Urge to contact ex is increasing after 5 months NC

[BackonTrack]

To make a long story short.

My ex & I were together for about 8 months before she starting cheating on me.

She cheated on me for about 6 months before I found out, it turns out she was not happy & wanted to leave me but didn't know how to tell me but still came around but cut back on the intimacy, I think she thought we were friends, anyways I started to change and mature & I got my own place & she came over and we had sex and I remember getting the feeling that she was leaving me.

 

Anywways her BF came over & told me my ex had moved on and was having sex with new guy so I grew enraged & cursed her out then throw her out, she tried for 2 weeks to come back but I kept telling her no. Eventually she came to say good bye to me and then try to manliplate me into being her friend, I refused and asked for closure & she seem upset.

 

I called her late one night and it seem like she was expecting a call from someone else & I asked her to come over and she said "I don't want that" implying she doesn't want to have sex with me & I pushed so she said "I need space" so the following friday I fired the girl in an effort to get her out my life.

 

About one week later I realized I was losing her & I called her & broke down and started to cry, she started to cry, then I told her this was to hard & I sent her an email and in the email I stating my terms and she replied back and told me "You seem to think the world revolves around you, you seem to think I should come at your every beckon call, we have no future together, we are not together anymore, we are not close friends, i feel as if you have behavioral problems, please understand when i say I am severing the connection blah blah" so I replied back & said

"All I said was lets work it out" and she replied back and said "blah blah i expect this to be the last email between us blah blah blah" about 3 weeks later I called her 3-4 times, drove by her house then sent an email saying sorry for doing that" about 2 days later

the family got in contact with the girl & the girl blamed me for everything,

I found out about the contact, & cursed the girl out again, about 2 weeks later the girl contacted family & stated I was harassing her.

 

The End.

 

Its been 3 months NC since then, about 4 months NC from my side, about 6 months since the breakup.

 

Ok so thats my story, the problem is, for the last couple of days I've been wondering about her & getting the feeling to contact her.

 

It started by me first dialing her phone number but never hitting the send button, this contiuned because one day when I was driving home I called her from a gas station, she didn't pick up though, now I find myself writing messages to her ie

"

hey whats up XX,

I would of contacted you sooner but it took me a while to get over things, anyways I hope your happy in life & your doing well. I don't want to mess anything up for you so contact me when u get a chance.

anyways later girl"

 

My feelings for the girl has changed, if she comes back she comes back, but I doubt this will happen & at the same time I think I miss her, I am wondering what she is up too.

 

On that same note, The BF thing doesn't bother me, I've moved on, not fully ofcourse because if I did I wouldn't be wondering what she's up too but moved on enough to the point where I would be able to handle a contact between the two of us.

 

At the same time I don't want to be her friend or get back together but I don't want to never hear from her again so I don't know what to do.

 

Should I contact her?

Should I just keep doing NC (I think I am over it)

 

At the same time I don't know whats going on in this girl's life, if she hates me, if she isn't even thinking about me, if she's scared of me, if she doesn't contact me for fear of messing up her relationship or if she simply doesn't want anything to do with me.

 

On a personal note, I don't think she hates me but for whatever reason she hasn't contacted me. Prehaps because she's in a relationshp & doesn't feel the need to contact an ex? Can someone help me out

 

For some reason I don't think the girl is going to contact me, I think if she was going to contact me she would of done it already. Based on our last encounters, she was committed to the new guy, she thinks we are over, & she wanted to be friends but at that time I couldn't handle it.

 

What should I do? Should I just maintain the NC?

I don't think she can hurt me anymore & I think she's over me as well, and we weren't friends before we hooked up so is it worth it to try and establish contact? One other thing, never before has any of my ex's refused to talk to me & never before did someone tell me to not talk to them again, so I find this rather odd that this person hasn't called me yet.

 

Is it because of the OM? OR send this message.

 

"Hey XX,

Its been a while since I heard from you, eitherway I hope you are allright and feeling

good about life. I don't want to mess anything up for you so definately give me a call

once you get a chance, even if its 1 week or 5 years from now.

