PORN..what's really the deal?

[soserious1]

I'm sorry I don't really know your story other than what you've told here, so forgive me if this has already been asked, but why are you still with him? You seem so miserable and hurt. The way you feel must effect other areas of your life as well, right?

 

 

 

Why am I still here? a couple of reasons actually

 

1. I took vows, I stood in front of family,friends and god, I promised to stay yoked to this man for the rest of my life.. no matter what. To not keep that vow means I am a dishonerable woman, scum, a lowlife

 

2. I am the sole bread winner.. if I divorce I will most assuredly be expected to pay considerable alimony in addition to 1/2 my pension and property settlement.I hadn't planned on spending the last 1/3 of my life working 2-3 jobs just so I can eat and pay the rent.

 

3. if a woman wants to get a regular deep dicking, she best be prepared to fork over $$$$$ and a lot of it as she ages. Men want younger woman by and large, an over 50 yr old divorced gal stuck paying a large amount of alimony,stripped of most of her assets and her pension devalued isn't going to get much unless she's willing to fsck wino's or stumble bums.

 

Am I hurt? of course I am but where is it written that facing reality is always going to be pleasant or painless? Men are visual creatures, most of them are stimulated by youthful, fertile looking women, my husband is simply expressing normal male sexual arousal patterns. It sucks and it sucks hard but what aspect of aging is fun?

[Jennifer26]

Men are visual creatures, most of them are stimulated by youthful, fertile looking women, my husband is simply expressing normal male sexual arousal patterns. It sucks and it sucks hard but what aspect of aging is fun?

Yes, most men find women in this age range attractive. However, that does not mean many men don't find a more mature woman also attractive. Men like variety.

 

And being 50 years old does not mean you're no longer attractive. There are plenty of women in their 40's, 50's and beyond that still look amazing. Look at Monica Belluci, Demi Moore, Diane Lane, Michelle Pfeiffer, Ellen Barkin, Elizabeth Hurley, Salma Hayek.. I could go.

 

Turning to porn over his wife is not normal, or acceptable. He has a problem, and you're blaming yourself for it and allowing it to make you feel bad about you.

[rainfall]

If your SO is so easily swayed, aren't you worried about the attractive women he sees in mainstream movies and print? What about the attractive women he might see in real life ?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Its different if there is an atttactive chick in real life that he walks by. If he looks at porn he is seeking out other women by choice and when he goes out I don't think he is picking where he will go based on the chance of seeing an attractive chick.

[Lizzie60]

Why am I still here? a couple of reasons actually

 

1. I took vows, I stood in front of family,friends and god, I promised to stay yoked to this man for the rest of my life.. no matter what. To not keep that vow means I am a dishonerable woman, scum, a lowlife

 

2. I am the sole bread winner.. if I divorce I will most assuredly be expected to pay considerable alimony in addition to 1/2 my pension and property settlement.I hadn't planned on spending the last 1/3 of my life working 2-3 jobs just so I can eat and pay the rent.

 

3. if a woman wants to get a regular deep dicking, she best be prepared to fork over $$$$$ and a lot of it as she ages. Men want younger woman by and large, an over 50 yr old divorced gal stuck paying a large amount of alimony,stripped of most of her assets and her pension devalued isn't going to get much unless she's willing to fsck wino's or stumble bums.

 

Am I hurt? of course I am but where is it written that facing reality is always going to be pleasant or painless? Men are visual creatures, most of them are stimulated by youthful, fertile looking women, my husband is simply expressing normal male sexual arousal patterns. It sucks and it sucks hard but what aspect of aging is fun?

 

Bold part: this is the exact reason why MOST men do NOT divorce.. that and for the kids.. but finance IS a big part of it.

 

and to think that your life is finished at 50.. wow.. mine started at 50.. honestly... I have more men hitting on me than I had when I was a young chick.. am I complaining .. of course not..

 

Aging is no fun.. I agree.. I don't want to get 'invisible' but I will inevitably.. but I do my damn best to slow up that 'stage' of my life..

