PORN..what's really the deal?

[porter218]

Talking about older-younger.. I was at the Casino last night with my daughter, dinner there and we played a little..

 

At the restaurant, there was this couple.. the woman must have been close to 60.. very classy, blond short hair, black design glasses.. she was with a guy who was, at the most, 28-30... tall, dark guy, average looking... at first I thought, mother-son... because the age gap was so flagrant.. then later, I went to the washroom.. and they were standing at the bar.. touching each other.. and it was then apparent that they were a couple..

 

maybe the 70 yr old is not as attractive.. I give you that.. of course she's not.. but I see sooo many older women, younger men (I am one of those woman).. there's got to be something there.. seems to be a new 'phenomenon'.. good for me..

So you met my grandma:D. How is she doing these days?

 

Actually my grandmother was 75 when she had a hot 27yr old bf. (true story). She was so proud..he was her dance partner and then they started dating..needless to say she aged well.

[redfathom]

Regarding porn:

 

1. This weekend I went to play a CD on our PC and opened Windows media player, I clicked play after the CD was put in, but the CD did not play, instead it played a 15 second porn video my husband watched earlier that week. When he woke up I asked him to please be more careful about deleting those things. I mean it would have been embarrassing if I had company over and that was what started playing .

 

2. At first I was very anti porn, because I was young and I did not understand it, after many fights with my H I decided I needed to accept it and be open about it. I even offered to watch a porn with him, we went to an adult store, which was kind of embarrassing for me and picked out a DVD and purchased it. A few days later I asked him if he wanted to watch it and he said, no! I asked him about what we discussed and he lied and said he never agreed to watch it with me. Now he watches it on his own, along with his many other DVD's and videos.

 

One more thing on my end about being insecure about the videos my H watches. He is very much into trannies, he also watches straight porn and gay porn. So for me beign insecure about porn is not so much about being insecure about the straight porb, but knowing I will never live up to his other fantasies, haha, it's not humanly possible.

 

He seems to watch trannies to most, and let me tell you it's not pleasanet when I stumble across one of this vid's. It has also effected out sex life. I have also caught him on escort sites. When I asked him about it, he said he was just curious. So I guess one curioisity leads to the next. I just don't know how far. He told me years later that is was a tranny escort site.

 

So what am I supposed to do. Just be okay with it! And for how long, until his fantasies get the best of him...

 

I guess I just have to hope that he remains faithful to me in our marriage. So for me they all tie in together and all have caused me pain.

[Mr. Lucky]

And alot men seem to enjoy defending it above all else Mr. Lucky. I do attack porn. Why is that bad? I see alot wrong with porn.

 

Let there be a clear distinction that I don't spend time defending or attacking things that have little impact of effect over me. He isn't so opposite of me in that regard. He is just on the opposite end of the spectrum in his views. I think it's silly to argue that something isn't a big deal for you but spend time arguing for it. I think we can safely say we have both been impacted porn, only in different ways.

I guess my point is, if porn has had a large impact on your life and relationships, then you are in the decided minority. And statements like this seem to lack that perspective:

Men win out and women loose. Men get to have their porn and their real life women and women get men who might care about her but dont think she is as great as his fantasy of busty 18 year olds. And she can sit on the sidelines and watch and when he is done being worked over whatever new flavor of the month that got him going, can be there to service him.

Jersey, do you really think that "all" men or "most" men or even a significant number of men look at their SO as solely someone to service them after looking at porn ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr. Lucky]

I have also caught him on escort sites. When I asked him about it, he said he was just curious. So I guess one curioisity leads to the next. I just don't know how far. He told me years later that is was a tranny escort site.

Your husband is a liar and potentially a cheater, no different than someone trying to explain away text messages or cell phone calls when caught.

 

What's that got to do with porn ?

 

Mr. Lucky

[redfathom]

I know I called him a liar about us watching the video together, he claimed it to be a technicality, I call it a lie. For the most part though he is honest and we openly discuss his porn habit's.

 

To answer your question, it has to do with my dislike of porn. Everyone here is talking about IF they dislike porn or not, I am telling you WHY I have an issue with it.

 

It's readily available to tempt him. Besides the subject of this thread was about womans insecurities with their SO's looking at porn, I just stated mine. I guess for some woman the line between looking at porn/fantasizing about another woman and cheating is not that far off. It's easy to understand how a woman might feel the two are connected, like a gateway drug.