 

Later Girl.

 

-My Name"

 

At least with the above message she would know I am not upset anymore then again if she did care she wouldn't of left me.

 

Need advise

[selena_cat]

All i say is maintain NC,you and i are almost in the same boat with months going by and not hearing from the person who you care about.

she knows where you are,and the fact is she';s with somneone else just as well mine is so if i an stay 5months on NC so can you. Its better that way,believe me why chase

[Chrome Barracuda]

Are smoking crack?

 

Her boyfriend (the one she left you for!!!) came to your crib, To tell you she's been messing around with someone else not just you!

 

..And you wanna speak to her? What for? Are you retarded or something?

 

What is the governement putting in the water nowadays???

[BackonTrack]

Are smoking crack?

 

Her boyfriend (the one she left you for!!!) came to your crib, To tell you she's been messing around with someone else not just you!

 

..And you wanna speak to her? What for? Are you retarded or something?

 

What is the governement putting in the water nowadays???

 

BF = Best Friend

 

But I do see your point. It really doesn't make sense contacting the girl.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Exactly. it's really counterproductive to your growth to grow backwards.

 

Dont even say anything, she isnt worht it.

[thisbudsforyou]

dude what is wrong with you she cheated on you almost half of the time you two were together like tupac said (you can try for days,weeks,even years to figure out what went wrong and put the pieces back together or you can leave the pieces right there in the floor and move the !!!k on)

[selena_cat]

Dont be harsh on the poor man,its obvious, men like backontrack r love bitches and i'm for one is going to start being one if i can get someone devoted to me like he is to her, (just kidding, i can never be that way)

but really, you lay yourself out as a doormat and you will get walked on,have more confidence and know what you deserve and dont deserve,that goes for both men and women believe me those footprints on your back is going to hurt if you dont put a stop to this,stay on NC.

[selena_cat]

dude what is wrong with you she cheated on you almost half of the time you two were together like tupac said (you can try for days,weeks,even years to figure out what went wrong and put the pieces back together or you can leave the pieces right there in the floor and move the !!!k on)

 

 

I like that quote,very true!

[nopainnogain]

dude what is wrong with you she cheated on you almost half of the time you two were together like tupac said (you can try for days,weeks,even years to figure out what went wrong and put the pieces back together or you can leave the pieces right there in the floor and move the !!!k on)

 

 

I agree. Or like brother lynch says....."lose a hoe gain a hoe"

[BackonTrack]

Its sad to admit but I never thought my ex was this way. Everyone is telling me the same thing. I guess she is a bitch, she sure did act like one in the end. I seen her act like that to people but I never thought she would act like that to me.

 

Its so strange, she was so in love with me, it boggles my mind.

 

I have not heard from her in almost 5 months.

 

Compound the problem with the fact that I haven't found anyone yet just makes me want what I had before back, when everything was good.

 

I don't think my ex was a whore or anything like that but for one reason or another she started banging someone else, in doing so she developed a guilty consience, the relationshp grew sour, eventually she left me for him, still didnt tell me, i started to mature, she started coming back, I found out some information, she tried for a while to come back, i kept saying no, eventually broke down, she lost respect for me, told me to **** off.

 

once she seen me sweatng, she went for the kill.

 

she was so sweet, i don't know what happen to her. its like she thought i was the enemy, its like she fell in love with someone else and forgot about me.

 

i can't believe it, she fell in love with someone else & forgot about me.

 

each time i ask for advise, everyone tells me the same thing, then reality starts to set in & i stop thinking about the good & I start thinking about the bad, that yes she is infact a bitch, she she is infact a whore.

 

as the days turns to weeks, i thought she would come back, as the weeks turns to months, i think about her less & less, i am now at the point where i no longer tear when i think about us, for some reason i just want to think this was a big mistake, but its been 5 months, no contact, it doesn't look like it was a mistake, it looks more like a conscience action, i am slowly bringing myself to accept the truth that she didn't love me anymore or the love she did have for me was given to another.