[JackJack]

Why am I still here? a couple of reasons actually

 

1. I took vows, I stood in front of family,friends and god, I promised to stay yoked to this man for the rest of my life.. no matter what. To not keep that vow means I am a dishonerable woman, scum, a lowlife

 

2. I am the sole bread winner.. if I divorce I will most assuredly be expected to pay considerable alimony in addition to 1/2 my pension and property settlement.I hadn't planned on spending the last 1/3 of my life working 2-3 jobs just so I can eat and pay the rent.

 

3. if a woman wants to get a regular deep dicking, she best be prepared to fork over $$$$$ and a lot of it as she ages. Men want younger woman by and large, an over 50 yr old divorced gal stuck paying a large amount of alimony,stripped of most of her assets and her pension devalued isn't going to get much unless she's willing to fsck wino's or stumble bums.

 

Am I hurt? of course I am but where is it written that facing reality is always going to be pleasant or painless? Men are visual creatures, most of them are stimulated by youthful, fertile looking women, my husband is simply expressing normal male sexual arousal patterns. It sucks and it sucks hard but what aspect of aging is fun?

 

I'm so sorry you've been treated like this. You know, we teach others how to treat us. And while you're not at fault for him looking at other younger women, you are allowing his behavior to continue by staying, and I'm sure you may be aware of that. I understand the financial aspect of it and the kids aspect of it, BUT nothing is more important than ones self worth and self respect, and when we find that someone else has torn that down, only WE are the ones able to build that back up. It will start with YOU to do that. Only YOU can make yourself feel better. One thing I can't stand, men, my own gender, treating women in a bad way.

[soserious1]

I'm so sorry you've been treated like this. You know, we teach others how to treat us. And while you're not at fault for him looking at other younger women, you are allowing his behavior to continue by staying, and I'm sure you may be aware of that. I understand the financial aspect of it and the kids aspect of it, BUT nothing is more important than ones self worth and self respect, and when we find that someone else has torn that down, only WE are the ones able to build that back up. It will start with YOU to do that. Only YOU can make yourself feel better. One thing I can't stand, men, my own gender, treating women in a bad way.

 

 

 

 

I'm back to edit because your response troubled me... I should leave according to you and in so doing really hurt myself at a time when I'll be most vulnerable, my elderly years.. I should leave to preserve my dignity..leave and

then be court ordered to support him, he can then do as he pleases on my dime? yeah, that'll teach him a real lesson won't it?

 

Jennifer26.. every single woman you've named is a wealthy celebrity, a few are barely into their 40's and are over a good decade younger than I am. I am an average middle aged woman in no way comparable to the women you've named.. saying he should desire me won't make it so unfortunately.. his penis rises,stiff and hard at the sight of a buxom 25 yr old, and goes immediately flaccid and limp the moment he spies my nude body. It's a physical response and I can't very well force that out of anyone.

[angie2443]

I'm back to edit because your response troubled me... I should leave according to you and in so doing really hurt myself at a time when I'll be most vulnerable, my elderly years.. I should leave to preserve my dignity..leave and

then be court ordered to support him, he can then do as he pleases on my dime? yeah, that'll teach him a real lesson won't it?

 

Jennifer26.. every single woman you've named is a wealthy celebrity, a few are barely into their 40's and are over a good decade younger than I am. I am an average middle aged woman in no way comparable to the women you've named.. saying he should desire me won't make it so unfortunately.. his penis rises,stiff and hard at the sight of a buxom 25 yr old, and goes immediately flaccid and limp the moment he spies my nude body. It's a physical response and I can't very well force that out of anyone.

 

Is this marriage worth the price of your soul? That is what you pay by staying with this man. You sound misserable and bitter. Life is to short for that. I know plenty of women who are over 45 and happy and lead a full life. Do you want to join them or remain in your marriage?

[The Collector]

Yes she sounds very bitter. But is that because of her husband, or because she cannot accept that at 50 her days of being hot stuff are over. It happens to us all sooner or later. Aging is cruel, but what can you do? be bitter and hate younger women, or accept that you had your day in the sun and make the most of the rest of your life.

[soserious1]

Yes she sounds very bitter. But is that because of her husband, or because she cannot accept that at 50 her days of being hot stuff are over. It happens to us all sooner or later. Aging is cruel, but what can you do? be bitter and hate younger women, or accept that you had your day in the sun and make the most of the rest of your life.

