Why does she keep snooping??? Porn and other woman

[stone22]

I am sure that we would all agree that we should be held to our own rules, right Jersie?

 

I already know you don't feel like you can handle answering my thought provoking gent questions Mr. Lucky. And it goes noted everytime you side step it. And everytime you do, I chalk up to avoidence.

 

Mr. Lucky, you aren't making much sense and you are avoiding answering the direct questions asked to you.

 

The question that I posted:

 

Is your problem with porn an issue of disgust and immorality, or is it really a reflection of your insecurities, both as a person and as a woman, that you have not learned to deal with through out your life?

 

AFTER I answered the nagging and ridiculous question- you answer a question with a question!

Is porn a reflection of a man's insecurities that both as a man and a person he has not learned to deal with in real life?

 

I'll answer your question when you answer mine.

 

Other women to get sexually stimumlated over and your wife to service you after getting hot over other women.

 

Actually- I service my wife. I adore her body, and even droule over it. Yes- she does watch porn with me- and NO- she would not do it if she did not want to. She's a very stubborn independant woman. (Kinda sexy)

 

 

And what does your wife get out of it? A man that just got tunred on by 25 year olds in porn so that he could finish off with her. Yay for women. Men really love us huh. (yeah right!)

 

 

BTW- my wife is 26, and she is hot. And yeah- I do love her. And (gasp) she loves me. What will I do whan I get older? I will still find her hot. Older women are hot. And it's not always their bodies that make them hot. Older women have shed the insecurities that you haven't yet.

 

Well- clearly someone does not love you, and vice versa. I do hope you find that. I am sure when you are ready you will. You have been missing out.

 

You are starting to make me dizzy by going in circles. You don't have to like porn. But you can't tell others that it is wrong to like it. There is a healthy viewing of porn, and there is an unhealthy viewing of porn.

[morelaugh]

Everyone talks about respect and rants and raves about men disrespecting women.

 

This post was fair. It came from someone that seems to be balanced.

 

Wow--

 

How nice of you!

Thank you, Stone!

 

 

It strikes me as more than ironic that I (who has been called "addicted" to porn based on my occasional usage) couldn't pick Jenna Jameson out of a police line-up but you know her history and sexual in-film preferences and limits. You've posted many times your conclusions about porn films, actresses, actors, plot lines and techniques, with specific focus on the sex scenes.

 

How does someone who is so anti-porn become so knowledgable about its content ???

 

To be fair, you can’t blame a girl for wanting to ‘know her enemy’.

I fully support that approach – if you are against something (or pro something, for that matter) at least make an effort to know what you’re talking about.

 

In one of the oldest books on military strategy in the world, ‘The Art of War ‘, Sun Tzu says:

 

So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will fight without danger in battles.

If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.

If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.

 

Talking in quotes, let me through another one in:

 

Wise men learn many things from their enemies. (Aristophanes)

 

 

 

I’ll stop now, before I bore everyone to death.

[sxyNYCcpl]

That's the over whelming message I seem to get from most men. Porn is cool. Real women should just shut up.

 

You're misunderstanding us. Porn IS cool. Real women, good women, women worthy of our affection already know that. They don't have to shut up because they're watching it with us instead of shrilly whining. Because they actually have a healthy relationship with their own sexuality, they understand that watching other people in sexual situations is a turn on, as opposed to being afraid of it.

 

You seem to think that your man watching porn implies he doesn't want to be with you. It does not, but most men do not want to be anywhere near a woman with your attitudes, that much is certainly true.

[stone22]

 

To be fair, you can’t blame a girl for wanting to ‘know her enemy’.

I fully support that approach – if you are against something (or pro something, for that matter) at least make an effort to know what you’re talking about.

 

In one of the oldest books on military strategy in the world, ‘The Art of War ‘, Sun Tzu says:

 

So it is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will fight without danger in battles.

