Another "Jealous of my girlfriend's past" thread!!

[bazool]

Hi guys,

 

I've read enough of these threads on the net so thought I might as well post my own!

 

First of all, I'm aware my obsession with her past (12 guys, a few one night stands) is irrational. I have a past. I've slept with 31 girls and done some dodgy things that's for sure. This is my problem, not hers.

 

It really is a double standard. I want this to be the one for me. I've never loved like this and will happily propose to her once/if I get over this!

 

I just wanted to see if there are any people out there who HAVE gotten over this. It's rationality vs the animal in me, the crocodile brain. I'm just hoping I can win this one.

 

I never hold this against her, judge her or make her feel bad about the choices she made. I know she loves me more than any of these men, enjoys sex more and the past is not in my control but it eats away at you!

 

Appreciate any advice!

[AAlike]

Hi guys,

 

I've read enough of these threads on the net so thought I might as well post my own!

 

First of all, I'm aware my obsession with her past (12 guys, a few one night stands) is irrational. I have a past. I've slept with 31 girls and done some dodgy things that's for sure. This is my problem, not hers.

 

It really is a double standard. I want this to be the one for me. I've never loved like this and will happily propose to her once/if I get over this!

 

I just wanted to see if there are any people out there who HAVE gotten over this. It's rationality vs the animal in me, the crocodile brain. I'm just hoping I can win this one.

 

I never hold this against her, judge her or make her feel bad about the choices she made. I know she loves me more than any of these men, enjoys sex more and the past is not in my control but it eats away at you!

 

Appreciate any advice!

 

Is this the first time that you would consider yourself to be in love?

[bazool]

to this extent, absolutely, but I have loved before. I'm a 27 year old guy with 4 serious relationships and a small swarm of flings under my belt. In every other way, this is an incredible woman. I guess that's why it hits home so much! Again, rationality vs evolutionary programmed bollocks = a real tough fight.

[atc2410]

With respect to you and your emotions because I know as well as anyone emotions are regularly independent of intelligence and involuntary however I can't express how redundant it is to be jealous of your partner's past. As I recently wrote similarly in another thread if it wasn't for your partner's past, exactly as it unfolded, she would not be with you today. This is indisputable.

 

The past are stepping stones to the future and the culmination of your girlfriend's past, her upbringing, work life, ex lovers and other seemingly less significant events are what inevitably led her to you just as your past led you to her. Given the infinite possibilities life throws at us it really is a miracle you both met. Therefore you should be POSITIVELY GRATEFUL of your partner's past, exactly as it has played out, for it's why you are with her today.

[AAlike]

In every other way, this is an incredible woman. I guess that's why it hits home so much!

 

"In every other way" - it's clear that you're seeing her past as a negative. why? I could understand doing so if you did not have experiences (in fact, a lot MORE experiences) like these of your own accord, or had an obvious moral objection to casual flings, but neither of those things are true. You did exactly what she did - do you consider these flings of yours to be some huge blemish on you? do you consider the women with which you had your flings to be somehow tarnished? I'm assuming that you don't...therefore I think what will help you is to focus on your own experiences and realize how insignificant they are to both you and the others involved in the present. then apply that same logic to her past.

 

I think that this will get easier with time. when you first get smacked across the face by falling for someone, it skews your emotions all out of whack. you seem like a rational guy...it will only get easier.

 

Good luck!

[quankanne]

ask yourself if this is really important to you, to her and to the relationship in the long run. And remind yourself that she's chosen YOU. Not some other schlub, but YOU.

 

jealousy is an ugly thing, and sometimes really hard to let go. But you know what? Once you realize that it doesn't bring anything to the relationship – or undo things from the past – it's easier to let it go.

 

I know it took me awhile, the biggest factor was when it finally stuck in my little brain that my husband was here with ME, not living with or married to his exGF, and now it's amusing (in a goofy way) that I had been so jealous of her when that relationship could never hold a candle to what he and I've got.

 

the only importance her past has is that it's done and over with. And maybe that it helped her become the person you know and love so well. And that you're benefitting from it *because* you got the girl, you know?

[AAlike]

ask yourself if this is really important to you, to her and to the relationship in the long run. And remind yourself that she's chosen YOU. Not some other schlub, but YOU.

 

jealousy is an ugly thing, and sometimes really hard to let go. But you know what? Once you realize that it doesn't bring anything to the relationship – or undo things from the past – it's easier to let it go.