[Jersey Shortie]

Men do see plasticky, fake blonds in porn but these same men are dating the girl next door types, are they not?

 

Because that's the option they have the majority of the time unless they live in LA. But obviously men desire the plasticaky fake blond on some level. Look at Hugh Heffner and those girlfriends of his. Ask any guy and most of them consider them very beautiful and sexy.

 

 

Once again, difference between fantasy and reality. A lot of men know better than to hold real women to the standards of porn actors. Just like you can't expect every woman to look like Angelina Jolie.

 

As was stated before, I have no doubt that men and women understand the difference between fantasy and reality. But I do doubt that men don't want the fantasy on some level.

 

They did a study that after men had viewd porn, they were asked questions about their partners and they found that the men had much more negative things to say about their own parter after.

 

 

I guess my point is, if porn has had a large impact on your life and relationships, then you are in the decided minority.

 

Untrue. How many women are on the internet asking questions about porn? How many men are on the internet defending it? Not just here but there are lots of forums about this one subject. The fact that we can go on and on about it shows that porn , by large, is not impacted only by the minority. There are alot of women struggling with this issue and it's not the minority.

 

 

Jersey, do you really think that "all" men or "most" men or even a significant number of men look at their SO as solely someone to service them after looking at porn ?

 

Mr. Lucky

 

 

No. What I think is that men sometimes use their SO as someone there to service them after looking at porn or after getting excited at other ideas about other women.

[Rorocher]

Because that's the option they have the majority of the time unless they live in LA. But obviously men desire the plasticaky fake blond on some level. Look at Hugh Heffner and those girlfriends of his. Ask any guy and most of them consider them very beautiful and sexy..

 

First of all, MOST men don't consider Hugh Heffner's girlfriends beautiful and sexy. Contrary to the saying, "gentlemen don't always prefer blondes". Some men like to feel and touch natural breasts, not the plastic ones. Some men like their women a little plump and soft. Some men actually get off on flat chested women(I personally know one that seeks them out). Some men like tall women, some like short and petite women. Some go crazy over ethnic women, some like dark-skinned, some like snow white looking women. Some men like boyish looking women. Hence, the wide variety of porn that caters to each person's idea of "beautiful".

 

Second of all, just because SOME men consider Hugh Heffner's girlfriends beautiful and sexy, doesn't mean these same men don't consider Jennifer Aniston beautiful and sexy and she looks very differently from Hugh Heffner's girlfriends, does she not? Point is, there isn't one standard of beauty, in porn or real life.

Beauty is not mutually exclusive. Because your SO thinks some woman on TV is sexy, doesn't mean he thinks of you as less sexy or unsexy.

 

 

 

As was stated before, I have no doubt that men and women understand the difference between fantasy and reality. But I do doubt that men don't want the fantasy on some level.

 

They did a study that after men had viewd porn, they were asked questions about their partners and they found that the men had much more negative things to say about their own parter after.

 

We all want our fantasies, I want Brad Pitt in the flesh with a nice satisfying 8-incher(pardon my crudeness). But am I going to get Brad Pitt? um....no. Do I find my still handsome, still sweet and kind, non-movie star looks having SO sexy as hell? you bet I do and I let him know that constantly, even when Brad Pitt is on TV. Am I "settling" for my SO because I can't get Brad Pitt? that's a bit silly, isn't it?

[Lizzie60]

So you met my grandma:D. How is she doing these days?

 

Actually my grandmother was 75 when she had a hot 27yr old bf. (true story). She was so proud..he was her dance partner and then they started dating..needless to say she aged well.

 

 

hahaha.. then she should be in the Guinness Record Book..

[Mr. Lucky]

There are alot of women struggling with this issue and it's not the minority.

Boy, I'd really like to see some statistics supporting that statement. I just don't think it's the case...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Jersey Shortie]

I'd like to see the statistics supporting your case as well Mr. Lucky.

[trubella]

I'd also like to ask all the LS women who have seen some porn - how misogynistic do you think it is? How often do you hear women being called bitches and whores, or feel that the women are made to look bad, (as opposed to horny and available)

 

rarely do i ever see that in porn, but i watch the amateur type porn so i dont know if that makes a difference, they get straight to the point.

[Mr. Lucky]

I'd like to see the statistics supporting your case as well Mr. Lucky.