 

You are totally correct, I do need to make the most of the rest of my life.What I'm having trouble with is this,how can I remain,loving, giving, and grateful in a marriage where my husband with love and honesty has let me know how unattractive he finds me ?

 

I don't hate younger women, what I hate at this point is my body, myself for betraying me. I have to continue to provide fiscal supports and the practical work of running a household and making everybody's life smoother all the while knowing with 100% certainty that my husband finds my aging face and body repulsive to look at.

 

 

I get to keep giving and I get what exactly? what is left? a life of servitude and apologizing for being old and repulsive to my husband's eyes? I'm too old for sex, passion or romance but I'm not too old to scrub a toliet or bring in the paycheck that feeds him, kinda funny how that one works isn't it?

[soserious1]

Is this marriage worth the price of your soul? That is what you pay by staying with this man. You sound misserable and bitter. Life is to short for that. I know plenty of women who are over 45 and happy and lead a full life. Do you want to join them or remain in your marriage?

 

I won't get to join those women Angie, I'll get to join the ranks of middle aged divorced men working 2 jobs and living in their cars because I'll be too broke after paying alimony to afford a place to live.

[soserious1]

Is this marriage worth the price of your soul? That is what you pay by staying with this man. You sound misserable and bitter. Life is to short for that. I know plenty of women who are over 45 and happy and lead a full life. Do you want to join them or remain in your marriage?

 

I won't get to join those women Angie, I'll get to join the ranks of middle aged divorced men working 2 jobs and living in their cars because I'll be too broke after paying alimony to afford a place to live.

 

What I'm thinking of telling him again is that if he doesn't want me, I can accept that but I wish to be freed from the section of our vows where we promised to forsake others. I want to open the marriage.

[angie2443]

Yes she sounds very bitter. But is that because of her husband, or because she cannot accept that at 50 her days of being hot stuff are over. It happens to us all sooner or later. Aging is cruel, but what can you do? be bitter and hate younger women, or accept that you had your day in the sun and make the most of the rest of your life.

 

Aging would be cruel if a woman was married to a man like you.

This is true. Your attitude and that of Soserious1 match up perfectly which is why she thinks you're right, when you are dead wrong. I know plenty of older women who live a full, happy life. They are either with a man who sees them as wonderful and does not look at them like has beens ( as you do) or they are single and have a good network of friends. Soserious1, I think, is married to someone with your mindset and it is making her misserable. You enjoy hurting her with your "had your day in the sun" comment and she hates herself so much that she is feeding into this. I bet the same thing is going on with her husband. She'll be living in he!! untill she leaves him.

[Jersey Shortie]

 

While I think that almost all discussion on a topic like this is worthwhile, the fact that we are reduced to debating the prevalence of blow job vs. cunnilingus porn might be a sign that Elvis has left the building...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Actually, it was merely to point out that porn is geared more to men and their pleasure then it is womens..most porn anyway. Mainstream porn at the very least.

 

 

Great set of traps you set there Audrey - but not sure what kind of idiot would say they preferred porn to sex with a real woman though. Perhaps it was the slam-dunkness of your question that accounted for his 'deer in the headlights' look.

 

 

It's not a trap at all. It's an excellent way to weed out the type of man a woman doesn't want in her life.

 

 

 

I dislike porn because I feel it is there for use when your SO no longer satisfys you. All it does is set an unrealistic expectation in a man's mind of what an attraticve women should look and be like.

 

 

That is partly my problem with porn as well. Who can realistically live up to those expectations? We all understand it turns men on. We all understand that men like the bodies and faces they see in porn. Even when men talk about porn they talk about how much hotter those women are and how they don't expect "real" woman to look like that. That's like a hit on feminity right there.

 

And porn is so household these days that frankly it's quite scarey and makes me feel even worse for the young women growing up who are going to have to deal with even more porn-centric young men then ever before..if that's even possible because right now it seems pretty over the top when you can download porn into your itunes. When is enough enough when it comes to porn? Or is it just never enough and no "real" woman is ever good enough for them?

 

Same could be said for the men in chick-flicks and romance novels.

