has made it very clear to me that her life is here and that she does not want to move or persue other avenues. (Career, cities) And well-- can I blame her? If she found her passion in her job, her family is here, (which she is very close to), why would she move, I guess.

 

I have a completely opposite circumstance. I am detached from my partents. The only time they call me is when they need something (money, car fixed, solve their arguments, place to stay). Moving is much more appealing to me than it is her. I see it as a move forward and up. She sees it as a move away from her family and into the unknown. The unknown is what excites me.

[redfathom]

A few observations: 1. You said you liked it when other woman took notice, but do you think about your wife and how she must feel about you to want to stay even after your emotional betrayl. Now, I am assuming her feelings here, maybe she is just staying with you because she is comfortable, only she knows. What I mean by this is how passionatly she must love and want you.

 

2. The grass is not always greener and even though it looks that way its only because a lot of hard work was put into it to make it so. So you too can have greener grass, with hard work. I am pretty low maintenance as far as woman go, because I know we can be crazy at times. I always tell my husband he is free to leave me for some other woman, but to be careful because he might end up with someone way crazier then he thinks I am. In truth I am a catch, but sometimes people get taken for granted. So remember that when you fantasize about the other life/lives you could have. It goes the same for me. Yeah, my H has his flaws, but he doesn't drink, do drugs, never called me a bad word, hit me, etc. I mean if I left him who knows what I might be getting myself into, so you see sometimes the unknowen is not always "better".

 

I think you are already hurt. The question is, why and how can you/she fix it. If that is what you want.

 

Sometimes a clean slate looks appealing, but at what cost. Not to mention it will still be more hard work.

[porter218]

2. The grass is not always greener and even though it looks that way its only because a lot of hard work was put into it to make it so. So you too can have greener grass, with hard work. I am pretty low maintenance as far as woman go, because I know we can be crazy at times. I always tell my husband he is free to leave me for some other woman, but to be careful because he might end up with someone way crazier then he thinks I am. In truth I am a catch, but sometimes people get taken for granted. So remember that when you fantasize about the other life/lives you could have. It goes the same for me. Yeah, my H has his flaws, but he doesn't drink, do drugs, never called me a bad word, hit me, etc. I mean if I left him who knows what I might be getting myself into, so you see sometimes the unknown is not always "better".

 

I think you are already hurt. The question is, why and how can you/she fix it. If that is what you want.

 

Sometimes a clean slate looks appealing, but at what cost. Not to mention it will still be more hard work.

I agree sooo much with this. You need to wake up and realize that this fantasy you have of the OW is just that *a fantasy*. Day to day life with her would be nothing like what you have imagined, it is far different then what you see coming into contact with her at work. And what she will be like to live with is likely no better then what you have with your wife...in fact it will not be likely for it to be as good. You have a lot more time and effort invested in your wife and she knows how to make you happy (to some extent). If you were to replace all that effort you have been using up to lust after this OW and sneak onto porn sites back into your M, maybe things could be better then ever between you and your wife. And who knows, maybe she will start to share your goals of forging into the unknown when she feels more secure with you. I wouldn't want to make such a big move with a H that I wasn't sure would even last another year with me. Until she becomes secure in her M and trusts you more she probably will not entertain the idea of leaving her support system behind.

[redfathom]

Agree with Porter for her possible reason to not want to move. I mean when my H and I were having problems I didn't even want to buy new furniture or anything else expensive because I did not know if we would last and I saw it as a waste.

[Jersey Shortie]

I am quite confident I know what your stance on porn is by now so really there was no need to clarify, all the threads you participate in are ALWAYS about porn and your disdain for it.

 

Not true. There are other threads I have participated in that had nothing to do with porn. Review your facts before you make those unfounded kind of statements.

 

For a lot of men porn is no more a dependency than reading, television, or shopping is for women. It's escape as a form of entertainment and we all have our poison. Some do downplay an addiction others have EXTREMLY insecure women by their side who cannot handle their men having a little escape now and then and want to pass it off as an addiction.

 

Accept most other activities are not so obviously sexual all the time and necessarily involve the componants that are involved when it comes to porn. Comparing porn to shopping for women is downplaying it in itself and is in no way a fair comparison. Comparing men playing golf to women liking to shop would be more comparable as both are harmless activities when it comes to memebers of the opposite sex. You can not deny what porn is by comparing it to something a-sexual as shopping.

 

I don't pretend to not be insecure about the porn issue. It's a natural emotion just as much as it's natural for men to be turned on by porn. And to be honest, to expect women to not habor some insecurities when their men need to escape to the impossibly beautiful, young and bedroom antics in porn is unrealistic and unfair and just as judegemental as women who are insecure about porn themselves.

