I don't know anymore

[dylanatalanta]

Ditch that zero!!!

 

He told you he's not leaving his W after having sex with you THREE TIMES? Did I read that correctly?

 

He just told you in so many words to take what you can get from him because he will always have to put her and their things/events/family first.

 

This is just disgusting. I don't blame you for wanting to beat his brains out.

 

EWWWWWW!!!

 

You sure did & the Thursday before that!!! Oh but he does love us both:rolleyes:

[dylanatalanta]

Yes you have made it very easy for him, and at least you are able to see that now which means you can actually do something about it and change that.

 

I would not tell his W a single thing as some suggested, it's not worth the hassle for you she will only burry her head down deeper in the sand see you as the "homewrecker that feeds her lies" (she doesn't trust you and never will she trusts her H) and he will go deeper with his lies you will make it easier for him to cover more up and make it look like he is the innocent one here. AND on top of it in the end you will feel even worse because it will get you absolutely NOWHERE.

 

 

Focus on staying away from him, focus on a gameplan to keep him away, focus on standing up for yourself and for what you are worth and deserve, let him stew over in his mess out of sight out of mind it's NOT your problem anymore. Let him continue to lie and play this charade he calls "marriage recovery" sooner or later his world is going to come crashing down. If he realises he can no longer have you and knows NOTHING about you this is when his real panic will set in, he will be flipping in his shoes trying to figure out how you could be over him so quickly it will do his head in, MUCH like he is doing your head in now.

 

It's time Dylan, it's time for a taste of his own medicine. It's time to see him stew.

 

And by the way he will continue to make contact for a long time to come dont believe him for a SECOND this is the last time and that he will respect you, BULL he won't respect you at all, because all he thinks about is his own needs.

 

Hi TC

 

He has told me several times that although he will always want to stay in touch that I am his 'best friend' & that if I met someone, because I deserve happiness, he will step back & keep in touch via e-mail etc but not be able to see me, i think it's his way of trying to control me not seeing anyone cuz he knows i want to see him so therefore won't see anyone else. So absolutely let him stew & wonder what the woman 13 years younger than him is up to!!!!! Let him lie in bed on a night & wonder what I'm doing like I have done every night for the last 9 months. It aint nice!!

[dylanatalanta]

What he is offering you is for you to be the OW in his life. To have sex with him, have fun with him, be HIS friend...Be there for HIM. HIM HIM HIM. See the pattern? Yet, he won't leave his wife or make any real effort unless it's on his time frame. You are HIS friend but he isn't YOURS.

 

What a fool he is.

 

Offering for me to be the other woman..............100% right, but he wont admit that. & I think fool is an understatement!! Few more choice words I could think up but will behave with decorum for now

[dylanatalanta]

What do you think would be better for her? To continue living a lie and fixing this farce of a marriage or be able to determine her own future on facts not lies?

 

Feel sorry enough for her to be honest with her.

 

I'm torn between your advice & the advice of 2sunny

[dreamy1945]

Dylan, my story sounds exactly like yours except my child is 25 yrs old. Would you like to email each other? I need someone to talk to so bad.

 

I miss him so much but am so angry.

[dylanatalanta]

Dylan, my story sounds exactly like yours except my child is 25 yrs old. Would you like to email each other? I need someone to talk to so bad.

 

I miss him so much but am so angry.

 

 

I'm here fire away. I'm angry too but as can't contact him because we are out of office hours am finding this a good way to let off steam & talk to some people that have great advice & make you feel sooooooooo much better!!

[Riley Freeman]

 

For the last 9 months I have felt ashamed of myself for what I am doing to another woman, but I'm into deep I love him & can't walk away.

 

you have to walk away you are half of the reason to ruining his family with him being the other half. you all had no business doing this in the 1st place. but you know that

 

do you really want all this unessacary drama in your life? i think not. walk away right now and leave this man alone.....

[dylanatalanta]

you have to walk away you are half of the reason to ruining his family with him being the other half. you all had no business doing this in the 1st place. but you know that

 

do you really want all this unessacary drama in your life? i think not. walk away right now and leave this man alone.....