If you only know yourself, but not your opponent, you may win or may lose.

If you know neither yourself nor your enemy, you will always endanger yourself.

 

 

Wise men learn many things from their enemies. (Aristophanes)

 

How true, and how insightful!

 

BUT-

 

Who really is the enemy? Is the enemy Jenna Jameson? Is the enemy really porn?

[morelaugh]

How true, and how insightful!

 

BUT-

 

Who really is the enemy? Is the enemy Jenna Jameson? Is the enemy really porn?

 

The enemy can be true or can be perceived.

Sometimes, you can be your own enemy.

 

In this case, I assumed that for JS it is porn or, if you want in broader terms, the society that promotes plastic fake ideals of female beauty. (And I personally tend to understand/agree, it can be very overwhelming, especially for the young girls)

 

What I believe bothers most women with the porn problem is not sex or the morality of it – it is the fact that they feel they are being replaced by better, more desirable examples of the same ‘species’.

 

Again, you may not even agree with the existence of the enemy – but if someone feels there is an enemy, than it is very real for them.

[Mr. Lucky]

To be fair, you can’t blame a girl for wanting to ‘know her enemy’.

I fully support that approach – if you are against something (or pro something, for that matter) at least make an effort to know what you’re talking about.

Morelaugh, perhaps you are correct.

 

Jersey, are you busy plowing through Jenna's entire catalog in the name of research ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[stone22]

Again, you may not even agree with the existence of the enemy – but if someone feels there is an enemy, than it is very real for them.

 

 

So true, morelaugh. We create our own reality. The enemy is this case is a perceived enemy as you have said.

 

It is easier to lie to ourselves than anyone else, as I have found throuh my own instance. My argument is that what we perceive as the enemy is the problem.

 

Is porn the true enemy? Or is a low self esteem and insecurity on our own parts the enemy?

 

Porn will always be there. If you try to wage war against the porn industry- and even succeed by bringing it down- will that have won the war? Will that solve or have prevented the problems that Jersie or "notsoserious"(as we now know her) encountered? They would have merely manifested themselves in someother form.

 

Miscommunication, lack of understanding, and insecurity are the root of the problem. NOT PORN. It probably doesn't help some of the extreme cases. But it is NOT THE ROOT, and not the TRUE ENEMY.

[soserious1]

You're misunderstanding us. Porn IS cool. Real women, good women, women worthy of our affection already know that. They don't have to shut up because they're watching it with us instead of shrilly whining. Because they actually have a healthy relationship with their own sexuality, they understand that watching other people in sexual situations is a turn on, as opposed to being afraid of it.

 

You seem to think that your man watching porn implies he doesn't want to be with you. It does not, but most men do not want to be anywhere near a woman with your attitudes, that much is certainly true.

 

 

"Watching porn with your husband"

 

I know all about this one, in the bed,facing the TV, placed in doggie style position with my face,top of my body pushed down into the mattress, so he could watch his porn while using my vagina as a human fleshlite. It wasn't much fun for me.

[Ocean-Blue]

"Watching porn with your husband"

 

I know all about this one, in the bed,facing the TV, placed in doggie style position with my face,top of my body pushed down into the mattress, so he could watch his porn while using my vagina as a human fleshlite. It wasn't much fun for me.

 

soserious, your experience has obviously been a very negative one. While you have every right to feel angry and upset, your experience does not define and shape every relationship out there. Believe it or not, some couples watch porn TOGETHER as mutually satisfying activity.

 

Granted, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but there are those that share sexual experiences in a very egalitarian way.

[pretty professional]

Just stop watching porn and stop seeking out this woman you're obsessed with. That simple.

[soserious1]

soserious, your experience has obviously been a very negative one. While you have every right to feel angry and upset, your experience does not define and shape every relationship out there. Believe it or not, some couples watch porn TOGETHER as mutually satisfying activity.

 

Granted, it's not everyone's cup of tea, but there are those that share sexual experiences in a very egalitarian way.

