soserious1 Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Is it not reasonable to assume that a woman who likes porn would also be more open as far as the acts shes willing to perform? Or that a woman who has an (almost) anything goes attitude about sex would be open to watching movies about it? I'm not saying that your description of the porn loving woman isn't spot on what I am wondering about is your painting women who don't like porn as the absolute worst of the worst of prudes. Btw, I've come round to your way of thinking, how can I best let new men know that I'm eager to jump their jocks sans formalties? that I don't want exclusivity or a relationship and am open to anything including group sex? Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 I'm not saying that your description of the porn loving woman isn't spot on what I am wondering about is your painting women who don't like porn as the absolute worst of the worst of prudes. Well, I'll admit I was perhaps a bit over the top but I don't think you'll find many women who are complete and enthusiastic freaks in bed who have hangups over porn. Btw, I've come round to your way of thinking, how can I best let new men know that I'm eager to jump their jocks sans formalties? that I don't want exclusivity or a relationship and am open to anything including group sex? Let me try to give you some very serious advice. I don't know your full back story, but I've seen enough to know that you got used, abused, trampled on, chewed up and spit out by a petty and cruel person. The pain you're going through is understandable, as is your anger. However, I think you're in a place right now that you are painting all men with the same brush that painted your ex- and that doesn't seem healthy for you. If your question here was serious, I'd encourage you to take a time out and a deep breath. My wife and I participate frequently in group sex, so I'm the last person who would tell you not to do so on principal, but I think the place you are coming from right now that it wouldn't be healthy for you. You need some time to let yourself heal before jumping back into battle. If the day comes that you're truly ready, you may wish to find a swingers club (most major cities have several of them) and go one night to see what it's about. I'd encourage you to consider just being an observer your first time so you can objectively reflect on what you see without possibly getting into a situation you'd regret. After that sober reflection, if it still looks good to you, then maybe you can jump in. Believe me, as a single woman not looking for an LTR you'll be quite popular, especially if you're bisexual. Let me repeat, I don't think you're in a healthy enough place right now, I think you should take some time to reflect. I sincerely wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 9, 2008 Share Posted October 9, 2008 Look at it this way. Take Bob. Bob is not a real person, but let's play pretend. Bob's a single guy, but he's at that age that it might be time to get serious about a long term relationship. There are two women that find Bob attractive, so he has a choice to make. Woman #1: Hates porn, and would absolutely flip out if he even so much as watches movies that have a topless woman in them, even went so far as to complain about the bikinis in womans beach volleyball during the Olympics. She's not real big on sex at all, maybe once a month. No variety, missionary only, lights off, and no oral sex or other what she calls "perverted" practices. Then there's woman #2. She loves sex, would do it every single day if circumstances would allow. Not only is she okay with porn, she likes watching it with her partner, and even trying to act out some of the scenes in her real bedroom. No hangups about oral or facials or whatever... she's up for (almost) anything. Which of these two women do you suppose Bob is going to choose? (This should not be taken as an endorsement of utilizing sexual criteria as the only ones when selecting a mate, lets assume for purposes of argument that besides the stark contrast I've outlined here, the women are very similar to each other in other areas Bob may care about.) Guess what? I'm woman #1 and woman #2. Somedays, if my h so much as glances at another woman (or I think he has), I freak out. Other times (usually when inebriated, and before he lied to me about his strip club patronage) I'v suggested we give a threesome a whirl (both with another man and woman, on separate occassions - fair is fair). Maybe I really AM more than one person after all! Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Let me repeat, I don't think you're in a healthy enough place right now, I think you should take some time to reflect. I sincerely wish you well. I suggest you take your own advice because I think there are a few here that would argue about you being in a "healthy" place. As for Bob, I would think he is going to have serious relationships issues if he picks women based on if they watch porn or not. But would probably be happier with option 3. She loves sex. But doesn't live in some fantasy world where she has to perform like a pornstar because of unrealistic expectations set by a selfish industry. She enjoys trying new things, she has sex 4-6 times a week. She doesn't need to see porn to enjoy her sexuality and she hopes that Bob would respect her and women and learn to enjoy her and her sexuality. Not what he thinks her sexuality should be through porn. She cooks a mean meatloaf and carrotcake, irons Bob's shirts, doesn't want threesomes and doens't want her sexuality defined by porn. She doesn't need porn in her life and prefers a man who is more then happy to put it down because he realizes he has something much better and is willing to make the commitment tobe loyal. She's a human being so yeah, she isn't perfect. She lives in the real world so she isn't going to be some female caricture found in a porn movie. She has boundries and also likes to try new things. And she learned on this while still being able to not have porn in her life. YOur two examples, 1 and 2, are such extremes that they are unrealistic. