PORN..what's really the deal?

[soserious1]

My husband informed me this evening that I'm seriously mistaken if I think I'm going to make him a laughing stock around town by becoming known as the disgusting old whore who will do anything with a penis.

 

He has taken the step of consulting with our family doctor and our lawyer.

He says if I persist in hostile, argumentative behaviors, if he finds evidence that I've spent one thin dime on male escorts or that I'm acting out sexually he will seek to have me sectioned against my will for a full psychiatric evaluation with an eye of obtaining an order of substituted judgement against me.

 

 

He says that either I "settle down" or off to the emergency room I go. Oh and he's pulled every dime out of our jointly held accounts.

[Lovelybird]

why people changed so much after marriage, it was bad down spiral.

 

bitter toward each other, revenge each other, hate each other

 

human are hopeless

[soserious1]

why people changed so much after marriage, it was bad down spiral.

 

bitter toward each other, revenge each other, hate each other

 

human are hopeless

 

I don't think that is true but I do know I'll be retaining a lawyer ASAP in the morning, thank god I've got a couple credit cards in my name only. I am frustrated and angry at my situation but I have not acted in an out of control manner, I have not been abusive physically, our discussions and disagreements have not even involved any yelling or loudness, nor have I threatened to harm myself or others,I am not dimished in mental capacity in any way shape or form and this is a road we won't be going down.

[Lovelybird]

I don't think that is true but I do know I'll be retaining a lawyer ASAP in the morning, thank god I've got a couple credit cards in my name only. I am frustrated and angry at my situation but I am not dimished in mental capacity in any way shape or form and this is a road we won't be going down.

I am sorry, I hope things will go well for you soon

 

I know I lack of experience, but if I am in a marriage, and if a man won't treat me right, I will go to God and talk to him and do whatever God asks me to do, so I will go higher and higher, probably a better man will come along of course if this is God's will. Doing wrong things only get yourself in deeper pit, that won't revenge the husband, but revenge self.

 

and one always can pray God to change that man who does wrong things

[soserious1]

I know I lack of experience, but if I am in a marriage, and if a man won't treat me right, I will go to God and talk to him and do whatever God asks me to do, so I will go higher and higher, probably a better man will come along of course if this is God's will. Doing wrong things only get yourself in deeper pit, that won't revenge the husband, but revenge self.

 

and one always can pray God to change that man who does wrong things

 

My husband has drained every dime from our jointly held accounts and taken sole control over monies he didn't earn and he's threatening to have me committed under a "change in mental status" charge. I don't need prayer right now, I need the best lawyer I can find.

[Lovelybird]

Yes, you need a good lawyer too. why does he can assume you "change in mental status"?

 

do you have other people around you to support you?

[soserious1]

Yes, you need a good lawyer too. why does he can assume you "change in mental status"?

 

do you have other people around you to support you?

 

 

 

What my husband is saying is that my interest in continuing to be sexual is not natural or normal and that my insistance in openly talking about our sexual problems repeatedly,coupled with my requests to open the marriage and my threats to take on a paid lover indicate to him that I've become mentally unbalanced.This is a power play dear an attempt to walk away with 100 % of everything we own.

[Lovelybird]

What my husband is saying is that my interest in continuing to be sexual is not natural or normal and that my insistance in openly talking about our sexual problems repeatedly,coupled with my requests to open the marriage and my threats to take on a paid lover indicate to him that I've become mentally unbalanced.

your husband deserve many heavy good slap in his face. why do you want to open marriage? because of his unfaithfulness? do you have prove?

[Mr. Lucky]

What is the point in trying to please him at all Mr. Lucky?

The point in trying to please him is that, with some conditions, it comes back to you. One of the interesting and challenging conditions is that you don't always get to pick the form of reciprocation. You don't get to set the rules, guidelines or qualifiers, that's up to yout partner. So, saying "love me and prove it by not fantasizing about another woman" isn't how it works in most relationships.

 

I think (and hope for your sake ) that with time you'll grow a thicker emotional skin...

 

Mr. Lucky

[soserious1]

The point in trying to please him is that, with some conditions, it comes back to you. One of the interesting and challenging conditions is that you don't always get to pick the form of reciprocation. You don't get to set the rules, guidelines or qualifiers, that's up to yout partner. So, saying "love me and prove it by not fantasizing about another woman" isn't how it works in most relationships.

 

I think (and hope for your sake ) that with time you'll grow a thicker emotional skin...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

and if trying to please another person means that MAYBE they might decide to reciprocate but that they'll chose how and if they decide you should be pleased well damn it,that's all you are getting then marriage or long term partnerships with men are a joke.

