I think my friend is still on drugs? What do you think.

[confused1623]

This is a little long so bare with me. At first I thought is was just really financial problems he was having. I met my friend about two years ago at that time he was using cocaine and smoking pot. He lost a ton of weight and many things went wrong in his life. I recently called him about three months ago to see how he was. He sais he had a new job and moved to a new city. I lived in that city also so we meet up for a drink. A friend from the night prior had left a bag of pot in my car. After I met up with this old friend for drinks I noticed it was missing. I also got a call from him the same say to borrow him $800.00 as he had bills to pay when the night before he told me he made $17.00 an hour. He comes out after I refused the first time and said he made $13.00 I said fine. I will borrow you the money to help out.

 

I find out later it was to buy a pound to make money and pay for his bills. Next I have him calling as he is in debt and freaks becuase people want to garnish his wages. He gives me his folder of bills and yes he is like $6000.00 in debt after it looks like earlier his parents bailed him out for like $15000.00. Then I get the i'm getting evicted from my apartment that was another $450.00 which that did happen. Then behind on his car so I pay that up which was $460.00 then I finally said after a few more times meeting him with cash that I can no borrow him anymore.

 

I met him to give him his folder of bills back adn a financial plan as he works all this over time so his check are around $1000.00 every two weeks and he is living with a friend payign $250.00 in rent. After about a month of him not asking for money I get a call. So I felt bad meet him with a $100.00 which he was paid only three days before that and it is all gone in three days. He said he paid bills but i noticed the folder I gave back to him three weeks prior is laying on the back seat of the floor. I know he was out with his friend a few nights who is a huge drug dealer and his eyes were glazed over. I questioned him as I though he moved to change and get help. He flipped on me saying I don't know what he does and I have no clue. I said ok. I asked him to help me move some stuff and he said he was busy he has a life don't I have a life. (I left out a few words). Then two minutes later I get a text sorry for bitching at you I will help you tomorrow goodnight.

 

I Don't want to ask him again but he is still so skinny. He is always busy after work except on occasion and I wanted to see if I could get an idea. SO I asked him today if he could get me any and it was that fastest response I ever got from him. They way he jumped all over it has me thinking he is and they way he acts always asking from money. He moved to get help but I don't think it happening if you have a drug problem adn are trying to get away with it isn't it hard to still associate with a drug dealer that is your friend?

 

I'm sorry for the long post. But I want to help my friend he always tells me to believe in him and not give up on him.

[Keridan]

Your friend is on drugs. There is no question about that. You have dealt with druggies before. You know the signs.

 

My wife directed me to your post because she felt I could give a better answer since I have been fighting an addiction of my own for some time now. I'm sober now, but still and always an addict.

 

There are several types of users out there. Your friend is a full on user. He doesn't just use the drugs, he uses the people who can help him get the drugs. The signs are all there of amphetamine abuse. The defensive reaction is indicitive. The mysterious loss of money is a sign. Everything you talked about is a clue.

 

First things first, you have to stop enabling him. I wasn't this type of abuser, but I know them well. When you give him money, he will use it for drugs. It doesn't matter how sincere he seems. He might even believe that's not the plan when he asks for it. It will eventually go there, though. Even if you help him pay some bills, he's just going to use the income he didn't spend there on drugs. Money is fungible.

 

A good friend of mine was this way. They are amazing at convincing you they really need that money or the world will stop spinning. If the first story doesn't work, a few days later you'll hear another horror story about how he can't live without a few more bucks.

 

Secondly, you need to accept that you aren't going to be able to save him. If you want to try, you can always do the family contact thing, set up an intervention, or anything else you can find on web sites for this sort of thing. They won't work. The sites will even tell you that. You can't save him. No one can but him. He will either lose everything to his addiction or be damn lucky and get out before that happens. it won't be because you found the magic formula to cure drug abuse.

 

Please see the websites below if you want more info:

 

http://www.soberrecovery.com

http://www.na.org

[COLOR=#008000]http://www.nida.nih.gov/podat/PODATIndex.html[/COLOR]

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[COLOR=#008000]I wish you the best of luck with this problem! It's a tough situation.[/COLOR]

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[confused1623]

I recently did a little digging into my friends past. I know wrong. He is a user and he moved because he used up all his friends. Since he has been 19 years old and he is 25 he has not changed. He lies and manipulates people into helping him. One his friends said he still owes him $5000.00 from when they lived together and he said he was paying the rent. When what he was doing is taking his girlfriend out which also lived with them. Then we have teh second girlfriend that he stole money from her parents and yet denies it plus oves her $1000.00. Moved to this new town to get help but also to chase the ex from when he was 19 that lives in this town.

 

As I was talking with some of his old friends I said ok. This old girl is just as bad as him. She was recenly charged with theft. I also come to find out that a girl he was dating moved to this town a few months back to be with him. I think I am supporting both of them. He has no second job. Its a lie he was suppose to get paid today and was going to give me $100.00 back to prove a point to me. I called him and becuase he has such bad credit he has a pay as you go phone. So he is out of minutes yet I gave him $100.00 on Sunday which his phone is not important. I know it will work on Wenesday when he gets paid it always does.

 

I am unsure on how to approach the situation at hand. His friends said he can be a good person and they would welcome him back as there friend if he would admit he did wrong and has been using everyone for the last 6 years.

 

I am thinking he is someone that will never be able to take care of himself even though he is working. He lives no where that he says he does. He tells me he is always telling me the truth. I could write a book on this because he had used so many people for his own fun and well being. His parents don't give him money anymore I almost want to call his parents even though I don't know them and talk about what has happened the last 3 months. I don't even know if I can get him to talk about why he does this to people. I think he has major issues and needs help. However, he will not seek it out.

[You'reasian]

What does he do for a living? Can you help him get a higher paying job? And furthermore enforce his savings plan?

 

Sucks that he got evicted from his apartment, especially since it will play into his rental history. Stories like this make me appreciate the things I have been lucky enought to take care of over the years.

 

PS - you used the term 'borrow' - didn't you mean to say you 'leant' him the money?

[whichwayisup]

Get away from this guy and STOP lending him money! You can kiss that $$ goodbye as he won't pay it back.

 

Sadly because of his drug problem he's turned into someone who takes takes and takes! And, he's a good liar. He will use and manipulate you, make you feel guilty, make you feel like it's YOUR fault that his life is screwed up or if he misses the next bill payment, whether it be rent or something else. He doesn't want help. He doesn't see that his life is going down the tubes...Only time will cure that, he HAS to hit his rock bottom, suffer some bad consquences before he wakes up and gets help.