 

Yes I do & know that & rightly or wrongly I believed him when he told me his M was unhappy & as for leaving him alone I'd find it a lot easier if he would leave me alone. Take today for instance i received 38 e-mails in 2 hours.................if he cares about his M I think he needs to walk away as much as I do!!!

[whichwayisup]

Take today for instance i received 38 e-mails in 2 hours.................if he cares about his M I think he needs to walk away as much as I do!!!

 

That's just creepy and shows he is desparate and acting out.

 

Let me ask you, if this was a single guy you were seeing and he treated you the way your MM treated you, would you put up with it? Would you find 38 emails in a span of 2 hours obsessive and creepy? If YES, then apply the same logic to this MM.

 

HE is completely out of line by emailing you so many times. He's acting really nutty!

[whichwayisup]

if he cares about his M I think he needs to walk away as much as I do!!!

as for leaving him alone I'd find it a lot easier if he would leave me alone.

He isn't going to leave you alone so you have to cut him out in everyway imaginable.

 

BLOCK his email, if possible. Or if this is a work email address, ask to your IT department to create a new email for you.

[dylanatalanta]

He isn't going to leave you alone so you have to cut him out in everyway imaginable.

 

BLOCK his email, if possible. Or if this is a work email address, ask to your IT department to create a new email for you.

 

Not that easyto change e-mail address, it is works e-mail, it is the company e-mail with just me having access to it, I work for a flooring contractor, family business, in an office with my dad & uncle, only I have access to e-mail cuz they haven't got a clue how to use a PC!!!

 

Contact has always been that intense along with all those e-mails we would talk on the phone for 2 to 3 hours daily, sometimes more.

[Riley Freeman]

Yes I do & know that & rightly or wrongly I believed him when he told me his M was unhappy & as for leaving him alone I'd find it a lot easier if he would leave me alone. Take today for instance i received 38 e-mails in 2 hours.................if he cares about his M I think he needs to walk away as much as I do!!!

 

yes he does, and that man has an issue, sending 38 you 38 e-mails..........

 

all you have to do is tell him what were doing is wrong and i feel guilty and we need to shut this whole thing off...no im going to shut it off beacuse its not right and i can no longer do this i dont want........so im sorry if it hurts but i cant talk to you

[greengoddess]

Yes I do & know that & rightly or wrongly I believed him when he told me his M was unhappy & as for leaving him alone I'd find it a lot easier if he would leave me alone. Take today for instance i received 38 e-mails in 2 hours.................if he cares about his M I think he needs to walk away as much as I do!!!

 

 

So him being unhappy in his marriage made it ok for you to sleep with him?

It doesn't matter what they say. It's actions. He was still living there. Not even separated thus still very married. Men lie. Men love women.

[2sunny]

figuring out what your boundaries are will help.

 

telling the wife won't help or change anything because she has shown that she'll just take him back.

[greengoddess]

figuring out what your boundaries are will help.

 

telling the wife won't help or change anything because she has shown that she'll just take him back.

 

 

lol then on the same note why are we even discussing this with Dylan? She has let him go back and forth three times. Are we not wasting our time? Will she not just take him back?

 

Sorry but that is just silly thinking. There is a differnece between trying to fix the marriage after an affair and trying to fix a marriage after an affair and finding out he is lying to you the whole time during the repairs.

 

I highly doubt she will take him back as well as I highly doubt Dylan will take him back.

 

Such silly one sided thinking that happens sometimes. Dylan even has all the facts and took him back. The wife does not. I certainly have not given up on Dylan, why would you give up on the wife?

[GreenEyedLady]

Such silly one sided thinking that happens sometimes. Dylan even has all the facts and took him back. The wife does not. why would you give up on the wife?

 

Hmm, I'd bet you have never read at SI.

 

If you did, you'd see that in many taglines, there are MULTIPLE D-DAYS listed and even multiple OW/OM.

 

It happens alot that the W takes back her WS. Multiple times. Alot of women don't want to get divorced and they just want their H back. But you can't force anyone to do anything. So some just keep taking him back over and over.

