Another guy moaning about unrequited love

[LiamShaw]

Hi, so this is my first post, and actually my primary reason for joining this site, so I'd be able to get this off my chest SOMEWHERE. Anyway, here's two things you need to understand about me before I launch into this story:

 

a) I'm enormously shy, and

b) I fall in love constantly

 

There. Now on to the story.

There's this one girl, Emma, whom I've known through school for about a year. I really like her. A couple of months ago, at a party, I let it slip (after downing a bottle of vodka) that I was in love with her. The next morning, she was real cool about, mostly because she figured I was too drunk to actually be serious. But I thought, I've come this far, why stop now? So I told her (almost all of our communication takes place via MSN) that I had actually been serious. Now; apparently she has almost as bad self esteem as I have, because she was really confused to what I would actually see in her. She told me she needed to digest these news, and then she went ahead and blocked my MSN.

Yeah. Classic.

Anyway, a week or so passed, and I asked her, through a forum where we're both members, why she blocked me. She played it off as a bit of a joke, and then she said she'd unblock me. Then her ****ing computer crashes. I've spoken to her once since then, in which she made no mention of my declared love for her, and I felt too uncomfortable to say anything about it first.

Yeah, this was depressing enough. But wait; it gets more complicated.

I go away on a sort of Christian youth camp for a week, and I meet this girl, this perfect girl named Lilly, who is two years older than me. I fall for her instantly, and I spend the first night in her company, basically just staring at her the entire time. We become friends (this is my curse; to become friends with girls, and nothing else), but I'm obviously too shy to do anything more with it, and when the days on camp are up, we go home. To my benefit, I suppose, she lives not far from me, but how does that help me when I know that she sees me as just a friend?

Also, it is rather confusing to fall completely and utterly in love with someone, when you have feelings for someone else at the same time. It's torture. Anyway, I don't know if any of you have any advice or not - and even though it'd be great if you did, I don't really think it's that important. The point is that I got it off my chest, if nothing else.

[Suiyobi]

Love is such a strong word. Are you sure you're not merely infatuated with them?

[SilkLeaves]

I think you need to to start being a bit more selective! I know, easier said than done. I think it's fair to say that it's more lust than love in most of your cases. I think you're confusing the two. Maybe next time you meet a girl you could cut down on the msn convos, and instead invite them somewhere! A nice girl who is interested will most likely say yes. If they say no, then move on and don't take it personally. You may fall for these girls in your head, but you need to think rationally about how a relationship would work out and how available they are and how much interest they have for you. To some girls it may seem like you have 'nice guy syndrome' and you get written off as a friend, but trust me - some girls do prefer nice guys! Shy and self consious can be a cute trait in a guy as long as you have a positive outlook on life! Girls like this do exist - I'm one of them; I can't resist a nice guy with manners and an adorable shy smile Just keep being who you are!

 

And you may want to put away the announcments of undying love for a while, sweetie. It can be a huge turn off. Just...keep it inside for a while, until a relationship has got going. Girls don't want clingy guys most of the time. Sure, tell her she's special etc, but don't make it seem like you really need her every hour of the day. Girls are typically attracted to people who are strong emotionally - but that doesn't nessecarily mean an outgoing, self assured person. I'm sure a lot of guys feel like being clingy, they're just better at hiding it. So try appearing aloof and mysterious.

 

Also, when you see a chance with a nice girl - take it! Don't wait around debating with yourself about if she'll say no. If she turns you down, she turns you down. You move on, there will be loads of opportunities! A lot of my male friends are shy and I tend to notice that they take life too seriously and beat themselves up over things. One girl that doesn't like you does not make you a failure! You're probably a great guy! You just need to focus on the positive and then you're upbeat nature will attract girls.

 

I hope that helped. Don't persue these two girls too much either - the first one hardly sounds worth it and the second isn't interested. Find someone who is and persue it!

 

GOOD LUCK!

[Yamaha]

Your problem is lack of self confidence. You fall hard and fast because you are so happy that someone is paying attention to you. You need to learn emotional self control. You never tell a women you have never even dated you are in-love with her. I sure she is afraid of you and thinks you might be a stalker.

 

You are to needy and women will never see you as datable until you learn to take them off the pedestal and respect yourself. They just want someone who is fun and interesting. Stop with the love talk and just be yourself and enjoy the company of a women.

[AngeloWolfe]

I feel you completely, man. I was the same way up until after my first big heartache. It's a wierd and mushy combination that gets the best of us. Usually the basic answer for that situation would be, "Confidence is key. Get a big smile, and don't take no for an answer!" But it's never that easy, hah!

 

To be honest, advice isn't needed, more of emotion boosters. Usually it is always nice to progress in a relationship, go from friend to more. But just because that crazy *angry B word* blocked you and pulled your strings like that, doesn't mean that every woman on the planet is like that! It's not a bad thing to become friends with someone you have affection for. We're guys, and it's easy to find attraction like that. I guess the best way to know when all will work out is when you do meet someone that is outside the ordinary 'crush.' You'll find one that just turns your insides out, and you won't be afraid to ask her yourself. A man can only take so much rejection. >.O Hope I might of helped, and let me tell you, if you are ever caught in a situation where you like a girl that you've become friends with, DON'T HESITATE! Do this:

 

"Hey _____, i've been thinking. You're really sweet, and funny, and awesome. How about you let me take you out to dinner sometime, maybe a movie?" Casual dating, show her you're not afraid to buy her a good time!