Married 15 years and no longer in love

[80's Girl]

Ok here it goes:

I met my husband when I was 16, married him when I was 18, had the first of two children at 21. I do not have a college education, no real skills, I have been a stay at home mom for 13 years now.

 

Here I am about to turn 34 and I am wondering what I missed.

 

My husband is 7 years older than I am, and lately I have realized that he is more of a father to me than a partner.

 

We have nothing in common, when I look back on it I wonder why we even got married in the first place.

 

I feel like it is time for me to move on. Time for me to live.

I feel like I have fallen out of love with him. I just don't want to be married to him anymore.

 

Am I just going through a phase?

Will this all pass?

I am seeing another man, I have not "cheated" on my husband yet, but I am sure it is only a matter of time.

 

I need some good solid advice.

I never thought that I would be in this situation and yet here I am

[ladyday2u]

Read my posts that I have here and you will see that you are not alone... I too am in the same situation as you. Trust your heart and do what is right for you no matter what anyone says only YOU can make the final decision.

[superd]

"I am seeing another man, I have not "cheated" on my husband yet, but I am sure it is only a matter of time."

 

Well, I see one problem here, you are speaking like you are not in control of your actions.

[Carly]

If you are "seeing" this other guy, then you are already cheating on your husband.

 

It would be great if we could all put our spouses on hold, suspend them somehow, while we check out the goods in another aisle.

 

And if the goods were better in the next aisle over, it would be just awesome if we could turn the clock around and start all over with this new guy.

 

Better yet, if we could somehow KEEP our great kids that we made with our husbands, but magically transform them into the new guy's biological kids! One big happy family with someone who we "really" love.

 

Yoohoo!! Wake up from the fantasy, girly. Reality sets in. If your husband finds about about your affair, you could very well lose him, whether you decided you wanted to keep him or not.

 

The other guy probabaly wouldn't really want you at that point either, with you having kids and no income. Heck, you would just be a liability to him.

 

I am terribly afraid that you are on the road to messing with this other guy, being dumped by our husband, dropped by the new guy, rejected by your kids for your wreckless behavior, sued for divorce, living in poverty, and spending many a lonely night wishing that you only listened to the caring advice on Loveshack. just imagine your kids hearing that mommy found another man and so daddy and mommy are getting divorced .

 

Drop this other dude who is ruining your life.

 

Start checking out your feelings about your husband, free of this other dude in the picture (remember, chances are he won't stick around anyway).

 

Start doing some very serious soul-searching about whether your husband is really bad enough to leave him and break up the family unit.

 

 

I'm not saying there aren't guys worth leaving -- read some of the sad stories on this board. It's just that your sense of how bad your husband is has become distorted because you are seeing this other dude -- a dude whose faults you don't know yet.

 

Check out some of the anonymous divorce boards, perhaps at msn. Read the stories of people who have left their spouses and later regretted it. Often these "mistakes" happened because they were temporarily lost in a fantasy with some other person who they were starting to see on the side.

 

Be very careful. Take your time. And don't see this other guy anymore --at least not until you are fully divorced from your husband and the father of your kids, if that is where you are determined to go.

[superd]

Good advice Carly but perhaps a little too harsh. I think that she should definitely try and iron things out with her husband. She should also find out if she has grounds for a divorce (i.e. irreconciliable differences) or if there is a possibility for her to improve her relationship with her husband before she decides to call it quits for good. She should definitely do these things before she gets too involved with this new guy. But however to get back to Carly's point, life is quite scary in the way that in doesn't take too many bad decisions for someone's life story to become one that is and will be filled with horror and misery. The fantasies that Carly is speaking of are quite tempting but in my opinion it is almost always better to be realistic rather than disillusioned when looking for love.