malibustacydoll Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I am only 20 and don't have nearly as many life experiences as you so I may not be able to offer the best advice. (I hope you don't take offense in my calling you "old"). However, since you have the guys perspective and know how your wife reacts, maybe you can offer me some advice. I have been with my boyfriend for a year and half now. He admits that he is addicted to porn. I recently made a post about it. However, to sum it up he was watching it 4-5 times a week, when him and I were having sex 5-8 times a week. He could essentially have me whenever and however he wanted yet he still had this urge to look at other women. It devistated me. Every other aspect of my relationship with him is wonderful, however, I don't know if I can ever trust him now. I want to snoop and find out if he continues to do it bu I don't want my relationship with him to be like that at all. Do you think this is something you can get over in a relationship? Should I get out since porn is a deal breaker for me, or do you think guys can really change? Sorry that I turned your post for advice into me asking for advice.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 I Should I get out since porn is a deal breaker for me, or do you think guys can really change? What discussion have you had with him regarding your discomfort over his porn use? Mr. Lucky
mrsT Posted September 25, 2008 Posted September 25, 2008 Get out. If he could stop because he wanted to he would've already. Most of the men here defend their porn use because they couldn't quit if they tried. It's not a choice anymore. It's a compulsion that slowly destroys their humanity. Please pay attention, future; look up s-anon. You can't control his behavior, nor is it your responsibility to. Sexual deviants rarely if ever change. Submitting to the control of pornography shows a character flaw.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 26, 2008 Posted September 26, 2008 Sexual deviants rarely if ever change. Submitting to the control of pornography shows a character flaw. In your eyes mrsT, is every man who has ever looked at porn a sexual deviant? Mr. Lucky
Jersey Shortie Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Do you think porn treats women with respect and dignity Mr. Lucky? Would you be okay with a female member of your family getting into that business? Is porn a fair and right and respectful repsentation of women?
Mr. Lucky Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 Is porn a fair and right and respectful repsentation of women? Jersey, the porn that my wife and I occasionally look at is mostly other couples having sex. Unless you think that sex is somehow "dirty", I'm not sure how "fair and right and respectful" come into play. Just as we watch voluntarily, so do the paid or amature actors and couples participate voluntarily. Regardless, your TV, DVD and computer all have power buttons, right? So it would seem pretty easy for you to make a choice, behind your closed bedroom door, to watch or not watch. And guess what? Others get to make the same choice in their bedrooms... Mr. Lucky
Jersey Shortie Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I don't remember questioning your right to do as you please. I find it interesting how in my experience with men, they like to only try and tout the positives of porn, and never discuss the negatives. they will avoid admitting that porn does infact often depict women in a sterotypical manner, (something most the men here do not enjoy when they are spoken about in stereotypical manners), yet they would never want someone they love in a porno...to which you avoided answering that part of the question anyway.
Mr. Lucky Posted September 29, 2008 Posted September 29, 2008 I find it interesting how in my experience with men, they like to only try and tout the positives of porn, and never discuss the negatives. they will avoid admitting that porn does infact often depict women in a sterotypical manner, (something most the men here do not enjoy when they are spoken about in stereotypical manners), yet they would never want someone they love in a porno...to which you avoided answering that part of the question anyway. Yes, there are potential negatives to porn, both in the extremity of some of the content and the impact that some misguided individuals allow it to have on their lives and relationships. No arguement there. In my mind, how is that different than any of the other freedoms we enjoy as adults? I enjoy occasional gambling and sports betting but wouldn't want a loved one to become addicted to gambling. I like an occasional cocktail but wouldn't want a loved one to become an alcoholic. Porn is no different in that it's danger is to those people that can't keep it in perspective, a group that seems to include you ! Mr. Lucky
Jersey Shortie Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Yes, there are potential negatives to porn, both in the extremity of some of the content and the impact that some misguided individuals allow it to have on their lives and relationships. No arguement there. Who are the misguided individuals, the men or the women?? In my mind, how is that different than any of the other freedoms we enjoy as adults? I enjoy occasional gambling and sports betting but wouldn't want a loved one to become addicted to gambling. I like an occasional cocktail but wouldn't want a loved one to become an alcoholic. Porn is no different in that it's danger is to those people that can't keep it in perspective, a group that seems to include you! Have you ever asked yourself why we don't have thread upon thread of my husband/wife/dog is an alchoholic/druggie/shopoholic/dog-bisket-holic threads. Could it be that there is something about sex and porn that strike a special cord between the sexes? Is there a certain level of degradation in the majority of porn? The fact that porn and sex has to do with what happens between a men and women can make it yards more intimate and as sour point then an inanimate non-gender object as a drink. I am not implying that alchololism, drugs or other addictions can't be harmful to a relationship. The topic of this thread has been from the start, about porn specifically. I feel that when people attempt to bring up other addictions as an excuse to justfy whatever point they are making, they are trying to draw attention away from the very real and