 

its a tough pill to swallow, pretty soon the months are going to turn into years & one day she will return, or maybe never, I don't know why I keep thinking she is going to return. I am sort of waiting on her but not really but every night I wonder when I am going to see her again.

 

The sad part is, I know she is not coming back but why do i secertly hope she does? Whats giving me hope? I don't know, I don't know how to fully elimate this hope I have, I think it will always be this way unless I find someone else.

 

I can still feel her, but its a different feeling, one of distance. Like we are both doing our own thing. Like we are both going the same place but using different directions.

[BackonTrack]

I still talk to her.

Sometimes in my head, I always go over these same lines.

 

"Hey baby, we have allot of stuff to do"

"I got 45 grand in the bank"

We have to get an office, and fly to flordia to pick out the furniture.

We have to setup the business & hire an assitant.

 

Then I realize, wait, its been almost 6 months since we broke up.

Your not here with me. Your only in my head. Then I realize I spent all my money, I haven't done anything in the past 6 months. Its like I was sleeping that whole time, I think I was waiting on you to come back, but its finally hitting me that your gone.

 

Then I look around & I see kids playing, the sun is out, people are walking up & down the street. Then I realize I am alone. Your not on the journey with me any longer in life. You've choose a different path. It was but so long I could of kept you in my world. You wanted out but you left too early. You left right when I had the money baby.

 

Its cool though, one day I won't remember you. One day I won't talk to you anymore like a crazy person. I have not moved on yet, but my heart doesn't hurt anymore. Only my mind needs to heal now.

 

The sad part is, you didn't love me for money, you loved me for me, but I guess u were not happy. U never told me though & instead you started ****ing someone else.

 

Baby, if you would of stayed, just a little bit longer, things would of been oh so good. It would of been just like the begining, we were going to tour the world, just me & you. It would of been WE again. At First I thought it was you who ****ed up, but now I come to realize it was both of us.

 

In all honesty, I forgot about you, I stoped talking to you, I stop building our relationship, I grew comfortable & you grew upset. I took you for granted & that time when u called me, I knew what you wanted, I wasn't mature enough to tell you how I felt & I really didn't care about you at the time.

 

A few months later, I realized I loved you. U were already to gone & I had to much strong feelings for you to think rational & I didn't know this is how we would end up.

 

Strangers in this world, it was suppose to be you and me. I can still see our future, your there on a beach, drinking alchol, reading a book, and I'm next to you with my hands folded back, telling myself life is good.

 

I have money, I'm with the girl I love and later on we are going to do something fun.

 

But it didn't turn out that way,

I spent all my money,

I talk to you outloud in the street, only to realize that I am acting crazy and your gone.

The girl I love doesn't love me

The life I pictured is now gone.

 

I'm back to square 1, rebuilding everything.

Damn baby, I thought I was finished with this life. I thought u completed me but nope, I have to keep going. Its not my time yet. Your not the girl for me.

[orangesean]

People like her should not breed or be in relationships.

 

You shouldn't either for going along with all the crap she's feeding you.

 

Check your head man, this is ridiculous, find a new girl. Why do you want someone who cheated on you almost the whole time you were together and still cheats? Everything else aside or however you are trying to justify it, it's just plain nuts.

[0hpenelope]

Just keep moving along, brother. You'll figure out eventually how to deal. I busied myself with summer studies and rediscovered my love for video games. Once a gamer, always a gamer.

[nopainnogain]

me too. I busted out the old 8 bit nintendo . playing super tecmo bowl lately. its fantastic

[BackonTrack]

People like her should not breed or be in relationships.

 

You shouldn't either for going along with all the crap she's feeding you.

 

Check your head man, this is ridiculous, find a new girl. Why do you want someone who cheated on you almost the whole time you were together and still cheats? Everything else aside or however you are trying to justify it, it's just plain nuts.

 

My friend, she isn't feeding me anything. I didn't put up with anything.

I did put up with her nagful attitude & bitchy mode swings, but thats only because she's a girl. In hindsight it was her guilty conscience speaking.