 

 

And those people are entirely free to pornalize their lives together in total bliss.

 

My ex husband is now entirely free to do whatever it is he wants sexually,porn, swinger's parties,strip clubs, he faces no limits, no restrictions.. and I pay the bills via alimony.

 

So it looks like porn won big time from where I sit, I'm in the process of "getting over it" but as part of that process have also decided to "get over" any inclination to treat men kindly or to go out of my way to do anything for them or to pay for anything for them. You want sex? great. you wanna bore me with your tale of woe, dump your bills or your chores on me? Don't let the door hit you in the rear on your way out. I'm not interested in the so called "loving relationship" anymore, quite frankly what men have to offer isn't worth what I've got to give up and pay for to get it.

[Ocean-Blue]

And those people are entirely free to pornalize their lives together in total bliss.

 

My ex husband is now entirely free to do whatever it is he wants sexually,porn, swinger's parties,strip clubs, he faces no limits, no restrictions.. and I pay the bills via alimony.

 

So it looks like porn won big time from where I sit, I'm in the process of "getting over it" but as part of that process have also decided to "get over" any inclination to treat men kindly or to go out of my way to do anything for them or to pay for anything for them. You want sex? great. you wanna bore me with your tale of woe, dump your bills or your chores on me? Don't let the door hit you in the rear on your way out. I'm not interested in the so called "loving relationship" anymore, quite frankly what men have to offer isn't worth what I've got to give up and pay for to get it.

 

Don't let one man's actions colour your views on men in general. If I recall, your H is the one that is spreading gossip, etc. about you because you left him (after giving him an ultimatum), correct?

 

He really did a number on you. I hope you eventually heal and gain some clarity. Till then, post your thoughts.

[soserious1]

Don't let one man's actions colour your views on men in general. If I recall, your H is the one that is spreading gossip, etc. about you because you left him (after giving him an ultimatum), correct?

 

He really did a number on you. I hope you eventually heal and gain some clarity. Till then, post your thoughts.

 

What I've learned is that monogamy and fidelity over the long term are basically not workable concepts for me. I don't want to be with a guy, paying his bills,cleaning ,cooking,doing laundry, helping with his elderly parents all the while having it hammered home to me in 101 different ways that he's got a list of about 10,000 women that he wants to bone.. and that I'm at the bottom of that list on a good day.

 

I have no desire to be cruel to anyone but I'm not interested in more than uber casual relationships with men, coffee or a drink, a bit of light hearted chit chat, sex, then go on about our business. I'm done with monogamy as a lifestyle choice. Men then get to retain their full right to lust for variety and to openly pursue other women . I get to keep my resources, my time,emotional and physical energy and my money, everybody wins.

[Jersey Shortie]

How does someone who is so anti-porn become so knowledgable about its content ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Jersey, are you busy plowing through Jenna's entire catalog in the name of research ???

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Your passive aggressive questions are thinly veiled Mr. Lucky. I have read alot of articles about porn trying to understand men. The more I read about it, the more disheartened I become about men and the less I understand why men want to treat women the way the do. I don't have to watch a Jenna Jaminson movie to do research. But thank you for your insincere questions.

 

----------------------------------------------------------------------

 

 

BTW- my wife is 26, and she is hot. And yeah- I do love her. And (gasp) she loves me. What will I do whan I get older? I will still find her hot. Older women are hot. And it's not always their bodies that make them hot. Older women have shed the insecurities that you haven't yet.

 

Well- clearly someone does not love you, and vice versa. I do hope you find that. I am sure when you are ready you will. You have been missing out.

 

You are starting to make me dizzy by going in circles. You don't have to like porn. But you can't tell others that it is wrong to like it. There is a healthy viewing of porn, and there is an unhealthy viewing of porn.