 

I know it took me awhile, the biggest factor was when it finally stuck in my little brain that my husband was here with ME, not living with or married to his exGF, and now it's amusing (in a goofy way) that I had been so jealous of her when that relationship could never hold a candle to what he and I've got.

 

the only importance her past has is that it's done and over with. And maybe that it helped her become the person you know and love so well. And that you're benefitting from it *because* you got the girl, you know?

 

This is good advice - however, being jealous of or threatened by a past serious relationship (which is probably not a gender-specific thing) is very different than being bothered by a past casual fling or two (which I think is OP's problem, and is much more likely to happen to guys). When guys are bothered by the latter, I don't think it's so much being "jealous" of anyone, it's more that they're buying into some bullsh*t notion of "chastity" that's been ingrained in us forever, even when they know that it's completely not like that in real life. That's why you see so many guys with these conflicted "it's not like I expect her to be a virgin BUT..." responses.

 

I think as you get older and spend enough time with your girl that you'll be able to reconcile the infalliable "sugar and spice" woman that you have in your head with a girl that was once a young, hormonal, sexual being just like you, and you'll realize that these past flings were as insignificant as yours. you're in your 20's - sex is still a "big deal" at that age.

[bazool]

I'm very impressed with these rational and helpful responses.

 

I hope to document myself getting through this because I see a LOT of men going through the same problem it would seem on many other boards and they all seem to share the same feeling of wanting to move on but not quite being able to. It's also quite interesting how whether it's just a kiss or 50 men, the effect remains the same.

 

This is all still relatively fresh for me. We went through a rocky few months where she did try to hide some of these things and I can understand and forgive those kind of white lies but unfortunately, if you're not a good liar then you're going to get busted and that's going to make the man even more concerned about what's being hidden and such and before you know you it you've forced every ridiculous detail out!

 

Anyway, I'm determined to beat this and this is my advice from where I am so far.

 

Firstly, seperate what kind of jealousy this is. I believe there are three reasons for this retroactive jealousy. The first is a feeling of inadequacy or inexperience in yourself because your partner has slept with more people than you or people you feel are simply "better" wth you. I'm not an arrogant man but I'm confident in myself enough to know that I'm a good enough lover and this is the first time she's ever had sex that meant something to her as well as fallen in love thus this type doesn't really apply to me. If this is the case with you, I can only suggest realising that you now have the power in the present and future to outdo any sex she had before you. They had their chance, now beat 'em!

 

The second type is the possesive and controlling type. I think it stems from the belief that you love your partner so much that you want her to be only yours and thus you try to control everything, and that of course includes the past, something which is simply out of your control. It's so hard to hear "you can't change the past" so many times but it is simply something that you have no control over. Now and the future, you do.

 

The third type is the " I can't believe the princess I've fallen in love with would give herself so easily to such random horrible dark lords" type. This stems from putting your loved one on such a pedestal that they would never do wrong, would treasure their sacred body only for those who deserve it and all of a sudden they have fallen from being a queen to a tarnished human in seconds.

 

I personally started my jealousy on the third type. It's highly irrational. You have to realise that women could never love themselves like you love them, worship the ground they walk on like you do. They are humans who do things, make mistakes, experience life. You find yourself starting to rationalise everything they did, making excuses for their choices, judging them as if they were made some horrible mistake they should repent for. This is the first thing you HAVE to get out of your head. Unless you honestly believe yourself to be a saint then you should not demand or expect an apology from your partner and accept that in the past she made choices at her own free will and judging that is simply unfair.

 

Once I got through that stage, I hit the second type, the possesive type. I accepted that she is entitled to make whatever choice she wishes in her past but I don't have to like it. You find yourself simply wanting to be the only person to have her. However, and this is what makes me feel good when i think about this, you ARE the only one to have her. I know as a man we have trouble believing that intimate sex with our loved one is different than some guys who didn't mean as much but you have to come out of the box even for a second. Look at the reality. It really isn't the same sex. The sex you are having with the woman you love is in a whole new league compared to fumbly one night stands or flings where there isn't a spark. Women find it hard to be comfortable straight away and find sex with someone they love as a whole new ball game. Personally, I know I'm more upset about the one night stands than the relationships or flings but the fact is, the worse sex was most likely in these one night stands!

