judy Posted August 7, 2008 Share Posted August 7, 2008 What examples you all have? Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 Anything is possible. Some posters claim, without evidence, that all people who were once unfaithful will be unfaithful again. Why? Because it makes these posters feel good about themselves. They seek and find external validation in indelibly labeling every single person who was ever unfaihful as predestined to cheat again, again and again. If we were discussing alcoholics, kleptomaniacs, gamblers or abusers, most would never say that these people cannot rehabilitate themselves. It's only "cheaters" who occupy that special circle in Shack Hell who are doomed to be unfaithful for all eternity. That's bullsh#t. People are different; marriages are different; infidelities differ. Do not assume that a cheater will always cheat again. Keep your eyes open, and don't close them to the possibility of change in others. Grace happens--even to "bad" people. Once a cheater always a cheater. Same goes with alcholics ,gamblers,kleptos,etc..... The only way to change i to admit you have a problem . Sure you can change your ways and be a good samaritan but the person with the disease will always be recovering. They should have cheaters anonymous. What about a murderer? Can they change for good? Will sociaty accept them back? . Heck no! once a murderer always a murderer. It is what it is Link to post Share on other sites
Crestfallen_KH Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I used to believe as you did, nopain. I am a BS, and my husband left me within a ridiculously short amount of time for his OW and never looked back. I thought I was a total loser because there are so many OW who are wondering when their MM will leave and so many BSs who GET to question whether they will work on their marriages. I felt like a loser because I wasn't given a chance OR a choice. I have every reason in the world to be bitter and angry. I elect not to be. I'm not saying anyone here is, but I acknowledge that cheaters are human beings, just as I am. If they are capable of it, then so am I, simply by the virtue of being human. Have I cheated? No, that "magical" set of circumstances that would allow that to happen hasn't presented itself. But I'm wise enough to know that I am just as capable of cheating, murder, robbery, etc. if the exact set of circumstances presented itself. I'm not immune, simply because I am HUMAN. I'm just as imperfect as all of the other human beings in this world. Do cheaters get a "bye"? No. That action is wrong, under every imaginable circumstance, but I refuse...REFUSE to classify millions of human beings - my teacher, my therapist, my aunt, my whomever has cheated and I'm not even AWARE of it, as "losers" who have less value as human beings. The surprising fact is, more people have cheated at one point than haven't - and you'd be shocked to learn who has. People who you currently respect have cheated at some point in their lives. I guarantee you this. So I can sit on my high horse, as a non-cheater and look down on millions of people, but who really wins in that scenario? My decision? Not me. Not even sort of. Link to post Share on other sites
pleaserepair Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 crestfallen... thank you so much for bringing up the point that people we respect have cheated. i am a very recent cheater (my only time) i WILL NEVER do it again. there is no sympathy for me nor am i looking for it. but i am able to breath ever-so-slightly better remembering that there are people I respect in this group. even after i learned that they have cheated i still have respect for them. these are my family members and my friends. i forgot all about them. in my absolute darkest hour you have helped me. thank you. im sure people will think that you never intended to help the type of person that hurt you so but the fact is that im a human being. i am in so much pain right now it is unimaginable. i would choose to be the victim over the offender every time. i have yet to receive my just punishment because I am much to weak to come clean. but i know it will happen. she's too sweet to be made a fool of by me. Link to post Share on other sites
nopainnogain Posted August 9, 2008 Share Posted August 9, 2008 I actually have cheated and lost the woman of my dreams ,many moons ago. And for that I never have nor never will cheat again. Treat ppl the way you want to be treated. Link to post Share on other sites
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