bothered

[liar]

I recently started dating a great guy two months ago. I lied to him when we first started talking about sex. I told him that me & my best friend Todd, had never slept together. Todd & I dated about two years ago, and when my current boyfriend asked me if we had sex, I said no. Just because I figured he would have difficulties dealing with mine and Todd's friendship. He already makes little comments about us in a joking manner but I can tell our relationship bothers him a little. Now my lie is starting to bother me as I start to care about him more. I am also basically ashamed that I did sleep with Todd, he was a rebound guy and it did not mean anything. My current boyfriend says he can't believe I even dated him in the first place. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about me & Todd. I figured it would be easier to just act like nothing happened because if he was best friends with a girl that he slept with it would probably hit a nerve with me. Should I just leave things as is and he is better off not knowing or should I come clean. Please help. PS I have already discussed this with Todd about not speaking of us to anyone and he agrees, because he doesn't want me to eventually have to choose between him or my current man.

[Sula]

Keep it to yourself. This goes hand-in-hand with the common idea that after cheating on your partner youshould tell them about it. That's compeltely wrong.

 

Most marriage and relationship counselors advise that if the affair was a one-time or brief thing and you regret your actions, you should never reveal your infidelity to your lover. Telling them would only relieve your burden of guilt, but it wouldn't make the relationship better and would probably decrease trust.

 

I have a neighbor who I am really good friends with. We talk and hang out every day, and we're very close. I slept with him once, and it was a mistake. My fiance and I are in a great relationship, but he doesn't know about me sleeping with my neighbor. ANd as far as I'm concerned, he never will. He doesn't need to know, it's in the past, and I don't pln to do it again. Tellin ghim would only make you feel less guilty, and would make him feel insecure and jealous.

 

Good luck!

[Tony T]

KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT ABOUT YOUR THING WITH TODD!!! Forgive yourself for the little white lie and for ever having sex with Todd. People do things like this every day and it's just a human thing we do. Forgive yourself and forget it.

 

If you "come clean" with your boyfriend, you will ruin the trust and credibility he give you now. You will also either lose him entirely or you will be forced to give Todd up as your best friend. It really isn't difficult to keep some things to yourself if you try. Just don't obsess about it, forget it, figure it's for the best of humanity, and go on with your business.

 

You have got a charm of a boyfriend who allows you to have a best friend of the opposite sex. As a practical matter, these arrangements usually don't work in the long run. If I were you, I would love and value Todd's friendship but in all ways show your boyfriend his love and friendship is far more important. This is going to be a difficult thing to balance in coming years.

 

Again, zip the lip and forget about it. Let this stay between you and Todd.

[Shirley]

I recently started dating a great guy two months ago. I lied to him when we first started talking about sex. I told him that me & my best friend Todd, had never slept together. Todd & I dated about two years ago, and when my current boyfriend asked me if we had sex, I said no. Just because I figured he would have difficulties dealing with mine and Todd's friendship. He already makes little comments about us in a joking manner but I can tell our relationship bothers him a little. Now my lie is starting to bother me as I start to care about him more. I am also basically ashamed that I did sleep with Todd, he was a rebound guy and it did not mean anything. My current boyfriend says he can't believe I even dated him in the first place. I get sick to my stomach even thinking about me & Todd. I figured it would be easier to just act like nothing happened because if he was best friends with a girl that he slept with it would probably hit a nerve with me. Should I just leave things as is and he is better off not knowing or should I come clean. Please help. PS I have already discussed this with Todd about not speaking of us to anyone and he agrees, because he doesn't want me to eventually have to choose between him or my current man.

 

Hi!

 

You should come clean. The guilt you have will never go away until you do. Hiding your past from someone you may be in love with is like hiding from yourself. There really isn't anything to feel guilty about. But it doesn't do any good for me to tell you that. You have to believe it for yourself. It's not possible to forget about the past and just move on if your past is haunting you. The past is a part of your life. When you love someone, you want to share your life with them. And that means your entire life, past and future.

[MaRcouRiuZ]

Hi! You should come clean. The guilt you have will never go away until you do. Hiding your past from someone you may be in love with is like hiding from yourself. There really isn't anything to feel guilty about. But it doesn't do any good for me to tell you that. You have to believe it for yourself. It's not possible to forget about the past and just move on if your past is haunting you. The past is a part of your life. When you love someone, you want to share your life with them. And that means your entire life, past and future.

Go shirley!!! You know what love is.