I don't know anymore

[dylanatalanta]

Hi Camaypark

 

I'm ok, thanks for asking. Sorry haven't replied, I haven't been around for a few days.

[dreamy1945]

Hey Dylan, you doing okay? Okay is such a stupid word isn't it? Hell no we are not doing okay. I still keep thinking he will call one day. Think I want the satisfaction that he called and I have the option to talk or not.

Times like I feel I'm going crazy. Anything new with you?

[White Flower]

Trust me, you're not the only one who gets those hot AND cold feelings when I post to their threads.

 

I just don't believe in advice that isn't all about actually making a change or implementing something.

 

So many people live in "analsysis paralysis".

 

They need someone to get them to see what they're doing, so they can stop thinking about it and DO IT.

 

Your turn....time to DO IT!!!!!!!!!!

What a great catch phrase. I think I'll make a poster out of it for my office wall..."Analysis paralysis.....the evil cause of being stuck in limbo!"

[ICUNHEART]

First... to Ms. Red and White Flower... thanks for fixing my post Oh yeah... no we're not in our 50's... we're in our late 30's .

 

Dy,

Don't be too hard on yourself. Afterall, the heart wants what the heart wants. It was really poor judgement to get involved with him in the first place, but I'm sure he helped greatly in that department by telling you what all MM say, what you want and need to hear at that time. They are really selfish in this regard.

 

My husband actually came home yesterday because he and OW had some type of really big fight. So big she smashed all the windows of his car. When he got here I told him I didn't want to know and don't want to hear any of it. She called me today at work and got my voicemail... yelling and screaming at me thinking I was here at my house while he was on the phone telling her it was over. The only reason she called my job is because she no longer has my cell phone or home number, so I guess I was supposed to hear all of that tomorrow. I called her back and informed her calmly, as I told him... I really do not want to know what's going on with them and to please leave me out of it. This hurt because I am honestly trying to separate myself from this situation. You say it's hard to leave him alone, it's because I honestly believe you love him, just as I love my husband. You and the W are on a ride and think about it... the only ones who are really having fun are these *********s. Hell, they have 2 women!

 

See, when he's home with the W she may b*tch alittle, but then it's all good after a while because she keeps telling herself YOU are not that important because he keeps coming home. This is my mistake too. I then fall right back into the whole mess. I let him in against my better judgement, but to be honest I think I let him in this time just to piss her off and I know that is really juvenile. However, don't be mistaken, I truly still love my husband and although I want to be distant from him right now I don't want him to be with her.

 

You need to take time and reflect on you... you are a better person than this. If anyone wants to be with anybody they will MAKE it happen. Not all this boomerang nonsense. Two people that truly want to be together will make it happen no matter what. Don't let a man make you feel 2nd best. You've been through some things with other men, but don't continue to put yourself through this madness. As it is now with me... yeah okay he's home again and so what their fight was really huge, I still believe a few days may go by and they'll start to talk again.

 

It's really not a good outcome when the W knows about you and still takes him back. The H's are sending us (the W's) mixed messages, but we're doing it right back. They think because we let them in we still want them, but what we're really doing at this point is letting the OW know they can't win. As long as the H thinks he can come home he will never give you 100%, trust me.

 

As she was trying to explain herself for calling me... I told her please leave me alone because I reminder her of what I once said.... Whatever he does to you you deserve it (not entirely true) but I've known about her for some time and we've talked, so yeah, at this point she clearly saw he wasn't ready to end his marriage and she did everything in her power to break us up.

 

You know what... I'm so tired of even thinking about my situation. The sad thing is if they really are over with, it will only be SOMEONE else in the near future. Just let me talk to you. Move on with your life. It may hurt now but there is someone else out there BETTER for you and your daughter. If a man can't commit to YOU then you DON'T need him. How dare these men do this! Stop being lead by your heart and start using that brain! IF I COULD ONLY FOLLOW MY OWN ADVISE. But I'm trying to "save" a marriage so I don't count. I have yet to exhaust all my resources, but I'm not far from doing that. Turn those emotions off and whenever you need to talk girl I am here. We all are.

[dylanatalanta]

I haven't been on for a while, had a few personal problems but needed to write today!!

 

Have still had regular e-mail/phone contact with MM & have seen him a couple of times, have not been able to do NC, sorry but just can't do it!!!

 

In July on the day he left his W his boss called him in for a meeting, he told my MM that he was aware of the phone contact & the hours he had spent speaking with me, his boss wrote to my boss asking for copies of our phone bills to confirm time spent talking from our end, due to the relationship between my boss & MM my boss told him that we did not receive itemised billing & that was basically that. His boss is aware of the A & made it clear that he was against it.

 

I spoke with my MM today & he had a meeting with his boss this afternoon, my MM was told that his e-mails & calls had been monitored & he has been asked to resign as director, he is not allowed back into the office until Tuesday morning when he will have a meeting with his boss to discuss his future with the company, he will be allowed to keep his employment but has to resign as director, but along with that goes his car etc & his £30,000.00 annual bonus. His boss told him "she has ruined your life".