 

Anyway, where does this leave me now. Well, I guess it's just about seperating fact from irrationality. I don't judge her, I know I can't change her past, I know she loves me and enjoys sex with me more than the other guys so I think it's just a case of the images of these guys enjoying my babes that keep popping into my head and I just have to say "No, leave me alone" or if they do come in, understand that the pleasure, although present, is not comparable to what you're giving your partner.

 

Anyway, will try to update this as I continue to battle it. I'm sure this can and will conquered!

[rproctor]

You should read this article: http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/aunt_sally/article4390097.ece

[AAlike]

Exactly - that is what I was trying to say - there are very different types of RJ and each is fueled by a different notion. I would say that the third type is guy-specific and is also representative of an innate sexism that I don't think that we as guys even realize that we buy into because of how subtly it is ingrained in us. on the surface we know - why the hell shouldn't my girl have had a little sex...and you've had enough casual sex of your own to realize that there isn't some huge "after effect" that goes along with it...but yet that "dark lord" crap goes through your head (I like that term by the way - it's funny, and it illustrates just how absurd the jealousy itself is).

 

It seems that the generic answer to any RJ threads is that it is all caused by insecurity/feelings of inadequacy. I really don't think that's the case - in fact, I'd say that the third type of jealousy is caused more by arrogance or overconfidence. I never felt "oh how can I compare to these other guys", I felt more like "how could she have considered X amount of guys to be on the same level as me?" As guys, we ascribe to this mythical sense of "empowerment" about sex, especially casual sex, even though we know it's not like that in real life. and we are bothered by the fact that other guys could hold this "empowerment" over our girlfriends...we let it "devalue" them in our heads - but in reality that's EXACTLY where it is - all in our heads. in reality, sex is a two-way street - it's not our girlfriends "yielding to some predator" - in fact, maybe they just wanted to have some experiences just like ours!

 

Anyway, it seems like you know all of the answers. I think now just time will help you immensely.

[bazool]

Exactly - that is what I was trying to say - there are very different types of RJ and each is fueled by a different notion. I would say that the third type is guy-specific and is also representative of an innate sexism that I don't think that we as guys even realize that we buy into because of how subtly it is ingrained in us. on the surface we know - why the hell shouldn't my girl have had a little sex...and you've had enough casual sex of your own to realize that there isn't some huge "after effect" that goes along with it...but yet that "dark lord" crap goes through your head (I like that term by the way - it's funny, and it illustrates just how absurd the jealousy itself is).

 

It seems that the generic answer to any RJ threads is that it is all caused by insecurity/feelings of inadequacy. I really don't think that's the case - in fact, I'd say that the third type of jealousy is caused more by arrogance or overconfidence. I never felt "oh how can I compare to these other guys", I felt more like "how could she have considered X amount of guys to be on the same level as me?" As guys, we ascribe to this mythical sense of "empowerment" about sex, especially casual sex, even though we know it's not like that in real life. and we are bothered by the fact that other guys could hold this "empowerment" over our girlfriends...we let it "devalue" them in our heads - but in reality that's EXACTLY where it is - all in our heads. in reality, sex is a two-way street - it's not our girlfriends "yielding to some predator" - in fact, maybe they just wanted to have some experiences just like ours!

 

Anyway, it seems like you know all of the answers. I think now just time will help you immensely.

 

Again, thanks for the response. I know you're right. It's so hard to deal with. I think in my case, it's quite a unique jealousy, more a frustration. You see, she didn't lose her virginity until she was in a relationship and 21 years old. She then broke up with her boyfriend and that took some time to get over him. Then she went abroad where she is now and I've met her and she kind of went a bit experimental it would seem i.e. sleeping with 8 guys in a year! I guess I just feel a bit ****ty that I didn't get to her at least before some of these guys.

 

Not sure what's bothering me about all of this anymore....still not going though!

[Javelin]

First of all, I'm aware my obsession with her past (12 guys, a few one night stands) is irrational. I have a past. I've slept with 31 girls and done some dodgy things that's for sure.

 

Wow, you've had intercourse with 31 woman and are upset because your girlfriend is JUST budging the teens?

 

Oh you're going to have to let it go and right now. It's not fair for you to personally hold that against her.

[bazool]

Wow, you've had intercourse with 31 woman and are upset because your girlfriend is JUST budging the teens?

 

Oh you're going to have to let it go and right now. It's not fair for you to personally hold that against her.

