The Collector Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Shadowplay, at what age is a child's need for a stable family less important than the mother's need for passionate sex? Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 Shadowplay, at what age is a child's need for a stable family less important than the mother's need for passionate sex? The answer to that depends on her mood. Link to post Share on other sites
J2FT1 Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Shadowplay, at what age is a child's need for a stable family less important than the mother's need for passionate sex? Haha! Great post. Untouchable fire, your post is great also. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigwo Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]Yesterday, the old-ex-BF showed up unannounced and uninvited to my wife's workplace. She talked with him for an hour; says she told him "they could not be friends". She tells me she is so glad she and I are together and that she's convinced we'd made the right decision to get married to each other 19 years ago. She goes on to ask if she can plead temporary insanity.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]We have a MC session tomorrow and then family vacation for 2 weeks. I insisted we see a MC or I would not go on the trip as there's no way I will play like all is well for 2 weeks with her family. We were lucky to get in to see someone on such short notice (this all blew up 3 nights ago).[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]One step at a time now. I need to hear a NC commitment. Thanks for all your feedback and comments.[/FONT][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
Chinook Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Fow what it's worth, I don't think she was contemplating anything. I think she was already there. Announcing 'contemplating' an affair, isn't as bad as having one. The ex-bf showing up 'unannounced' takes care of 'sightings' of them together that can be explained away. She's gaslighting you. You're only getting half the story. Does it matter...? Well yes and no, she seems to be committed to staying and working things out. Seems to be. You're absolutely right about the NC commitment. You need email account and phone record passwords etc. Openness and being 'in this' together is what she needs to commit to right now. For you... please make sure as someone says, you still watch your back and keep track of everything. I'm not convinced she hasn't already been in the EA/PA situ and is doing damage limitation. Sorry, I know that's a different viewpoint than previously stated by other posters... but this happened to me. It's rather too close to home for me to advise anything else. Link to post Share on other sites
Blindsidedagainalive Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 If what your wife is telling you is true, you have been given a huge gift. What your wife is doing now, I would have killed for. She if communicating her needs....before she steps out of your marriage. Granted, her delivery needs a bit of polish. If you love her, tell her and ask if she will work on the marriage together. Forget about the sex you didn't get years ago, relationships ebb and flow. If she hasn't cheated yet, she is just telling you her feelings. Sort of expressing a fantasy openly with you. It is not easy to listen to, but man up dude.....it could be much worse. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigwo Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]...and for the most part it went OK. We both seem willing to work on the r/s and she's willing to go NC with the old-ex-bf. It's a start. [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]However, towards the end of our time she dropped a mini-bomb saying she was in a place in her life she never expected she would be and didn't know where it would lead her. She committed she would not enter into an affair while in our marriage, but hedged with the above. I took it to mean that it's possible she may want to end our marriage if that's where this new place she's in takes her.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]She said this in response to me telling her I would not be a doormat and stay in a marriage with the threat of her possible affairs hanging over our marriage.[/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR] [COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]We take one step forward and two steps back.[/FONT][/COLOR] Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Has she agreed to do marriage counselling with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bigwo Posted August 8, 2008 Author Share Posted August 8, 2008 Has she agreed to do marriage counselling with you? Yes; we had our first session today. Link to post Share on other sites
Blindsidedagainalive Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 How did your first session go? Link to post Share on other sites
Untouchable_Fire Posted August 8, 2008 Share Posted August 8, 2008 Yes; we had our first session today. Educate yourself! Start reading books on divorce busting and how to rebuild marriages. Remember to be a man not a nansy pansy needy little boy! Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 A couple of things I said this to my H once too. I was contemplating it because I wasn't getting any from him. I thought I was protecting my M by telling him I was in a dangerous place emotionally - but all he did was close off even more. I never did have that A. I know a woman going through something similar right now too. They are getting divorced because he can't get over the fact that she moved out of the house. She'd been telling him for five years that she needed more from him and that she was feeling the void in the R, but he never listened. The fact that she is hedging on the NC with the ex isn't a big deal. He's her ego fix and its hard to give that up immediately. Not saying that it can't be done, but right now she's probably afraid that she'd be giving it up and getting nothing in return from you. I don't think she's on her way out the door, unless you continue to use the medication and hypertension as an excuse for the lack of physical intimacy in your marriage. And it is an excuse when there are several things you can do to assist your libido - and your hands and mouth and body are STILL available even if Mr. Happy isn't awake right now. She still wants you, or she wouldn't have bothered with the announcement and attending MC willingly. She has hope. The trick is getting things back on track before she losses it. Link to post Share on other sites
Darth Vader Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Fow what it's worth, I don't think she was contemplating anything. I think she was already there. Announcing 'contemplating' an affair, isn't as bad as having one. The ex-bf showing up 'unannounced' takes care of 'sightings' of them together that can be explained away. She's gaslighting you. You're only getting half the story. Does it matter...? Well yes and no, she seems to be committed to staying and working things out. Seems to be. You're absolutely right about the NC commitment. You need email account and phone record passwords etc. Openness and being 'in this' together is what she needs to commit to right now. For you... please make sure as someone says, you still watch your back and keep track of everything. I'm not convinced she hasn't already been in the EA/PA situ and is doing damage limitation. Sorry, I know that's a different viewpoint than previously stated by other posters... but this happened to me. It's rather too close to home for me to advise anything else. This is a possibility, keep your eyes open. Link to post Share on other sites
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