 

OK Jersey. I googled "Top 10 Marital Problems", here's what came up courtesy of about.com. Which one (without your habit of seeing porn issues in everything) directly mentions porn ??? :

 

1. Lack of Respect

 

Don't badmouth your spouse to your friends or associates. Spouses need to be thanked. They need to know they are appreciated. [COLOR=#3366cc][/COLOR]

 

2. Not Listening to Your Spouse

 

This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language, and interrupting.

 

3. Lack of Sexual Intimacy

 

This is a death knell for a marriage. Seek medical counsel and therapeutic counseling if necessary. Don't leave your spouse wondering why you aren't interested in sex.

[/url]

4. Always Having to Be Right

 

This includes lecturing your mate, or having to have the last word. Very few people can love a know-it-all forever. Admit once in awhile that you made a mistake or that you don't have all the answers. Don't answer every simple question with a long-winded dissertion on the topic.

 

5.

 

Actions do speak louder than words. When you say you'll do something, do it. When you say you won't do something, follow through.

 

6. Hurtful Teasing

 

If your spouse says the teasing is hurtful, considers it a put down, or thinks that it is inappropriate, then stop it. Claiming that your spouse doesn't have a sense of humor or is too sensitive is being inconsiderate and unkind.

 

7. Dishonesty

 

Having lies and secrets in your relationship can create distance and lack of trust between the two of you.

 

8. Being Annoying

 

This includes continuing to have gross personal hygiene habits, or always being late, or nitpicking everything your spouse does, etc. It is when you know you are annoying and you continue to annoy.

 

9. Being Selfish or Greedy

 

This is when you spend money on yourself, but make a big deal if your spouse spends a dime. This is not wanting to open your home to friends and family because you prefer to be alone and don't want the hassle of entertaining. This is hogging the remote, only going to cheap restaurants when you could afford better, or not watching movies your spouse wants to see.

 

10. Having Temper Tantrums]

 

Every couple needs to be able to handle conflict in a constructive way. Having an angry outburst so that you can win an argument will make you the loser in the end.

 

_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Here's what they say about Sexual Intimacy. The part about Fantasy might be of particular interest to you:

 

Nonsexual touch and other signs of affection strengthens your marriage relationship, creates a comforting and calming atmosphere in your home, builds trust between the two of you, and deepens your intimacy with one another.

 

If your busy schedules or different body clocks are interfering with your sexual intimacy, make an appointment to have sex with one another.

Top Three Ways to Spice Up Your Sex Life

With one in five men in the U.S. and approximately 40% of women in the U.S. having sexual problems, people are looking for solutions. Here are three ways to improve your sex life.

Kick the Television Out of Your Bedroom!

According to Italian sexologist, Serenella Salomoni, you aren't getting as much sex as you could if you have a television set in your bedroom.

Is It Okay to Fantasize About Someone You're Not Married to?

Some people believe they are unfaithful, cheating, and breaking their marriage vows if they have sexual fantasies about someone other than their own spouse. However, sex therapists state that having sexual fantasies, either about one's spouse or about other partners, is normal and healthy.

Marriage Sexuality

One of the skills that can make marital sex great is communication.

How to Please Your Husband in Bed

Here's what it takes to please your husband sexually.

How to Please Your Wife in Bed

Here's what it takes to please your wife in bed and to delight her even if her needs may be more complicated than yours.

 

Mr. Lucky

[rainfall]

You seemed to be concerned based on a comparative aspect that you (or anyone else) couldn't compete with the images porn would provide your SO. Since mainstream media also surrounds us with beautiful people doing unrealistic things, wouldn't it have a similar impact ?

 

I'm not challenging you, just curious...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Mainstream media does surround people with pictures of beautiful people but the difference is people usually watch porn for sexual satisfaction. I don't think they watch porn for the amazing plot or great acting.

They reason they watch porn is to help them get turned on in a way that their SO can't.

I don't think many guys chose to go see a movie because it has a hot chick in it. If I found out my SO was watching something just because he wanted to see a hot chick in it I would be just as pissed about that as I would be if I found out he was watching porn.

[The Collector]

Trust me, everytime theres a movie, a tv show, a commercial or the news, if there's a hot chick in it, we notice.

