Realizing you're scared sh**less of a relationship

[BklynGuy]

I'm 29 years old. I have had good and bad relationships. My first LTR was for 4 1/2 years. Ended due to educational and financial reasons (Elephants in the room, there were others). It was probably the best relationship I've ever had. Subsuquent relationships have all been failures for one reason or another (usually me picking the wrong ppl). Everytime I meet a new person, I'm scared to let them in totally. Have had sex with a few girls right away but they get mad or worse when it doesn't work after sex.

 

How do you deal with the fear? A new person represents your best dream or your worst nightmare. I'm afraid they will become nightmares so constantly avoid people at this time of my life, although I'm trying to learn better. For others that have felt this way and gotten past it, how did you do it? Tips and pointers will be appreciated.

[tanbark813]

There's a show on the Discovery channel called Fight Quest where these two guys go around the world being trained in different styles of fighting. They get trained in that style and then fight at the end of the show.

 

On one episode part of the training (I forget the style) consisted of basically being pummeled by a bunch of guys. The idea was that after experiencing enough pain and hits you're no longer afraid of being hit in a fight and, consequently, you'll do better.

 

I think if you get to the point where you're no longer afraid of being hurt, you won't be afraid of entering a new relationship. I guess that sounds like common sense and not particularly helpful, but if you can truly acknowledge that your past failed relationships and emotional pain have not resulted in killing you and you eventually got over them/it then you'll be better prepared to tackle a new relationship. Yeah, this new person might be a nightmare but if they are, f**k it, you'll move on.

 

At the risk of sounding like a Psych 101 book, it could also be that your recent failed relationships are related to your fear. Since you fear getting into a new relationship you may be subconsciously picking women with whom you know a relationship will fail.

[Trialbyfire]

I can't offer you any wisdom on this subject because I'm currently where you are now. If I get even get a whiff of the relationship odour, I cut and run.

 

I can only offer you empathy and will be watching this thread closely for answers. Thanks for starting this thread!

[Riley Freeman]

you man up and realize that you are putting your heart out there. love is a risk that most people feel they have to take. getting your heart hurt is just part of the game you choose to play in.

 

but on the flipside, it also delivers some of the most passionate heart felt moments you could ever dream of.