 

Along with all of this my company, owned by my dad & uncle, has lost a £60,000.00 contract that we have just quoted for.

 

He has lost his job, I've f***ed up my dad & uncle (who have been brilliant & said we coped without them before & we will cope now) & on top of it all (I'll probably be slaughtered by you all now) I think this is finally it & it hurts really bad.

[wildsoul]

Yikes, Dylan. Those are some painful consequences.

 

I heard a similar story from a guy I know, who said that nearly losing his job was the wakeup call he needed to end his A.

 

Is your job secure?

[dylanatalanta]

Hi WS

 

Yes very painful consequences.

 

My job is safe, no worries there. Just once again another drama. He is going to have to tell his W now that he has lost his job due to this A.

[2sunny]

Hi WS

 

Yes very painful consequences.

 

My job is safe, no worries there. Just once again another drama. He is going to have to tell his W now that he has lost his job due to this A.

 

who cares about him? he is responsible for his own actions - not you.

 

it makes me angry that his boss would say "she has ruined your life." no HE has ruined his position because of HIS actions.

 

he had choices and still does... he's a big boy and will have to be responsible for what he created.

 

don't let anyone try and put this on you Dylan. that is only designed to make you feel more guilt when you need to take time to heal.

[bentnotbroken]

Some of the consequences of our actions are immediate and huge. Looks like he is getting to know these consequences up close and personal. Yet you two are still in contact. It seems neither is learning the lesson too well.

[dylanatalanta]

Ok this could be a case of woman scorned setting in & please need some advice to either calm me down or give me the push I need to get this bastard back.

 

He hasn't lost his job................he's still sitting pretty, came up smelling of roses again!!

 

Don't get me wrong I didn't want him to lose his job, all weekend my stomach has been doing somersaults worrying about the consequences of my actions.

 

He e-mailed me last Thursday from home begging me not to let my boss give his boss any more info about quantity of e-mails or copy phone bills & now here we are a week later & having spent a miserable w/end worrying about him, nothing, just the usual drop me like a hot potato when things get tough his end & pick me up in a few weeks when the dust has settled.....I CANT DO IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!

 

I want my revenge, bloody hell the day before his job was threatened I was bombarded with e-mails of I love you & can't live without you oh & what he couldn't wait to get up to in the bedroom!!!! & now I can simply sod off, well I don't want to simply sod off!! Why the hell should I??? After 10 months of lies & heartbreak why should I just accpet being dismissed once again?

 

So what do I do just walk away or do what my friend & sister has asked & allow them to call his W? but then if anyone calls her it should be me & I don't know if that's the right thing to do.

 

Why should he walk away from all this mess untouched? I hurt big time & am now classed by certain people as a whore & a home-wrecker, his boss has been let down & his W is prob in pieces!!

 

Funny every time he came close to losing his W & children he'd carry on but now he's almost lost his precious directorship he's nowhere to be seen, I guess in his eyes the stakes were a little higher this time.

 

How in the hell did I see in him what is so blatantly not there?

[bentnotbroken]

Not to beat you up, but the marriage has always been there, no matter what he said about it. You are only responsible for your role in this mess, nothing more. It isn't your job to punish him(remember that what you want him punished for, I am pretty sure his W wants you both punished for)You can't hold him to a standard that you yourself didn't follow. He lied and did wrong, so did you. He was deceitful, so were you. Your anger is valid, but it shouldn't be directed solely at him. You are as culpable as he.

 

So while you are thinking of ways to make him pay for your feelings of anger and abandonment, think what your part was and how you helped wrong his wife. What if she decides to come after you in the same way(or worse). God says he will seek revenge, it isn't your job. You don't have the right to bring him down, without bringing yourself down also.

[dylanatalanta]

BNB I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you make me feel like I'm talking to my Mother, in the sense that she makes sense.

[bentnotbroken]

BNB I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you make me feel like I'm talking to my Mother, in the sense that she makes sense.

 

 

It's in the Mommy handbook page 27, 3rd paragraph, section C.

[dylanatalanta]

You're a good un!! Thank you

[bentnotbroken]

You're a good un!! Thank you

 

 

Find God and find your inner peace. Blessings.

[Owl]

Well...if you want revenge...I'm GOOD at that! :D :D

 

First off...you could consider forwarding all of those emails to his boss. (of course, there's whatever risk you run in your own job for doing this)

 

You could file harassment charges if/when he contacts you again.

 

You could forward all those emails to his wife.

 

You could always 'set him up'. Arrange a meeting, make sure that its someplace where his coworkers are likely to see, and then EXPLODE on him in public about the whole affair thing.