 

Do we go to see a movie because there's a hot chick in it? I'm more likely to see something starring Milla Jovovich (who I worked with a couple of times btw, nice girl, pretty but not drop dead gorgeous IMO) than Barbra Streisand, just as you women are generally likely to go see a Johnny Depp movie than a Paul Giacometti one.

 

They reason they watch porn is to help them get turned on in a way that their SO can't.

No. They can get turned on by their SO and also by porn (when they want to masturbate alone, like you women do with your vibrators or rape fantasies or whatever).

[rainfall]

Trust me, everytime theres a movie, a tv show, a commercial or the news, if there's a hot chick in it, we notice.

 

Do we go to see a movie because there's a hot chick in it? I'm more likely to see something starring Milla Jovovich (who I worked with a couple of times btw, nice girl, pretty but not drop dead gorgeous IMO) than Barbra Streisand, just as you women are generally likely to go see a Johnny Depp movie than a Paul Giacometti one.

 

No. They can get turned on by their SO and also by porn (when they want to masturbate alone, like you women do with your vibrators or rape fantasies or whatever).

 

 

I don't get turned on by a rape fantasy. The thought of rape actually makes me want to stay away from sex forever. My SO turns me on. Thinking of randomn strangers does nothing for me.

 

I actually will go see a movie because it is about something that looks intersting to me. The actors really have nothing to do with my decision to see or not see a movie.

[The Collector]

Good for you. However handsome movie stars seem to generate box office. Often people pick their movies because they find one of the leads attractive. My gf wanted to see The Dark Knight because she is hot for Christian Bale. Is that supposed to piss me off as it would you? I'm glad I'm not that insecure. (Also I agree, he is hot).

 

The point is people don't only masturbate (to porn or private fantasies) because their SO is lacking, as you claimed. It's a completely different, personal experience and perfectly natural for both men and women... right?

[rainfall]

Good for you. However handsome movie stars seem to generate box office. Often people pick their movies because they find one of the leads attractive. My gf wanted to see The Dark Knight because she is hot for Christian Bale. Is that supposed to piss me off as it would you? I'm glad I'm not that insecure. (Also I agree, he is hot).

 

The point is people don't only masturbate (to porn or private fantasies) because their SO is lacking, as you claimed. It's a completely different, personal experience and perfectly natural for both men and women... right?

 

 

I also wanted to see the dark knight but it had nothing at all to do with Christian Bale. I could never imagine sitting through a movie just to see a hot guy.

 

I don't think its natural to want to sleep with someone or have fantasies about someone other then your SO. I think it shows that something is lacking with the SO that you have too have a fantasy in the first place.

 

As for you saying I am insecure well I would rather be though of as insecure by people I don't know then I would want to think of myself as weak and pathetic for accepting that my SO wants to screw others.

[Lizzie60]

I don't get turned on by a rape fantasy. The thought of rape actually makes me want to stay away from sex forever. My SO turns me on. Thinking of randomn strangers does nothing for me.

 

I actually will go see a movie because it is about something that looks intersting to me. The actors really have nothing to do with my decision to see or not see a movie.

 

the fantasy of rape is very common for both male and female..

 

I had this funny experience once with a guy who was in Ottawa for business.. he was from Toronto I think.. anyway he had a very high rank in the army.. he was staying at a high profile hotel here in town..

 

I saw him a few times.. we went for dinner on the Marché.. then at his room.. I had to wear very nice sexy clothes.. high heels.. the whole nine yards..

 

we talked about fetishes and fantasies.. he liked the idea of role playing since he had a very traditional W, nothing out of the ordinary.. anyway.. we talked on the phone before he was coming in town again.. and I offered him the 'rape' fantasy.. I thought he would love that..

 

I said I would wear less expensive clothes and he could role play the rape.. and tear my clothes etc... (I would bring clothes to change)... OMG .. he freaked.. and told me it was over..

 

He got scared.. I would freaked out and called the cops.. I tried to convince him that he could trust me and that it was only for fun.. that if he wanted to do something else it would be fine too.. but he insisted that I was too much for him to handle.. and I never saw him again..

 

oh well..too bad.. he was kinda cute.

 

I thought about this cause I had met another guy in one of the hotel in Ottawa prior to meeting him.. and this guy was in town also for business.. and he was 'writing' the scenario of the 'role play' it was very very elaborated...