 

I don't have any delusions that men are as kind, generous, affectionate and understandnig as the men in those movies. At least the difference between chick-flicks and porn is that chick-flicks don't refer to the men in degrading names, and it doesn't expect men to have fake body parts. But in all honestly, chick flicks and romance novels aren't even comparable to porn. Chick flicks for women are comparable to action flicks for men. Romance novels for women are comparable to something like video cames for men. An activity that is partial to one sex but is not at all like the medium of what porn is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yes she sounds very bitter. But is that because of her husband, or because she cannot accept that at 50 her days of being hot stuff are over. It happens to us all sooner or later. Aging is cruel, but what can you do? be bitter and hate younger women, or accept that you had your day in the sun and make the most of the rest of your life.

 

 

Men don't hit 50 themselves and stop wanting to be sexy or stop having sex. Same goes for women. Every woman from 5-95 inherently wants to feel beautiful, loved and desired. If the only women men consider worthy of that are in a limited age group, then yes you get some bitterness. I don't think the solution is a woman having to say "oh well my time is done, let me crawl into a hole while my husband looks at the new crop of desirable women". The real answer is both men and women growing up and stepping up to the plate. The real answer is both men and women not trying to remain forever young in an extended adolesence where they never grow up. Right now, we have a country of adults in extended adolesence that don't want to grow up.

 

I don't see alot of 50 year old men "accepting" the fact that they are 50 and their days of being "hot stuff" are over. I see them trying to hold on to their sexuality. And you know what? Women have the right to do that too. Entertaining porn of 20 year olds as you get older and older seems like one is standing still in their sexality. Because it's the same thing year after year and year. But I guess that's the thank you a woman gets for standing by her man,being there for him, loving him and taking care of him. She gets a nice slap in the face and reminder about how her "days of being hot stuff are over" and he has now moved onto greener pastures. Because after all, that seems to be what is truly and realistically important to men. That could be bitter or that could be just seeing the truth about what men are like today.

 

If men don't want women to bitter over them, if men really want better relationships with women, maybe men should grow up and act in a way that women respect. Instead of staying in an extended period of adolesence filled with his days spent sadly at his computer or tv watching women who in the next 5 years will be old news to him again anyway where he can trade those in for a new set..and then a new set..and then a new.. And all the while the one woman that loves him, that had his children, did his laundry and loved him, can watch it and he can remind her that she just is old news.

 

I wonder when enough is enough? Or is it never enough? Can any man answer that?

 

Are women just destined to be treated like less because the true things men value are something we all loose, men and women? Maybe it's stupid to expect love and caring and understanding and respect from men anymore.

[The Collector]

Aging would be cruel if a woman was married to a man like you.

This is true. Your attitude and that of Soserious1 match up perfectly which is why she thinks you're right, when you are dead wrong. I know plenty of older women who live a full, happy life. They are either with a man who sees them as wonderful and does not look at them like has beens ( as you do) or they are single and have a good network of friends. Soserious1, I think, is married to someone with your mindset and it is making her misserable. You enjoy hurting her with your "had your day in the sun" comment and she hates herself so much that she is feeding into this. I bet the same thing is going on with her husband. She'll be living in he!! untill she leaves him.

 

I'm telling her to lead a full happy life. But I didn't make the rules, women shine in their youth and few manage to hold onto being very attractive once they hit 50. Or 60. Or whenever, sooner or later you're an old lady and you shouldn't be beating yourself up that your looks have faded. THE SAME THING GOES FOR MEN. How many 50 year old men are hot? Maybe some men have an advantage as the years go by over women, but by no means the majority. Most have had their day too.

 

Ideally her husband would love her enough to still find her attractive. But if he doesn't, and this makes her miserable, she should leave him. I don't really buy that this option would leave her paying so much alimony she would have to sleep in her car.

 

Blaming porn for her aging is a diversion. Get rid of all the porn in the world and he'll look at underwear ads, or women walking down the street. He knows hot young women exist, and those still light his fire. Deal with it, or find a man who prefers a more mature lady.

[soserious1]

JS, if I thought for even a single second that what my husband has shared with me was motivated by a desire to be cruel, I'd be gone in a heartbeat. If I felt his total inability to become physically aroused by me was within his control or that he was actively choosing to be physically non-responsive I'd also be gone.