 

Are you trying to be mean? Clearly someone doesn't love me?Actually, it's because of my romantic relationships with men and what I have found tobe true about most of them and their loytalty to their pornography over their real relatoinships with their own woman, that I have come to the conclusions I have. Even with the message board discussions. I don't have to like porn and I don't have to think it's *right* and agree that other people do. There is no such thing as a healthy viewing of porn. That's something people buy into to make themselves feel better.

 

I am glad you find your wife attractive. The truth remains that I find it funny how men sit there and preach about being secure in who they are while they look at videos of 18 year olds with implants doing all kinds of crazy things meant to please men. Really, I find it funny that men can sit there and preach about how women should over ride this and be secure in themselves when men can't even override the desire to look and be secure in themselves. Am I saying that you shouldnt work on your insecurities? No. What I am saying is that I understand 100% why alot of women have the insecurities they do, and alot of men don't try to help. And it seems like alot of men don't are to help and rather blame women instead of trying to understand them. YOu will find your older wife sexy because of other things? That's great. I hope you do. HOwever, the fact remains that many men's wives will age, have their children and take care of them, and their husbands will see be masturbating to pictures of 20 year olds with implants 40 years from now. Give a girl a lot of kindness, and warmth and security to look forward too. Laughable

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

You're misunderstanding us. Porn IS cool. Real women, good women, women worthy of our affection already know that. They don't have to shut up because they're watching it with us instead of shrilly whining. Because they actually have a healthy relationship with their own sexuality, they understand that watching other people in sexual situations is a turn on, as opposed to being afraid of it.

 

You seem to think that your man watching porn implies he doesn't want to be with you. It does not, but most men do not want to be anywhere near a woman with your attitudes, that much is certainly true

 

You'r attempt to shame women into deviding "good women" as women who like porn and "bad women" as women who don't is very weak minded. You think women who disliked porn shrilly whine about it and I think men who defend porn show it's pathetic and desmaculine impact and importance in a man's life. ANd no woman, wants to be with a man with those attitudes either.

 

Everytime I hear porn get defended, I am again reminded by men in general how important porn is to them over the real woman in their life. Everytime, it never fail. ANd it never fails that most men never tyr to understand and instead try to shame women into saying the yare "insecure" instead of attempting to understand the hurt and disappointment.

 

------------------------------------------------------------------

 

In this case, I assumed that for JS it is porn or, if you want in broader terms, the society that promotes plastic fake ideals of female beauty. (And I personally tend to understand/agree, it can be very overwhelming, especially for the young girls)

 

What I believe bothers most women with the porn problem is not sex or the morality of it – it is the fact that they feel they are being replaced by better, more desirable examples of the same ‘species’.

 

Exactly, but I bet this statement will be ignored. Men don't care.

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Is porn the true enemy? Or is a low self esteem and insecurity on our own parts the enemy?

 

I think the enemy is an industry that disprects an entire gender and treats it's patrons as nothing more then interchangable toys to move on to the next..and the next..perpuating the everlasting ideal that no real woman can live up to but clearly a man wants on some level. If you wonder why women have so many questoins about their bodies, ask yourself about the messages women get fed every day, from the medium and from even their own husbands and boyfriends that help to perpuate teh myth. One could argue that men are their own enemy and shoot themselves in the foot. One could easily argue that men are the insecure ones that they need to hold onto porn like they do. That they need to use it from time to time and can't sustain themselves without it. That's a big inseurity on itself. It's a different insecurity from the one women can feel in regards to porn, but still an insecurity.

 

 

Porn will always be there. If you try to wage war against the porn industry- and even succeed by bringing it down- will that have won the war?

 

I agree porn will always be there, but men can be stronger, better more of the man they were suppose to be. WHat man here actually things he is suppose to be sitting infront of his computer with his own penis in his hand haveing a pathetic sesseion of shallow "enjoyment" that overrides his own companion. I doubt there is one man here (maybe one), thet really thinks that the nobel way to act, the way a real man should act.

