Cheated with the ex I cheated on.

[MissD]

*sigh*

 

My boyfriend and I have been having problems for about 2 months, he is always working and some weeks he'll only come over on a saturday night and spend 3 - 4hours with me. Other days that he has off from work he will spend with his friends rather than me. He increasingly ignores me.. and this weekend I went out & I cheated on him.

 

It was never my intention.

 

I went to a party with my girlfriends and invited a good male friend. He was best friends with my ex while we were together and continued to be for a while after we broke up, however they had drifted apart since then. When my friend arrived at the party i was extremely drunk and he told me my ex had broken up with his girlfriend and was askin how I was and said to tell me he had no hard feelings.

 

(My ex had gone overseas for a month during my birthday and I had cheated on him while he was overseas and we had broken up as a consequence)

 

I told my friend to invite my ex.. at this stage it was midnight. Forgetting about it I partied on with my friends until at about 2am my friend told me he needed the key for the room cause my ex was downstairs.

 

When my ex came upstairs it was like nothing happened. I have always regretted what happened between us. We chatted about old times and had d&ms for about 3 hours.

 

It ended in him telling me he forgave me for what happened. He kissed me.. and we ended up sleeping together. He stayed afterwoods, holding my hand and he kissed me goodbye in front of my friends. I gave him my mobile phone number, but I don't think he will call.

 

I now have the dilemma of do I tell my boyfriend and end things or do I keep my mouth shut.

 

What do I do.

 

[whichwayisup]

My boyfriend and I have been having problems for about 2 months, he is always working and some weeks he'll only come over on a saturday night and spend 3 - 4hours with me. Other days that he has off from work he will spend with his friends rather than me. He increasingly ignores me.. and this weekend I went out & I cheated on him.

So, your boyfriend isn't allowed to see any of his friends? He is only meant to spend all his time with you?

 

You should have talked to him about this, let him know that you miss him, want to spend abit more time with him...Choosing to cheat was a bad decision.

 

Tell him. You owe him the truth. Better he hear it from you rather than someone else.

[MissD]

So, your boyfriend isn't allowed to see any of his friends? He is only meant to spend all his time with you?

 

You should have talked to him about this, let him know that you miss him, want to spend abit more time with him...Choosing to cheat was a bad decision.

 

Tell him. You owe him the truth. Better he hear it from you rather than someone else.

 

I have talked to him about this it seems everyday for the last 2 months and yet he makes no effort.

 

I have cried about it and all he says is .. "sorry" "are you finished crying yet" "what the fck do you want me to do I'm tired"

 

I have made efforts to visit his home only for him to tells me at 7pm he'd like me to leave because he wants to sleep. I have visited him on his lunch break at work and he has asked why I have come for

 

On the weekends he is with me he never wants to go anywhere as a couple nor with my friends and his friends as a group. He expects me to spend Sat and Sun sittin at my house watching television. However he is more than happy to go out to the pub/casino/rsl with his friends when I'm not around.

 

We hadn't slept together for over 3 months when this happened as he always tells me he is too tired.

 

I have tried to end things and he swears he will change and will for the 24 hours he makes the promise only then to revert into the person he has become.

 

I know I must seem like a terrible person but I just want to be happy again, and I guess seeing someone that made me so happy in the past who is the exact opposite of who I'm with now just sealed the deal.

 

*sigh* I am confused.

[whichwayisup]

Then you need to break up with him. If you haven't had sex in 3 months, something is really wrong. Him treating you like crap, not wanting to spend time with you ... Fact too, you've talked to him about this, and he isn't willing to change or make things better.

[whichwayisup]

Sounds like too, you need time alone to sort yourself out. This is the second guy you've cheated on. When things get tough, instead of sticking it out or breaking up, you choose to cheat. That isn't the right way of handling things and too many people end up hurt.

[theobserver]

Atleast she's not in a LDR eh she would crack like an egg ina weak pour soul.

 

Well Original Poster I don't know what to say. You haven't really noted anything positive about your boyfriend to us , just a bunch of negatives. I think that says a lot about your feelings towards him and your state of mind leading to cheating (on another boyfriend) .

Obviously I think you should end things with your boyfriend , I would usually say tell him the truth that you cheated but I get this weird feeling he would forgive you try to change and then after the fear of being alone wears off resent you .

 

That's decision however is yours have to make , it might not happen but judging by your actions and description of him I think you just need to end things and discover who you are and what you want in a partner and then try your best to find that ideal or even consider not getting ina relationship currently and just be single for awhile or casual dating.

 

As for your ex, while you might feel all rosey wish a slight regret talking about old times (god why do exs do this you set your self up for cheating if in a new relationship avoid avoid avoid) I would give up possibly being with him. I'll tell you why, the second he finds out you had a boyfriend when you slept with him he is going to have all the negative memories come back again (Im presuming he didn't know) and will be disgusted with you that he has now been made the other man.