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 By the way...lets say Tina has to pick between two guys. Guy 1: Looks at porn, wants her to act like a porn star, have threesomes..etc etc. And use more porn in the relationship under the deguise that it's for her own best interest. Guy 2: Doens't look at porn, is able to have amazing sex with her without, doesnt want threesomes and is happy to be with her. I think Tina would pick Guy2:lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Lucky555 Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 I congratulate your wife. I don't feel any sympathy for you what so ever. But i do want to help you. Lie 1. (lying to yourself) You probably knew prior to looking at porn how your wife would feel if she knew. Lie 2. You were covering your tracks and actually lying to your wife! When you married your wife you knew she: Loved you wouldn't leave you cared for you when your down Held you to a higher standard...making you be a better man and you probably liked that feeling. Maybe knew if you two had kids she would be a wonderful mom. She is and was still as beautiful as ever Shes REALLY SMART and HAS GREAT INTUITION! I believe porn was not the major issue here. I personally don't like porn. I rather find my mate and get it on rather than looking at a magazine or online crap. I know boys though...like looking at it why not? but in all reality i believe you rather have a "person" by your side than a magazine. I think you wife doesn't feel good enough for you if you look at it. I know it could make some women feel self conscious about themselves. I think you need to quit it and if it is a problem for you seek therapy seriously. If its not a big deal as you say..then its not a big deal to quit. You need to go back to that day and determine what you were seeking to get from looking at porn. You need to see what your missing in your life...maybe your sex life for this matter in order to resolve the problem. Was your wife having a baby at the time? Did she have depression or did you have a depression? Could be anything really. You need to do anything possible to make it up to your wife. I believe you are in love with your wife. Isn't it nice to know that your wife does check up on you? Imagine if this were your wife doing this and not you. I think you would be really devastated. Are you going on dates with your wife. Rekindle the realtionship. When was the last time you bought her flowers, asked her out, gave her a massage. If you are missing something in your life initiate and talk about it. Make a goal to kiss and hug each other everyday...after you regain her trust some of course!!! Once you lie to a woman its very hard for them to completely trust you. I think you can rebuild trust but it will take time. Stop looking and obsessing about this other woman..you don't even know her that well. everyone is different at work they don't reflect their true character. You may feel as if your on parole..and you are. be on your best behavior and you may get some slack to feel better. Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 I suggest you take your own advice because I think there are a few here that would argue about you being in a "healthy" place. You're projecting. As for Bob, I would think he is going to have serious relationships issues if he picks women based on if they watch porn or not. Proving that your reading comprehension skills need improvement, as I specifically disclaimed that point. But would probably be happier with option 3. She loves sex. But doesn't live in some fantasy world where she has to perform like a pornstar because of unrealistic expectations set by a selfish industry. This has been a recurring theme with you, but you've never defined it. So let's make a list of sexual activities, you let us know if they're "pornstar fantasy" or "real world". 1- PIV sex, missionary postion. 2- PIV sex, reverse cowgirl position. 3- PIV sex, girl bent over the kitchen counter. 4- PIV sex in a technically public location, but one that's secluded enough that discovery is unlikely. 5- Sex is a public location where you're likely or certain to get caught, but where the activity is acceptable (such as a swingers club). Answer this one assuming only the two primary partners are participating. 6- Oral sex 7- Oral sex to completion 8- Oral sex with a facial 9- Anal sex 10- Voyeurism (i.e. watching others) 11- Exhibitionism (i.e. others watching you) 12- Sex with 3 or more participants 13- Taking erotic photos, but w/o a sexual component (e.g. model-type lingerie or nudes) 14- Taking erotic photos with a sexual component 15- Videotaping sex 16- Sharing the results of 13, 14, or 15 with friends 17- Going to nude beaches (though not technically sexual) 18- Flashing strangers (e.g. Mardi Gras on Burbon St) 19- Spanking 20- Pulling hair 21- Using sex toys solo 22- Using sex toys together That should be enough for us to understand your positions. I think Tina would pick Guy2 Of course that's what you think. Guy2 doesn't really exist. And the number of "Tina's" out there who would actually prefer Guy1 is a LOT more than you think, and growing every day. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Of course that's what you think. Guy2 doesn't really exist. And the number of "Tina's" out there who would actually prefer Guy1 is a LOT more than you think, and growing every day. Keep telling yourself that. Most women would perfer a man that didn't look at it or was more ambivilent to it then today's man is. Most women put up with it but I don't think most women think it adds any real value to anything. Lucky, very good post! Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Ya know, for someone who is as open minded and freaky in the bed as you claim to be, albeit sans porn, you have refused every effort on my part to define what is "normal" and what is "porn induced fantasy". I serve you up a softball, and list items that you just have to say A or B too and yet you still refuse. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