 

Sometimes men are extremely insecure and can't put down the porn and must use it as an escape and down play their use of it. And I am not talking about men who are addicted to it. Even men who aren't, downplay their use of it. Obviously porn offers men a certain amount of secuirty in the sexual department. And perhaps men are the insecure ones that need porn to re-a-firm their sexual side.

[Sum1'sGot2RepThe530]

Not true. There are other threads I have participated in that had nothing to do with porn. Review your facts before you make those unfounded kind of statements.

I'm pretty sure he was being sarcastic. No need to be so literal.

[Jersey Shortie]

I don't want to be unfairly misrepresented.

[elaina]

Um... Am I going to have to post on the infidelity forum. You naughty heartbreaker. Now I see what is taking so long for you to ask me to marry you. (Totally crushed).

 

 

 

So, when are you going to pop the question to the bf?

 

 

 

Oooooo. I love S&M... Bop away!

 

 

DNR

 

Hello. Is all this above an inside joke? I am not understanding it. Could you please explain? If you don't want to I know it's none of my business but since it's a public post... I am curious what you're saying to her. Thanks.

 

Stone, I'm a Christian... not sure if I'm a neo one, but my comments to you are based on my feelings. For many women, feelings are very important.

 

It would make me very sad if I was married and my husband was looking at porn. I think the reason would be because I would feel inferior to the beautiful women and I would not feel loved. I'd feel rejected even... maybe to you that sounds weird but to many women, that's how we feel about the whole porn issue. It almost feels like the husband is cheating...

 

Anyways, I understand men are visual and that many do not consider porn to be cheating (and many women don't consider that to be cheating either) but I understand how your wife would "flip out" about it,and I feel very sad for her.. that would not be a fun "surprise" to find out about your husband... I mean, wouldn't it be cool if she found instead of porn on your computer, if she found that you were buying her a sweet present or writing love letters to her or bragging to someone about how wonderful she is?

 

If you found your wife doing things like that... giving her heart and thinking of you so highly, doesn't it make you feel happy? But if your wife was staring at other men online and writing love letters to other men, wouldn't that make you feel completely disrepected and scared as to what your place in her heart is?

 

Anyways, I hope that you and your wife work things out.

[Jersey Shortie]

Well said.

[Mr. Lucky]

But if your wife was staring at other men online and writing love letters to other men, wouldn't that make you feel completely disrepected and scared as to what your place in her heart is?

Do you really think that watching porn for men is the equivalent of a woman writing a personal love letter to another man?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Dark-N-Romantic]

Hello. Is all this above an inside joke? I am not understanding it. Could you please explain? If you don't want to I know it's none of my business but since it's a public post... I am curious what you're saying to her. Thanks.

 

For those who really NEED to know and the pun was over their heads...

The poster I was referring to mentioned she was Jewish and stated that if I make any cracks about her being Jewish that she was going to bop me. So, my imaginative mind took it and turn it into a pun. The poster I was punning with she and I have an off and on flirtation bit we do. Nothing serious that I know of, and if I am wrong please let me know (this is to the poster). She and I have nothing really going on. So, while I may or may not be into S&M in real life, the point that I mentioned it was not meant for anything else than a joke.

 

Now as to anything else I may have or may one day say to her, I'll just leave that up to your curiosity.

 

Stone, I'm a Christian... not sure if I'm a neo one, but my comments to you are based on my feelings. For many women, feelings are very important.

 

It would make me very sad if I was married and my husband was looking at porn. I think the reason would be because I would feel inferior to the beautiful women and I would not feel loved. I'd feel rejected even... maybe to you that sounds weird but to many women, that's how we feel about the whole porn issue. It almost feels like the husband is cheating...

 

Anyways, I understand men are visual and that many do not consider porn to be cheating (and many women don't consider that to be cheating either) but I understand how your wife would "flip out" about it,and I feel very sad for her.. that would not be a fun "surprise" to find out about your husband... I mean, wouldn't it be cool if she found instead of porn on your computer, if she found that you were buying her a sweet present or writing love letters to her or bragging to someone about how wonderful she is?

 

If you found your wife doing things like that... giving her heart and thinking of you so highly, doesn't it make you feel happy? But if your wife was staring at other men online and writing love letters to other men, wouldn't that make you feel completely disrepected and scared as to what your place in her heart is?

 

Anyways, I hope that you and your wife work things out.

 

This is the perfect reason why those who are married should not keep things secret that might be of a controversy with a marriage. Be it hobbies, friends, habits, etc. I am very open and honest about many of the things people normally take as "it won't hurt them." Like someone stated, what is a personal thing to you is not necessarily something personal to someone else. So, be wise and talk about it.