 

He would write the 'play' even choose what I would wear, would send me shopping for the clothes he wanted me to wear.. would rent a car.. etc.. (he was in the editing business - magazines)... but when I met him (cause I have to meet before to see if there is chemistry)... he was OMG.. so disgusting.. he was extremely intelligent though.. but very sexually 'weird'... (he told me some fantasies he had lived before).. and not my type at all... so I had a few drinks.. he called me a taxi at the end of the evening.. he was very nice and a true gentleman but not my type.. eewww..

 

Role play is part of healthy porn, IMO, even between a H and his W.. it does give some spice to what could become a boring sex life..

 

[Jake Barnes]

The only fantasy I ever had was to have a ten inch penis

 

I dont understand all these elaborate, stupid, perverted fantasies

[rainfall]

the fantasy of rape is very common for both male and female..

 

Role play is part of healthy porn, IMO, even between a H and his W.. it does give some spice to what could become a boring sex life..

 

 

 

I am sure rape is a common fantasy however for reasons I would rather not get into it just doesn't do it for me.

 

However if there was a role playing idea my SO wanted to try I might not be against it as long as it doesn't involve him thinking about someone besides me. Yes I know thatin role play I am someone else but as long as it is a nameless someone else not a real person that is ok in my opinon.

[Jersey Shortie]

OK Jersey. I googled "Top 10 Marital Problems", here's what came up courtesy of about.com. Which one (without your habit of seeing porn issues in everything) directly mentions porn ??? :

 

Well to be honest there are several points of interest on that list that can relate to porn. Have you not seen how many women come on here and are hurt and confused by their man's porn use?

 

[COLOR=#660000]Lack of Respect[/COLOR]

 

Alot of women see porn as disrespectful and if a couple can't agree on it, it can cause porblems

 

 

 

[COLOR=#990000]Not Listening to Your Spouse[/COLOR]

 

This includes allowing your mind to wander, paying more attention to the computer or television set, ignoring body language, and interrupting.

 

Paying more attention to porn...letting your mind wander to women in porn....

 

 

[COLOR=#990000]Lack of Sexual Intimacy[/COLOR]

 

This is a death knell for a marriage. Seek medical counsel and therapeutic counseling if necessary. Don't leave your spouse wondering why you aren't interested in sex.

 

Lack of sexual intimacy because they are turning to porn

 

[COLOR=#990000]Not Walking the Talk[/COLOR]

 

Actions do speak louder than words. When you say you'll do something, do it. When you say you won't do something, follow through.

 

Like when men say that porn is no big deal but defend it or lie about it so they can keep using it?

 

 

[COLOR=#990000]Dishonesty[/COLOR]

 

Having lies and secrets in your relationship can create distance and lack of trust between the two of you.

 

Many partners lie about their porn use.

 

 

9. [COLOR=#990000]Being Selfish or Greedy[/COLOR]

 

This is when you spend money on yourself, but make a big deal if your spouse spends a dime. This is not wanting to open your home to friends and family because you prefer to be alone and don't want the hassle of entertaining. This is hogging the remote, only going to cheap restaurants when you could afford better, or not watching movies your spouse wants to see.

Watching porn is a selfish and greedy act.

 

 

Trust me, everytime theres a movie, a tv show, a commercial or the news, if there's a hot chick in it, we notice.

 

Then men are never content just having what they have. Can you not understand how frustrating it is for women to see your man notice every hot chick out there and WANT to seek it out to masturbate to them?

 

Do we go to see a movie because there's a hot chick in it? I'm more likely to see something starring Milla Jovovich (who I worked with a couple of times btw, nice girl, pretty but not drop dead gorgeous IMO) than Barbra Streisand, just as you women are generally likely to go see a Johnny Depp movie than a Paul Giacometti one.

 

Put me down for another one that doesn't go to see a movie based on the hot people in it but more because of the actors/actresses I like and story line.

 

 

Good for you. However handsome movie stars seem to generate box office. Often people pick their movies because they find one of the leads attractive. My gf wanted to see The Dark Knight because she is hot for Christian Bale. Is that supposed to piss me off as it would you? I'm glad I'm not that insecure. (Also I agree, he is hot).

 

Does she masturbate to Christian Bale pictures or images of Christian Bale having sex??

 

The point is people don't only masturbate (to porn or private fantasies) because their SO is lacking, as you claimed. It's a completely different, personal experience and perfectly natural for both men and women... right?