 

Yeah, although I'd feel better about it if these 12 were over a course of a few years like most people, spread out a bit rather than her going from "wait until my first love to lose my virginity" and the go crazy in a year or so! I guess it makes sense though. She had a hard time getting over her first boyfriend so once she did, she came abroad and had some fun. Still not nice to think about though.

[atc2410]

I don't understand why it's hard to think about. It's in the past. The present is what matters. Personally I would prefer my partner (am single atm) to have as much experience as possible. The more experience she has the more grounded and assured her decision to be with me. What makes it even harder to understand is you're having these thoughts while having sampled a broad population of romantic partners yourself. At the very least you have the experience to understand what it is to grow and experience life with various romantic encounters. Trust me her experience is a positive thing.

[Bleed Internal]

Again, thanks for the response. I know you're right. It's so hard to deal with. I think in my case, it's quite a unique jealousy, more a frustration. You see, she didn't lose her virginity until she was in a relationship and 21 years old. She then broke up with her boyfriend and that took some time to get over him. Then she went abroad where she is now and I've met her and she kind of went a bit experimental it would seem i.e. sleeping with 8 guys in a year! I guess I just feel a bit ****ty that I didn't get to her at least before some of these guys.

 

Not sure what's bothering me about all of this anymore....still not going though!

 

My girlfriend had a phase like this in high school. I didn't even know her then. We're in the latter part of college and just knowing that she was like that at a point bothers me so much. I feel like women abuse their gender advantage when they slut out like that. We have to work for sex. They don't.

 

I love her. She's an amazing woman, but that behavior is pretty disgusting to me. And I'm very liberal about sex. I have nothing against promiscuous women, but that's not a trait I want in a woman I want to consider marrying or dating seriously. Yet, I've been with her for a year. Things are generally good, but its almost obvious that its slowly disintegrating.

 

I think we'll be better off as good friends who maybe casually have sex. I need a woman with a tamer past. And its unfortunate because nearly everything else about her is perfect. But I want to feel unique and special about my woman, and that's not possible with some woman that several men have been inside of before me.

[bazool]

My girlfriend had a phase like this in high school. I didn't even know her then. We're in the latter part of college and just knowing that she was like that at a point bothers me so much. I feel like women abuse their gender advantage when they slut out like that. We have to work for sex. They don't.

 

I love her. She's an amazing woman, but that behavior is pretty disgusting to me. And I'm very liberal about sex. I have nothing against promiscuous women, but that's not a trait I want in a woman I want to consider marrying or dating seriously. Yet, I've been with her for a year. Things are generally good, but its almost obvious that its slowly disintegrating.

 

I think we'll be better off as good friends who maybe casually have sex. I need a woman with a tamer past. And its unfortunate because nearly everything else about her is perfect. But I want to feel unique and special about my woman, and that's not possible with some woman that several men have been inside of before me.

 

Dang..I was starting to feel a bit better about the situation and then I read that!

 

Well..I'm going to try the old CBT stuff and not let it get to me. The way I see it, or am TRYING to see it, is that everyone needs to try something, experience life, enjoy themselves. It doesn't make them any better or worse than the next person. I'm really going to try and focus on the present.

 

I really hope you don't break up with your girlfriend solely because of her need to experiement and enjoy herself. What's your experience like? Have you played the field a bit before you decided to settle down?

 

I think it's important to realise what sort of jealousy you're experiencing here and target that. I'm simply just trying to accept the fact that my love now decided on her own accord to just relax and enjoy herself, nothing wrong with that I say to myself!

[Bleed Internal]

Dang..I was starting to feel a bit better about the situation and then I read that!

 

Well..I'm going to try the old CBT stuff and not let it get to me. The way I see it, or am TRYING to see it, is that everyone needs to try something, experience life, enjoy themselves. It doesn't make them any better or worse than the next person. I'm really going to try and focus on the present.

 

I really hope you don't break up with your girlfriend solely because of her need to experiement and enjoy herself. What's your experience like? Have you played the field a bit before you decided to settle down?

 

I think it's important to realise what sort of jealousy you're experiencing here and target that. I'm simply just trying to accept the fact that my love now decided on her own accord to just relax and enjoy herself, nothing wrong with that I say to myself!

 

First off, I'm not settling down. I'm not even 20 yet, haha. However, this is my first serious relationship. I've had several girlfriends, but all just short flings for a few months. I am also very sexually experienced, but I believe there is a double standard for a reason. So I can't really let that "bias" go.