specific way porn can effect a man or a woman. You can't take a sensitive issue between the sexes and compare it to something gender neutral. I think porn is more harmful actually. I think it breeds negative stereotypical views about women and men in different ways. I think it makes men seem like over zealous selfish brutes that don't care about women beyond them spreading their legs. Is tha thow men like and want to be protrayed? Then you wonder why women have the gender ideas about men that they do? It also stereotypes women, calling them sluts (Not exactly a name meant to bring women up) at the same time praising the only thing about them that matters in the movie, their bodies and the sex they provide. I think more men then ever have made porn a part of their daily life. I don't think that's a positive. I don't think people have porn under control anymore then they have food undercontrol (overweight people), purchasing habits (indebt, creditors) or other areas of life. I do think that we are strangly more forgiving of porn when the implus for porn is no different then the implus to over eat. The only difference is the person over eating is more visually obvious. I think men are looking at more porn, more often, more so then in my father's generation. And I think the backlash is more angst between the sexes. Not less. Do men really believe that women shouhld be happy and feel like equals or like men truly respect and care for them by supporting a medium that is pretty darn debasing *most* of the time to women? The average carreer of a porn star lasts from 6-1 year. It is so taxing and over whelming physically and mentally they don't last longer then that. Most of them don't become the next Jenna Jaminisons. And even if they did, would their fathers be proud that they did? After viewing porn it is been proven that men have more negative thoughts about their own partners. It's been done in a scientific study Mr. Lucky. What do you say to that? Perhaps you aren't the one that is keeping it in perspective. I think I am pretty resonable about it, just as you think you are. Who is right? You? Because you think your opinion means more and is the "right one"? Because you like porn? Because porn is mostly still male domianted and about male tastes and desires? Because in most cases, it isn't th eman in the movie being called humlilating names and taking a load on his face? You think I sound unreasonable because these things bother me? I think you sound unreasonable if they don't bother you.
sxyNYCcpl Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Have you ever asked yourself why we don't have thread upon thread of my husband/wife/dog is an alchoholic/druggie/shopoholic/dog-bisket-holic threads. Could it be that there is something about sex and porn that strike a special cord between the sexes? The reason that you don't see threads like that is because the number of people who would argue that alcohol, shopping, or dog biscuits are inherently evil are so small as to be statistically irrelevant, and those who would make those arguments are easily dismissed as whack jobs (which should be the case for those who say porn is inherently evil as well). There is a difference between abuse, and use. If one has an alcoholic spouse, you have a problem, and it's not something an internet forum is going to be very helpful with. But if you have a spouse that goes out for 2 or 3 beers once a month or so with the boys, well it just doesn't rise to the level of problematic. You and those like you continue to argue that any porn use whatsoever is by definition, abuse. Is there a certain level of degradation in the majority of porn? You keep coming back to this point over and over and over. Just what the hell kind of porn are you watching? The kind I view and believe to be mainstream has consenting adults having sex. PIV sex, oral sex, anal sex, couples, threesomes, sometimes even 8-ways or more. I'm not seeing the degradation that you seem to feel is universal. Am I watching the wrong kind of porn?
Mr. Lucky Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Who are the misguided individuals, the men or the women?? The "misguided individual" would be the partner that allowed porn - or anything else - through either over-indulgence or intolerence to become a central issue in their relationship. Have you ever asked yourself why we don't have thread upon thread of my husband/wife/dog is an alchoholic/druggie/shopoholic/dog-bisket-holic threads. Jersey, the porn threads live here because of the off-topic spam that you continually insert into them. Absent your repetitive posting of "men see women as three holes" most of these threads would die a quick death. There was a recent thread where, as soon as porn was mentioned, everyone headed for the hills because they knew your dogmatic knee-jerk reaction was sure to follow. I'm sure that I contribute to the problem because I have a hard time letting the half-truths, faulty conclusions and unsupported assumptions go unchallenged. I should probably give the members here more credit by knowing that they recognize nonsense when they see it... Mr. Lucky
soserious1 Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 Yes, there are potential negatives to porn, both in the extremity of some of the content and the impact that some misguided individuals allow it to have on their lives and relationships. No arguement there. In my mind, how is that different than any of the other freedoms we enjoy as adults? I enjoy occasional gambling and sports betting but wouldn't want a loved one to become addicted to gambling. I like an occasional cocktail but wouldn't want a loved one to become an alcoholic. Porn is no different in that it's danger is to those people that can't keep it in perspective, a group that seems to include you ! Mr. Lucky So by that reasoning then, I would think you would be PROUD and excited to hold screenings of your daughter featured in a movie begging to have loads of cum blown in her face, I mean as long as she makes such videos only occasionally, I would think as a father that you'd be showing that movie to everybody you know...look at my Susie, see how brave she is as those guys DP her, doesn't she moan beautifully!!! If porn viewing is healthy and normal, then it should also be healthy and normal, a point of pride in fact, to have a close relative, including your own daughters make a few videos and to openly share them.
