CoNfUsIoN cItY Posted March 22, 2000 Share Posted March 22, 2000 ok...my boyfriend and i have been togehter for 2 years...i caught him cheating on me....and so we broke up for a while...recently, we got back together again...he swears that there ain't no other gurls anymore, that that was a huge mistake, and he seems keen to give 'us' another try! although i was really hurt when i found out he was two timing...he seems really sincere and i think he deserves a second chance! the thing is, i really can't seem to trust him anymore...i want to work things out between us but how do i know he's telling the truth this time? he's not the kind to two time....everyone deserves a second chance right? what do i do? HELP! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 22, 2000 Share Posted March 22, 2000 If you cannot trust this man any longer, you have lost an essential ingredient to a relationship and you must leave. On the other hand, the decision to trust is YOURS. If you want to work it out, you have just got to make the decision to trust him. Everyone in the world makes mistakes, the most notable that comes to mind is Frank Gifford and Cathy Lee Gifford. He was caught on film in a trist with a stewardess, the photos were plastered all over the tabloids, but they seem to have a marriage stronger than ever now. She had to face millions of people with humiliation each morning on her program with Regis. So if you can forgive, forget, move on and not bring this up ever, ever again, stick with the guy and carry on. There are no instructions on how to do this. Only you can make the decision. Maybe a counselor has some strategies to recommend. If this issue continues to haunt you, move on down the road!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Shirley Posted March 23, 2000 Share Posted March 23, 2000 ok...my boyfriend and i have been togehter for 2 years...i caught him cheating on me....and so we broke up for a while...recently, we got back together again...he swears that there ain't no other gurls anymore, that that was a huge mistake, and he seems keen to give 'us' another try! although i was really hurt when i found out he was two timing...he seems really sincere and i think he deserves a second chance! the thing is, i really can't seem to trust him anymore...i want to work things out between us but how do i know he's telling the truth this time? he's not the kind to two time....everyone deserves a second chance right? what do i do? HELP! Hi! First, you shouldn't limit yourself to going out with just one man for that long unless the two of you are in love. Dating is a time to have fun meeting poeple and enjoying their company. Once you start to fall in love with someone, the desire to go out with other people fades. So mabe that is how you feel, but he doesn't feel the same way. He didn't cheat on you. Now maybe he lied to you by saying that he was just going to be with you, and then went out with someone else, but that's not the same as cheating on you. Commitment is more of a feeling than a verbal agreement. And he doesn't feel that commitment with you. And it's not possible to force someone to stay with you. You should have fun, and go out with other people, and still go out with this guy if you like to be with him. Link to post Share on other sites
CoNfUsIoN cItY Posted March 25, 2000 Share Posted March 25, 2000 If you cannot trust this man any longer, you have lost an essential ingredient to a relationship and you must leave. On the other hand, the decision to trust is YOURS. If you want to work it out, you have just got to make the decision to trust him. Everyone in the world makes mistakes, the most notable that comes to mind is Frank Gifford and Cathy Lee Gifford. He was caught on film in a trist with a stewardess, the photos were plastered all over the tabloids, but they seem to have a marriage stronger than ever now. She had to face millions of people with humiliation each morning on her program with Regis. So if you can forgive, forget, move on and not bring this up ever, ever again, stick with the guy and carry on. There are no instructions on how to do this. Only you can make the decision. Maybe a counselor has some strategies to recommend. If this issue continues to haunt you, move on down the road!!! first of all, thnx for your advice!! it helped me figure things out, well, kindda....here's the second part of my problem!! since we got back together...i've been trying to ignore this isky feeling in the pit of my stomache that he is still seeing this other person. i did promise to give him a chance rite? so i SHOULD at least try to trust him rite? i just don't know...he hardly calls me anymore...and i guess, the way things are now, we're barely close enough to be friends much less lovers! he doesn't want to break up again....he wants a second chance...but there's so much going on in his life, it's like he doesn't really know what he wants....so do i stay? or do i leave? and most of all, how do i get rid of this suspicious feeling?? i still think he is two timing!!! there're so many little signs...that all point in that direction!! by saying i trustt him is one thing...but closing my eyes and being blind...isn't that stupidity?? plz help...it's beyond my comprehension!! i really love this guy...and i really don't want to throw all we've had away...but the question is, has the guy i fell in love with, become a slimeball who's no longer in love wih me? and if so, y is he still sticking round?! Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 25, 2000 Share Posted March 25, 2000 You are asking me to repeat all my advice to you a second time. When we are in these situations, we just don't want to hear the truth. We want love to work so badly that we will ignore every sign of danger, take all kinds of abuse, have the person we love treat us like crap (ignore us and not call us), stick our heads in the mud, and just hope that everything turns out OK. YUK, YUK, YUK!!! You have admitted that while you are trying to trust him, you still feel he is seeing "this other person. So you DO NOT trust him and YOU CANNOT have a relationship with someone you do not trust. It is impossible for you to love someone you do not trust. You can have a lustful chemical reaction for that person, but you cannot love them. We love people because of the way they make us feel. This guy is NOT making you feel special, he hardly ever calls you anymore, he is not making you feel loved by him...and worse of all, he is making you feel crappy. It is impossible to love someone who makes you feel like that. I am sorry you feel so insecure. A lot of people think I'm too tough when it comes to affairs of the heart. But the fact of the matter is...we must pay great respect to the many times that love is right by completely rejecting when it isn't. It is not rocket science to know how we feel and when you don't feel good about a situation, it doesn't matter how much you THINK you love somebody, it just isn't going to work!!! You asked if you were stupid for closing your eyes to his behavior. I will only put you in that category if you don't clear this up and begin to live your life happily very soon. Link to post Share on other sites
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