 

 

Miscommunication, lack of understanding, and insecurity are the root of the problem. NOT PORN. It probably doesn't help some of the extreme cases. But it is NOT THE ROOT, and not the TRUE ENEMY.

 

Wrong. Porn is the root of the problem. Allong with how it gets indulged in and how it progresses into more degrading and shocking elements. Funny how you put porn on such a pedestal that it's almost like "how dare you say porn is abad". Funny that. What is porn anyway, then miscommunication about what sex should be, what women should look like and what women should act like. Porn is a form of commuication. And not one that treats women very nicely. Unless you do actually think women treats women with respect and kindness...do you believe that porn treats women how women deserve to be treated? A fair question.

 

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------

[Mr. Lucky]

Wrong. Porn is the root of the problem. Allong with how it gets indulged in and how it progresses into more degrading and shocking elements. Funny how you put porn on such a pedestal that it's almost like "how dare you say porn is abad". Funny that. What is porn anyway, then miscommunication about what sex should be, what women should look like and what women should act like. Porn is a form of commuication. And not one that treats women very nicely.

Allright Jersie, hopefully this question isn't too PA for you . If porn is the "root of the problem" in relationships, why not be satisfied with the exclusion of porn from your life? Doesn't that solve your "problem"?

 

Mr. Lucky

[sxyNYCcpl]

I don't have to watch a Jenna Jaminson movie to do research.

 

It's Jenna Jameson.

 

Actually, it's because of my romantic relationships with men and what I have found tobe true about most of them and their loytalty to their pornography over their real relatoinships with their own woman, that I have come to the conclusions I have.

 

I don't know if anyone loves you or not, but I'm guessing your attitude has caused multiple relationship failures. Were I to find myself dating someone like you, I'd run so far and so fast it would make your head spin. I suspect you've experienced exactly that more than once.

 

There is no such thing as a healthy viewing of porn. That's something people buy into to make themselves feel better.

 

Cause you said so? You want to try backing that statement up? I can point to dozens if not hundreds of people that I personally know who use porn from time to time with no detrimental effects to their lives, that would seem to me to be indicative that your statement is blatantly untrue.

 

What I am saying is that I understand 100% why alot of women have the insecurities they do, and alot of men don't try to help.

 

It's not our job to be your shrink, or to fix what's wrong with you. Most guys are simply going to run for the hills when they encounter someone with your life outlook. It's easier to find someone new than to deal with women who are threatened by pictures because they have no self esteem.

 

You'r attempt to shame women into deviding "good women" as women who like porn and "bad women" as women who don't is very weak minded.

 

I'm not trying to shame or divide anybody, merely stating a fact. Your average guy does not wish to associate with a woman who has such a small opinion of herself that pictures frighten her, nor one who has such an unhealthy relationship with their own sexuality that watching other people have sex is not a turn on.

 

The bottom line is finding a man who will cheerfully accept your attitudes is going to be extremely difficult as those types of men are extremely rare. I certainly would never voluntarily affiliate myself in any way with someone like that.

 

ANd no woman, wants to be with a man with those attitudes either.

 

My experience is different than yours, fortunately for me. Most women I know for whom I have a close enough relationship that I know their opinion on porn have no problem with it whatsoever, in fact most are users themselves.

 

Everytime I hear porn get defended, I am again reminded by men in general how important porn is to them over the real woman in their life.

 

You keep saying this as though it were indisputable fact, but I've yet to see you make any effort to justify it. Why in the world does using porn mean it's more important than my wife? When she uses porn, does that mean it's more important to her than I am. What about when I drink milk, does that mean I like milk better than my wife? Your position is indefensible.

 

ANd it never fails that most men never tyr to understand and instead try to shame women into saying the yare "insecure" instead of attempting to understand the hurt and disappointment.