Jersey Shortie Posted October 1, 2008 Posted October 1, 2008 The reason that you don't see threads like that is because the number of people who would argue that alcohol, shopping, or dog biscuits are inherently evil are so small as to be statistically irrelevant, and those who would make those arguments are easily dismissed as whack jobs (which should be the case for those who say porn is inherently evil as well). And the fact that they aren't, and the fact that porn is argued about more should tell you something right there. There is a difference between abuse, and use. In some things, this would be true. In others, not so much. Rape isn't okay if it's done in moderation, cheating on your spouse isn't okay if it's done in monderation. Am I saying that porn is the same as rap? No. What I am saying is that some things are okay in moderation, some things not so much. You are what you spend your time doing. If you think porn has no effects on you, you are not being logical about how the human brain operates. Porn works for a reason. Advertising works for a reason. Jersey, the porn threads live here because of the off-topic spam that you continually insert into them. Absent your repetitive posting of "men see women as three holes" most of these threads would die a quick death. There was a recent thread where, as soon as porn was mentioned, everyone headed for the hills because they knew your dogmatic knee-jerk reaction was sure to follow. I'm sure that I contribute to the problem because I have a hard time letting the half-truths, faulty conclusions and unsupported assumptions go unchallenged. I should probably give the members here more credit by knowing that they recognize nonsense when they see it... Mr. Lucky As ususal, you avoided the more important points of my post to focus the attention where it's not as nearly important. Not one question I asked you went answered. Not one fact I presented went acknowledged. People have been arguing about porn way before I ever came here, and will do so way after. If my views are dogmatic knee-jerk anti porn, a few here can very easily be dogmatic knee jerk pro porn, yet I don't see you offering them the same speaches...and I don't see you stoping to consider that you could actually be one of them yourself.
gabijo06 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I can speak from experience of what your wife might be feeling .When the trust has been broken in a relationship it can do so much damage. You should NEVER make promises you cannot keep. It is the worst feeling in the world to have your husband make promises and then break them. It makes you feel like you mean nothing to that person. Makes you think whats wrong with me that my husband does'nt care enough to keep them. My husband made promise and did'nt keep them and because of this it has made me a different person. I can't believe anything he says or does. I am always suspicous of what he is doing and the toll it has taken on our marriage is unbelievable. It's not your wifes fault that she found things. Your married, she should be able to go thru anything and not have to worry about finding something. You should have just told her from the beginning that you look at porn then maybe it would'nt have been such a big deal and then made promises that you probally knew you couldnt keep has only made things snow ball. The facts are that if you had'nt given her a reason to not trust you then she would'nt have to try and catch you doing something that you should'nt. She's probally snooping because she wants to know that your doing it anymore and you are keeping your word. Can you imagine how she feels when she does find something after you said you wouldnt do it anymore. If you did'nt want a snoop then you should of been honest from the get go and not made promises. It is going to take a while for her to trust you again, i know this for a fact. But you do need to go to mc so that they can help get some trust back because if you don't it will only get worse....Get luck to be both of you and I really hope you guys can work it out.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 So by that reasoning then, I would think you would be PROUD and excited to hold screenings of your daughter featured in a movie begging to have loads of cum blown in her face, I mean as long as she makes such videos only occasionally, I would think as a father that you'd be showing that movie to everybody you know...look at my Susie, see how brave she is as those guys DP her, doesn't she moan beautifully!!! If porn viewing is healthy and normal, then it should also be healthy and normal, a point of pride in fact, to have a close relative, including your own daughters make a few videos and to openly share them. Twisted logic from a twisted mind. Have a nice life... Mr. Lucky
