I don't know anymore

[dylanatalanta]

As you are all established members, is my story familiar to you? I mean do MM leave?or reading my story do you think he just got carried away with the moment?

[noforgiveness]

Sigh I wish you luck Dylanatlanta. You know what you have to do and the easiest way o do it is to not talk to him again. Don't let him draw you in.

 

 

On another note, i am so tired of every thread and every discussion turning into all about tc and her little debate forum. I should have known she would somehow turn this one into the tc soapbox.

[noforgiveness]

As you are all established members, is my story familiar to you? I mean do MM leave?or reading my story do you think he just got carried away with the moment?

 

 

Very familiar. He will not leave while he can have both you and his wife. He may if you show him you will not be with a married man any longer. but you need to do this for your own sanity not to try to make him come to you.

[dylanatalanta]

Well in that case I'd better start getting strong cuz I can't be the OW. Thanks for all you help

[noforgiveness]

I want the life that he promised me, I want to know why he has done this to me, I want to know why every day he talked about what we would do on w/ends, I want to know why he sent me a list of things to do for the 1st of July one of them being to buy wellies cuz we would go to the beach on Saturday afternoons, I want to know why he would phone me at work to go on the internet & look at properties he had seen for us, I want to know why he said he couldn't wait to see the look on my friends & parents faces when he showed up on my door, I want to know why he said he'd look after me & make me happy, I want to know why he said he'd marry me, I want to know why he told me would book a room in posh hotel on our first year together, I want to know all these things & a million more promises he made me

 

Read this again. Sounds like a fairytale life. A fantasy. He was living a happy fantasy with you. Daydreaming of life without all the complications...being the heroic knight in shining armour for you.

[dylanatalanta]

Read this again. Sounds like a fairytale life. A fantasy. He was living a happy fantasy with you. Daydreaming of life without all the complications...being the heroic knight in shining armour for you.

 

 

Well his daydreaming has cost a lot of people an awful lot of heartache!!! I can't get my head round how he could do that.

[Tomcat33]

As you are all established members, is my story familiar to you? I mean do MM leave?or reading my story do you think he just got carried away with the moment?

 

Sure there is definitely some of that, which is imparitive for your to be out of the picture in order to see if it was a passing thing or not.

 

Realistically speaking Dylan and my case is not the norm, for starters he had moved out so I was never the OW in full operative terms, and he did come back and went through with the D and I had the chance to hear him out a year later once we had both calmed down and were away from the situation, but a lot of MM do stay and a lot of OP's don't have the luxury of getting closure as in my situation. I only offer my story as another prespective to how these things work out, but the reality is that in a lot of cases you have to come to terms on your own and make sense of it the best way you can. Even after having him sit infront of me a year later and look me in the eyes and for me to ask him "how could you do this to me, how could you do this to us, all the lies, all the promises... why? how can you be THAT cruel you sat and held my father's hand while he was in the hospital with cancer how could you be SO two faced?" and to have him explain his side of things which are complex and ultimately make senseI still have to remind myself that he is afterall the same man that lied to me and hurt me as he did.

[noforgiveness]

Well his daydreaming has cost a lot of people an awful lot of heartache!!! I can't get my head round how he could do that.

 

 

I agree. You need to get angry and realize he had no right making you those promises while being promised to another. It's abusive and you don't deserve it. So is his constant emailing.

[dylanatalanta]

i've not been an OW - but statistics here over the years show that the MM rarely end up leaving the W.

 

i actually think he got caught up in his own selfish ways. he was only considering what he wanted at any given moment depending if he was at work (he wanted you) - when he was home (he wanted his wife).

 

i could bet money you never really made demands on him and his time while he was home with the wife. you were probably a safe bet not to rock the boat to his cushy home life and that is why he kept you around. he wanted your attention and strokes to his ego from you while he was working.

 

you're right not once in our R did I ask him to leave. Often I asked if it was a boost to his ego, in the sense that I made him feel good, telling him how sexy, good-looking, funny he was, hanging on his every word & basically letting him control me, not that 33 & 46 is a huge age gap but often wondered if that was a bit of an ego boost for him too

[dylanatalanta]

you're right not once in our R did I ask him to leave. Often I asked if it was a boost to his ego, in the sense that I made him feel good, telling him how sexy, good-looking, funny he was, hanging on his every word & basically letting him control me, not that 33 & 46 is a huge age gap but often wondered if that was a bit of an ego boost for him too

 

Actually I never asked him to do anything, it was all on his terms!!!!!

[noforgiveness]

Actually I never asked him to do anything, it was all on his terms!!!!!

 

wOULD YOU HAVE ACCEPTED THAT FROM A SINGLE MAN?

[dylanatalanta]

wOULD YOU HAVE ACCEPTED THAT FROM A SINGLE MAN?

 

Never thought about it like that but yes you are so right!!!!

[2sunny]

Actually I never asked him to do anything, it was all on his terms!!!!!

 

well there you go. mr. selfish rears his ugly head again.

