Going Too Far?

[maddy1102]

I work overnights at a hotel. I am single-well sort of. Legally, I am married, but my husband took off over a year ago and I haven't been able to track him down in order to finalize the divorce. Because of that situation I'm pretty turned off to dating and quite gun shy of anything serious. My question is merely that-a question.

 

Working overnights at the hotel, I have gained a relationship with a few of the overnight police officers who patrol the area. There used to be two or three that would stop by at least once a week to shoot the wind with me and just generally see how things are going. One in particular, who's name is Matt-or that's what we'll call him-started in coming in pretty regularily and as he did, the others started to come in less and less. Matt is married, he's been with his wife since right after high school and now he's 28. I've never met his wife, but I've seen pictures and heard stories.

 

What is concerning to me is that Matt is starting to frequent this hotel more and more and our friendship is starting to blossom outside of work too. I work Sundays through Thursday nights and he stops in everynight he works-sometimes for the majority of his shift. Over the last two weeks he's come in shortly after my shift started, and didn't leave until right before it ended-and he wasn't scheduled to work. His reasoning (at the time I understood) was because he worked overnight the next night and needed to snap back into the schedule of being awake at night and asleep in the day.

 

We've seen a movie together outside of work, while his wife was working, and I've gone on a civilian ride along with him during one of my off nights. We also have plans to go to the shooting range together so he can teach me to shoot a gun. None of these activities have ever involved his spouse. He's spoken fondly of her and tells me stories of how they met and how they plan on making a family soon. But what struck me as odd was the message I got from him on MySpace advising me to not tell the other cops (who used to stop in, but are now nowhere to be found) that he had been coming in on his nights off. I dismissed it.

 

But now I have four other male friends whom I work with that are all advising me to beware of this situation. It wasn't until outsiders mentioned it that I really began to look at this whole thing. Being a guy's girl, I'm pretty dumb to any attention from the opposite sex, so I never really thought much of it-just figured its two friends hanging out, and I really enjoy his company. And just last week, Matt started talking about problems within the marriage-although they seemed pretty silly and later that week he mentioned how the problems seemed to have fixed themselves.

 

So my question is (after all that) is does this sound fishy to anyone else? Should I be concerned? I am pretty married to my convictions and never had thought myself capable of being the other woman. And on top of that, not really interested in putting myself in the middle of a relationship that will go nowhere. But putting all that aside, his friendship really does mean a lot to me (and should we both be in the position, I would date him without question) and I don't want to pull away from him, and loose him altogether all because I'm paranoid.

 

So if you could offer your advice, or opinion that would be so very appreciated! And thanks for reading! I know, I can be pretty long winded.

[Bryanp]

Of course you are the OW. Look he is married and clearly wants to have a relationship with you. He is telling you not to tell anybody else that he is coming around. The bottom line is that if you hang around with married men then you end up being the Other Woman. It seems pretty obvious don't you think?

[MichelleS1983]

Maddy come on..who are you trying to kid with this "I'm so naive and innocent" defense concerning your 'friendship' with yet just another cheating cop?

 

Sorry to tell you, but cops are notorious for screwing around. That's reality. You'd mentioned that the other cops have mysteriously stopped hanging out at the hotel like they used to - it's no doubt because your cop buddy told them he'd 'landed' you so they're looking for greener pastures elsewhere. Years ago my hubby was on the volunteer rescue squad and fire dept. so we got to know all the cops pretty well. I learned all about how they'd target women around town and once one of them started to get lucky with one of those 'targets,' the others would back off. LOL, well, what do you know? I guess there IS some honor amongst scumbags. That's MORE than likely why all the other cops have suddenly stopped hanging around the hotel - you're no longer 'free game' to them. Sounds like a pathetic little contest and in a way it is - God knows alot of these cops constantly have to have their egos fed.

 

Let me ask you something, Maddy. Before things got bad and your husband took off, there must have been a time when you loved him and felt that your marriage was forever? Well, during that time, how would you have felt if your husband was hanging out at some woman's place of employment for huge amounts of time - and had started doing it on his day OFF as well? How would you have felt if your husband had started taking his so-called woman 'friend' to the movies and letting her drive around with him while he was working?

 

I honestly can't believe how you're trying to paint this as "we're just good friends, honest."

 

Well glad to hear it. So if he's such a good buddy and it's all so innocent, why haven't you attempted to meet his wife and become friends with her as well? Whenever my friends have gotten married or chosen a mate, I've always become friendly with their spouse. I didn't remain a 'secret' to their spouses, but I'll bet YOU'RE a big, fat secret and his wife knows NOTHING about you.

 

The bottom line is that you're NOT a 12 year old girl, so this silly naive act you're playing about being 'really good friends' simply doesn't suit you, and you know it. Let me make one thing clear however - this cop 'friend' of yours is out to screw around. If it's not with you, it's going to be with someone else - THAT you can take to the bank. He's got you in his sites right now but if you dumped his sorry ass tomorrow, he'd be onto his next target. So don't be feeling too 'special' that he's chosen you as his 'friend.'

 

His intentions aren't honorable and you KNOW it or you wouldn't have written this post.

 

Hey, if you want to be posting over on the OW board here on LS a year from now about how you're in love with a married cop and it's driving you crazy because he won't leave his wife, then keep right on going with your "oh-so-innocent friendship."

 

You know exactly where this trainwreck is heading and so do all of us who are reading your post.

 

Stop kidding yourself and don't become this jerk's next notch on his belt.

[LifesontheUp]

I think MichelleS1983 nailed it..........you now exactly what his intentions are and thats why you have posted.

 

If I were you I would stop this contact immediately before it becomes physical and you end up as his next conquest. Have some respect for yourself and tell him go take a running jump off a short pier!