soserious1 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Twisted logic from a twisted mind. Have a nice life... Mr. Lucky If "ocasionally" watching porn is indeed "healthy normal and good" then occasionally choosing to star in a porn film is healthy,normal and good as well. If liking to watch young women get cum blasted all over their faces or 9 inch dicks rammed up their asses is wonderful, then it's also wonderful,normal and perfectly acceptable for your sister or your daughter to be one of those young women. You admit to occasionally enjoying watching other men's daughters get cock shoved in every orifice they've got, why would it be a problem for your daughter to decide to provide the same visual pleasure for scores of men just like yourself? After all porn viewing is totally harmless, totally normal. I'd think you'd be more than a little proud of a daughter or sister who made such a film. I'm sorry but I hold with the idea that if viewing such explicit content is merely part of the healthy expression of sexuality,than starring in the production of such material is as well.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 If liking to watch young women get cum blasted all over their faces or 9 inch dicks rammed up their asses is wonderful, then it's also wonderful,normal and perfectly acceptable for your sister or your daughter to be one of those young women. You admit to occasionally enjoying watching other men's daughters get cock shoved in every orifice they've got, why would it be a problem for your daughter to decide to provide the same visual pleasure for scores of men just like yourself? After all porn viewing is totally harmless, totally normal. I'd think you'd be more than a little proud of a daughter or sister who made such a film. I think that asking someone to visualize their sister or daughter in a sexual situation is the height of inappropriate posting and poor taste. In other words soserious1, coming from you, it's no surprise at all... Mr. Lucky
Ocean-Blue Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 If "ocasionally" watching porn is indeed "healthy normal and good" then occasionally choosing to star in a porn film is healthy,normal and good as well. If liking to watch young women get cum blasted all over their faces or 9 inch dicks rammed up their asses is wonderful, then it's also wonderful,normal and perfectly acceptable for your sister or your daughter to be one of those young women. You admit to occasionally enjoying watching other men's daughters get cock shoved in every orifice they've got, why would it be a problem for your daughter to decide to provide the same visual pleasure for scores of men just like yourself? After all porn viewing is totally harmless, totally normal. I'd think you'd be more than a little proud of a daughter or sister who made such a film. I'm sorry but I hold with the idea that if viewing such explicit content is merely part of the healthy expression of sexuality,than starring in the production of such material is as well. You make no sense here. People have different tastes as far as porn is concerned. Not everyone likes watching what you describe. Being an observer and being a participant are two different things. You made no point here, soserious.
soserious1 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 I think that asking someone to visualize their sister or daughter in a sexual situation is the height of inappropriate posting and poor taste. In other words soserious1, coming from you, it's no surprise at all... Mr. Lucky but porn is healthy,normal and good, all those young women,freely and openly expressing their sexuality ! You've got no problem beating women who dislike porn over the head with these phrases. I will ask again, and will not be put off. If porn is so healthy,natural and good,why would it be anything other than a point of pride for your daughter to be a porn star?
soserious1 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 You make no sense here. People have different tastes as far as porn is concerned. Not everyone likes watching what you describe. Being an observer and being a participant are two different things. You made no point here, soserious. And exactly how are they different? the porn watcher is healthy,normal and good but the porn star is soiled,dirty and unhealthy? Sorry there's a phrase for that, I believe it's called Hypocrisy.
Ocean-Blue Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 And exactly how are they different? the porn watcher is healthy,normal and good but the porn star is soiled,dirty and unhealthy? Sorry there's a phrase for that, I believe it's called Hypocrisy. Who said anything about the porn star being soiled or dirty or unhealthy? Not everything is hardcore gang-bang porn.
soserious1 Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Who said anything about the porn star being soiled or dirty or unhealthy? Not everything is hardcore gang-bang porn. Barring child porn or snuff films there's no such thing as bad porn though,it's all good,just different expressions of sexuality! Again going back to my main point.. if porn watching is healthy,normal and good just another expression of healthy sexuality, then what's the difference between watching porn and starring in it? One would think we'd celebrate and applaud the porn star for so openly sharing their expression of sexuality with us and we'd be thrilled,proud and excited if our loved ones chose to become porn stars.
morelaugh Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Twisted logic from a twisted mind. Porn aside, claiming that every other opinion but our own is insane, not only displays self-righteousness of a close mind, but also an attempt to intimidate ‘heretics’ into adopting our own belief system. In the light of porn discussion, it’s probably just a demonstration of the power of the bandwagon effect.
Mr. Lucky Posted October 2, 2008 Posted October 2, 2008 Porn aside, claiming that every other opinion but our own is insane, not only displays self-righteousness of a close mind, but also an attempt to intimidate ‘heretics’ into adopting our own belief system. Main Entry: 1twist: to alter the meaning of : distort , pervert <twisted the facts> There you go, morelaugh, straight from the dictionary. Not sure how that implies insanity or intimidation. I guess that means, at least to me, that your interpretation is twisted... Mr. Lucky
Recommended Posts