 

Being a wife is far,far overated, being a cheap easy slut who fscks and sucks everything in pants and cares about NOTHING but herself seems to me to be the far,far better option!

[Lovelybird]

Here is what I think about "please him"

 

If he asks me to do something nice for him, if these things fall into moral lines, I am more than willing to please him

 

But if he asks me to tolerate him watching porn, dehumanize other women, drool before screen, and even have OW, IN NO WAY I will do it to please him. First, these things are bad for his own integrity and morality, if he continues to do it, he may end up in hell, if I tolerate and compromise this, the relationship will suffer 100% in a long term sense (people will find excuses to say their relationship suffer because of sex, nope, their relationship suffer because their souls suffer, and soul relationship suffer); Second, a woman who hold her value strong won't tolerate such treatment

[Mr. Lucky]

and if trying to please another person means that MAYBE they might decide to reciprocate but that they'll chose how and if they decide you should be pleased well damn it,that's all you are getting then marriage or long term partnerships with men are a joke.

 

Being a wife is far,far overated, being a cheap easy slut who fscks and sucks everything in pants and cares about NOTHING but herself seems to me to be the far,far better option!

I hope you're just venting. One good thing about your husband's current actions is that it may finally bring your situation to a head. No one should put up with that kind of treatment...

 

Mr. Lucky

[soserious1]

Here is what I think about "please him"

 

If he asks me to do something nice for him, if these things fall into moral lines, I am more than willing to please him

 

But if he asks me to tolerate him watching porn, dehumanize other women, drool before screen, and even have OW, IN NO WAY I will do it to please him. First, these things are bad for his own integrity and morality, if he continues to do it, he may end up in hell, if I tolerate and compromise this, the relationship will suffer 100% in a long term sense (people will find excuses to say their relationship suffer because of sex, nope, their relationship suffer because their souls suffer, and soul relationship suffer); Second, a woman who hold her value strong won't tolerate such treatment

 

The women of porn have the right idea, the smart ones avoid traps like drug addiction, they avoid long term entanglements with male parasites. They se their looks to gain money,property and a certain amount of celebrity, use a man up,discard him,move onto the next. I've got a lot of respect for these gals at this point, I played the cards of the good woman and it's gotten me nothing but work,responsibility, worry and pain.

[soserious1]

I hope you're just venting. One good thing about your husband's current actions is that it may finally bring your situation to a head. No one should put up with that kind of treatment...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

Please,My marriage was a joke, a waste of my life, the biggest mistake I've ever made.

[Lovelybird]

The women of porn have the right idea, the smart ones avoid traps like drug addiction, they avoid long term entanglements with male parasites. They se their looks to gain money,property and a certain amount of celebrity, use a man up,discard him,move onto the next. I've got a lot of respect for these gals at this point, I played the cards of the good woman and it's gotten me nothing but work,responsibility, worry and pain.

their lives are not what you think, I know you are vanting, their lives are paved with tears, pains, humilities and hopeless, a woman who did that and changed that way of living, have a website, no easy money in this world, either it is paid price one way or another

 

hookerforJesus.com

[soserious1]

their lives are not what you think, I know you are vanting, their lives are paved with tears, pains, humilities and hopeless, a woman who did that and changed that way of living, have a website, no easy money in this world, either it is paid price one way or another

 

hookerforJesus.com

 

 

 

from where I sit, in the perspective of one who's done all the paying, I know all about pain, tears and humilation and hopelessness, being a wife isn't worth the work, sacrifices and pain involved,what men give back in exchange

just isn't worth the investment.

 

If I had it all to do over again, I'd just fsck whomever I pleased whenever I pleased then go my merry way, all the time keeping my wallet firmly closed.

[Lovelybird]

their lives are not what you think, I know you are vanting, their lives are paved with tears, pains, humilities and hopeless, a woman who did that and changed that way of living, have a website, no easy money in this world, either it is paid price one way or another

 

hookerforJesus.com

I meant humiliation

 

from where I sit, in the perspective of one who's done all the paying, I know all about pain, tears and humilation and hopelessness, being a wife isn't worth the work, sacrifices and pain involved,what men give back in exchange

just isn't worth the investment.

 

If I had it all to do over again, I'd just fsck whomever I pleased whenever I pleased then go my merry way, all the time keeping my wallet firmly closed.

well, human make mistakes, sometimes terrible mistakes, the only way I see is seeking God. so we can live differently and happily and full of hope.