 

Honestly, retroactive jealousy does not away. Ever. It is more or less present at different times. That's because despite what everyone on here says, the past is never really the past. These people that came before you still exist and often times can still find their way back into your situation.

 

I just think it'd be so much easier if I tried to downgrade this relationship to something more casual. I would still get the benefits of her as a great person, but without the possessiveness and jealousy I have because we're in a relationship.

[bazool]

First off, I'm not settling down. I'm not even 20 yet, haha. However, this is my first serious relationship. I've had several girlfriends, but all just short flings for a few months. I am also very sexually experienced, but I believe there is a double standard for a reason. So I can't really let that "bias" go.

 

Honestly, retroactive jealousy does not away. Ever. It is more or less present at different times. That's because despite what everyone on here says, the past is never really the past. These people that came before you still exist and often times can still find their way back into your situation.

 

I just think it'd be so much easier if I tried to downgrade this relationship to something more casual. I would still get the benefits of her as a great person, but without the possessiveness and jealousy I have because we're in a relationship.

 

Or you can see it as a challenge..like I am myself..as a way to beat this now. For if you don't, this WILL be a problem in the future in other relationships you have. I think you simply have to let go of the double standard and accept that although women may not enjoy one night stands as men do, they still do enjoy hooking up and the company of a man when single. That's totally acceptable and you have to not see yourself as a saint who has a right to dictate what a woman does with their own body.

 

Easier said than done though, I know! Each case differs and each case has a different answer. It is something that you have to work through yourself though and if you say that this has eaten away at you for a whole year then you have to really try a new approach or if so be it, give up on it. Just make sure you don't really love her now otherwise I'm pretty damn sure your choice may come back to haunt you in the future as these things get sorted out in your head.

[rproctor]

Hmm... I feel for you guys, I really do. Im not too old here, only 25, but I think this issue starts to subside with maturity. Not really age per say, but experience. Not sexual experience, but through mental experience. My current gf is really great, but some of the things she did in her past sent me in this problematic state of mind. I was making issues where there was no reason, you know what I mean.

 

There have been numerous things I have realized about myself, about relationships, and about love that has shifted me out of that mindset. Really, its all in your head, and no where else. Your girls experiences and past are blessings, not that they make you feel good, but like someone posted before it gives her stability and makes her decisions more grounded.

 

Really, you need to step outside of this and see your girl for who she is. She is just another human like you and I, and if you put her on a pedestal than that is your own fault, not hers. If you treat her like an object than that is your own fault, not hers. Don't cloud your mind with these "normalities" that society feeds you. You know, women do not loose anything after they have sex with someone, its not like a part of their vagina falls off, or they lose a part of their emotion to love. Women dont hold onto these past men, they are not trying to juggle it all at once. Its over man, just like you will be over if you leave her. You will be pushed back into her mind just like the rest of the guys, and she will find someone else.

 

And you know what, 10 years from now, when you meet the next love of your life, and you find out that she did the dirty deed way more than you feel comfortable with, what are you going to do? You cant keep depreciating women because of their past, or what they did without you before they knew you. Im sure you realize that, but do you acknowledge it? Its important to separate yourself from this, because it will be a life long problem for you unless you overcome it now.

[bazool]

Hmm... I feel for you guys, I really do. Im not too old here, only 25, but I think this issue starts to subside with maturity. Not really age per say, but experience. Not sexual experience, but through mental experience. My current gf is really great, but some of the things she did in her past sent me in this problematic state of mind. I was making issues where there was no reason, you know what I mean.

 

There have been numerous things I have realized about myself, about relationships, and about love that has shifted me out of that mindset. Really, its all in your head, and no where else. Your girls experiences and past are blessings, not that they make you feel good, but like someone posted before it gives her stability and makes her decisions more grounded.

 

Really, you need to step outside of this and see your girl for who she is. She is just another human like you and I, and if you put her on a pedestal than that is your own fault, not hers. If you treat her like an object than that is your own fault, not hers. Don't cloud your mind with these "normalities" that society feeds you. You know, women do not loose anything after they have sex with someone, its not like a part of their vagina falls off, or they lose a part of their emotion to love. Women dont hold onto these past men, they are not trying to juggle it all at once. Its over man, just like you will be over if you leave her. You will be pushed back into her mind just like the rest of the guys, and she will find someone else.