 

 

DNR

[GrnEyedGemini]

You make it sound so simple. Yeah-- I should be putting the energy into the current relationship. I know that I shouldn't be looking OW up. I know that I shouldn't continue to hurt her. I know!!!!!

 

I guess I am struggling with the meaning of these feelings. I have decided that I will not act on them (pursue a relationship with OW). If I still have these feelings, should I really supress them? Why do people continue to eat fast-food even though they know it will make them fat? Why do people continue to smoke even though they know it is damaging their body?

 

I wish I had the answer to your question. If it were as simple as it should be- you would have never read a post from me.

 

 

It's called WILL-POWER!!! It is as simple as that. You are married...people in a marriage exert will-power as a form of battling feelings for other people and as a form of taking their SO's feelings in account over their own. Marriage is suppose to be selfless....not selfish.

 

The people continue to eat fast food because their body is not as important to them as it should be. If it was, their will-power would overcome. Same for smoking. How can you even compare that with what you have done? SOOOO not the same thing....not even close! Eating or smoking has to do with hurting the self...not other people.

 

BTW, do you expect to get brownie points for not acting on the feelings physically? HA! That's not the way it works, buddy. When you started having feelings for the OW, you should have completely removed yourself from that situation....even it it meant finding a new job. Lesson learned, huh?

 

As for fixing the probs with your wife, I'd suggest focusing solely on her and your relationship. Quit your selfish thinking and selfish reasoning. Revert back to the old days when you were trying to woo her. Do the things you did when you were dating, because really...its like you are back at square one...with a few complications. She has no trust for you and her feelings are on the fence. Start courting her again as if you are trying to get her rather then just fix your marriage. Show her that you WANT HER like you did before you got married. I say show because actions speak volumes louder than words. Take her on dates. Bring her flowers. Hide a sweet card in places you know she'll find when you aren't there. Do the whole cliche romantic thing with music and candles and make her feel sexy and wanted. Call her during the day to tell her you were thinking about her. Leave a cute little note on the mirror in your bathroom. Have her car detailed and filled up. Take her dancing. Dance with her at your house when a particular song comes on. Be spontanious, yet romantic and loving. You have to be consistant though. Doing these types of things for a month then slacking will not do anything but piss her off because she's not stupid. You have to be consistant and keep reminding her that she is your one and only...even if that means putting your own desires (porn and thought of OW) on the back burner for God knows how long. You screwed up big time and need to put in the time and effort to gain her love and trust once again. You didn't woo her overnight in the beginning; ya'll didn't fall in love in a week in the beginning. Therefore, its logical that you are pretty much starting over again with rebuilding your relationship.

[2nd-Best]

I can't believe after finding out ALL of this stuff that your poor wife hasnt left you yet, you know you may just end up emotionally scaring and making your wife so jaded that when and if YOU do leave her shes going to end up being this bitter divorcee who cannot trust any man because the one she decided to put all her love and faith into and who promised to give the same in return ended up being the one who hurt her the most.

 

I can honestly say that I hope your wife leaves you, NO WOMAN NO MAN NOBODY PEDIOD deserves that kind of treatment and if you actually care about her then you NEVER would have emotionally fall in lvoe wiht another woman, which makes me also believe that the reason why you are with your wife is out of comfort and stability, your love for her is out of endearment beause you've known and been together for so long, she ism ore like your best freind/ your sister/ your dog even than your wife whom you passionatly love.

 

I feel like crying for her.

[stone22]

It's called WILL-POWER!!! It is as simple as that. You are married...people in a marriage exert will-power as a form of battling feelings for other people and as a form of taking their SO's feelings in account over their own. Marriage is suppose to be selfless....not selfish.

 

BTW, do you expect to get brownie points for not acting on the feelings physically? HA! That's not the way it works, buddy. When you started having feelings for the OW, you should have completely removed yourself from that situation....even it it meant finding a new job. Lesson learned, huh?

 

Revert back to the old days when you were trying to woo her. Do the things you did when you were dating, because really...its like you are back at square one...with a few complications. She has no trust for you and her feelings are on the fence. Start courting her again as if you are trying to get her rather then just fix your marriage. Show her that you WANT HER like you did before you got married. I say show because actions speak volumes louder than words. Take her on dates. Bring her flowers. Hide a sweet card in places you know she'll find when you aren't there. Do the whole cliche romantic thing with music and candles and make her feel sexy and wanted. Call her during the day to tell her you were thinking about her. Leave a cute little note on the mirror in your bathroom.