 

I think it's fairly obvious to anyone with even a modicum of common sense that insecurity is the root cause of anyone's issues with porn. Period. To attempt to deny that is akin to arguing that the sky isn't really blue.

 

I think the enemy is an industry that disprects an entire gender and treats it's patrons as nothing more then interchangable toys to move on to the next..and the next..perpuating the everlasting ideal that no real woman can live up to but clearly a man wants on some level.

 

Why exactly is porn disrespectful to women but not men? The stuff I watch typically has both.

 

Funny how you put porn on such a pedestal that it's almost like "how dare you say porn is abad". Funny that.

 

I'm not saying that, not at all. Rather, I'm mocking you and your ideas. I find women with your attitudes towards sex and porn to be pathetic and unworthy of companionship. The reason you're so belligerant about it is because you know that so many men have the same attitude that I do that finding one who doesn't is probably frustrating the crap out of you.

 

What is porn anyway, then miscommunication about what sex should be, what women should look like and what women should act like.

 

Miscommunication? Really?? Most of the porn I watch has striking similarities to my own real world sexual practices and experiences. What are you watching that's unrealistic?

 

do you believe that porn treats women how women deserve to be treated? A fair question.

 

Um, yes? Women deserve to have sex too! And enjoy it even! Do you also argue that all sex is rape?

[lonelyandfrustrated]

I find women with your attitudes towards sex and porn to be pathetic and unworthy of companionship. The reason you're so belligerant about it is because you know that so many men have the same attitude that I do that finding one who doesn't is probably frustrating the crap out of you.

 

Jersey would probably have much better luck finding someone for whom porn is a non-issue, if only she would have it be a non-issue for herself.

 

I'm not into porn myself, but have I watched it? Yes. Have the men I've been involved with watched it? Yes. Did they watch it daily, or some other random timeframe that would have become a problem to me? No.

[soserious1]

I am coming to the conclusion that traditional monogamy doesn't work well for a lot of people.

 

The idea that a man is going to "sacrifice" in order to remain physically faith and that I'm supposed to be all grateful that he merely looks at and lusts for other women instead of actually going out and pursuing them just seems so fake,so hollow.

 

After all I've been thru, I think I prefer the idea of non-exclusive relationships, they are a lot more honest and probably a come a lot closer to how men are hard wired than monogamy does.

[annieo]

I am coming to the conclusion that traditional monogamy doesn't work well for a lot of people.

 

The idea that a man is going to "sacrifice" in order to remain physically faith and that I'm supposed to be all grateful that he merely looks at and lusts for other women instead of actually going out and pursuing them just seems so fake,so hollow.

 

I think you are quite right to adopt this attitude, considering what a douche your exh is. Also, I think as we get older (and I'm speaking about myself here, as well as you perhaps) the idea of some perfect partner becomes a ridiculous, unattainable ideal. You become a little more realistic about relationships. If I were to be on my own anytime in the near future, I would have the same game plan as you.

 

But I have a question for you, based on your last post. Can you in all honesty say that you never looked at and lusted after other men during the time that you were married? Really? Like, never? In fact, I'm not just asking you, but any women in a committed relationship who read this.

 

I certainly cannot say so. My looking/lusting/wanting/fantasizing was (is?) usually about real men that I actually know (not porn guys or strippers or celebrities), but it's still thinking about people other than my h. Doesn't that make me just as bad as some guy who jerks off to porn? Worse, maybe.

 

Most of the married women that I know well enough to talk about this stuff have also admitted to clandestine crushes and fantasies from time to time. Not that we are going to actually go out and do anything about it, but it's there in our heads (and sometimes, hearts). Isn't this the same sort of thing as what we are complaining about with our men? Mental cheating, I guess you might call it.

[Mr. Lucky]

Most of the married women that I know well enough to talk about this stuff have also admitted to clandestine crushes and fantasies from time to time. Not that we are going to actually go out and do anything about it, but it's there in our heads (and sometimes, hearts). Isn't this the same sort of thing as what we are complaining about with our men? Mental cheating, I guess you might call it.