 

And you know what, 10 years from now, when you meet the next love of your life, and you find out that she did the dirty deed way more than you feel comfortable with, what are you going to do? You cant keep depreciating women because of their past, or what they did without you before they knew you. Im sure you realize that, but do you acknowledge it? Its important to separate yourself from this, because it will be a life long problem for you unless you overcome it now.

 

Agreeed....gonna beat this damn thing!...Just hope sooner rather than later..important not to keep throwing it in your lady's face though..this is the man's problem.

[rproctor]

Also, I dont know how much this matters, but it helped me to not think of it as something I had to overcome, or something I had to fix. It was not like I was making it into a "challenge", or trying to beat. Thinking like that kind of fueled me to keep it going.

 

The best advice I can give to anyone who is going through this, is to literally step outside this and look at this situation from another perspective. Really, you cant "beat" this, or really overcome it. There is nothing to beat, and nothing to gain. Your emotions and feelings will always be there, its about learning how to cope with them. Its natural, the way you feel, its inevitable, but irrational and often clouded.

 

Dont loose site of the real goal here, your relationship. Dont spend time thinking about your gf's past relationships when the only one that matters is the one you two have together.

 

If you find yourself thinking bad thoughts, try to replace them with positive thoughts about things in your relationship. Anything, small or big, just make sure you dont focus on things that are completely irrelevent to you, your girl, and your life.

[lovestruck818]

Hi guys,

 

I've read enough of these threads on the net so thought I might as well post my own!

 

First of all, I'm aware my obsession with her past (12 guys, a few one night stands) is irrational. I have a past. I've slept with 31 girls and done some dodgy things that's for sure. This is my problem, not hers.

 

It really is a double standard. I want this to be the one for me. I've never loved like this and will happily propose to her once/if I get over this!

 

I just wanted to see if there are any people out there who HAVE gotten over this. It's rationality vs the animal in me, the crocodile brain. I'm just hoping I can win this one.

 

I never hold this against her, judge her or make her feel bad about the choices she made. I know she loves me more than any of these men, enjoys sex more and the past is not in my control but it eats away at you!

 

Appreciate any advice!

 

Everyone is "crazy" at one time or another though. Did you ever go away to college? Did she? Do you know what kind of crazy stuff goes on on college campuses? You can't really hold it against her, or blame her, or feel the way you do...considering you also have a past- is it not a bit, hypocritical? If you are the one she wants to be with, that's it- that's your answer- that's all you need. The past at this point is irrelevant.

[AAlike]

This may seem like kind of a weird aside, but it did help me out so I'll toss it out there as food for thought.

 

One thing that my GF pointed out when discussing the RJ-related issues (which have affected both of us on occasion) is the resounding distinction betwen protected and unprotected sex, not just because of how good one is relative to the other, but both from a trust perspective and the level of "closeness." Although both of us have had some hookups, some of which i'm sure were satisfying, some that were probably not our finest moments in retrospect, and all of which we would gladly erase only to ease the other's mind - we both had only had unprotected sex with one other person.

 

I don't know - to me that made it a lot easier to distinguish between the sex that was "recreational" or otherwise forgettable versus what we have, and I think that it did for her too.

[zink]

This may seem like kind of a weird aside, but it did help me out so I'll toss it out there as food for thought.

 

One thing that my GF pointed out when discussing the RJ-related issues (which have affected both of us on occasion) is the resounding distinction betwen protected and unprotected sex, not just because of how good one is relative to the other, but both from a trust perspective and the level of "closeness." Although both of us have had some hookups, some of which i'm sure were satisfying, some that were probably not our finest moments in retrospect, and all of which we would gladly erase only to ease the other's mind - we both had only had unprotected sex with one other person.

 

I don't know - to me that made it a lot easier to distinguish between the sex that was "recreational" or otherwise forgettable versus what we have, and I think that it did for her too.

 

I'm not sure how much that applies to most people though. Unprotected sex is pretty common, even more so when related to cirumstance or environment.

 

Drunk hookups, college years, FWB's etc etc. If a person is clean and has had various unprotected encounters, chances are they would lie if asked the question "were you protected" - because it doesnt help to say no and I think most people know why that question has cropped up.

[Javelin]

Bazool,

 

How old are you and your girlfriend, if you don't mind me asking?