sxyNYCcpl Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Keep telling yourself that. I don't have to. Some friends of mine recently hosted a swingers party. 468 people showed up. Would have been 470 but we were previously engaged. And lest you think it was a bunch of pornified, wishful thinking men, the event was restricted to couples only. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 Some women do look at porn, but not to the degree and time and in the same way men do. Women don't interchange men the same way men do so to women. How is it that when women are looking at porn, they don't look at it "in the same way men do" ??? As for passing judgment, please spare me this speach Mr. Lucky. You are full of your own judgments. This post included where you at the same time attempt to lecture me about mine. Really Jersey? Because my speech is that you should make the choices that work for you and your partner. And my judgement is that I respect your choices and your right to do so. Is that what you're saying back to me? Mr. Lucky Maybe morelaugh said it best: Can we conclude with: DO WHAT WORK BEST FOR YOU AND RESPECT OTHER PEOPLE’S CHOICES. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 How is it that when women are looking at porn, they don't look at it "in the same way men do" ??? Either way, man or women, looking at porn in a relationship isn't fair to your partner. And I think since most porn is guy-centric and any porn I have seen has focused more on the woman, I think that men look at it for the women and the sex and women look at it probably more from the sex. I am sure some women might lust after the men in porn but I think more often then not, it's the men lusting after the women. And it's usually the woman the the movie focuses on. It's not usually focused on the man, what is happening to him, how he looks. There are way more "hot" females in porn then "hot" men. Men don't have to live up to the same standards. Really Jersey? Because my speech is that you should make the choices that work for you and your partner. And my judgement is that I respect your choices and your right to do so. Please Mr. Lucky, you pass your own judgements all the time, like everyone else here. that is how we form our opinions. I can easily respect a persons right to have the right to choose and not respect what they choose. I don't respect the choice people make when it comes to spanking their children, not recycling or a million other topics that people can disagree on. So please show me where I am showing disrespect by my mere disagreement with the choices others make. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 And it's usually the woman the the movie focuses on. It's not usually focused on the man, what is happening to him, how he looks. There are way more "hot" females in porn then "hot" men. Men don't have to live up to the same standards. You are right about this, and it is no surprise, as men are the main consumers and most men want to see what is going on with the woman, not the man. Too bad for us women, though. Whenever I've watched porn, if the camera strays even for a few moments to the man (assuming he's not a troll, which some of them are) his movements, his body (not just his penis), his facial expressions, well, it can be VERY arousing. Maybe somebody out there should start making porn for women that isn't all romance/flowers/lighting/plot. I am totally not into Harlequin romance soft core. But something a little raunchier, with some focus on the guys, that might turn me into a regular consumer. What do you say, Jersey, interested in a little business proposition that will even out the playing field a little Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 So please show me where I am showing disrespect by my mere disagreement with the choices others make. I think you show disrespect in two ways: 1). Name calling - You label those who's choices are different than yours as liars, cheaters and adulterers. 2). Motives - You don't just disagree with their choice, you attach unwarranted assumptions to their reasons for doing so. In your mind, anyone who chooses to look at porn is motivated by a desire to demean or diminish their partner. Different than "mere disagreement"... Mr. Lucky Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 OP, you need to: 1) Stop looking at porn. 2) Explain to her that you are going to look at porn occasionally, and that she is just going to have to deal with it. or 3) Tell her you stopped looking at porn, and take the time to figure out a way to prevent her from discovering this (it can be done). 1 or 2 would of course be preferable. If you are interested in option number 3, learn how to use a virtual machine (like VMWare) and encryption software (like truecrypt). Make a VM on a truecrypt encrypted partition, and then look at all the porn you want when she is not around. I only know this because I am a computer professional, btw. 3 comes with some risks of course, because she could still stumble on you when you have your d**k in your hand. It also may effect your sense of integrity. Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 What do you say, Jersey, interested in a little business proposition that will even out the playing field a little Perhaps..I can see it now: Male Version: Slutty Cheerleaders Female Version: Ahole Football Players Male Version: Horny Babysitters Female Version: Horny Male Babysitters Male Version: House Maid B*tches Female Version: Landscaper Jerks I think you show disrespect in two ways: 1). Name calling - You label those who's choices are different than yours as liars, cheaters and adulterers. I think using porn is a type of cheating. That isn't name calling, that's about my standards. 2). Motives - You don't just disagree with their choice, you attach unwarranted assumptions to their reasons for doing so. In your mind, anyone who chooses to look at porn is motivated by a desire to demean or diminish their partner. YOU, Mr. Lucky disagree with my choices. I think the things I do because this is what men have taught me is true. I don't think men go out looking at porn because the want to demean or diminish their partner. But I do think that is what ends up happening in the process. I don't think that is mens' intention. But porn demeans women as a group. Link to post Share on other sites