 

I don't think anyone argues that masturbation isn't natural..but when do men say enough is enough? Do men have any limits out of respect is that something men are unconcerned with? As long as they can have it both ways, they are happy and women are suppose to stand on the sidelines I guess and be happy with the scraps men through them for affection.

[soserious1]

JS, I think I'd even be happy if my husband would lower himself enough to allow me to service him after he watches porn but I don't even get that.

[Mr. Lucky]

 

Well to be honest there are several points of interest on that list that can relate to porn. Have you not seen how many women come on here and are hurt and confused by their man's porn use?

 

Alot of women see porn as disrespectful and if a couple can't agree on it, it can cause porblems

 

Paying more attention to porn...letting your mind wander to women in porn....

 

Lack of sexual intimacy because they are turning to porn

 

Like when men say that porn is no big deal but defend it or lie about it so they can keep using it?

 

Many partners lie about their porn use.

 

Watching porn is a selfish and greedy act.

You missed (or ignored) the point. Despite your interesting interpretive ability (I like how you made the money-oriented "Being Selfish or Greedy" a porn issue ), it's a pretty specific list. I found many others just like it. None of them mentioned "My Husband Ignores Me For Porn" as a common problem.

 

So, does it happen in some relationships where one person (usually the man) abuses porn to the detriment of the relationship? Sure, just as alcohol, drugs and other adult pleasures can become an issue.

 

But are all or most or many relationships tetering on the edge of porn fueled destruction? Are most women's psyches under attack from porn driven self-esteem issues? Are most men the disfunctional scum you seem to enjoy describing? It's sad to assume that you think that to be the case. Your world is very different from mine...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Rorocher]

JS, I think I'd even be happy if my husband would lower himself enough to allow me to service him after he watches porn but I don't even get that.

 

 

Soserious I feel bad for your situation. I know you said you admire your husband's honesty but you should know there is also something called tact and it's an essential part of our relationships with anybody.

 

You won't always think the sun shines out of your SO's butt but it's also tactless to make it a point to constantly articulate that, all in the guise of being honest.

 

Sure he prefers a younger body, we can't always control what physically turns us on but marriage doesn't have room for selfishness, you won't always get what you prefer. You somehow find a way to make do with what you have and find happinesss in it.

 

In my opinion, you are living with an incredibly selfish man and he has eroded your self esteem to the point that you find yourself justifying his behavior.

[Rorocher]

I also wanted to see the dark knight but it had nothing at all to do with Christian Bale. I could never imagine sitting through a movie just to see a hot guy.

 

I don't think its natural to want to sleep with someone or have fantasies about someone other then your SO. I think it shows that something is lacking with the SO that you have too have a fantasy in the first place.

 

As for you saying I am insecure well I would rather be though of as insecure by people I don't know then I would want to think of myself as weak and pathetic for accepting that my SO wants to screw others.

 

Rainfall, it's actually natural, that is why people are inclined to do it. It is a natural urge, especially for men. That is what testosterone does to you. Men, mostly have to fight that urge a lot of the times.

 

Think of a woman you consider very beautiful, my example is Angelina Jolie. Do you honestly think her husband doesn't fantasize? Do you think he doesn't notice other beautiful women because his wife is considered one of the most beautiful in the world? I would bet you he even notices less conventionally beautiful women. It's not a threat to his wife. Just because he wants to do it doesn't mean he will do it. That is what separates us from animals, we don't succumb to every want, need or desire. We just find harmless outlets for our wants. E.g, I want to be a millionaire but I don't go rob a bank, I go to my office every day and put in a honest day's work.

 

The urge to dictate your SO's fantasies reeks of control and control stems from insecurity issues. The desire to control the uncontrollable is very detrimental to a marriage. And it's the main thing that leads people to cheat and seek other emotional and physical outlets outside of the marriage. When your SO doesn't feel safe coming to you with his/her issues, concerns, fantasies, because you are going to make it about you and throw a tantrum. That is when he/she seeks or stumbles upon someone that can and will listen outside of the relationship. I know this from personal experience. Not everyone purposely cheats, a lot get caught up in a weak moment because of a weak marriage.

 

I'm not saying to indulge every issue or concern or fantasy of your SO but at least listen and out of respect for each other, consider it and compromise. That is the "work" you do to make sure the marriage survives. And this goes both ways too.