2sunny Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 be careful dylan... your man will wait until things quiet down and then start everything back up again. you need to have a plan for yourself when this gets started. it will happen - guaranteed! just a matter of how long... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 hey 2sunny you know them 2 well!!! 2 late he was in touch this morning he e-mailed & asked how I was & that he missed me like hell, he said that he wished me all the happiness I deserve & to take care, that was almost 12 hours ago & admit I've had to stop myself getting in touch but so far haven't. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 I love when you talk about woodchippers. It makes me all warm and fuzzy:bunny:.Owl does that to us, doesn't he? Hey! What did I miss while on vacation? I'm going to have to go back and read this whole thread after all the laundry and housework. I'll check back in later:) Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 hey 2sunny you know them 2 well!!! 2 late he was in touch this morning he e-mailed & asked how I was & that he missed me like hell, he said that he wished me all the happiness I deserve & to take care, that was almost 12 hours ago & admit I've had to stop myself getting in touch but so far haven't. how you are? tell him you are just peachy! and to go f*** himself! email him simply - HAVE A NICE LIFE- OVER AND OUT! this is just his way of making sure you are still paying attention - that he'll be back in touch with you when it's convenient for him. what a dork! making sure in a subtle way that you wait patiently for him. blah... Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Cried a few times, confused but mostly angry. Why won't he just walk away & leave me alone? Yes it's hard & I do miss him but I really do just want him to leave me alone. He has made his so called decision so I just wish he'd bloody stick to it & leave me to get on with my life. I know I have a few months of tears & heartache in front of me & I want to start that now so I can get it over & done with. Everytime he gets in touch it puts me back to square 1 again. Maybe he was just saying goodbye today & will leave it there but going by past history he'll need his ego boost again soon. One things for sure & that is the more he continues the closer I am to printing off his e-mails & delivering them in person to his wife. Thanks for asking how I am :-) Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 He won't leave you alone because this isn't about YOUR wants, YOUR needs. Its all about HIS, HIS, HIS. Its not what HE wants...ergo, he ignores your wants/needs and continues to focus only on what makes him feel good. What makes him feel good is having you AND his wife both vying to meet his needs/wants. And that is EXACTLY where he's still at today. Its EXACTLY where he'll remain until something FORCES a change in the equation. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 Are you SURE you don't wanna hear about the woodchipper? :D :bunny: Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 Are you SURE you don't wanna hear about the woodchipper? :D :bunny: Well as I'm not from around your side of the world I'll admit I don't know what a woodchipper is, but am curious!! So please fire away Owl Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted August 28, 2008 Author Share Posted August 28, 2008 I've never had an A before & suppose am a bit naive in all of this but just don't get it!!! How do you use someone because they make you feel good? How can you butter someone up all day long & say the things they say just for kicks? I'm slowly realizing it's what he's all about, but I just don't get it. How can you knowingly cause someone hurt & pain just for the sake of sex or being told you're sexy? Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 How do you use someone because they make you feel good? Oh, hon. That's what cheating is all about, for many married persons. Sad but true (don't ask me how I know...). I feel for you. Hang in there. This, too, shall pass. You just have to slog through it. Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted August 28, 2008 Share Posted August 28, 2008 he throws tidbits out there (action)... for you to respond to (reaction) = ego boost for him when it is a positive result. that's why he continues to throw the action out there - he NEEDS your reaction for HIM to get his little boost to his big EGO! notice it's all designed around his needs/wants/desires? sooooo, stop reacting! problem solved! Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 5, 2008 Share Posted September 5, 2008 D - I see you havent been on for a little bit. You mentioned that you were helping a friend cope with her mothers cancer. When seeing illness and death up close, it kind of puts other problems in perspective doesnt it? It is possible you are going to continue this back & forth with your MM - and I wanted you to know that just because you havent taken the advice of posters here - doesnt mean you cant still vent and ask. Its a support forum right? That being said I just want to add one more thing. When your MM calls you/contacts you/etc....you sound as if you are angry with him for doing so , basically because you are unable to refuse him. Come on! You can say NO, but dont want to. It isnt HIS fault you dont say no. You really cant punish him for that. Punish him for other stuff if you must, but own the truth in your heart. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 Hi 2sure The truth in my heart is that I do find it hard to say no, actually I find it impossible to say no to him & I suppose that is why I get angry, because I hate being weak & him knowing that I'm weak. But good news (I think), after an argument with him last Friday morning, he hasn't contacted me & it feels good, I don't want him to contact me, I want him to stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Sounds like you found a way to access your strength. Pick a fight if he calls and use it to stay away. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 Thanks BNB It feels good, for the first time in months I actually feel focused. Link to post Share on other sites