 

As far as her not deserving to bread, well, thats rather harsh. The girl is young, she's exploring trying to discover who she is. I don't blame her anymore, I blame myself for choosing the wrong girl.

 

I can only take responsibility for what I have done, I can't control other people. Yeah she did cheat on me, the whole time I thought we were together, thats not a person you can be with though, someone who lies right to your face & feels no guilt, then blames you for everything.

 

The girl was just immature & young minded.

So was I, but I had loyalty & I knew my limits, I think she only discovered these traits after our breakup if she did ever learn anything from me.

 

I am 100% certain she would cheat on her husband. Its just in her nature. Thats the way she is.... Some people are just like that....

[stolenheart123]

I feel your pain, to be emotionally attached to someone who didnt want you hurts like hell. My ex left me after 6 years, i loved her more than anything, but it just was not enough. And when she left three months ago, I have maintained NC. She contacted me a few weeks ago, but I never responded but ever since then I have had the serious urge to contact her again. Im not sure what to do as yet, but I know I have to do what is right for me. Sometimes the greatest gift you can give someone is setting them free, and to let them be. We are all human, we make mistakes, i've learned to truly forgive, and when you forgive someone you never bring it up again. I wish you the best, just be strong and really think about what you want to do. If you contact her be sure you can deal with the consequences, because often times contact is not how we wanted it to turn out. Stay strong

[selena_cat]

Very true Stolen heart,

remember Back,if you contact her all it will do is set you to day one, goal is healing and getting past this,your eon 5 mos like i am, so obviously its not totally over yet and you've notheal, it will take time but you can tough it out, about forgive, i have towork on that, i fel like he alewady got away with crap and he gets my forgiveness tot and go on his merry way?

C'est La Vie

[BackonTrack]

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[WiseOne1]

Well you might be ready to be her friend, it sounds like you really loved her.

 

I know exactly how you feel, it just like they changed and become a new person, but not really because we've always seen our ex's act like that before, but we never thought that we treat us like that.

 

We mostly thought we were to special to get treated like that. I really have hope for you and your ex, even thought I dont know where it is coming from.

 

Im not sure rather you should contact her or keep to NC, NC surely isnt making things better "mind wise" but "heart wise" its helping. You actually seem to have the upper hand at this time, if you keep going "trust me" theres gonna become a time, that you go weeks and months without thinking of her.

 

And then your gonna look back and feel stupid for anything you ever put up with or anytime you tried to make it work,

(I know from my first love relationship along time ago.)

 

But this isnt the last time you hear from here, no no no, when you lest expect you will hear from here.

 

Some ex's want to be intouch, like mines, but I never want to talk to her again, and some ex's dont want to be in touch, but she'll come around one day. But thats not healthy thinking, from a ex a longtime ago my thoughts is you have to give up hope, you have to feel that its impossible, thats theres no way that she will ever come back, thats the only way you can move on 100%.

[BackonTrack]

Well you might be ready to be her friend, it sounds like you really loved her.

 

I know exactly how you feel, it just like they changed and become a new person, but not really because we've always seen our ex's act like that before, but we never thought that we treat us like that.

 

We mostly thought we were to special to get treated like that. I really have hope for you and your ex, even thought I dont know where it is coming from.

 

Im not sure rather you should contact her or keep to NC, NC surely isnt making things better "mind wise" but "heart wise" its helping. You actually seem to have the upper hand at this time, if you keep going "trust me" theres gonna become a time, that you go weeks and months without thinking of her.

 

And then your gonna look back and feel stupid for anything you ever put up with or anytime you tried to make it work,

(I know from my first love relationship along time ago.)

 

But this isnt the last time you hear from here, no no no, when you lest expect you will hear from here.

 

Some ex's want to be intouch, like mines, but I never want to talk to her again, and some ex's dont want to be in touch, but she'll come around one day. But thats not healthy thinking, from a ex a longtime ago my thoughts is you have to give up hope, you have to feel that its impossible, thats theres no way that she will ever come back, thats the only way you can move on 100%.

 

Its funny, when I tell my story allot of people think there's a chance . Its to late for both of us, things just didn't work out.