[soserious1]

I meant humiliation

 

 

well, human make mistakes, sometimes terrible mistakes, the only way I see is seeking God. so we can live differently and happily and full of hope.

 

Well,You keep on praying to your God. My days of living in utter despair and humilation are over. This fool wants a legal wrangle, well he just brought himself a front row seat because as far as I'm concerned I want a divorce ASAP and will be getting the toughest, most aggressive lawyer I can find.

[Mr. Lucky]

My days of living in utter despair and humilation are over. This fool wants a legal wrangle, well he just brought himself a front row seat because as far as I'm concerned I want a divorce ASAP and will be getting the toughest, most aggressive lawyer I can find.

What took you so long ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[Rorocher]

I sense lots of frustration in your post. seems you know it is wrong, but since you cannot change it, you fear to make old man angry, so you have to endure it

 

No, I don't endure for fear of not making my old man angry. I deal. Just like you deal with facts of life that you cannot change, like aging, instead of the woe is me, I'm getting older and I don't command the sexual attention I use to attitude.

 

What is there to be frustrated about? I had my youth.

[Rorocher]

and if trying to please another person means that MAYBE they might decide to reciprocate but that they'll chose how and if they decide you should be pleased well damn it,that's all you are getting then marriage or long term partnerships with men are a joke.

 

Being a wife is far,far overated, being a cheap easy slut who fscks and sucks everything in pants and cares about NOTHING but herself seems to me to be the far,far better option!

 

No I don't agree with that soserious. It is true, we have no control over other people's actions towards us even if we show them love and affection. Love is not a quid pro quo unfortunately, should it be, yes, but it's not. HOWEVER, we DO have control over what WE do if we are not getting our needs met in any relationship. Most pack up and leave to find greener pastures elsewhere and they do find it.

 

Don't let the actions of one man, i.e, your husband, lead you to resent a whole population, that is just not fair. Your husband has some serious issues that goes beyond porn. Like a man whose wife cheats on him, who then proceeds to label ALL women as sluts who are only good for sex. Visit askmen.com and be shocked at attitudes like this.

[Rorocher]

Well,You keep on praying to your God. My days of living in utter despair and humilation are over. This fool wants a legal wrangle, well he just brought himself a front row seat because as far as I'm concerned I want a divorce ASAP and will be getting the toughest, most aggressive lawyer I can find.

 

atta girl! it's about time.

[Rorocher]

I guess thats what I have to look forward to..as your daughter ..and her daughter and all the other women. Having a life with a man, building a life with a man, having his children so that 20 years down the line he can use the girls his daughter's age to masturbate to. Yeah that's progression alright.

 

If men feel bitter about the unfairness of the legal system in the case of divorce, women have the right to feel bitter about the man they love having fantasies of his daughters friends. Completely dishearting but that's the kind of stuff alot of men do.

 

Do you think he is having sex with you and thinking about one of your daughter's tight bodied cute friends?

 

 

 

Oh it'll happen alright, you just wait, 5, 10, 20 years down the road, you'll deal somehow, just like generations before you have dealt and continue to deal with it. Unless of course, you choose to remain single which is always a viable option. You could also choose to bat for the other team, but I think lesbians also fantasize and masturbate to their fantasies, which doesn't always include their SO, so what to do, what to do?.

 

My daughter? she's married actually and thankfully, she is secure enough in herself not to feel threatened by trivialities like porn images that her husband masturbates to ONCE IN A WHILE.

 

What my SO is thinking about while having sex with me is not something I worry my head with because frankly, it's irrelevant. What I'm thinking about while having sex is how incredibly good this feels at this moment, I don't ponder what my husband is thinking while he's on top of me. Seriously who cares? You're having sex, with someone you love, one of the most enjoyable activities there is, who is doing this wondering what one person is thinking or not thinking? ugh! what a way to party poop.

 

I wonder though, let's say, for the sake of argument, JS, you stumble upon one of those very "last few good guys" according to you, he doesn't masturbate to porn, but he masturbates, which you've said you're ok with, right?

If you ask him what visual aids his masturbation, i.e., what is he thinking about while he masturbates or during sex? and he says, "nothing, dear" or "you, dear", which is the ideal scenario, according to you.(You did say that masturbating to any other image be it in his head, on screen or paper is him disrespecting and replacing you right? So, one can conclude from that, that you want him to masturbate to thoughts of you only, his woman.)