 

I don't feel this was deliberate, I also don't feel that he should be punished or treated cruelly because he was honest. The hard part though, the piece I'm struggling with and I've shared this feeling with him is that this isn't some FWB fling, this is a long term marriage, a partnership that works well in other areas.How am I to process all of this and stay in this marriage?

 

Also, I don't "hate" anybody and totally understand why he enjoys looking at younger women, many of them are beautiful and easy on the eyes. What bothers me,what I hate if anything is an aging process that robs us of form and function long before we're ready to be put into the ground.I didn't ask for this to happen to me, I didn't sit here and stuff my face and gain 100 pounds, I didn't mistreat myself,yet I face the prospect of living another 30 years or so as? as what exactly? some sexless, passionless being who's only function is to provide money?

 

These are the things I struggle with.

[soserious1]

I'm telling her to lead a full happy life. But I didn't make the rules, women shine in their youth and few manage to hold onto being very attractive once they hit 50. Or 60. Or whenever, sooner or later you're an old lady and you shouldn't be beating yourself up that your looks have faded. THE SAME THING GOES FOR MEN. How many 50 year old men are hot? Maybe some men have an advantage as the years go by over women, but by no means the majority. Most have had their day too.

 

Ideally her husband would love her enough to still find her attractive. But if he doesn't, and this makes her miserable, she should leave him. I don't really buy that this option would leave her paying so much alimony she would have to sleep in her car.

 

Blaming porn for her aging is a diversion. Get rid of all the porn in the world and he'll look at underwear ads, or women walking down the street. He knows hot young women exist, and those still light his fire. Deal with it, or find a man who prefers a more mature lady.

 

 

I am attempting to deal with it, I've asked him to open the marriage, I want to fsck other men, even if I need to pay them money to ensure that they are discrete and go away afterwards.

 

btw, my husband hasn't worked in years, no judge here is going to let me get away with thrusting a penniless man onto the streets to become a potential liabilty to the taxpayers. I've consulted with 2 lawyers already, the spousal support that would be required of me would mean I need a second job and would have to work till I die most liely.

[The Collector]

I want to fsck other men, even if I need to pay them money to ensure that they are discrete and go away afterwards.

 

I think this could be the way to go. What did he say?

[angie2443]

I'm telling her to lead a full happy life. But I didn't make the rules, women shine in their youth and few manage to hold onto being very attractive once they hit 50. Or 60. Or whenever, sooner or later you're an old lady and you shouldn't be beating yourself up that your looks have faded. THE SAME THING GOES FOR MEN. How many 50 year old men are hot? Maybe some men have an advantage as the years go by over women, but by no means the majority. Most have had their day too.

 

People shine when they are passionate about life and value/love who they are. If women base their worth on their outside apprearance, they should just throw in the towel at 35. Most of their adult life would be spent thinking back to "their day in the sun". What a waste of a life. Her husband makes her feel low about herself, her only chance at finding some happiness is leaving him.

[Jersey Shortie]

But I didn't make the rules, women shine in their youth and few manage to hold onto being very attractive once they hit 50. Or 60

 

To say that women only shine in their youth is a little close minded don't you think?

 

 

THE SAME THING GOES FOR MEN. How many 50 year old men are hot?

 

True but the difference is women don't place as much importance on looks for men as men place impossible ideals about looks for women.

 

I actually think men adjust to aging worse then women do and feel the need to live in an extended adolesence more then women do. And men who try to date women alot younger then themselves are only showing their own insecuirty often times.

 

Blaming porn for her aging is a diversion. Get rid of all the porn in the world and he'll look at underwear ads, or women walking down the street.

 

I don't understand why men always defend porn. It's like they see porn as an extension of themselve and if you find fault with porn, it's like they think you are finding fault with men. Personally, my issues with porn are not only about the pornstar looks. Its the misogny and the mistreatment of women and the way women are used that factor in.

 

 

What bothers me,what I hate if anything is an aging process that robs us of form and function long before we're ready to be put into the ground

 

It's your attitude that is robbing you of things.

[angie2443]

btw, my husband hasn't worked in years, no judge here is going to let me get away with thrusting a penniless man onto the streets to become a potential liabilty to the taxpayers. .

 

 

Why isn't your husband working?