Annieo, while I think your point is 100% valid, you're up against a wall of denial and delusion from several of the posters here. They have posted that they "never" think about another man when they are in a relationship. I don't believe it but that doesn't stop them from posting it ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[soserious1]

I think you are quite right to adopt this attitude, considering what a douche your exh is. Also, I think as we get older (and I'm speaking about myself here, as well as you perhaps) the idea of some perfect partner becomes a ridiculous, unattainable ideal. You become a little more realistic about relationships. If I were to be on my own anytime in the near future, I would have the same game plan as you.

 

But I have a question for you, based on your last post. Can you in all honesty say that you never looked at and lusted after other men during the time that you were married? Really? Like, never? In fact, I'm not just asking you, but any women in a committed relationship who read this.

 

I certainly cannot say so. My looking/lusting/wanting/fantasizing was (is?) usually about real men that I actually know (not porn guys or strippers or celebrities), but it's still thinking about people other than my h. Doesn't that make me just as bad as some guy who jerks off to porn? Worse, maybe.

 

Most of the married women that I know well enough to talk about this stuff have also admitted to clandestine crushes and fantasies from time to time. Not that we are going to actually go out and do anything about it, but it's there in our heads (and sometimes, hearts). Isn't this the same sort of thing as what we are complaining about with our men? Mental cheating, I guess you might call it.

 

 

Did I ever look at another man with lust during my marriage ? Yes, did I save vast collections of pictures of men to my hard drive? no, did I ever stop speaking mid-sentence during a dinner out with my husband because I was staring at some man's crotch? no, did I ever openly lick my lips and make comments like "oh my god, he must have painted those pants on" no Did I ever tell my husband that he could probably go out and get laid but that the woman would rather be fscking Brad Pitt? no I did not.Did I ever push my husband's face down onto the bed because I was straddling him and trying to watch a porn and his head was blocking my view? no I did not.As to real live people versus porn, I have not a doubt in my mind that my ex also lusted for local women he came into contact with regularly.

 

After the 1st year of really bad sex ,I suppose I looked and had more fantasy.. after a couple years of bad sex and after he made it clear that I was too old, too visually ugly to turn him on, I stopped having fantasy or any kind of sexual thoughts whatsoever. It got so bad I couldn't even have self-pleasure as I'd hear his voice ringing in my ears saying "finished at 50"

 

 

I have greatly lowered my expectations, I don't want to be hurtful to anybody but the concept of another traditional relationship makes my blood run cold. At best most Americans practice serial monogamy, stay together till the thrill is gone and then move onto the next,perhaps this is for the best.

 

What's really difficult for me now is well meaning but misguided friends playing match maker.LOL, one friend who was pushing the merits of her divorced brother almost like she was selling a used car. that stopped when I asked her "how much?" and she said how much for what? I replied "how much will he charge for a 2 hr session and how quickly will he leave afterwards?" I'm not interested in a relationship so just stop already:)

[annieo]

Like I said, soserious, your ex (and thank god he's your ex!) is a major douche. A complete, total, unashamed, selfish moron.

 

Many men (and some women, too) are morons sometimes, but they still have vestiges of kindness and humanity, which prevent them from pulling the kind of crap your ex did.

 

Your ex h is not representative of all men: he was a BAD MAN. They aren't all totally bad, just as all women aren't. Most of us are just partially bad, and usually not proud of it. Usually, healthy humans are apologetic, feel shame when we are selfish, f-up.

 

I didn't ask if you were the female equivalent of your idiot ex, just did you ever look at/think about other men. You've answered my question. And that is just fine. Good for you, and I hope you have some wonderful, nsa experiences in the near future. You have some karmic joy coming your way.

[LakesideDream]

I am coming to the conclusion that traditional monogamy doesn't work well for a lot of people.