 

It's like when you're in any R. If you still love the person and want to work it out, you take him back. Sometimes you have all the facts sometimes you don't. Besides, Dylan doesn't have all the facts. She just has her perspective from what she hears and sees.

 

I'd bet that's a different perspective than the reality (As much as you know, you don't know everything. You know what the MM wants you to know). You just don't realize that when you're in it.

 

GEL

[greengoddess]

Actually this was the quote,

"Such silly one sided thinking that happens sometimes. Dylan even has all the facts and took him back. The wife does not. I certainly have not given up on Dylan, why would you give up on the wife?:)"

 

Why would you selectively delete where I said I certainly have not given up on Dylan?

 

That was my point was it not? If you give up on the wife dumping him so easily why not give up on the other woman who goes years as the ow? I certainly wouldn't give up on anyone and I think everyone has the right to know their reality and not have to live with lies. Everyone deserves the respect of the truth. Maybe dylan should contact the wife and they should confron the married man together.

[GreenEyedLady]

Why would you selectively delete where I said I certainly have not given up on Dylan?

 

That was my point was it not? If you give up on the wife dumping him so easily why not give up on the other woman who goes years as the ow?

 

Maybe dylan should contact the wife and they should confron the married man together.

 

I deleted it because it wasn't important to my point. And who on the WWW wants to see big long quotes making the thread longer and longer and longer?!

 

**GOOD GRIEF**

 

You missed my point entirely. It isn't about "giving up on" anyone. It's what reality is. People take people they love back, doesn't matter if they're the W or the OW.

 

I'm sure contacting the W and confronting him together would be a great idea.

 

I don't think most W's want anything to do with the OW. Much less confront him with her. (OP, not a good idea, my advice: don't do it.)

[whichwayisup]

It's what reality is. People take people they love back, doesn't matter if they're the W or the OW.

 

GEL is right. That's why a BS takes back their CS, and that's why an OW/OM keeps taking back the MM/MW. And the MM/MW get their ego fed while they go back and forth between two women.

[dylanatalanta]

So him being unhappy in his marriage made it ok for you to sleep with him?

It doesn't matter what they say. It's actions. He was still living there. Not even separated thus still very married. Men lie. Men love women.

 

 

No not at all!!! Not that it makes a lot of difference but in my defence (& I know it isn't much of one) when I started talking to him I was very conscious of him being married, I did not sleep with him for the first 2 & a half months of our A, we had met a few times & put in a situation where it could have easily happened but I was very aware of who he was, being a MM I mean. Like I have said the contact was very intense & I guess I got sucked in by all the romance talk & ended up going to bed with him. I wont lie & say I didn't want to sleep with him of course I did, he made me feel wonderful about myself, he fed my ego I suppose.

 

So no excuses but just wanted you to know I didn't jump into bed with him on our first date.

 

Like smoking, drinking or drugs I think you know it's all bad for you but once addicted you find it hard to give up............he's my addiction!!!

[dylanatalanta]

This is not another feeble attempt to get back in touch you know the "can you get U.Pete to give me a ring" email, this is one that I hoped, no wished that I didn't have to write. When we first got in touch as "Cyber Friends" in October of last year who would of thought then what a roller coaster 9 months we were both letting ourselves in for aye. But hand on heart I wouldn't give those 9 months up for the world, yeah sure there were an awful lot of low's but these were always counteracted by the most amazing high's, high's that I didn't know could be reached and for those and all of the other wonderful memories that I have I thank you so, so much.

Yesterday was hard, very hard and although the end has come I promise I will never ever forget you, you are one of life's perfect people and you deserve all the happiness the world has to offer, so it's out there , it's waiting for you so go and get it misses and enjoy life to the full.

I promised I wouldn't send anymore emails and when I click this send button I promise that this will definitely be the last personal email you receive from me (I can't promise on the work front but I'll keep them to a minimum). so if this is to be the last I'll just leave and say I'll love you forever , I will wait at the gates of hell for you, look after yourself and keep smiling

 

All the stars in the sky dylan

Shaun XXX

 

My first (maybe last) e-mail of the day. You could all be right & he is saying it's over, but why keep saying it, if it's over (in his head) then let it be over!!!!!