openingup Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Hi Dylan, Checking in after a period of intense activity and read your thread. I feel so awful for you and understand completely your anger and the disbelief you feel at being so misled and betrayed. Please, for the sake of your own mental health, get really pissed off at this man. DON'T LET HIM RUIN A GOOD LIFE. Let me explain - You have youth, beauty, a stable career and a child you adore. He's using you and making your life a misery. He has a wife who won't leave him no matter how badly he behaves and an OW who is so in love with him that she allows him to treat her badly too. Plus, his job seems to have been saved in spite of everything. In his mind, there are no negative consequences to his being an a-hole, so why would he think about changing? He's laughing at everyone in his life, sure he's won. It's hard for us as women to imagine that this is the extent of a cheating MM's thinking, but there it is. Cruel, self-serving, SIMPLE. Me first, everybody else to the rear. Of course you're going to be conflicted: you've been lied to and manipulated. Next time you see his name on your phone, let your lip curl in disgust - when you see an email with his name on it, delete it. What pond scum, and what an ego to think he can treat both you and his wife this way and walk away scot-free. I say listen to Owl and pay this SOB back, and get your dignity back at the same time. Thinking of you and wishing you strength - - Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 Openingup Thank you so much for your post, & if you don't mind that strength you offered I'm gonna take it!!! There I was this morning feeling all strong & positive now I'm hurting, it's like an ache that's inside of me. I won't contact him & still don't want him to contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Openingup Thank you so much for your post, & if you don't mind that strength you offered I'm gonna take it!!! There I was this morning feeling all strong & positive now I'm hurting, it's like an ache that's inside of me. I won't contact him & still don't want him to contact me. Dylan...I don't recall. What steps have you take to PREVENT him from contacting you again? Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 Hi Owl Absolutely none!!! As everything in my life I don't plan anything, just ususally go with the flow (because I'm so lazy at planning). I don't know what to do, it seems pointless to contact him & tell him to stay away when that's what he is doing, so I suppose until it arises I'll just plod along minding my own business & get on with life, shopping is my favourite thing ever, I'm very good at it, so that's what I'll do to keep my mind busy ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 Ok STRENGTH please kick in, he just e-mailed telling me he hates this & that he won't contact again but just send him a X so he knows I'm thinking of him. I seriously can't do this I feel like kicking his selfish little head in!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Hi Owl Absolutely none!!! As everything in my life I don't plan anything, just ususally go with the flow (because I'm so lazy at planning). I don't know what to do, it seems pointless to contact him & tell him to stay away when that's what he is doing, so I suppose until it arises I'll just plod along minding my own business & get on with life, shopping is my favourite thing ever, I'm very good at it, so that's what I'll do to keep my mind busy ;-) If you don't plan, then you plan to fail. You have to find a goal and then take steps to achieve that goal. If your goal is to be free of this person and situation, then you need to plan the steps to do so. Link to post Share on other sites
2sure Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Thanks BNB It feels good, for the first time in months I actually feel focused. In a different thread, someone added this quote - and it really spoke to me: Originally Posted by pelicanpreacher Remember, you cannot move forward effectively if you are always looking back for the road you're traveling will require your entire focus and concentration! Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Ok STRENGTH please kick in, he just e-mailed telling me he hates this & that he won't contact again but just send him a X so he knows I'm thinking of him. I seriously can't do this I feel like kicking his selfish little head in!!!!!!!! And this is the kind of thing that I was suggesting you do. Block his email, or change your email account. Change your cell/home phone numbers, and/or block him from calling you. Make it so that he CAN'T break through that easily. Its the best way to protect yourself...as you discovered today. Link to post Share on other sites
Author dylanatalanta Posted September 8, 2008 Author Share Posted September 8, 2008 He never calls my phone these days because he can't delete from his mobile & his W always checks his phone plus since she found out in March he changed his number & has never given it to me, he wont phone my mobile, works or home number from his work because all calls are logged & his boss now checks all bills with a fine tooth comb. I can't change e-mail address because it is works e-mail. Sorry Owl but maybe I misread, you say "and this is the kind of thing I was suggesting you do", does that mean you're suggesting I kick his head in? ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted September 8, 2008 Share Posted September 8, 2008 Hey...you've already turned down my suggestion of the woodchipper!!! :) Kicking his head in after that is just kinda anti-climactic, you know? Hehehe, seriously you should look into ways to BLOCK and PREVENT further contact from him...and realize that he's likely to escalate his avenues of approach when he finds his normal ones blocked. Doesn't it make sense to you to PREVENT him from throwing your life back into chaos? Link to post Share on other sites
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