 

The idea that a man is going to "sacrifice" in order to remain physically faith and that I'm supposed to be all grateful that he merely looks at and lusts for other women instead of actually going out and pursuing them just seems so fake,so hollow.

 

After all I've been thru, I think I prefer the idea of non-exclusive relationships, they are a lot more honest and probably a come a lot closer to how men are hard wired than monogamy does.

 

 

So serious1, lighted up. I've read your story, and your stuff. Betch a lot of us have. You got a raw deal. You H was an ass. A pompous narcissist. He was also deaf dumb and blind. In the end he was cruel. I cannot believe all men fit into his model.

 

If you are lucky, you will run into someone, who comes to the realization that you are the gal he's always been looking for. Someone he can love with his mind, body, heart, and soul. It could happen soserious1. If it does, I hope you don't turn him away because you hate the last guy so much you can't experiance the new guy.

 

As I type this... I relate. I hope I can connect with someone who's good for me before I croak. I have a lot to offer, as do you.

[Caitlan]

I'd love to see how men would react if women were on a regular basis looking at porn... not group porn... but strictly porn with men in it. See, you don't know because it's not really out there... you can say it wouldn't bother you, but think about coming home to your wife/gf with her online looking at guys ... clicking from one pic to another. Even worse if the guys are huge and your not.... this is something a guy just won't get because until he knows what it feels like to feel like he just might not be measuring up then he won't get it. He'd ask "why is she looking at other's guys' co*ks, is mine not measuring up??

 

It's called empathy but because it's now accepted by most/all guys that guys are "visual" and it's a "guy thing that guys just like to do", it seems to be ok that they will look at naked women and women should just deal with it whether the women in your life are hurt by it or not. It's like they are saying... too bad, wife... deal with it... it's what we guys like to do... tough luck.

 

Break out some Playgirls and just watch how a guy that thinks it's no big deal that hes looking at naked women reacts to you looking at a naked men all the time. Oh trust me.... he will be feeling mighty pissed.

[soserious1]

So serious1, lighted up. I've read your story, and your stuff. Betch a lot of us have. You got a raw deal. You H was an ass. A pompous narcissist. He was also deaf dumb and blind. In the end he was cruel. I cannot believe all men fit into his model.

 

If you are lucky, you will run into someone, who comes to the realization that you are the gal he's always been looking for. Someone he can love with his mind, body, heart, and soul. It could happen soserious1. If it does, I hope you don't turn him away because you hate the last guy so much you can't experiance the new guy.

 

As I type this... I relate. I hope I can connect with someone who's good for me before I croak. I have a lot to offer, as do you.

 

I don't think my ex's viewpoints were rare or unusual, what was rare was that he openly and boldly came right out and said things that a lot of guys think but would never dare to say. He wanted out and he wanted it to be

be me who filed so that he could collect the max in a settlement. As the days pass and I'm more able to see it coldly and from a strictly fiscal perspective what he did makes perfect sense.I don't like how he went about things but I do understand the plan, do and say totally outragous,hurtful things, push your spouse to the point that they finally decide they must divorce you or risk losing their mind. We had good years, good times together, I loved him dearly. My heart actually hurts that he chose this way of getting out,rather than just saying he was all done during one of the many talks we had about our miserable sexless existance,lord knows I offered the option of a quiet divorce many times during those talks.

 

 

As the days and weeks pass, I seriously don't want another relationship, at least not another exclusive one, the whole concept of fidelity and monogamy appears to be directly contrary to how many men are hard wired. I never again want to hear what a horribly hard "sacrifice" a man is having to make in order to remain faithful physically to me while he floods his eyes and his thoughts by viewing vast amounts of porn, visiting strip clubs and ogling women right in front of me. I don't need that kind of sacrifice,really I don't. Friendly, non-exclusive relationships strike me as a lot more comfortable and are probably closer in nature to how a lot of men are hard wired.