 

I'm trying hard at NC so why keep messing with my head??????

 

It's hard to see even see his name pop up on e-mail.

[bentnotbroken]

lol then on the same note why are we even discussing this with Dylan? She has let him go back and forth three times. Are we not wasting our time? Will she not just take him back?

 

Sorry but that is just silly thinking. There is a differnece between trying to fix the marriage after an affair and trying to fix a marriage after an affair and finding out he is lying to you the whole time during the repairs.

 

I highly doubt she will take him back as well as I highly doubt Dylan will take him back.

 

Such silly one sided thinking that happens sometimes. Dylan even has all the facts and took him back. The wife does not. I certainly have not given up on Dylan, why would you give up on the wife?

 

No not at all!!! Not that it makes a lot of difference but in my defence (& I know it isn't much of one) when I started talking to him I was very conscious of him being married, I did not sleep with him for the first 2 & a half months of our A, we had met a few times & put in a situation where it could have easily happened but I was very aware of who he was, being a MM I mean. Like I have said the contact was very intense & I guess I got sucked in by all the romance talk & ended up going to bed with him. I wont lie & say I didn't want to sleep with him of course I did, he made me feel wonderful about myself, he fed my ego I suppose.

 

So no excuses but just wanted you to know I didn't jump into bed with him on our first date.

 

Like smoking, drinking or drugs I think you know it's all bad for you but once addicted you find it hard to give up............he's my addiction!!!

 

 

 

Read what you wrote here. You met with him knowing full well that he was married. Mistake number 1. For 2 months you entertained anther woman's husband. Mistake number 2 you let him talk to you inappropriately. Romance talk with a married man, a big no no.

 

Now that you see the first steps are what got you here, and not just sleeping with him. Now focus on untangling yourself from this mess. The thing with addictions is they eventually destroy and kill. And with a child, she will suffer along with her mom.

[2sure]

Dylan -

 

You liked the white picket fence picture this man painted for you and your daughter. its hard to give up because you have that visual and thats what you want. Having the visual of what you want is a good thing. Now you just have put yourself in the position to get it. He cant give it to you, you cant get it from him.

 

You liked some things about this man - maybe some of his sincere characteristics. Not the rest of course. But still, maybe this can show you what you want and dont want in a guy. Add that to your visual of your future.

 

This guy came over on Tuesday and you had sex three times. From my own personal experience - I can tell you that for me that was the hardest thing to give up. In fact, after I started dating other guys that fit my visual, I went back to him because for some reason they didnt compare. It wasn't until I had well and truly given him up that anyone even had a chance. It was like they were competing with fantasy man. But after I washed my hands of him completely - I refound that passion with someone else. (Admittedly, this took some shopping...which I enjoyed) . Add that to your visual too, save the details for later.

 

While your at it, why not think about a few things you dont want in your picture?

Everyone come with faults of course, just ditch the things you know will not get you to that white picket fence. Dillusional....out. Married...duh. In crisis...not this time.

Throw in various addicitions and anything else not attractive to you.

 

You can take something out of this. After my A w/ a MM I dated ONLY guys that fit my picture. Family oriented, successful, clean cut, humorous, Atypes - all qualities I admired most in my MM. I married soon after.

 

LOL. Of course, in all honesty, I have to admit I'm here because the guy I married cheated on me. Karma can be a real B***h. (and I really am laughing here)

[Owl]

Dylan, until you "girl up" and kick this dude to the curb completely...you're going to REMAIN in this cycle.

 

You need to realize it really does just boil down to THIS.

 

You're going to stay right where you're at until you REALLY, REALLY change the situation.

[whichwayisup]

You say you're addicted, well so he is. That's why he keeps on emailing. And that's why this is hard for you to just walk away from something that makes you feel good.

 

The thing is, take a step back, you KNOW what you have to do, so please, anytime you feel like caving, post here. Or go out for a walk, call a friend, keep busy.