So I'm curious, when you get that ideal answer from him, would you believe him and take his word for it at face value or would you ask him to prove it? Regardless of what he tells you, how would you know for sure that he's telling you the truth as opposed to what you want to hear? Afterall, you're not in his head and can't read his mind.

 

It's similar to that classic question of "does this dress make my butt look fat"? Most guys, if they don't want any drama will say, no ofcourse not dear. But we all know that he's lying since your butt DOES look fat in that dress, even you know that. So is it about the absolute truth or is it about what placates your ego?

 

Another question, let's say that this awesome guy does exercise this "mental control" and tries really really hard not to picture anything else but you while masturbating, EVER!, but then he slips and another image pops in his head for a few seconds, you know, because he's human and all. Should he immediately stop masturbating, mid session until he can think about you again? or what exactly should he do at that moment?. Same with while having sex, should he stop mid thrust because he thought about something else or should he just keep going?

 

Last question, do you think we are biologically inclined to get lulled into familiarity? i.e, do you believe that nature doesn't allow the intensity of our attraction to ANYTHING to burn endlessly?

[Jersey Shortie]

The point in trying to please him is that, with some conditions, it comes back to you. One of the interesting and challenging conditions is that you don't always get to pick the form of reciprocation. You don't get to set the rules, guidelines or qualifiers, that's up to yout partner. So, saying "love me and prove it by not fantasizing about another woman" isn't how it works in most relationships.

 

Mr. Lucky

 

So what exactly is up to me in this deal? He gets to dictate everything and I just get to sit there and be hopefull of some imagery "payment" of his affection. Seriously? You can't honestly believe that.

 

If a man isn't happy no matter how you try to please him, there is no point in even trying to please him. Perhaps this is why so many women just give up and stop caring about having sex with thier husbands. They've learned that no matter what they do, he is a bottomless pit that will use both her and porn in conjecture with each other to make himself feel good.

 

I think (and hope for your sake ) that with time you'll grow a thicker emotional skin...

 

And I wish, men were more sensitive and considerate of others. Or at the very least, if they can't be mongomous, not to have relationships where they pretend that's what they want when it clearly.

 

Maybe I need a thicker skin sometimes Mr.Lucky, but men sure could be better off with developing a more senstive one that took other people into consideration other then themselves.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh it'll happen alright, you just wait, 5, 10, 20 years down the road, you'll deal somehow, just like generations before you have dealt and continue to deal with it.

 

And what do men learn to deal with? I'm sure I will "deal". However, the fact remains that the thanks a woman gets for standing by her man and having his children is him replacing her. No one wants to be replaced. Men or women. If women sat around watching barely legal porn of boys to the extent that men do to women, I think that would be truly interesting.

 

The message you seem to be saying is that woman should accpect it, smile sweetly when it happens and still love her man and think the sunshines out of his butt while he indulges and caters to his every little whim as he did when he was 15 years old. What exactly do men offer anymore? What is the point in building a life with a man if he is only goign to replace you with women his own daughters age when the time comes? Maybe any man can answer this question. I sure as heck don't see alot of positive reinforcement anymore why a woman should give to a man when that's the case.

 

Unless of course, you choose to remain single which is always a viable option. You could also choose to bat for the other team, but I think lesbians also fantasize and masturbate to their fantasies, which doesn't always include their SO, so what to do, what to do?.

 

Lets not infect this thread with petty small minded comments. I don't need you to suggest what my sexual preferences should. If I didn't love men, these issues wouldn't bother me like they do.

 

 

My daughter? she's married actually and thankfully, she is secure enough in herself not to feel threatened by trivialities like porn images that her husband masturbates to ONCE IN A WHILE.

 

Porn isn't trivial. You don't even believe that yourself or you wouldn't spend so much time arguing about it either. You might argue on the opposite end of the spectrum, but you don't consider it any more trivial then I do. And that is pure fact.

 

To be honest, I don't really know why men think women should feel secure in their relationships with them when men are taking a phsycial action to seek out other women to pleasure themselves with. It does not set the foundation for a caring relationship. And what does it say about the men of our generations that can so callously use other women and treat them like plastic blow up dolls. Personally, I don't see men holding much respect for women. So not only do the fake expecatations that porn sets a tone for men concern me. But the disregard for women as real people and the using of them like they are just a couple 'holes' makes me question what men "really" think about women. I guess most men don't really think much of women actually.

 

 

What my SO is thinking about while having sex with me is not something I worry my head with because frankly, it's irrelevant. What I'm thinking about while having sex is how incredibly good this feels at this moment, I don't ponder what my husband is thinking while he's on top of me. Seriously who cares? You're having sex, with someone you love, one of the most enjoyable activities there is, who is doing this wondering what one person is thinking or not thinking? ugh! what a way to party poop.