 

You're not bad, you're not evil just a confused little girl. Find yourself find the Woman inside. Leave Highschool type drama to the past. Look towards life goals you can achieve, don't depend on a man to always be there don't but at the same time he must show dependable characteristics but so should you to him. When you have the right guy if monogamy is truely for you the chance to cheat will always be dismissed and noticed and avoided out of respect of your relationship.

 

Good Luck in life.

[Bryanp]

You seem to have a problem about cheating on your boyfriends. Nevertheless tell your current boyfriend the truth that you slept with your ex and I am sure he will have no problem letting you go.

[Untouchable_Fire]

*sigh* I am confused.

 

You should not be confused. This isn't really a confusing situation.

 

Your boyfriend is a jerk and treats you like crap. Dump him.

 

Are you afraid to be single or something?

[bish]

*sigh*

 

My boyfriend and I have been having problems for about 2 months, he is always working and some weeks he'll only come over on a saturday night and spend 3 - 4hours with me. Other days that he has off from work he will spend with his friends rather than me. He increasingly ignores me.. and this weekend I went out & I cheated on him.

 

 

So why not just break up with him instead?

 

 

It was never my intention.

 

 

You know, I always hear this line. Is this suppose to make what you did more understandable?

 

 

I went to a party with my girlfriends and invited a good male friend. He was best friends with my ex while we were together and continued to be for a while after we broke up, however they had drifted apart since then. When my friend arrived at the party i was extremely drunk and he told me my ex had broken up with his girlfriend and was askin how I was and said to tell me he had no hard feelings.

 

(My ex had gone overseas for a month during my birthday and I had cheated on him while he was overseas and we had broken up as a consequence)

 

I told my friend to invite my ex

 

 

Hmmmm...I thought it wasn't your intention to cheat? You wanted your ex to come to this party? Why? he is your X for a reason and being in his presence at a party is nothing but trouble.

 

 

at this stage it was midnight. Forgetting about it I partied on with my friends until at about 2am my friend told me he needed the key for the room cause my ex was downstairs.

 

When my ex came upstairs it was like nothing happened. I have always regretted what happened between us. We chatted about old times and had d&ms for about 3 hours.

 

It ended in him telling me he forgave me for what happened. He kissed me.. and we ended up sleeping together. He stayed afterwoods, holding my hand and he kissed me goodbye in front of my friends. I gave him my mobile phone number, but I don't think he will call.

 

I now have the dilemma of do I tell my boyfriend and end things or do I keep my mouth shut.

 

 

Uh, you had sex with the guy, and gave him your cell #.

 

Its real simple, you BREAK UP WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. No ifs ands or buts. Its one thing to say you had no intention(which was a load of bunk) and say the time honored tradition here at LS that it was a "mistake".....but you then gave the guy your number.

 

MAJOR disrespect to your boyfriend. Just end it with him so he can move on.

[BklynGuy]

It sounds to me like you cheat on your boyfriends during times of stress and uncertainty. Many people do this but it is just a negative coping strategy. I would not tell my S/O if I cheated on them. When a person does this, it is to make themselves feel better, not always for the benefit of the victimized partner. Good luck in whatever path you choose.

[whichwayisup]

negative coping strategy

 

And she has done this in her past relationship, so it's a pattern. A pattern that NEEDS to be broken.

 

I hope she breaks up with her boyfriend and stays single for a while, does some counselling to fix herself so when the next guy comes along she can deal with the negatives by talking it out, being patient and understanding, instead of choosing to cheat, which is the easy way out.

[changchewsoon]

Ow you cheated on your boyfriend just because he worked hard like a good fellow and was not able to give you 100% of his attention huh?

 

Hmn, seems like you just destroyed the relationship. You need to come clean with him. He deserves to know the truth.

 

In a way, I do feel sorry for you. You missed your boyfriend a lot, and you were disappointed that he did not place you as his #1 priority after his job.

 

He does have some responsibilities as well, however it does not justify for you to cheat.

 

Well no point crying over spilled milk, just come clean with him and at the same time do share with him your feelings about him ignoring you.

 

I hope he is able to accept it and willing to work things out with you. Good luck!

[Krytie TV]

I would definitely like to hear about this relationship from your bf's point of view. This sounds like another "one side of the story" thing. The first clue was that you had to make sure you added that he works too much in the first sentence, in order to elicit sympathy and to pave the way for excusing the cheating.

 

Just break it with the boyfriend. Someone who works alot (which is not a good thing, but sometimes necessary) does not need to be with someone who uses this commitment as a way to cheat. Tell him or don't, but at least break up with him. It would make it easier for him to lose you if you told him, though.