 

You screwed up big time and need to put in the time and effort to gain her love and trust once again. You didn't woo her overnight in the beginning; ya'll didn't fall in love in a week in the beginning. Therefore, its logical that you are pretty much starting over again with rebuilding your relationship.

 

I can totally see your point. About two years ago, if I read a post like mine- I would have thought it would be as simple as trying to woo her again and take her on dates and show her that I love her by doing simple things like filling her car up with gas. What I am struggling with is whether or not I want to woo her or whether or not I want to show the love and affection that I showed her before.

 

Honestly- have you ever found yourself in this situation? I do agree in some part that this is a matter of will power. What freaked me out is that despite my efforts to forget her (i.e. moving my desk, ignoring and avoiding her), the feelings never relented. This to me was a very loud signal that something serious was wrong. It is always easy to be an arm chair quarterback, but once you are actually in the game the outlook and your options -seem and are- dramatically different.

 

No- I am not trying to earn brownie points by saying that I didn't act physically on my feelings. I included that to lend more of a perspective on my character. I was merely trying to convey that while I am quilty of an emotional affair, I am man enough to deal with my issues head on rather than ignoring them. I know for a fact that I am in the minority of males that will actually seek counseling when they realize there may be a serious problem in a marriage.

 

What I find interesting is your inability to detatch your emotions from my situation. It is interesting to see how offended you were and how quick to judge me and throw insults at me. After I read your response, I just got the feeling that you really haven't ever been in my shoes with a situation like this and don't really understand. Thanks for the post though.

[porter218]

I can totally see your point. About two years ago, if I read a post like mine- I would have thought it would be as simple as trying to woo her again and take her on dates and show her that I love her by doing simple things like filling her car up with gas. What I am struggling with is whether or not I want to woo her or whether or not I want to show the love and affection that I showed her before.

 

Honestly- have you ever found yourself in this situation? I do agree in some part that this is a matter of will power. What freaked me out is that despite my efforts to forget her (i.e. moving my desk, ignoring and avoiding her), the feelings never relented. This to me was a very loud signal that something serious was wrong. It is always easy to be an arm chair quarterback, but once you are actually in the game the outlook and your options -seem and are- dramatically different.

 

No- I am not trying to earn brownie points by saying that I didn't act physically on my feelings. I included that to lend more of a perspective on my character. I was merely trying to convey that while I am quilty of an emotional affair, I am man enough to deal with my issues head on rather than ignoring them. I know for a fact that I am in the minority of males that will actually seek counseling when they realize there may be a serious problem in a marriage.

 

What I find interesting is your inability to detatch your emotions from my situation. It is interesting to see how offended you were and how quick to judge me and throw insults at me. After I read your response, I just got the feeling that you really haven't ever been in my shoes with a situation like this and don't really understand. Thanks for the post though.

My H was guilty of an EA...And I have to admit that GEG isn't completely off base. My H was so wrapped up in his OW that he wasn't realizing that our problems at home were a dirrect result of his attention to her. At the time I didn't even know she existed but I knew that he was neglecting me. He even flew off the handle one time when I said that I wanted to go with him to his freinds house because I didn't trust him...In his mind I was a bad wife because I didn't trust him. But the truth was I didn't trust him because he had been breaking my trust everyday at that point. It took him a long time to realize that if he were to take all that effort he was throwing away on his fantasy with his OW and invest it in me we wouldn't have had any of those arguments and I would have been a better wife. Now fast forward a couple of years..he is doing all of those romantic things for me and investing all his extra time in me. I am happy therefore he is happy. It was a long and hard lesson for him to learn. He used to think he didn't want to put that effort into our M because he had been so distracted with OW. And due to his distraction I was unhappy. Due to my unhappiness, my H thought I wasn't worth the effort. It is a domino effect...don't you see that yet? You have to fix what you are doing wrong and trust that she will follow. There is nothing to lose if you do this, and everything to gain.

[mrsT]

Dude,

 

Hear me out. You may not want to hear from any neo Christians who don't understasnd that people are human, but since pornography dehumanizes human beings, I think it is maybe you who doesn't realize we are human beings.

 

Pornography dehumanizes. Christianity humanizes. I think you are majorly confused and trying to justify your self indulgent behavior.

 

Here is what I really think. You are no more interested in this gal than the man on the moon, but she is a great distraction from your true problems which are trust, love, and intimacy. To encounter this woman would be to make her real which would be to face the same problems you are running away from in your relationship with your wife. Won't happen. You are playing games with yourself. Head down deep to the place you don't want to go. Look at your weaknesses squarely and honestly. You will lose your wife very soon if you do not.

 

Understand that what has happened in your marriage constitutes a crisis for your wife. You have been completely bogus with her.