 

I care and it's not irrelevant. I am not just a hole where he can feel good in while he thinks of something better he wants. Maybe you feel okay settling for that, but I certainly don't. Sex with a partner is about connecting with them. Perhaps it isn't more for you, but it is for me. And when you connect with someone, it's so much more then your body parts joined together. If he wants to think of other women, then there is no point in me being invovled in the activity. Because it then becomes about what each person is getting for themselves and their own concerns then it is about the other person. And when you are with someone, it's about them and what yuo can give. You consider it a party poop. Funny term. But I consider the other way a party poop. Maybe it works for you. However, I have my own standards about the way I want to live. And no offense, but I don't want to live my life by the way you live yours.

 

 

So I'm curious, when you get that ideal answer from him, would you believe him and take his word for it at face value or would you ask him to prove it? Regardless of what he tells you, how would you know for sure that he's telling you the truth as opposed to what you want to hear? Afterall, you're not in his head and can't read his mind.

 

There are things each partner does to either build their trust between each other, or take away from the trust between each other. Only he can truly know wha tis really in his mind. But I hope he has enough respect for me and our relationship to give me the tools to be able to trust him. And vice versa. Porn and bringing other women into your head everytime you get the urge doesn't build a foundation of trust.

 

It's similar to that classic question of "does this dress make my butt look fat"? Most guys, if they don't want any drama will say, no ofcourse not dear. But we all know that he's lying since your butt DOES look fat in that dress, even you know that. So is it about the absolute truth or is it about what placates your ego?

 

How do you know he doesn't think her ass looks big in the dress? or that he LIKES the big ass?

 

It has nothing to do with placating egos and about respecting your partner, being committed to them, and using self control. Most of today's men indulge in every little feeling and need they have they miunte they have it. Women do it too. I just think some self control is a worthy trait. And one that I respect far more in a man then wone who whines about how he is a "man" and that gives hi man excuse to indulge in every little masculine whim he has.

 

Men feel the same way about women. Both sexes like when the other sex uses self control and doesn't subcumb to their every little desire and needy need. Men don't want to be replaced anymore the nwomen do. But the message women always get from men is we are replacable. And we are suppose to smile sweetly and still be at his bidding in the wake of that. Perhaps its the fact that I am generations younger then you where I won't settle for that kind of set up. We might have come a long way from the time when women couldn't vote, but it's still a man's world. I actually hope i come back as a man. I bet life is a heck of alot easier and more self gratifying.

 

 

Another question, let's say that this awesome guy does exercise this "mental control" and tries really really hard not to picture anything else but you while masturbating, EVER!, but then he slips and another image pops in his head for a few seconds, you know, because he's human and all. Should he immediately stop masturbating, mid session until he can think about you again? or what exactly should he do at that moment?. Same with while having sex, should he stop mid thrust because he thought about something else or should he just keep going?

 

I never asked of perfection. That was your own ridiculous assumption. But I do ask that someone tries. And I don't see alot of men today that even try anymore.

 

Last question, do you think we are biologically inclined to get lulled into familiarity? i.e, do you believe that nature doesn't allow the intensity of our attraction to ANYTHING to burn endlessly?

 

I think we are biologically inclined to want many partners and to want to form a bond with one partner at the same time. It's our choice either way. The issue I have is when people want it both ways because that is what is easist and most gratifying to them. too many men want the benefits of a monogmous relationship AND other partners. That is disrespectful to his own relationship and quite honestly, I'm not even sure why he is having one of if that is the case.

 

I also think that after a period of time, attraction gets less hot.But it's up to you and your partner to keep that spark alive. Because anything worth having is worth working for.

[annieo]

Well,You keep on praying to your God. My days of living in utter despair and humilation are over. This fool wants a legal wrangle, well he just brought himself a front row seat because as far as I'm concerned I want a divorce ASAP and will be getting the toughest, most aggressive lawyer I can find.

 

Sounds like you are in battle maiden mode. Bravo!!!! Was there myself during my divorce. It's kind of invigorating, after years of putting up with all manner of sh*t, to finally get to the final conflict and then to get free.

 

I am praying to all the goddesses of legitimate wifely vengence to get you a fair (or more than fair ) deal. IMO, Mr. Back Ailment needs to find himself a desk job, or another sugar mommy. If he can sit in front of a computer and jerk off, he can sit in front of a computer and work for a living!