 

There are many other wonderful things you could include in this too. For example, if you know that he misuses anything company related (such as using other company resources besides email to pursue the affair) make sure you include that information to his boss. If he's had other affairs, make sure his wife gets full disclosure on that information as well...

 

I'm a VERY vindictive person...I LIKE revenge!

[dylanatalanta]

Owl you're bringing out the worst in me ;-)

 

It's like having an angel (BNB) on one shoulder whispering in my ear to be good & the devil (that's you by the way) sat on the other whispering to get him.

 

You make me laugh.

[Owl]

It gets worse...

 

Take his work email address...and use it to go out and subscribe to as many (and as SCAREY) different porn sites as you can.

 

Wait a bit, and then send an email to his boss letting him know that you think he may be violating company policy.

 

Call a local towing company (I assume you know what kind of vehicle he drives)...tell them that its your vehicle, and that its not working. Ask them to tow it to a garage (across town, of course) to have them look at it.

 

He'll have to pay the towing fees to get it back.

 

Call the local utility companies, tell them that you're his wife...tell them that you're moving out of state...and that you want them to disco all the utilities sometime this Friday afternoon.

 

Would you like me to go on?

[dylanatalanta]

I think I'm getting your gist :-)

 

I think I'll play it cool for a while, wait to see if/when he gets back in touch & then go from there.

 

Thanks for the above tips though, very tempting & can also think of a few more but will try & behave like a lady ;-)

[2sunny]

na, just move forward in a realm that makes YOU happy... THAT would be the best revenge!

[dylanatalanta]

Thanks 2sunny that's what my good side is telling me!!!

[wildsoul]

Hey girl, I've been wondering about your absence.

 

I'm weighing in with BNB and Sunny. Owl's advice is good for some black humor though.

 

You don't need to DO anything to get even.

You don't need to DO anything to protect him either.

Just let the chips fall where they may.

 

From here, it looks like he is on a collision course with getting negative consequences in his life. The affair was a wrong move. He should be cleaning up his act. He might have to learn it the hard way though, by continuing to bottom out until he's got enough of a mess that he is in pain enough to stop creating messes.

 

Do you really want to get caught up in his hard lessons?

 

This reminds me of people I've known who needed to bottom out on drugs, alcohol, etc. There was a point where I thought I could be a positive influence, but then I watched how they weren't making positive choices. As their sh*t hit the fan, I realized I was gonna' get sprayed too. Better to let them go & crash to the bottom. It's sad, cuz not everyone makes it.

 

But as BNB was illustrating, there's a lesson for you too. You've also been delivered some tough consequences! My strong hunch is that if you continue the affair, your own life is going to get worse. When will you say enough is enough and hit bottom?

 

PS: This book I've read talks about the pattern that often happens at the end of an addictive relationship. The partner who is more "in love" will do one of 2 things: A) Plan out revenge, or B) Plan out ways to get the relationship going again. Option C) is to get healthy and move on.

[Owl]

Bahhhh....I never even got to the black humor!!!

 

She stopped me before I got to talking about quicklime and woodchippers! :)

[bentnotbroken]

Bahhhh....I never even got to the black humor!!!

 

She stopped me before I got to talking about quicklime and woodchippers! :)

 

 

 

I love when you talk about woodchippers. It makes me all warm and fuzzy:bunny:.

[dylanatalanta]

Hey girl, I've been wondering about your absence.

 

I'm weighing in with BNB and Sunny. Owl's advice is good for some black humor though.

 

You don't need to DO anything to get even.

You don't need to DO anything to protect him either.

Just let the chips fall where they may.

 

From here, it looks like he is on a collision course with getting negative consequences in his life. The affair was a wrong move. He should be cleaning up his act. He might have to learn it the hard way though, by continuing to bottom out until he's got enough of a mess that he is in pain enough to stop creating messes.

 

Do you really want to get caught up in his hard lessons?

 

This reminds me of people I've known who needed to bottom out on drugs, alcohol, etc. There was a point where I thought I could be a positive influence, but then I watched how they weren't making positive choices. As their sh*t hit the fan, I realized I was gonna' get sprayed too. Better to let them go & crash to the bottom. It's sad, cuz not everyone makes it.

 

But as BNB was illustrating, there's a lesson for you too. You've also been delivered some tough consequences! My strong hunch is that if you continue the affair, your own life is going to get worse. When will you say enough is enough and hit bottom?

 

PS: This book I've read talks about the pattern that often happens at the end of an addictive relationship. The partner who is more "in love" will do one of 2 things: A) Plan out revenge, or B) Plan out ways to get the relationship going again. Option C) is to get healthy and move on.

 

 

Hi WS, I'm still around, my friend has just found out he mother has lung cancer so have been spending time with her hence not being around much, but have been catching up occasionaly, really pleased things look like they could be heading in the right direction for you:)

 

& revenge does seem sweet but I think I'll rise above it knowing that my life can move on & chances are he'll never be allowed to forget what he did in his life