 

and actually - most men that are 46 would get a huge ego boost having a gal 33 years old wooing over his every word and giving him compliments.

 

most 26 year marriages are not consumed with fluffy compliments and a steady stream of flirtations between husband and wife. they should be - but reality is day to day tasks take ahold of time and energy.

[2sunny]

also dylan - would you choose this for your daughter if she were your age?

 

you do need to consider these situations as she grows up and uses you as a benchmark for her role model.

[GreenEyedLady]

As you are all established members, is my story familiar to you? I mean do MM leave?or reading my story do you think he just got carried away with the moment?

 

Yes, sometimes they do leave.

 

I know of at least 6 OW from here whose MM did leave, including mine.

 

It does happen.

 

What matters here is your outcome. I gave you my advice on the 2nd or (3rd) page. It's your life and your outcome. What do you want for you?

 

GEL

[dylanatalanta]

Yes, sometimes they do leave.

 

I know of at least 6 OW from here whose MM did leave, including mine.

 

It does happen.

 

What matters here is your outcome. I gave you my advice on the 2nd or (3rd) page. It's your life and your outcome. What do you want for you?

 

GEL

 

I want him to leave & we have a happy ever after, but not at my sanity & hearts expense. So NC & if it's meant to be it will be. It'll be hard but I can't keep doing this!!!

[dylanatalanta]

also dylan - would you choose this for your daughter if she were your age?

 

you do need to consider these situations as she grows up and uses you as a benchmark for her role model.

 

I very often think of that, in 20 years if she has a MM like mine I think I would kill him!!!! One of the reasons I got sucked in was cuz I thought she would have the life I want her to have................the life he promised!!!!

[dylanatalanta]

also dylan - would you choose this for your daughter if she were your age?

 

you do need to consider these situations as she grows up and uses you as a benchmark for her role model.

 

 

I hope & pray she will never feel heart-ache over a man that isn't worth it. Funny to me he has been the be all & end all, if I saw my daughter with him I'd hate him!!!!

[GreenEyedLady]

One of the reasons I got sucked in was cuz I thought she would have the life I want her to have................the life he promised!!!!

 

What about the life you make for yourself?

 

His promises are pretty empty looking at it from this side. And your daughter is not his responsibility. It almost sounds like you were wanting him to rescue you?

 

Start with yourself first. You must make a good life for you and your daughter. No one is going to save you, you must save yourself.

 

GEL

[Tomcat33]

I very often think of that, in 20 years if she has a MM like mine I think I would kill him!!!! One of the reasons I got sucked in was cuz I thought she would have the life I want her to have................the life he promised!!!!

 

 

ohhh that breaks my heart.

 

If you wanted the best for her why wouldn't you want the best for you too?

[dylanatalanta]

ohhh that breaks my heart.

 

If you wanted the best for her why wouldn't you want the best for you too?

 

Now you're going to make me cry!!! I thought I could have a family with him, not more children (he had the snip) he also promised things we would do with my daughter, camping, home-work, little things but things that meant the world to hear. We looked at a flat that had communal gardens & he said we would have to find out if she would be able to take her trampoline. he made it sound real

[dylanatalanta]

What about the life you make for yourself?

 

His promises are pretty empty looking at it from this side. And your daughter is not his responsibility. It almost sounds like you were wanting him to rescue you?

 

Start with yourself first. You must make a good life for you and your daughter. No one is going to save you, you must save yourself.

 

GEL

 

I know she wasn't his responsibility but he said he was looking forward to being a dad again

[dylanatalanta]

What about the life you make for yourself?

 

His promises are pretty empty looking at it from this side. And your daughter is not his responsibility. It almost sounds like you were wanting him to rescue you?

 

Start with yourself first. You must make a good life for you and your daughter. No one is going to save you, you must save yourself.

 

GEL

 

Plus I want to share with someone what she means to me

[Tomcat33]

Now you're going to make me cry!!! I thought I could have a family with him, not more children (he had the snip) he also promised things we would do with my daughter, camping, home-work, little things but things that meant the world to hear. We looked at a flat that had communal gardens & he said we would have to find out if she would be able to take her trampoline. he made it sound real

 

 

Now I am angry!

But also sad...he sure did paint a very desirable picture, again sounds a lot like what a lot these men do, mine did similar things in terms of real promises. Mind you, I think they really DO feel these things when they say them I think in the moment these things are real to them they mean what they say, I know for a fact mine wasn't a sociopath, I don't think he was a pathological liar, do you think that of yours?

 

You know that is a characteristic of men that is very different to us. In the moment they say things they feel and then the next day it passes. It's hard for women to relate to this we tend to be more emotionally deep men are more fickle in.

[noforgiveness]

I know she wasn't his responsibility but he said he was looking forward to being a dad again

 

I hate him. Seriously I will hate this man for you if you can not. How can you listen to another word he says after all this? After he came to you a month and a half ago and it lasted all of 3 hours. HOW?:mad:

 

He really fed you he whole fairytale. JERK.