electric_sheep Posted October 10, 2008 Share Posted October 10, 2008 BTW, Jersey Shortie, looking at porn isn't always a problem. It's only a problem if the partners feel differently about it. Some partners simply don't care about it. As amazing as it sounds, some of the porn actresses themselves have significant others! I had a friend who dated a stripper. He simply didn't care. We all get to define our boundaries anyway we want to. It's only a problem with their isn't consensus. Link to post Share on other sites
annieo Posted October 11, 2008 Share Posted October 11, 2008 Perhaps..I can see it now: Male Version: Slutty Cheerleaders Female Version: Ahole Football Players Male Version: Horny Babysitters Female Version: Horny Male Babysitters Male Version: House Maid B*tches Female Version: Landscaper Jerks :lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 It is funny but in all seriousness, if female porn movies were comparable to male porn movies, that is what the titles would be. Do I think men would like that? heck no I don't. But it's okay to belittle women. And apparently since most men view porn. Most men think it's okay to belittle women. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 It is funny but in all seriousness, if female porn movies were comparable to male porn movies, that is what the titles would be. Do I think men would like that? I don't think that most men would be threatened or bothered by the existence of a movie like "Ahole Football Players". But I also don't think that most women - save a few vocal and prolific posters like yourself - are bothered by "Slutty Cheerleaders". Most men think it's okay to belittle women. Wow Jersey, I think you're coming around! You just said "most" men, using an actual qualifier that allows for the fact that, even within men and women, there are different responses. Congratulations ... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I don't think that most men would be threatened or bothered by the existence of a movie like "Ahole Football Players". But I also don't think that most women - save a few vocal and prolific posters like yourself - are bothered by "Slutty Cheerleaders". I would disagree. I know alot of men that do not like to be called named and get angry when they are refered to in derogatory names. Are you honestly saying you like to be called names that make you less of a person? Come on, I have seen you get angry at things I have never even said and got upset at what you thought I was merely implying. So to be quite honest, I think you are not being realistic. And I am sorry but I don't know many women that love to be refered to in derogatory names either. But keep telling yourself that. It should make you feel better about the lack of respect women receive from men anyway. Wow Jersey, I think you're coming around! You just said "most" men, using an actual qualifier that allows for the fact that, even within men and women, there are different responses. Congratulations ... Mr. Lucky Thanks Mr. Lucky. I will await the day when you begin to regonize the follies of your comments. But frankly, I think I am a little more evovled then you so I might be waiting a long time. In all honestly, you harp on the most pointless and ridiculous comments and completely over look purposely the more important ones. You rather address the use of "most" or lack of use then directly address the topic. It's quite obvious that you are unable to directly address the comments, and I tend to find that a common occurance with men when this subject comes up, because men are if not loyal to their porn over women. And has been seen over and over, most men defend their porn. It's a sad world we live in today but that's the kind of men that are out there today. Gone are the days when men wanted to respect women and treat htem with compassion, kindness and respect. The fact is porn belittles women. Most men like looking at porn. Ergo, most men don't mind when women are belittled. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted October 13, 2008 Share Posted October 13, 2008 I would disagree. I know alot of men that do not like to be called named and get angry when they are refered to in derogatory names. Are you honestly saying you like to be called names that make you less of a person? Come on, I have seen you get angry at things I have never even said and got upset at what you thought I was merely implying. So to be quite honest, I think you are not being realistic. And I am sorry but I don't know many women that love to be refered to in derogatory names either. But keep telling yourself that. It should make you feel better about the lack of respect women receive from men anyway. The simple answer is that I wouldn't assume that a movie about "Ahole Football Players" was about me any more than you should assume that "Slutty Cheerleaders" is about you. Perhaps your sensitivity has "evolved" too much ??? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Jersey Shortie Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I dont assume it's about me. I do recongnize the lack of respect it showcases. Link to post Share on other sites
Loving Wife Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 I am a married woman of 20 years and I must say it seems that your wife may not be givin you what you need. My hubby looks at porn and sometimes I look with him. I have gone to strip clubs with him and enjoy what he enjoys. I am secure with my husband and try to give him what he needs to keep him happy instead of trying to Mommy him. She may be the reason you found OM attractive. Your outlet you had has been taken away. Is she takin care of you in the bedroom and keeping your sex life spiced up if not that will cause these problems as well. Talk to her tell her what you need from her that you are not getting. There is more to this then maybe you even are realizing. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby Slippers Posted October 14, 2008 Share Posted October 14, 2008 Female Version: Landscaper Jerks I haven't looked at this thread in a while, but I just read the most recent page, saw this, and laughed my butt off. I don't know why exactly, but the thought really cracks me up. I don't even like porn, but I kinda wanna see this one. lol Link to post Share on other sites
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