Would you consider this infidelity?

[Adunaphel]

I was reading movingonandon's interesting thread, and it reminded me of a situation I heard about (and the thought of which keeps bugging me).

 

Let's assume a W, or H, is one of those person who find it extremely difficult to say no to everyone - almost to a pathological level - and are unable to stand their ground.

If she (or he) had sex, or had inappropriate physical contact, with someone who exerts power/influence over her (or him) (this someone could be the employeer, or a distant relative/family friend, or someone who helped out his her/his family, or a combination of the above), would you consider it infidelity, or would consider it just plain abuse?

[Owl]

If she was DIAGNOSED with some type of disorder that demonstrated her impaired judgement and inability to make rational disorders...its ABUSE.

 

If she's not had any kind of help or diagnosis, and we're just guessing at some kind of mental disorder...its impossible to tell.

 

If she's clearly capable of rational thought and knew what the consequences of sleeping with this guy was...its infidelity.

[Amiss]

I would wonder why they were in a relationship if they had unresolved sexual issues. Fidelity is very important to meso I would avoid a relationship with a sex addict

[Adunaphel]

Thank you for both of your replies.

 

I just realized I did not express myself well when I said that the person is unable to say no - I meant that she is unable to say no to people in most aspects of her life, the kind of person who might be unable to to disengage from an uninteresting conversation with a neighbour even if her house were on fire, because the neighbour might get offended.

(The exemple is extreme).

So if she "cheated" it is probably that she did not want to, and very possible that he did not even find the man attractive.

[bish]

It is infidelity and cheating no matter how you slice it.

[Zofia]

Infidelity. The kind of people who find it impossible to say no, without actually having some sort of pathological disorder that impairs their mental functions in a way they absolutely cannot control, are just lying to them selves. They CAN disengage, they CAN say no, but they choose not to for whatever personal reasons, then lie to themselves that they can't help it. Lots of people cheat without consciously "meaning to", for many different reasons. Whether because they were too drunk, or because they're sex addicts, or because they're too impulsive, or whatever. Doesn't mean it's not cheating. They're still responsible for their decisions, even if that decision is portrayed as a lack of being able to make a decision to say no.

[Riley Freeman]

I was reading movingonandon's interesting thread, and it reminded me of a situation I heard about (and the thought of which keeps bugging me).

 

Let's assume a W, or H, is one of those person who find it extremely difficult to say no to everyone - almost to a pathological level - and are unable to stand their ground.

If she (or he) had sex, or had inappropriate physical contact, with someone who exerts power/influence over her (or him) (this someone could be the employeer, or a distant relative/family friend, or someone who helped out his her/his family, or a combination of the above), would you consider it infidelity, or would consider it just plain abuse?

 

its not cheating, its rape

[grogster]

It's infidelity so long that the Affair Participant (AP) knows the difference between right and wrong and understands the nature of his or her actions: having sex with another person outside of the AP's marriage.

 

While a diminished capacity might be a mitigating factor, it's still an Affair.

 

If there's coercion or duress--sleep with me or I murder your husband or harm your children--that's not infidelity (because there's no intent). If there's simply a power imbalance but the AP is mentally competent, it's infidelity.

[Adunaphel]

Thank you, again, for your thoughts.

I guess that if I were in the person's significant other's shoes, I'd feel torn apart. I am quite sure I would consider my partner as a victim of abuse, and I would like to help, but at the same time I'd have the feeling of having being cheated on, be it irrational or not.