Commitment seems so perfect.

[AngeloWolfe]

Well, it's a funny situation, but try to overlook the unimportant stuff as I explain. @.@

 

I'm in love with the idea of commitment. I'm young, heading into college, and have been with my girlfriend for a full year in a couple days. The world has made sense since i've been with her, everything has more color, she's done so much good for me. And I, of course, have spoiled her to no end and we've had a wonderful time... up until now.

 

I feel like I'm ready to move forward and start planning for the future. Something in me keeps itching at my heart saying that if I try to set things to wear we see each other as much as possible, I plan my time around our phone time, and I make motives to find us an apartment for later on down the road, I'll be leading myself up to more heartache. I've had my share of broken hearts and what-not, and with everyone else 'she seems to be the one.' I've gone into this lovestruck again, prepared to start our goals together. We've planned what kind of apartment, school schedule and class ideas, jobs, finances, etc. etc. Everything seems to be perfect.

 

Yet... I get this wierd feeling that I am only getting myself into regret. I want this to work out, you know? But I live in fear that maybe I am a little too clingy, a little too 'towards the future,' all that sort of thing. The main problem is her parents. Her mother has already stated 'nonnoticably' that she doesn't want her daughter to be commited to anything after high school. She doesn't think we're going to last. So, my question is, great ones of loveshack, should I stop worrying so much about the commitment levels of our relationship, and try not to worry too much, or what?

[Ronni_W]

I think if you have concerns about being too clingy and future-oriented, then likely those are issues that could use a bit more self-reflection on your part. (They certainly won't HELP matters, the older you get.)

 

Your feelings are trying to tell you something...it's okay to trust them and to follow their guidance .

Don't worry about what her mom or anyone else is offering for opinions -- that's their business. Just examine your own feelings and thoughts - doesn't matter if you're perceiving them as "weird" or worrisome or whatever.

 

 

What does the word "commitment" mean to you? What does it look like? How will it help you act less clingy? How will it help you gain greater control over your life? What will "commitment" bring into your life that you DON'T have right now, that you want or feel is missing? In your view, what are the benefits of "commitment"? What will you gain? Looking at it from an observer's view, what are its costs? What might you have to sacrifice?

Then start to look for how your beliefs, benefits and costs relate to clinginess, a need to control, insecurity, etc.

[AngeloWolfe]

I guess it's always been a part of the 'big picture.' The one you try to perfect and see yourself as down the road, and with each new experience slowly critique it. That sort of thing. It's not that it will really bring anything to me other than a sense of joy.

 

I do appreciate the quick response, and it's helped me look at it from more than one perspective. There are times when it is so easy to wrap yourself in a mountain of worry over silly things like this. I suppose the best way to look at it is with a smile and worry about it when the day comes. It's better to live for today then to worry about tomorrow, right?

[c-riouz]

I don't have a particular advise for your problem, but I just wanted to say that it's good to see that guys like you still exist. I don't understand why it matters what her parents think and want for her after highschool. She's 18 then and legally an adult who is responsible for and entitled to her own decisions. I know, I know, technically it's not always that simple, but her parents should have enough trust in her own decisions. What would be interesting to know is her perspective on the issue. Does she feel like moving on to the "next level" as well and the only thing "hindering" her are her parents? Or isn't she ready yet? All the best.