[Mr. Lucky]

Its different if there is an atttactive chick in real life that he walks by. If he looks at porn he is seeking out other women by choice and when he goes out I don't think he is picking where he will go based on the chance of seeing an attractive chick.

Seems like you're splitting hairs. One does not have to seek out porn to be surrounded by temptation. When you posted this:

I dislike porn because I feel it is there for use when your SO no longer satisfys you. All it does is set an unrealistic expectation in a man's mind of what an attraticve women should look and be like.

You seemed to be concerned based on a comparative aspect that you (or anyone else) couldn't compete with the images porn would provide your SO. Since mainstream media also surrounds us with beautiful people doing unrealistic things, wouldn't it have a similar impact ?

 

I'm not challenging you, just curious...

 

Mr. Lucky

[The Collector]

To say that women only shine in their youth is a little close minded don't you think?

 

Ok, have it your way, 70 year old women are as attractive as 25 year olds.

 

And I'm not so much defending porn as pointing out that it is not the root cause of soserious1's unhappiness. Which she actually understands.

 

We've been over the alleged misogyny in porn countless times. If it seems like I defend it because porn is an extension of me, haha whatever. But I am a man, and get sick of tired old accusations that we hate women, and should do anything and everything to keep them happy or are labelled misoginists. Hence I point out to you again, the vast majority of porn is not hateful to women, is not titled 'stupid bitches get their punishment Xii' or whatever, rarely features silicone implants and unrealistic women rather favouring natural (but pretty) girl next door types, and any objectification or degradation that you do find is quite okay anyway as people are allowed to fantasize about what they like, as women do see previous list.

 

But then you never address these points properly when put to you, and I doubt you will this time. Oh well.

[Lizzie60]

Ok, have it your way, 70 year old women are as attractive as 25 year olds.

 

And I'm not so much defending porn as pointing out that it is not the root cause of soserious1's unhappiness. Which she actually understands.

 

We've been over the alleged misogyny in porn countless times. If it seems like I defend it because porn is an extension of me, haha whatever. But I am a man, and get sick of tired old accusations that we hate women, and should do anything and everything to keep them happy or are labelled misoginists. Hence I point out to you again, the vast majority of porn is not hateful to women, is not titled 'stupid bitches get their punishment Xii' or whatever, rarely features silicone implants and unrealistic women rather favouring natural (but pretty) girl next door types, and any objectification or degradation that you do find is quite okay anyway as people are allowed to fantasize about what they like, as women do see previous list.

 

But then you never address these points properly when put to you, and I doubt you will this time. Oh well.

 

Talking about older-younger.. I was at the Casino last night with my daughter, dinner there and we played a little..

 

At the restaurant, there was this couple.. the woman must have been close to 60.. very classy, blond short hair, black design glasses.. she was with a guy who was, at the most, 28-30... tall, dark guy, average looking... at first I thought, mother-son... because the age gap was so flagrant.. then later, I went to the washroom.. and they were standing at the bar.. touching each other.. and it was then apparent that they were a couple..

 

maybe the 70 yr old is not as attractive.. I give you that.. of course she's not.. but I see sooo many older women, younger men (I am one of those woman).. there's got to be something there.. seems to be a new 'phenomenon'.. good for me..

[The Collector]

How hot was she? There are a plenty of attractive 50 year old women, as has been mentioned. Helps if they keep their figure, dress well, etc, just like men. I'd even do some that weren't even that 'hot' but I dig their personality. How old is Camille Paglia these days?

[JackJack]

"I'm back to edit because your response troubled me... I should leave according to you and in so doing really hurt myself at a time when I'll be most vulnerable, my elderly years.. I should leave to preserve my dignity..leave and

then be court ordered to support him, he can then do as he pleases on my dime? yeah, that'll teach him a real lesson won't it?"

 

-No I'm not saying you should leave. I knew when I posted this to you, you had no intentions of leaving and you have your reasons, I stated that. Your mind is very clear on where you are going to remain, thats ok.

 

I guess I just spouted off what you were already aware of, sorry. I'm simply saying I hate to see someone hurt another person, and that person continue to allow it and stay mainly due to reasons such as kids of finances. But if its what some people feel they need or have to do, then they have to do what they feels works best for them.

 

People are only where they allow themselves to be. I wish you luck.